A Place Like This
by GreenGreyBlue
Summary: Lavi has a thing for Allen. Allen doesn't know what he's feeling, and the town they live in is so isolated that everyone knows everyone's business. It's a hard place for a fifteen year old boy to question his sexuality and come out of it all alive. Contains yaoi, mature content, and extreme amounts of badassery. i.e. Drinking, drugs, fighting etc. LAVEN FTW.
1. Chapter 1

**One.**

I knew he was pretty much unconscious and dead to the world and not even an elephant falling on the house would wake him up, but that didn't stop me from tiptoeing around him. I knew Lavi would bring something, he always did, but I felt a bit dirty with him doing the stealing all the time, so I had to grab something, even if it was just something small. Something small was all I could ever get away with anyway. Cross kept a close eye on his stash, but he tended to neglect the cheaper stuff. He always had a small pile of cheap alcohol around for 'emergencies', this meant the stuff he would turn to when he had run out of the good stuff and needed just that little bit more alcohol to completely tip him over the edge. Most of the time he was so drunk when he got to this stage that he wouldn't notice if some of it was gone.

He was currently passed out on the couch, I sometimes wonder why he even bothered having a bed and a bedroom as he seemed to spend all down time on the couch. He was snoring slightly with an unlit cigarette hanging from his mouth. He had been stumbling about a little over an hour ago, dead drunk, as usual even if it was five o'clock in the afternoon when he had finally keeled over. I knew he was going to be out of it probable until the next day, but the fact still remained, that I was scared shitless of him. If he ever found out that I had even thought about touching his alcohol, well, I didn't want to think about the repercussions. But as I said earlier, I just felt dirty showing up empty handed with Lavi having to put in all the effort.

Cross kept all his good stuff proudly displayed on top of a wooden antique filling cabinet. It looked like something you would see in an old war movie. Big bulky and stained dark wood, with draws that had a shriek of metal against metal if you opened it too fast. As mentioned the good stuff was always kept on top, I think he liked to look at it. He had it ordered in from all over the planet and went through it so quickly the amount he paid for it was beyond ridiculous. I don't know why he bothered displaying it so, except for I think he truly did just like to look at it.

My problem was that the cheap stuff was kept in the top draw of the filing cabinet. Yes I know a filing cabinet that held alcohol, but it wasn't so bad that it was organised alphabetically. The other two draws actually held documents, well actually only the second one did. The second draw was full of my school reports, power bills and old tax returns, the fact that Cross actually did his tax every year honestly surprised me at first, until I realised he could claim money back. The third draw, for a reason entirely unknown to me, was filled with power boards, extention leads and torches, Cross owned about seven torches, five in the cabinet and another two keep under the sink. And he didn't just have torches he had old lamps in the bottom draw, I had to wonder if Cross had a fear of the dark, or just hated being left in it. There were old kerosine lamps dotted around the place, it was a good thing because every time there was a storm or even a bit of rough wind the power went out. But lamps and torches were not of my concern right now.

At this point in time I had to some how open the top draw without it shrieking or making the bottles inside rattle too much. I hooked my fingers under the old slightly green brass handle and just as I did I heard a small tweet. It was a warning I knew it. I turned my head from the cabinet to stare at Cross's bird Timcampy, it was a deep gold and a very beautiful bird. It loved me, I knew it did, unfortunately it had some deep undying loyalty to Cross. I don't know how but I swear Cross had trained the bird to keep an eye on me. I pressed a finger to my lips, directed at the bird and turned back to the cabinet pulling the draw out quietly. Timcampy tweeted again, slightly louder, a second warning. I was going to have to bribe the bird.

I quickly walked to the kitchen and grabbed a packet of almonds. I shook the packet, just loud enough for Tim to hear, and shortly after the bird flew into the kitchen. What can I say? The bird went nuts for nuts. I tipped a handful out onto the counter and watched at the bird waddled over to the almonds and grabbed one in his tiny claw, bringing it to his mouth. Bird and alarm taken care of I went back to the cabinet. I inched it open slowly, a few squeaks and the slight rattling of bottles sounding like a bloody canon going off to me. Opening the draw I found it fully stocked with small bottles, about six hundred mill size, of vodka. He must have come across a deal because I knew he wasn't particularly fond of vodka. I picked up one careful not to accidentally bang it against another bottle, it was like playing a game of 'Operation'.

I safely retrieved the bottle and slipped it into my back pack. But the mission was only half over, I had to make it look like I hadn't taken anything. With steady hands I spread the remaining bottles out a bit to cover the hole I had created. As I did this a moth the size of my hand flew out of the depths of the draw and into my face. I suppressed a squeak and flapped my hands in front of me in an attempt to get it the hell away from me. I swear I would never get use to the size of everything in this country. Maybe it was because I had spent most of my life in a big city, or maybe everything in England was just smaller. I don't know which one , but when I first moved to this country I was terrified of everything. Moths were huge, as were ants, spiders and every other insect I had ever encounters. Also the amount of snakes that inhabited this country was just ridiculous. I had been in the country for about two weeks when some arsehole informed me that an octopus smaller than a bread plate could kill me. Yep, it took me awhile to adjust.

With the moth crisis averted I finished my cover job and closed the draw slowly, feeling a little proud that I had managed to close it without a sound. One thing taken care of I went in search of cigarettes or cigars, or whatever Cross was smoking at the time. He usually had more than one packet open at a time. It was just a matter of me going around to ever open pack and stealing a few from each. I had collected about ten smokes from various half empty packets when I stumbled across a tin of small cigars. When full there were ten to a tin, so stealing one was going to be very risky. Cross didn't care if I smoked or drank, just as long as I didn't smoke or drink any of his stuff. But it was too tempting to resist, I opened the tin. There was two missing and I took a third leaving seven in the tin. It was a good amount, I doubt he would notice. I shoved all the stolen smokes into an empty packet and added it to the bottle in my back pack. Mission accomplished. I grabbed my shoes and shuffled into them before grabbing a set of keys and locking the door behind me, leaving behind the drunken Cross who hadn't budged the whole time.

Outside the sun was slowly setting, another thing I had to adjust to when I moved here. In England, to me at least, the sun had set very suddenly. It was light one minute and then it was the dark of night, here, the sun set slowly, stretching out forever. It was probable because all the land to the west was completely flat, there was nothing, absolutely nothing. The town seemed to have been built on a cusp of rugged wilderness and barren desert. The east side of town was surrounded by thick bushland with rolling hills and mountains in the distance. The west side of town, no matter which way you looked, was flat, there were minimal trees, and the ground was hard and dusty, nothing being able to grow on it. I lived on the west side of town, we had a backyard, another new thing to me, but it was covered in dry and dead grass and full of cracks, and to walk on it bare foot was to risk cutting open your feet. The grass that dry and deadly.

I walked out the door and out onto the street, looked to my left I looked down the end of my street. And it was an end, a complete and utter end, there wasn't anything beyond it. The street ended with some broken road and a barbed wire fence, beyond the fence was the great expanse of flat dry nothing. When I had first moved here there had been a dead snake handing from the fence. Apparently it deterred other snakes of that breed from going further, it was a sign of danger. It didn't always work though, I had found more than one deadly snake in the backyard. Every summer dead snakes were thrown on the fence, it was almost like a bonding ritual to the people on the street. Hey, you killed a snake, go hang it on the back fence to deter other snake and keep you and your neighbours safe. As I said earlier I don't think I'll ever get use to this country.

I turned away from the endless nothing to the right and began walking to the end of my street that actually went some where. The whole town, from above, looked like a set of rail way tracks. There were two long streets that ran parallel to each other, and other smeller streets cut across these streets, giving it it's track like appearance. I lived closer to the top of the town, two streets up from me, if I turned to the left, the roads became dirt and eventually disappeared. If I turned to the right I would eventually come across the centre of town, if you could call it that. The centre of town was composed of a grocery store, that was also the towns petrol station and video store, that still hired out actual videos, not DVD's, but video cassette tapes. Also in the centre there were two hotels, one at the beginning of the strip, one of the other end, both serving the same thing but giving people a change of view. Other than the store and the hotels there was a laundromat with three machines and one dryer, a fish and chip shop that was a fruit grocer on the side, a bank with no ATM and two tellers, a doctors surgery, a bakery with the butchery shoved out the back of it and that was about it.

I walked towards the centre of town but it wasn't my destination. My destination I reached after walking for about ten minutes. A dry creek cut through the centre of town, roads had been built over it and one small foot bridge. The foot bridge was the first part of my journey. As I reached it I grasped the edge of the metal 'safety' pole and swung myself down into the creek and landed with a soft thud, stumbling only slightly. I then turned around and walked along the creek bed, swirls of brown dust rising as I walked. I passed under one road, walked between open houses and then passed under the second road and found myself in a park. It was the only park in town and as the creek reached the park it cut sharply to the north. I had to duck under an old abandoned bridge with rotting boards that no one dared walk under anymore.

As the creek had cut to the north I had to pass under another road, on the the horizontal ones, but this time I couldn't just walk under it. I had to duck and shuffle under and into a wide, dark pipe. When I broke free of the oppressive and continuously damp smelling pipe it felt like I had stepped into another world. On the other side of the pipe I was officially on other side of town where the harsh wilderness reined free. The grass was long and trees hung low over the dry creek bed. They were sparse at first but as I continued to walk they became thicker and thicker and I actually came across a small puddle of foul smelling water. It was amazing to see any form of water that wasn't in a tank or a dam around these parts. Water restrictions, another foreign concept to me, upon hearing I was banned from having a shower more than four minutes long, that was probable the biggest shock I'd had. There were so many new things to learn, but Lavi had helped me, in his own way.

As I pushed my way further into the dense wilderness I thought about Lavi. Who he really was and about how I had first met him. After three years he was still a mystery to me. He had more or less forced his way into my life, but I was happy he did. I don't think I would have survived here without him. In a place were some thing even slightly different stuck out like a sore thumb I was definitely going to have a hard time. In this town there were very few 'new' people arriving. The town had a population of 1,123, and someone moving in from England, with naturally white hair and very obvious facial scaring was definitely going to cause a stir. In a town where everyone knew everyone, the whole town knew of Master Cross's and my arrival before we had even unloaded the first box. It was an uneasy feeling. Even though I couldn't see anyone I could feel eyes on me. And then he had strolled along.

I was sitting out the front of the house on a large red rock. I was having, I suppose you could say, a mild panic attack. Just one month ago I had been living in a small house in England with my adoptive father and living a fairly normal and boring life. And then Mana had died and I was sent to Marian Cross, on the other side of the world, who was living in seedy places saying he was going to get a house soon. My brain was stuck in 'What the fuck?' mode the whole time. We moved around a lot in a small city before suddenly moving to the middle of no where. I was completely lost, I was with someone I had met maybe two or three times in my life and was for the first time realising what it meant to be in the middle of no where. I had unpacked what little items I had and Cross had gotten as far as unpacking his stash of alcohol before hooking in and passing out on the floor of what was to be our living room. I had gone and sat out the front of the house on that big red rock, resting my head in my hands, panicking, wondering what the fuck to do.

Lavi had strolled up like it was nothing. I was twelve and he was fourteen at the time. He had walked up casually bare foot, as he always was, smoking a rollie. He walked up and stood right in front of me, not close enough to be intimidating, but not far enough away to be polite.

"Word around town is that you're from England." He had said, not even looking at me.

"Yeah?"… It was all I could think to say.

"How'd you end up in the arse hole of the world?"

I'd looked up at him and had seen an inquisitive smirk on is face.

"I've been wondering that myself."

"Walk with me."

"What?"

He had leaned down and grabbed my wrist pulling at it, forcing me to stand. I subconsciously grabbed his wrist at the same time and felt the uprise of scared skin along it.

"Common, you're more interesting than anything else that's happened around here."

"What?" I had said again. "Why how come?"

I asked the question, even knowing the answer, I had just wanted to hear someone say it. Because of my hair, my scar, my arm, I, for some reason, had just wanted to hear someone say it. But he had a completely different answer that I wasn't expecting.

"Because you don't belong here." He had said, making me feel like shit, but then he just followed on and said, "Just like me."

I could understand his meaning after that, he felt just as out of place as me in this town as I did and that day I let him drag me along with him.

Now almost three years later I was going to meet with him because he was my only real friend, he was probably my best friend. People who I had called my friends in the past weren't really friends, but Lavi, I think he was someone I could call a true friend. Even if he was prone to disappearing for weeks at a time, without a word. Only to show up at my window sill a few weeks later, requesting to hang out.

I pushed my way trough dense foliage, well and truly out of town by this point. I pushed one more dense branch out of my way before catching sight of out meeting place. There was already a large build of dead wood piled up onto of a large flat rock that jutted over a small ledge. It was on the edge of what would be a small waterfall if water was actually running through the creek. It was only a small drop, about three feet, but big enough for me to struggle slightly as I pushed up. I sat by the pile of dead wood, waiting for Lavi to come. I knew he was probable searching for fire wood somewhere and would return shortly. I let my back pack sling off my shoulder and sat down on a large log. I noticed that besides the mount of small twigs there was a pile of thicker dead wood. Fuel for the fire for later, the mound in front of me was made up of small twigs and small hunks of wood, it was just something to get the fire started.

"You've arrived." I heard a voice behind me say.

"Yeah." Was all I could say, elequaint as always.

"What did you manage to score?" Lavi said finally appearing.

His arms were full of fire wood as he walked passed me and dumped the wood on the pile net to the fire. In response to his question I picked up my back pack and pulled out the small bottle of vodka and the half filled packet of cigarettes and lauded them out.

"Not too bad." Lavi said, kneeled beside the stack of wood.

He pulled a lighter from his pocket and shoved it into the depths of the stack which quickly lit up. He stepped back and threw a few heavier logs onto the fire, even though the fire only appeared to just being started. I didn't questing him though, i knew that Lavi knew how to light a good little camp fire.

"This is all I could manage." He said pulling a half empty both of rum out from behind a tree. "I did manage to get his though." He said as he pulled a full pouch of tabacco from no where as he did the rum.

"I'd say we're set then." I said leaning back to rest on my elbows, enjoying the warmth of the slowly growing fire. I picked up the bottle of vodka I had brought and cracked the top. I threw the lid out into the wilderness, not caring if it was found and not expecting it to be found. I gulped from the bottle, the vodka burning my mouth, tongue and throat. I cough slightly and a small drippily of vodka escapes my mouth and falls down my chin.

"Amateur." Lavi scoffed. He picked up his bottle of rum and lifted it to his lips. He raised his eyebrows at me, initiating a challenge, then threw his head back. He took three large gulps without shuddering or grimacing, before pulling the bottle away. He then held the bottle out to me. I would now have to take an equal amount plus one more, or other wise be called a chicken the rest of the night. I took the bottle, excepting the challenge and pressed it too my lips, I didn't really want to do this, but I wasn't backing down, I did however take a moment to pace myself. While I was mentally preparing myself Lavi took his pouch and rolled smoke in seconds, with out a filter, and popped it into his mouth, lighting it.

"I don't have all day Princess." He said with a smirk, blowing out a puff of smoke.

I glared at him at the name 'Princess' and swung my head back taking gulps from the bottle. The first one went down okay, the second made me shudder, the third was pure torture. I sat with my head held back, the bottle pressed against me closed lips, the liquid burning a ring onto my lips. I was finding it hard to open my mouth to let one more mouthful it. I was telling my mouth to open and just take one more swig but my body was not obeying me. I heard Lavi chuckle and that was all the motivation I needed. I took the last mouthful, tearing the bottle away and thumping it to the ground. I shuddered and a small sound of disgust escaped my mouth. I felt the scorching liquid travel it's way down my gullet and settle in my stomach. From there the warmth spread throughout my body and travelled up my face. I felt hot all over and the fire seemed to be burning me.

I handed the bottle back to Lavi who in return threw me a rollie, my reward for accepting and completing his challenge. I wasn't really in the mood, currently trying not to let the liquid come back up, but since he had gone to the effort of rolling it for me, even putting a filter in it, I figured I better smoke it. Lavi stood tossing the small stump of his cigarette into the fire.

"I'll get cooking." He said walking off.

I suppressed a groan wondering what it was Lavi had this time. While i never turned down food, some of the things Lavi came up with were close to horrendous. His 'cooking' usually began with him saying something like, 'So I found out if you put a can of braised steak and onions, on top of 2 minute chicken noodles and cover it with chill sauce it's really awesome!'. I wasn't a fan of that particular concoction but other times he got it right. His noodle omelette turned out to be pretty tasty despite its appearance. Another time he cut holes in a green apple, stuffed it with marshmallows, wrapped it in foil and shoved it in the coals of the fire. I was nervous about it, but it actually turned out really tasty. While I was thinking about what Lavi could have possible come up with, and trying to ignore they way my head was swaying, Lavi returned. In his hands were a collection of very normal and for once edible looking objects.

"Alright." Lavi said sitting down next to me with a thump. "I've got, four potatoes, well shove em in the coals a bit later. I've got a couple of tins of soup and some bread. You do the bread and I'll watch the soup."

Even as he said this he was pulling the lids of the soup and dumping it into a pot he had brought with him. I got up, with just a little bit of difficulty, and wondered off to find a suitable stick. I returned triumphantly with a stick not too think, not to thin and a fork at the end. I grabbed a slice of bread and speared it, holding it out over the fire. It took me a long time to learn how to cook a bit of toast over the fire properly, the amount I'd set on fire in the past was ridiculous. But it was something I was glad I had learnt, the taste was amazing.

I made a stack of toast and then we both dug in, digging the toast and spoons into the pot of peppery soup, not caring that we had to share or were making a mess. We were having a good time.

…

The sun was down but the sky was far from pitch black. There were millions of stars that lit up the whole sky, I had never realised how many there were until I moved here. I was looking up at them, my head hanging back limply. It would take just a little bit too much effort to lift it up and look anywhere else. The bottle of rum was empty and about an inch of liquid remained in the bottle of vodka. I was well and truly drunk, knowing I was going to have to spend the night here as there was no way I could make it back in the state I was in. A part of me believed that this was exactly as Lavi had planed when he had challenged me with rum earlier. He liked getting me drunk, and most of the time I didn't mind, it was just the waiting that annoyed me.

I rolled my head around to focus on Lavi, who in front of the fire, which was now mostly a glowing pile of coals. He was poking through the ashes checking on the potatoes. You couldn't just throw a potato in the fire, you had to wait for a nice pile of coals and cook in nice and slow, turning them every so often.

"They'll be a little while yet." Lavi said turning back to me.

He sat down next to me, so close that our thighs were touching. I knew what was coming next, I still didn't know if I wanted it or not. Lavi raised his left hand placed it on the right side of my neck, pulling me over to him so he could press his lips to the side of my neck. His lips and his touch were gentle as he kissed a line up my neck.

"Lavi." I said unable to suppress a small moan. "You shouldn't."

But even as I said this I reached up and placed a hand on the back of his head, pushing him further into my neck. He laughed softly against my neck, his breath tickling me and making me shudder slightly. He grazed his teeth over my neck and the licked my neck slightly, before kissing it again. I moaned softly again, liking the feeling, as he massaged my neck with his mouth.

He always waiting until I was a little too drunk and then this would begin. Some part of me knew that it was wrong that he would do this when I was too drunk to do anything. Another part of me loved the feeling of it. Another part of my mind, the part way in the back, was usually just confused. I knew I liked what he was doing, and I knew that I lilac Lavi, a lot, what troubled me though was that I didn't know if I liked Lavi THAT way or not. It felt good, it turned me on, but the idea that I shouldn't get turned on my another male always annoyed and confused me. When I wasn't with Lavi I found myself looking at other guys, wondering if I found them attractive or not, then I would look at girls and think the same thing. I never really found my self overly attracted to anyone, which confused me all the more. I both craved and hated these situations.

Lavi moved up further and kissed along my jaw line before coming to my mouth and pressing his lips to mine gentle. There were a few small, chaste kisses, before he moved his hand to the back of my head and pushed his mouth against mine harder. I let out a gasp and Lavi took the opportunity to deepen the kiss with his tongue. I rolled my hand into his hair, grabbing a handful, before pressing back against his mouth. He withdrew some what and then bit my bottom lip softly, running his tongue over it before plunging back into my mouth. I was panting softly by this point, my body tingling with his touch and from the alcohol, eye's squeezed shut, one hand resting on his shoulder. He pushed against me suddenly, our teeth clacking together from the force and I felt myself being pushed back onto the ground.

With my back pressed against the dirt Lavi moved down again, kissing and licking at my neck again. Moving over the whole thing instead of just focusing on one side. I was taking deep ragged breaths and I could fell my face was flushed, and slightly sweaty. As he moved back up to my mouth I felt his fingered ghost across my chest before moving down and then up under my shirt. His fingers felt cold and fingernails sharp, as he scratching my skin lightly. I shuddered again at the touch, lifting my head to force my way into Lavi's mouth instead of him in mine. His hand continued to move up and down the left side of my body before coming to a stop on my upper chest. He then lightly pressed his thumb to my nipple. I gasped and pushed him up and away from me, rolling out form beneath his as I did.

"T-that's enough." I panted, trying to steady my swimming world.

"When are you going to let me in?" Lavi asked, as he ran a hand up my leg.

I kicked it away and sat up, wrapping my arms around me.

"When I know for sure what I'm feeling." I mumbled, unable to look at him.

I heard Lavi stand and walk away. Followed by the sound of him stocking the fire.

"By the noises you were making I'm pretty sure I know what you were feeling."

"Those aren't the feelings I was referring to." I said feeling embarrassed at the mention of the noises I was making.

Lavi laughed at me again before returning. There were four thumps and turned to look at the foil wrapped potatoes from the fire.

"Eat up and then go to sleep."

I let the potatoes cool for a bit, then slowly peeled the foil off. The skin was crispy and crunchy, but the inside was so soft it melted in your mouth. I finished off three of them in the time it took Lavi to eat one. As the warmth settled in my stomach I felt my eyes start to close. My world was slowly turning black and next thing Lavi was there, dragging me closer to the warmth of the fire. He threw a few more logs on the fire before returning to me. He sat down behind me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to the side, forcing me to lay down. He pulled me close against his body and found I didn't mind at all, it was comforting and warm. I let myself fall asleep.

….

**This is set in Australia because that is where I'm for and it's easier for me to write in a setting I'm familiar with. The outlay of the town is roughly based on the town I grew up in. Th isolation of it (mentioned in later chapters) is based on another town I've been to a few times. I'm trying to be more descriptive, let me know if I fail miserable or not.**

**Opinions and reviews more than welcome.**


	2. Chapter 2

**TWO.**

Lavi, the bastard, had left me to wake up totally alone, exposed to the horrible sun, with a hang over and no water. And then he had pulled one of his famous disappearing acts and I hadn't seen him for over a week. So needless to say I was just a little bit pissed off. I should have expected it though, nine times out of ten after we did... that, he would disappear for a while. It shit my off something chronic, he was the one that started it, he wasn't the one that was so confused and then he decided he was the one that needed time alone. Annoyed the absolute shit out of me. Since he had disappeared I had had to face a week of school alone, not that Lavi ever went to school, but he was usually there waiting for me when school finished. And now it was Monday again and I still hadn't seen even a glimpse of him.

The school lay about an kilometre out of town. I don't know why it was built so far out except for maybe that it was across the road for the primary school. The primary school was tiny, wooden and old. The most students it held at one time was around seventy. I had never spent anytime there going straight on into high school, so I can't imagine what it would be like going into that tiny school, made up of three small wooden buildings and one toilet block. I some times see the tiny students walking around the 'playground' it certainly didn't look like a very happy place to go to school.

Directly across the road was the high school. It was somewhat large and newer, having been built some time in the 1980's. A high school was needed somewhere in the area as there were a number of small towns half of them with nothing but a small collection of houses, the other half a small collection of houses and a small primary school. The town I lived in was the largest in the area and it had those other important things that the others didn't…. namely shops. Since the other towns were already partially dependant on this town it was decided that the high school would be built here. Otherwise students who actually wanted to continue their education would either have to travel something like three hours in and out a day, or board somewhere. As time went on and education beyond the seventh grade became much more necessary in life, there were more and more people needing the education. So eventually plans for the school started some time in the 1970's and the place was eventually built in the 1980's, starting off with a small collection of one hundred and twenty students. The school I went to today had just over five hundred students, I was in a class of sixty-eight students. Some of them lived in town, while others travelled in from other towns and properties. Of course I'm relying on what Lavi has told me for this information, I'm taking his word for it. But since the guy seems to be a complete know it all I have no reason to disbelieve him.

I, unlike most students, was actually grateful to go to school, glad I didn't have to travel for hours to get an education. I had learnt very early on that the only way that anyone had a chance of escaping this place, was to get an education. There was no way out unless you had brains. Otherwise you ending up working in one of the shops, out on a property doing hard labour or, worst of all, living off the dole. These people usually sat outside the pub or the fish and chip shop all day, smoking and drinking. I did not like the thought of any of these futures for me, so I was determined to go to school and get myself sorted. There were two small problems however, the first being that i had no idea what it is I wanted to do. I figured I'd just take all the basic classes and get a good mark in all of them, my classes were, English, Maths, Principle Science, Social Studies, Modern History and Music. By the time I hit senior year I figured I'd have a better idea of what I wanted to do and since I had taken all the standard classes I would have at lease a little choice. My second problem was I was late, again.

Rarely a week went by when I wasn't late at least three times. I don't know what my problem is, the alarm would go off, I would look at it, turn it off and go back to sleep. If i wasn't ignoring my alarm clock and I had managed to get up on time I would become easily distracted by the simplest of things. When I just wake up, before my mind actually kicks in, I find myself distracted. If a magazine is left lying around I'll pick it up and read it, even if I have no interest in it. One time I noticed the kitchen was dirty and started cleaning it, I don't know why. Another time I found myself staring at Cross sleeping on the couch, for some reason watching him snore was fascinating. And then there was Timcampy, if a bigger distracting there ever was I was yet to come across it. I'd walk passed and he was tweet softly, and that was it, I was a goner. Damn my mind in it's weakened half asleep state.

Timcampy had once again been the culprit in my running late. It was an easy enough walk to get to school, I had to turn a total of two corners. I walked to the end of my street and turn right, I then walked all the way to the other end of town, past the shops and turn left when I met the railroad tracks. Unfortunately the walk itself was about two kilometres long. Walking doesn't bother me that much, but it's fucking annoying when it's thirty plus, without a cloud in sight, carrying a bag full of books and wearing a long sleeve shirt. I like to think of myself as a strong person, and that I don't care what people think of me. But christ it's just so much easier to wear a long sleeve shirt so I don't have to have people staring at my arm all the time. True people already stared at me because of the hair and the face, but did I really need the extra attention? No thank you, so I was willing to put up with the sweaty discomfort of a long sleeve shirt so no one had to peer and wonder and finally, ask questions.

At time's I wondered if it was really worth it, right now was one of those times. I would be fine once I got to school I got to sit under a nice ceiling fan, or if I was fortunate enough to have a class in an updated class room, the wonder of air con. Oh air con, it's man's biggest triumph over nature. And nature, let's face it, is a complete bitch at times, she needed to be put in her place every once in awhile.

My face was running with sweat by the time I reached the railway tracks and turned to the left. I was just over the half way mark now, so I turned my eyes straight up, focused on my goal, counting my foot steps as I went. Until my thoughts and couning were interrupted as a pair of arms slid over my shoulders and I felt a chin rest on top of my head.

"Shouldn't you be in school little boy." Said the unmistakable voice of Lavi.

I shrugged him off and continued to walk, not turning back to look at him.

"Shouldn't you be in jail pervert." I said in response.

"Oh ouch." Lavi said falling into step next to me and slinging one arm back around my shoulders.

"Where the fuck have you been?" I asked, not bothering to shrug him off this time.

"Why you miss me?"

"No!"…Maybe a little. But I wasn't telling him that, nor would I tell him that life is just too boring without him around.

"Sure." He said, drawing the word out, I could hear the smug smile in his voice without turning to look at him.

"So?" I said after a minute of silence.

"So what?" Lavi replied, still acting smug.

"So where were you?"

"Exploring."

I let my eyes trail down to his constantly bare feet. They were dirtier than usual, the feet coming up to reveal pitch black soles, the tops of his feet covered in small pink and red scratches.

"Do you ever were shoes?" I ask forgetting my original questions.

"Only to weddings and funerals."

"Have you even been to either of those?"

"Weddings, no. Funerals, I've been to two."

"Oh." I said no wanting to pry.

"One for Mum and one for Dad."

"Oh." I said again feeling like a right bastard, which technically I was, but I should have remembered about Lavi's parents before asking such a stupid question.

"What exactly were you exploring?" I waved a hand around the endless nothing surrounding me. "It's not like there is much to see."

"That way there isn't" He said pointing down the road that led to school. "Back there, there is even less." He said hooking a thumb over his shoulder where the land became desert. "But up there, there is plenty to see."

He was pointed to the north east side of down, where the hills began and the land was covered with the grey and green of ancient gums trees.

"Seriously you would not believe what I have found up there. I've been wandering around in those hills since I moved here and I'm still constantly discovering things. Next time school is off I'll take you for a little camping trip. I've found something this time that'll make you squeal."

"I don't squeal Lavi." I sighed rolling my eyes at him.

"I know, but that's how awesome this thing I found is. Anyway that doesn't matter right not, come with me." He said pulling his arm around me neck and forcing me to turn around.

I easily slipped me head out under his grip and turned back to school.

"Just because you don't care about going to school doesn't mean I don't."

"Aww but Allen, I found out how to do something really cool." Lavi whined.

"Do I even wanna know?"

He threw an arm around my shoulder yet again and pulled me close to whisper in my ear.

"I've figured out how to get the coin compartment open on the Pool table at the pub. Here's the thing, once the compartments open all the balls fall out. It's free games as long as you want, and then, well we can just take a bit of spare change out of the compartment and… free fish and chips!"

"Don't you think it'll be a bit obvious for two kids, who should be in school and who usually only ever have enough for two games, to suddenly be in there all day?" I was trying to dissuaded him, but also myself, it was really tempting. Especially the free food part.

"Like the owner will even notice, well I think the guy at the top pub might notice, but not at the bottom pub. All they'll ever think is how much 'money' they'll be making off us, never knowing that all the games we're playing and all the drinks we'll be buying will be paid for by them."

"You're expecting them to serve us drinks now?"

"Not alcoholic ones, but maybe a bit of coke, and I've got this." Lavi said pulling a flask out of his pocket and shaking it in my face.

Beyond tempted I was, temptation was hacking through my door with an axe yelling 'Here's Johnny!' But, I must have self control, just this once, besides I was still pissed off at him for leaving me to wake up alone, and then abandoning me for a week. As if my inner turmoil wasn't bad enough a car approached and then slowed down. I got a good look at the woman in the drivers seat, the ministers wife, just perfect. Lavi's arm was still around my shoulder and his face dangerously close to mine. The woman had a look of stern disapproval on her face, with some utter disgust around the edges. She had slowed down so much that the car was just about to stop. Lavi had noticed her very obvious gawking and looked up with a cheesy smile on his face. He waved at her over exaggerating the wave, and some how making the whole thing look very sarcastic. As soon as he did this she put her foot to the floor and the car lurched off, speeding back towards town.

That was enough for me, I already got called enough names by the kids at school, I didn't need all the adults whispering behind my back as well. I shrugged Lavi's arm off once again and took off even faster, the school insight.

"Maybe after school Lavi, not right now."

He didn't come after me but as I reached the school gates I heard him call out.

"I'll hold you to that!"

Despite myself I smiled as I entered the school grounds just in time for the bell for first lunch to sound.

….

School, why must you be so evil?

Arriving just in time for lunch was both good and bad. Good because, well it was lunch time Yay! Bad because well everyone knew I was coming in late and waltzing in and getting straight in line for the tuck shop, all eyes were on me. I tried to ignore it, I was pretty use to people looking at me strangely. After living here for three whole years I was still something of a novelty to people, an outsider still. Not that coming to school late was a big deal, but it was going to be a big deal for someone like me. I wasn't usually this late either, I was often late, but I would still show up in time for first period, this was well over an hour late. I ignored the stares and the whispers as I queued. I walked through the line grabbing things off the bench, paying at the end and walking off to find somewhere to sit that was unoccupied or at least without someone who would glare at me.

I quickly enough found a place to sit with a girl called Lenalee. She was one of the outsiders too, not as much as me though, she was an outsider in a different way. Lenalee's parents had bought the town bakery before she was even born, moving into the town with at the time, their only son, Komui. Her history I had learnt from Lavi, and as usual I had no reason to doubt him. Lenalee and her family were pretty much the only Asian's to enter the town in forever. The town being a 98% white population made this hard on them. The bakery at first, was boycotted, people refused to buy from, and this is what Lavi said, 'those chinks'. A week went by with no one entering the shop, mounds of bread loaves, rolls and pastries going to waste. The second week, they got a few customers, obviously sick of buying prepackaged bread from the supermarket which was already old by the time it was delivered. After another week they got a few more customers. And eventually it got back to the stage when the whole town was once again buying from the bakery.

But just because the towns people were buying from them doesn't mean they were exactly being friendly towards them. Nothing was said to Lenalee's mother who manned the counter and served all the customers. And all members of the family were ignored on the streets. I was told that Lenalee's father would often cry because no matter how polite he was, and how much he smiled, people were still rude to him. Lenalee's mother, who was the brains of the whole company, refused to give up and smiled and continued to attempt conversation with customers. She slowly made head way to the point were people would actually acknowledge her existence, and where some would even have a talk to her. Five years after they had moved in, when Komui was thirteen, Lenalee came along. Being born in the country and being raised in the town made people a little more open towards her, but in the end, she still wasn't one of them. And then when Komui was nineteen and Lenalee was six, both of their parents died in a car accident.

They disappeared for a while, everyone in town thought the children had gone back to China. But a few weeks later they both returned and Komui took over the business, and took over as sole parent for Lenalee. Everything that happened after I had heard from Lenalee herself. Primary school, was particularly bad for her. Children being the horrible little things that they are, would tease her for being an orphan, tell her her Asian features were ugly, and that she she go back to China. She couldn't understand this because she had never even been to China and had lived here in this town her whole life. Eventually she was just ignored, and she spent the last few years of primary school sitting quietly by herself, studying and filling her spare time with sports. Then over the break between primary and high school, puberty did it's job. She started high school a good foot taller, all traces of baby fat gone and a quickly maturing chest. Suddenly all the boys decided that Lenalee was really cool, all the girls decided, they had to be her friend, because all the boys thought she was cool.

She went along with it for a while, revelling in the comfort of actually having friends for the first time in her life. But somewhere along the way, around the middle of grade nine, she realised it was all just a lie. She quietly began to withdraw herself from the crowds of people around her, and went back to filling her time with study and sports. I had met her a few weeks after I arrived, I had no where to sit, she had the only spare table, so I sat down. We didn't talk to each other but we continued to sit with each other. We weren't really friends, but by sitting together we some how protected each other. Our conversations were never anything other than polite small talk, but something was better than nothing, and neither of us would admit that it was nice to just be able to sit with someone who didn't expect anything for you and who wouldn't call you anything.

"Hey Allen." She said not looking up from her book. The book was held in one hand, a ham sandwich in the other with a few bites out of it.

"Hey." I said dumping my food on the table. I had grabbed, two ham and salad rolls, a bag of chips, a creme donut, packet of lollies and two drinks.

Her eyebrows raised over her book as she looked at my pile of food.

"I know I say it everyday, but I really don't know where you fit all that." She said with a smile.

"Neither do I." I said through a mouth full of my salad roll.

We didn't talk the rest of the break. My mouth was too occupied and she was busy reading. I had just finished by bag of chips and was scrunching up the paper when the bell went. Lenalee shut her book and packed it back in her bag, while I drained the remainder of my drink and shoved the half finished bag of lollies into my pocket, nourishment for in class. I dumped my rubbish in a near by bin and turned back to Lenalee. I looked at her figure and wondered if she was attractive or not. I figured that yes she was an attractive young woman, but I wasn't really attracted to her. I felt a flash of hatred towards Lavi, it being his fault I was constantly doing such things.

"See you at Second Lunch." I said with a wave.

"Bye." She said waving over her shoulder.

We didn't have any classes together as she was a year older than me, but it would have been nice to have that same comfort in class as well. As I pushed my way through the crowd of students I felt something hook my ankle causing me to crash to the ground. My extended palms slammed the concrete causing them to go numb instantly, whilst an unpleasant tingling sensation went up my arms. I pushed myself up quickly looking for the culprit, but finding none, who ever had tripped me had moved off and disappeared into the crowd. I sighed and walked to class, it was going to be a long week. But at least Lavi had come back.

…

Sixth period, twenty minutes to go and I was well and truly over it. For the last ten minutes someone, or possible, a group, had been flicking paper wasps at the back of my head. Every time I turned around however everyone was looking intently at the board. As soon as I turned back another thick piece of paper was flicked at my head, there was a small collection of the bent things collected around my desk. I consoled myself with the fact that at least they weren't spit bombs. I began to loose focus of the lesson because I was too busy training my ears to hear the twang of a rubber band. I heard the twang and ducked my head, the paper wasp flying over my head and hitting the teachers desk. I raised my head with a small triumphant smile on my face, only to be hit right in the ear by another one.

"Right that's enough!" I yelled standing up.

The English teacher turned from the board and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Something wrong Walker?" He said with just a hint of sarcasm, which caused a few quiet snickers from the rest of the class.

"Um.. Can I… May I go to the bathroom please?"

The teacher continued to stare at me with his eyebrow still raised, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a pass. I walked to the front and snatched it from his hand before leaving the class room. I grabbed my bag off the rack as I went, having no intentions of returning before the end of school. Reaching the bathroom I locked myself in a stall and then gripped my hair tightly trying to kept my anger in check. Fucking bastards, wankers, shit bags, bell ends, fucking twats! Argh! Alright breath, nothing to worry about there's only… shit two more years to go. Two fucking years before I'm out of this shit hole. I can always hope that Cross decides to move and takes me with him. Slim chance however, I think the whole reason Cross chose to move here was because he was hiding from something, or someone.

I picked up my bag and started pulling out all my books dumping them on the floor. At the bottom of my bag was the bottle of vodka from the other week, still with an inch of liquid in the bottom, the cap on top taken from the empty rum bottle Lavi had left behind. I had shoved it in there after leaving the camp fire that morning, I'd never really bothered to take it out, figuring I could use it for emergencies. And right now was a fucking emergency, I was angry, and pissed off and the idea of a drink, to me, was a good one. It wasn't enough to get me drunk I knew that, but I would at least get a little light headed, and that for now would be enough. I took the cap off and swallowed a mouthful, for once happy at the burning feeling it created as it slid down me throat.

Just as I finished the last of the bottle the bell rang out. I grimaced as the last of it scorched it was down my throat and then left the empty bottle behind, wondering what the cleaners would think when they found it. I stood up feeling a little dizzy and smiled, this was exactly what I wanted. My whole body felt warm and light and the anger that I was feeling earlier was a distant thought. I let myself out of the stall and walked out into the crowds of evacuating students. I was halfway to the front gate when someone called out.

"Oi freak."

Just keep walking it might not be directed at me.

"Hey pom."

Okay so it was directed at me, don't' worry though. Just keep calm and carry on. Keep calm and carry on. Keep calm and carry on. Hey, reciting that really did help.

"Oi, ya pale headed pom poofter."

Right that was it.

"For fucks sake." I yelled twirling around. "I'm not a fucking…"

The rest of my speech was cut off as something large and heavy connected with my forehead, and fuck did it hurt. I stumbled backwards and landed on my arse heavily. My world swarm in front of me and the alcohol which was helping so much before, was not helping me now. I pressed a hand to my throbbing forehead lightly, pulling it back with a wince and seeing a small smear of blood on my hand. I looked down and my eyes focused on a large rock, I then looked up and saw two boys from the year below, clutching their stomachs in laugher. I pushed my hands on the ground and forced my way up, my vision swam for a few moments before focusing on the two in front of me. And then adrenaline took over.

I flung my bag off my back and charged towards the two boys, their laughter quickly ceasing when they realised I wasn't stopping. They had just turned around to run when I crash tackled one of them. We fell to the ground heavily and my vision spun once again at the impact. I was now on top of one of the boys.

"Get off my ya fag." He said squirming beneath me.

"You little fucker." I said lifting his head and slamming it into the ground, trying to make him feel some of the pain I felt. I did this three times before the other boy stepped up and kicked me in the stomach. I turned to him and grabbed his foot, pulling it, trying to make him fall over. He shook his foot out of my grip and kicked me again, in the chest this time, forcing me off the side of the other boy and onto the ground. I lay on my back on the dirt staring up at the sky, dazed once again. The boy who kicked me came into view, and with a smirk, stomped his foot down on my stomach. All the air in my lungs left me with an 'oof' and I could feel my eyes start to water. Staring up trying to draw breath I saw a pair of dirty feet fly over my head. I turned my head in time to see Lavi's fist connect with the boy's face.

Lavi held the boy by the scruff of his shirt and pelted him a few more times before letting him go, the boy dropping to the ground. He turned to see the boy I had tackled back on his feet. A devious smirk played across his lips as he grabbed him by his shirt and promptly knocked him back on his arse. With the both of them taken care of he walked over to me and hauled me to my feet.

"You okay little buddy?" He asked as his eyes locked onto my forehead.

I raised my hand to me head and felt a very large lump, I winced and pulled my hand away. I pushed myself away from Lavi and staggered over to the two figures who were groaning on the ground.

"Fuckers." I hissed and kicked them both while they were down.

I then grabbed my discarded backpack and walked out of the school gates, storming up the street completely furious. Lavi ran up behind me and feel into step beside me.

"Dude, that is one seriously big lump." He said this while spinning around to walked in front of me. Walking backwards so he could face me as he spoke.

"Fuckers threw a rock at me. A fucking rock! They must know that could kill someone!" I spat increasing my pace.

"Woah there, calm down and slow down, any minute now you're going to feel like shit." He said this while pressing his hand to my shoulders, trying to stop me.

"Shove off." I said slapping his arms away and continuing to storm up the street.

He was right though, I had just turned onto the main drag and had stomped a couple of metres before my body became heavy and lifting my feet became a tedious chore. I made it maybe another hundred metres before I had to stop, the adrenaline having run out, leaving me feeling like an empty shell.

"Ugh." I said, pressing my hand to my head, trying to elevate the pain, but only making it worse.

"I told you so." Lavi said coming up to stand beside me.

He grabbed my arm and pulled it across his shoulder, while his other arm snaked across my back and held me upright.

"Come on I'll get you home."

I could only groan in response, and let myself get dragged up the street. I let my head flop down and my eyes close, the afternoon sun stabbing tiny knives into my brain. It felt like an eternity walking to my house, every time I raised me head and opened my eyes the view I saw was still too far from my place. The last time I lifted my head we had just turned into my street and my legs decided they were going no further. I tumbled to my knee's my upper body only being held up my Lavi, I felt myself close to sleep. That was until Lavi, the sadistic bastard, poked the lump on my head.

"That fuck?" I said looking up at him, glaring as best as I could with the state I was in.

"Sorry, but can't let you fall asleep so soon after a head injury."

"Whatever." I mumbled looking down, wanting nothing more than to just slip into oblivion.

"Uppsey daisy." He said lifting me easily and throwing me over his shoulder. The blood rushed to my head quickly and it really wasn't helping the matter.

"F-fuck Lavi." I groaned.

"Oh so many times I wanted to hear you say such things." He chuckled.

"Just get me home and fuck off you perv."

"Nuh uh." He said gleefully. "I've gotta make sure you don't go to sleep."

I groan again, but in annoyance this time as we reached my front door. Lavi kicked open my door, which was annoyingly unlocked, stupid master not locking the house. I was carried in through the living room and we turned right entering my room which was the closed in verandah, Cross taking the only real room in the house. The problem with my room was that it was full of windows, all of which were open and pouring in sunlight.

"Ugh, close the fucking blinds." I mumbled as Lavi lay me down on my bed.

He did as I said and closed all the curtains leaving me in the dim with small streams of light fighting their way through the curtains. To my annoyance Lavi clicked on the lamp on my bedside table. I hissed at the light and turned away, thankful that at least it was a fairly dull globe.

"I'll be right back, don't fall asleep or I'll be forced to take certain measures." Lavi said exiting my room.

With him this could mean anything and I wasn't really prepared for that. So I forced myself to stay away even as my eye lids continued to fall down. Oh god, I just wanted to sleep.

Lavi returned after a short moment, his hands full. He had a wet cloth which he quickly pressed to my throbbing forehead, I hissed at the contact but after a moment the cool started to feel good.

"Head up." He said shoving his hand under my head and forcing it up.

"Huh, what?"

"Take this." He said pressing his other hand to my mouth. I opened my mouth and felt pills slip in, and the lip of a cup was pressed to my mouth a moment later. I swilled the liquid from the cup and a second later started coughing.

"Was that scotch!" I spluttered.

"Yup. Best thing for this." He said with a smirk. He pushed the cup to my lips again and I drank the rest.

"I really don't think it is."

"Trust me." He said standing. "I'll be back, and remember what I said about falling asleep."

"Can I have some water this time." I called out after him.

I drifted waiting for his return, the cloth on my head having turned warm from my body heat and no longer feeling soothing. I grabbed it and pulled it off throwing it to the ground, my fingers grazing the lump on my head as I did so causing me to hiss in pain once again.

Lavi returned with his hands full again, but this time he held a glass of clear liquid in his hands.

"It's not vodka is it?" I asked eyeing the glass.

"No, it's water." He said as he knelt down next to me lifting my head again. The glass was pressed to my lips and I was glad to discover it was actually water. With the glass empty I lay me head back down and Lavi pressed a tea towel to my head. I winced a bit in pain feeling the cold soak through the towel which I realised was full of ice. I tried to push it away, as the feeling was unpleasant.

"Nuh uh." Lavi said easily pushing away my limp hands. "Ten minutes on and ten minutes off, that's how it goes."

I whined slightly but didn't attempt to push it away any more.

Before I knew it ten minutes had passed and the cold press was removed from my head. I stared up at the ceiling not daring to move my head, or to close my eyes. The tug at my eyes became to strong though and my eye lids slowly slid shut. I had a moment of peace because I felt something soft press against my lips. I opened my eyes and turned my head away, immediately wishing I hadn't as my head throbbed painfully.

"Don't Lavi." I murmured.

"I told you not to fall asleep or face the music." Even as he said this he tilted my head back gently and pressed his lips to mine once more.

It really was a very soft kiss, barely even a kiss, just a pressing of lips. I opened my mouth not realising what I was doing, and run my tongue over his lips, barely touching him. I felt him shudder and then his tongue was running along mine. I reached up and grabbed a handful of hair, pulling at it tightly, taking my confusion out on his hair. Oh god, this bastard, I didn't know what to feel. I gripped his hair tighter and pulled him away from me.

"Stop taking advantage of me in a weakened state." I mumbled letting go of his hair.

He chuckled and pressed the cold pack to my head once more.

I stared at the ceiling, feeling like I was sleeping with my eyes open. The only sign of the progression of time was the ice being pressed or removed from my forehead. Every time the pack was removed, he would kiss me again, softly just a peck, I refused to respond back. Eventually, the pack was removed and he let me fall asleep.

…..

**So yeah if anyone doesn't know the meaning of any of the lingo I've used please ask me, I'm trying no to put anything too confusing in there but if you don't know let me know. Also I'm assuming everyone knows what a paper wasp is so if you don't know, once again, let me know and I shall answer ye question.**

**Also, YAY three reviews! I especially liked the one calling Allen and Lavi bad asses!**

**Also, also, I'm sorry for spelling mistakes, I'm using text edit, which has no spell or grammar check so I have to rely on my own brain and I've read over this like three times picking out little things, so forgive me if there are still a few things out of place.**

**Thanks for reading, let me know if this isn't just a waste of time and you actually want to know what happens!**


	3. Chapter 3

**THREE.**

I don't think waking up had ever been so hard in my entire life. I was wakened by a steam of sunlight, that seemed relentless no matter which way I turned in my bed. Some how that annoying beam of light always seemed to settle right across my eyes. By the time I some how managed to move my eyes out of the annoying beam of light form hell, it was too late, I was already too awake to go back to sleep. I shuffled around in the bed and let my eyes drift over to my alarm clock. Eleven a.m. I had slept for over twelve hours, I reached out and turned on my lamp. Attached to it, stuck to the shade with god only knows what, was a note. I grabbed it and recognised Lavi's hand writing.

"Oi Stupid

Don't even think about going to school today.

I'll be back to check on you in the afternoon.

Lavi.

P.S. You're so cute when you're sleeping

… even with the black eye."

What black eye? I pulled myself out of bed, slowly, breathing deeply, and wishing I hadn't. I took one step before having to stop and take a few more deep breaths. About two minutes after the first step I took a second. After that the other steps were easier to take. I made my way out of my room, I passed Cross in the living room but he didn't seem to notice. I made my way into the bathroom, flicking on the light and shut the door behind me. I probable didn't want to see this, but I took a few more breaths and stepped up to the bathroom mirror. My god, the lump, on my head, was huge. It looked like an egg was laid under my skin, and the creature inside was about to break loose. The lump itself was white, with a few spots of red where the skin was broken, around the lump in a perfect ring, my skin was purple and blue. The bruising had spread down to blacken my left eye and the bridge of my nose. The whole thing making the scar on my face look a whole lot more ridiculous.

I let out a groan of annoyance and took off my shirt to see what other damage had been done. Three bruises, two to the stomach one to the chest. One of the bruises on my stomach was a very defined shoe print. I knew Lavi and I had hit the fuckers back but there was no way they were in as much pain as I was right now. I turned around and exited the bathroom, heading for the kitchen to get some pain killers and some water, then it was probable straight back to sleep. Moving back through the living room Cross notices me this time. He has a glass of… something amber, pressed to his lips.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" He asks putting the glass down.

I look up at him and give him at look that's says something along the lines of 'Are you fucking serious?"

He takes in my look, raising his glass once again, and finally he notices. His eyes travel up and I can tell he's taking in the lump on my head. He puts the glass back down, not even taking a gulp, and gets up leaving the room. I must look like absolute shit if my look stops Cross from having a drink. I take his seat at the table and pick up his drink, normally he would kill me for touching it, but I think he'll let me off today. I down the remaining finger of liquid, and then rest my head in my hands.

Cross returns and says.

"Right, you point I shoot."

'Wha?" I said shifting my head to the side to look at Cross.

I look up just in to see him stock his rifle one handed.

"Woah what are you doing?" I ask stunned.

"As I said, you point I shoot. You point out the fucker that did that to your head and I shoot, can't make it any simpler than that idiot."

"Woah hold on, you're not killing anyone."

"I never said kill." Cross said holding the gun up to his eye and looking through it's sights. "I'll just wing them, or take out a knee cap."

He held the gun down to his side resting against his thigh and walked over to me at the table. He picked up his glass noticed it was empty and turned his glare on me.

"What? It fucking hurts." I said pointing at the lump, accidentally brushing against it making me hiss in pain once again.

"One time." Cross say, flinging the glass through the kitchen door, shattering it on the floor.

"What was that for?" I yelled, knowing he wouldn't be the one cleaning up.

"I dunno." He said shrugging. "Isn't that what the Russians do?"

"Yeah, after they've actually had a drink, and into a fire place."

"Oh… Oh well too late now, come on, I've got some bastards to shoot."

"No Cross, you're not shooting anyone."

"What? You're just going to let those fuckers get away with it?"

"Who said they got away with it?" I said glaring at him, how dare he think I would not defend my honour. "Lavi and I took care of them."

"Did you hide the bodies?"

"There were no bodies Cross."

"Well you're not doing it properly."

I stood up angrily and stalked back to my room.

"Good night Cross."

"But... I'm in the mood to shoot someone now."

"Go back to your drink, you crazy bastard."

I slammed the door behind me, wishing I hadn't the sound vibrating through my ears, and rattling my head. I rearranged the curtains so the piercing light of doom no longer hit my bed. I lay on the bed, face down holding my pillow tightly like it was some form of lifeline. I was out of it pretty quickly.

…

Lavi woke me up some hours later when he attempted to climb through my window. Well not attempted, he made it through the window, but I still wouldn't call it a particularly successful venture. He appeared to have taken a running leap because he flew through the window rather fast. What woke me was him crashing into my bedside table, knocking my lamp and clock to the ground. He decided then to really drive home the point that he was there, by falling to the side, landing on me and knocking the wind out of me. As he struggled to get up his forever dirty feet managed to catch me under the chin, snapping my teeth together, making my head rattle. That was it, I'd had enough.

"Lavi you fucker!" I screeched, yes screeched, at him. I grabbed his ankles and shoved him off the bed. His lower half hit the floor, his head and shoulders resting against my knees. I lifted my knees quickly and shoved him the rest of the way off. He hit the floor with a thump and then moaned at me. He was not the one to complained, he hadn't been woken up by having some heavy bastard land on him whilst concussed.

"Aww, Allen, why do you treat me so?"

"You fuck, you stupid stupid fuck!" I screamed throwing pillows at him, totally missing him in the dim light.

My door banged opened and the light turned on, blinding the both of us.

"What the fuck is going on?" Cross yelled from the door way.

He looked at me, then down at Lavi, back up at me, and then backed up, turned off the light and closed the door behind him.

"Did you move you're room around?" Lavi groaned from the floor.

"You came through the wrong fucking window!" I screamed, still pissed off.

"Did I? Well it's a bit hard to tell in the dark, I just saw an open window and jumped through it." He said this while smiling up at me, scratching the back of his head innocently.

"You… I can't believe you." My anger had faded a bit and the throbbing in my head had returned. "What're you doing here? Just go away and let me die in peace."

"I'm here to check on you like the wonderful friend I am." He said standing, brushing himself off.

I groaned and pushed my head into the mattress, no longer having any pillows to snuggle into. I hear Lavi pushing my bedside table back into place and putting all items back on it. He turns the lamp on and I'm kinda glad so see it still works.

"Let me see you're head." Lavi says, way to happy, poking me in the shoulder.

"Piss off." I mumble into the mattress.

"Aaaaallen." He said poking me continuously.

"Fine!" I yell rolling over, exposing my pregnant head to Lavi. I call it pregnant because I swear any second something is going to burst out of it.

Lavi put his serious face on as he leaned down closer. He brushed the hair away from my forehead and lightly traced his fingers over the bump. I anticipated pain, but his touch was very gentle. His fingers moved down and rested just below my eye, pressing lightly on the bruised flesh making me wince slightly.

"I should have kicked their teeth in." He whispered. He was so close I could feel his breath on my skin.

"We did enough." I mumbled, trying not to focus on just how close we were.

"No where near enough for this." He cupped my face with his hand and held it gently. I reached up and grabbed his wrist pulling it away. I felt the rough texture of healing flesh under my finger tips. I moved my hand up to grip is hand and pulled his wrist up in line with my eyes. Across the numerous white lines of scarred flesh there were two lines of fresh red. One looked only a day old, the other close to fully healed, only a few scabs remaining.

"What's it for this time?" I ask raising an eyebrow at him.

He smiled sadly pulling his wrist from my grasp. He stood up and placed his left leg on the bed, pushing his weight down, he swung his right leg up and over me, resting his right knee on the bed also. He placed a hand on either side of my head and leaned down, our faces inches apart. I felt my heart beat increase from both anticipation and a little bit of fear. I almost moved my head up to close the distance between us. Almost, I didn't have to however as he moved down even lower, barely a centimetre between us.

"I add another one each time you turn me away. One for last night, the other for last week." He whispered. He breathed against my lips, his breath sweet, driving me insane.

"You can't lay that shit on me." I said trying to distract myself.

"I can't help it. Every time you push me away…" He left the sentence hanging.

He stared down at me, our breath mingling, mixing together. He moved forward that last little bit and our lips pressed together once more. He didn't start off slow like he usually did, he went straight into smashing our mouths together as hard as possible. Moving his mouth across mine, his tongue forcing it's way into my mouth, running along and underneath my own tongue. I closed my eyes and let out a long breath through my nose. He slipped a hand under my neck and pushed my head up slightly, I moved my head to the side a bit, changing the direction of our clashing mouths. I was beginning to feel breathless, and Lavi didn't seem to be relenting. I reached up and grabbed his shoulders pushing him away softly. He let go, the sound of our mouths separating seeming to make a very loud and distinct sound.

"Can't… breath." I said panting.

Lavi smirked, panting only slightly himself, and leaned down again. I prepared myself for another breath stealing kiss, but his lips came to rest on the corner of my mouth, kissing it softly. His fingers trailed up and down my neck, the finger tips just grazing my skin. I shuddered at the touch, suppressing small whimpers, instead focusing on keeping my breathing steady. He continued the small kisses moving up my mouth and laying a kiss on my bruised eye.

"A kiss makes it better?" Lavi smirked.

"You are so corny."

"You're loving it."

"No I'm not."

Of course the bastard had to prove me wrong by chewing on my ear lobe, causing me to moan.

"You're so easy."

Easy was I? I'd show him. I shoved him off and rolled away from him.

"Go away Lavi, I've already got a big enough headache."

He sighed and then made himself a bigger bastard by lifting my shirt and running a hand up my back, making me shiver. I rolled back over to face him and pushed him away from me again, shoving him across the bed until he hit the wall. I kept pushing him, even if it was futile, pushing him into the wall made me feel better. But what really made me feel better was yelling at him.

"Fuck off Lavi! Just fuck off. I'm fucking sick of you fucking with my head."

"I'm not fucking with your head." He said this even as he slid his hand around and stroked my stomach.

"You are! I've told you before I don't know what I'm feeling. And you doing things like that." I slapped his hand away. "Is fucking with my head."

I glared up at him and oh god, I think I was going to cry.

"But, don't you like it?" Christ, now he sounded like he was going to cry

"I do, I like the feeling, but I don't know if I like you."

Before those words left my mouth, I never knew silence could be deafening.

"Don't you like me Allen?" He sounded hurt, I couldn't look him in the eye.

"I do, but I don't know if I like you that way. I don't know if I like… boys. Because of you I find myself staring at other guys, wondering if I want to kiss them or not. And then I look at girls and think the same thing!"

And just to make it worse I actually did start crying. I don't think he could understand the pressure in my head, constantly thinking about it worrying about it. It was obvious that he knew what he was, but I don't think I could let it all sit comfortable in my head. I didn't want to be gay, I didn't want people thinking there was something wrong with me. I didn't want to be even further rejected by the towns people. I didn't want anything to do with it.

"You don't have to like boys Allen." He cupped my face and draw it up so I was looking at him. He wiped a few tears away with his thumb and then said. "You just have to like me."

"I don't want to." I sobbed. God I was pathetic, I'm blaming all my tears on head trauma. I was too busy thinking about my stupid tears that I didn't stop to think what I had said was going to cut Lavi deep. I realised what I had said was horrible by the look in his eyes. He was hurt, really really hurt, but I was't going to apologise. If I was feeling so much pain then he could carry the burden a little bit. He learn forward and I cringed away thinking he was going to kiss me again. He kept moving and he did kiss me again, but only on the forehead, and it was so gentle it was as if he barely brushed his lips against my head. But even that was too much for me at the moment. I shuddered and pulled my head out of his grip, burring my face in my mattress.

"Just go away." I told him, my voice muffled by the mattress.

"But Allen…" He started.

"Leave!"

I lifted my head just slightly, so a single eye was peaking out. I watched as he sat up, shuffled his way to the edge of the bed and stood up. He went back to the window and hoisted himself up. He paused sitting on the frame before jumping down he turned back to me.

"I'll see you tomorrow Allen." He said softly, voice full of sorrow.

I turned away and ignored him. He lingered a while, before I heard the sound of his feet hitting the ground outside, and then foot steps walking away.

I knew what I said had hurt him, and a little part of me, the darker and more sadistic side, was trying to hurt him. I hated him sometimes, just because he was so sure of his feelings doesn't mean he had to force them on me. I hated him for making me moan. I hated him for waiting until I was in a vulnerable position. He never tried it when I was sober, or in this case, not half dazed. Most of all I hated it how he made me want more. I didn't know if I wanted more of him or just more of that feeling. I loved the feel of the pressing of lips, how even the slightest touch to my lips would make them tingle. I loved the feeling of fingers tracing my flesh, scratching it, kneading it. But through the panting and moaning I would open my eyes and see him. Was it wrong? Was I wrong? Was there something wrong with me?

Sometimes I would imagine him touching me. Doing more things to me than he had done in real life. I would imagine us lying in bed, just as we were earlier. But he would be taking my clothes off, pressing his lips to more sensitive areas. Hands grasping and pulling at the most private of areas. I would imagine how it would feel and how I would twitch and moan at that touch. And it would make me feel sick. So much so that I would curl into myself, wrapping my arms around myself. I would bite my lip and hold my breath until I had to take in a deep and shuddering breath. I would pant on my bed, twisting clothes and skin in my fists, and then, so help me god, I would cry. I hated him for doing that to me, hated it, HATED IT! He had no right to do what he had done to me.

I lay on my bed feeling both physically and emotionally drained. I wanting nothing more than to curl up clutching a pillow, but I had thrown all my pillows at Lavi earlier and I didn't have the strength to get up and retrieve one. And that fact made me hate him for another reason, if he had not have come, I wouldn't be without my pillows. It was something so silly, but it just served to topple the pile of things Lavi did that I hated.

I got up and grabbed my pillows, throwing them back on the bed. Getting back into bed I rearranged it all and clutched one pillow tightly to my chest. Even going to far as to curl up into such a tight ball that even my legs were wrapped around the pillow. I was going back to school tomorrow, I could probable pull off missing another day, but I didn't want to lay around the house all day. Even more so with the thought that Lavi would just drop in whenever he felt like it. No school was the best bet in getting away from him. Hopefully he would fuck off and disappear for another week, or even two, I didn't care. I also didn't give a shit about him carving into his flesh. How dare he say he did it because of me. Fuck Lavi, I fucking hate him.

I really did… didn't i?

….

**So what I was trying to convey most in this chapter in the confusing that Allen feels. Like usual I feel that I have failed at this miserable.**

**If I have failed let me know, and give me some hints on how to improve it.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm sure by now everyone has heard of the mass deletion going on, might I just say how freaking pissed off I am about that. So far only one story I was reading has been deleted R.I.P Simply Screaming. Seriously so annoying. I don't have an concerns with this story being deleted I'm yet to introduce any real smut to it (and trust me it's coming). I'm more concerned about my other story 'The Lost', even if it does get deleted I've still got it saved on my computer. Still would be sooooo annoying if that happened though.**

**Anyway on to Chapter Four, I'm like an updating machine at the moment!**

**FOUR**

I arrived late for school again, but I liked to believe I had a real excuse this time. Not just that I got distracted by a damn bird. Unfortunately I arrived right on lunch again, meaning all eyes were once again on me. It was made some what worse by the thing on my head. Some would openly stare at it, others would look up, look away, and flick their eyes back up to focus on it again. The bigger arseholes would actually smirk at it, like I some how deserved the painful lump on my head. If I was in a some what healthier condition I probable would have kicked these bastards in the head. Of course if I was feeling better, I would possible be a hell of a lot calmer and therefore not be kicking peoples heads in.

I wasn't feeling hungry, having a constantly throbbing head does that to people. Besides waiting in line seemed more effort than it was worth. Wow never thought I would think that. All I wanted was to sit down, the walk to school having worn me out completely. I found Lenalee sitting by herself again, once again reading a book with one hand, eating a sandwich with the other. I sat down across from her with a grateful sigh.

"Hey Lena." I said, I had wanted to sound cheerful but it came out sounding like a hoarse grumble. I didn't think my throat was so delicate, all that yelling at Lavl last night had really messed with it. God I hope I didn't run into him today. I don't think I could face him without breaking down. I was sick of showing weakness in front of him. Nope next time I saw Lavi, I would be better, I would hold my head high and… walk straight passed him. Perhaps a little childish but oh well, it would hurt him and that's all I wanted to do right now. I'd already jammed the knife in, there was nothing more to do but jam it in a little further and perhaps twist it a little.

"Hey Allen." Lenalee said dragging me out of my dark thoughts. "Where were you yesterday?"

She hadn't looked up from her book. I rested my chin on my hand and stared across at her waiting for her to look up. She would see it soon enough, I'd just have to wait and she would look up and realise. It was easier than explaining, besides, I was interested in her reaction to my pregnant head. She ate another two bites of her sandwich before she lowered her book and looked up at me. She stopped mid-chew and leaned forward to stare at the lump a little closer.

"Wow." She breathed.

"Uh huh."

"I think, I think I wanna poke it." She said lifting a finger.

"If you must." I said waving my hand in a dismissive manner.

Her finger approached slowly and she gently poked and prodded my lump. I winced slightly, it still hurt like all shit but it was already improving.

"Woah, it's like, squidgy but solid at the same time." She said continuing to poke it.

"Are you done yet?" I asked sounding some what bored.

"Huh." She ssid looking down at my face. "Oh, right sorry."

She moved back and sat back in her seat, picking her sandwich back up.

"How'd that happen?" She asked taking another bite from the sandwich.

"A rock connected with my head at an increased speed." I muttered.

"So . . . someone threw a rock at you?"

"Pretty much, but I don't think they'll be doing it again anytime soon." I couldn't help but smirk, remembering the beating Lavi and I had given those little bastards.

My reminiscing was cut short when my head was pulled back roughly by my hair. My neck was twisted back painfully and I found myself staring up into the smirking, evil face of Alma Karma, or as I liked to call him, Tosspot. From day one Tosspot and I just hadn't gotten along. I really don't know the exact details of how it all began. I'm pretty sure he had started it, he yelled something, I yelled something back and then, it was hate at first sight. It was something small and pitiful that grew out of proportion and I'm sure one day, one of us were going to kill the other. It was very vicious hated. I could tell from the look in his eye that he despised my very being. It was a look of disgust, repulsion and I could feel it radiating off him from a mile away.

His choice of friend was also a complete and utter arsehole. Although Yuu Kanda also looked at me with complete and utter hatred, it was the same treatment he gave everyone else. He didn't hate me, he just hated people as a whole. How Tosspot had managed to avoid his death list is a mystery to me. How the two of them put up with each other was an even bigger mystery. I applied my shitty science to the matter and figured out, that if you put two complete and utter arseholes together, they would cancel out their arseholery towards each other and some how get along. As you can tell, Science is currently the class I am doing the worst in and I don't think I'll be continuing it in my senior year. Currently both arseholes were smirking down at me.

Although Alma was always the one doing the tormenting and yelling the abuse. I some how found Kanda a hell of a lot more scary and would actually prefer an argument with Alma than being left alone with Kanda for even two minutes. Kanda the only other Asian in town, besides Lenalee and her brother. I'd asked Lavi about him once but it seemed not even Lavi knew much about Kanda, where he was from or how he ended up in this town. All Lavi knew was that Kanda travelled in for school and lived with some secluded hermit. He'd moved into town around the same time as Lavi. He didn't suffer quite the same treatment as Lenalee though, mostly because everyone was shit scared of him. He didn't even have to say anything, his aura would scare most people off subconsciously. If it wasn't his aura it was his face, one look at it and most people turned around and hurried off in the other direction.

Alma was a local through and through, his fathers, father's, father'd etc etc had been one of the first people to settle in the town. He was related to half the town by blood and a great deal of the other half by marriage. I had a suspicion that there was a fair bit of inbreeding going on in his family tree. Wasn't going to voice it though, not until I really needed to say it. I was holding it as back up for when I really wanted to piss him off. I was smart enough to know that when I called him inbred I need to be ready to run , and fast. As much as I wanted to hand him the ultimate insult, at that point in time it would have been wise. I was currently at his mercy, his hand gripping my hair tight to the skull.

"Miss you yesterday Allen." I didn't like the way he said my name.

"Sure you did," I said smirking up at him. "Like a hole in the head."

He twisted his hand, pulling out strands of hair. I grabbed at his hands trying to stop the twisting but the bastard had a vice like grip.

"It's boring around here without you to play with."

"Should I be concerned that you want to 'play' with me."

Tosspot's response was to push my head forward and slam it into the table.

"AHH FUCK!" I screamed, holding my hands to my head, thinking I was going to find it bleeding again.

There was no blood but fuck did it hurt.

"Hey!" I heard Lenalee yell and the sound of her shuffling.

I peeked up through watering eyes to see Kanda walk around to stand in front of her, blocking her way further. It's amazing the things you notice when your already fucked up head has been rammed into a table. Although Kanda had his normal glare on his face when looking at Lenalee it didn't seem quite so intense and his stance wasn't as stiff. Lenalee was doing her version of a glare, but her eyes were a little too wide and she seemed to be… pouting. They stared at each other, neither moving. My god, did these two… have a thing for each other? How could the biggest, okay maybe second biggest, arsehole in town, fall for an innocent thing like Lenalee. How could she appear to like him back? It did not compute too well with my brain. And considering the state my brain was in, that is not too surprising.

"That's playing." Alma said smugly, his face way too close to mine for comfort.

"You shit!" I screamed.

Once again that wonderful little thing called adrenaline took over. I spun around in my seat and grabbed Alma by the shirt of his uniform, dragging him down and smashing his head into the table so he could feel the pain I had already felt. He yelled and grabbed me by my shirt in a similar fashion that I had grabbed him. We tumbled to the ground and thus another pointless high school fight began. It wasn't a real fight, it was all rolling around and threats. Each grabbing the others shirt tightly and attempting to smash the other into the ground as hard as possible. As is common with high school fights a ring of students had formed around us, all of them chant 'Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!'.

We scuffled on the ground, each trying to cause the other as much damage as possible with out having to let go over the other. Alma obviously thought there had been enough of that though, because he let go of my shirt and started jabbing me in the ribs. I let go of him and grabbed him by the hair, a little vengeance for earlier. I twisted his hair in my grasp and slammed his head into the ground. I knew I wasn't doing it quite hard enough but my own strength was starting to wane. Who knew rolling around on the ground took so much strength out of you? Of course, I was already dealing with a nasty blow to the head. I just wanted this to end, but there was no way I was bowing out of this fight. I was saved, more or less, when a very large hand clamped around the scruff of my neck and picked me up. I was more or less relieved that the fight had been called off, but I was still furious with Alma and wanting to add a few more scars to go with the ugly one across his nose. And yes, I am aware of the irony of calling someone else's facial scaring ugly.

"Causing trouble again Walker?"

Again, when was the first time I caused trouble? This person obviously had it in for me.

I squirmed in their grasp and turned my head. The teacher holding me up and away from Alma was a complete stranger to me. I had no idea who they were and why they claimed I was making trouble again.

"Come with me." He said, putting me down and dragging me along by my shirt.

I glanced back at Alma who was getting up. He shot me a cheeky grin and then his face disappeared as I was pulled through the crowd of fight hungry students.

I continued to be dragged by the teacher, who refused to say anything to me. I was pretty sure the school had a 'hands off' policy, meaning this teacher wasn't suppose to be touching me at all. He didn't seem to care, even though he was chocking me slightly. I was dragged through the school, it was embarrassing, many students stopped to watch. They all had little smug grins on their faces, laughing to each other as the schools biggest outcast was man handled by some arsehole teacher. I could probable sue him for this, not that I could get any one to take my side of the argument, but by god I could try. Hmm, maybe I could tell Cross, he seemed a little trigger happy last time something happened to me. I don't know what shocked me more, the idea that I actively wanted Cross to shoot someone, or that I had just realised that Cross, in his own demented way, was protective of me. My brain was too addled yesterday to realise, but could it be that Cross actually gave a shit about my existence? All he had done for the past three years was bitch and moan about how he had to drop everything because of me. He'd go on, and on, about how much of an idiot and a burden I was. If I actually gave a shit about him myself then maybe I would have been hurt. Surprisingly when I realised all this the first thing I thought was, 'Aww, that's so cute'. Shortly afterwards I scolded myself for thinking something so unmanly.

I was dragged through the lunch area, passed the library and into the office. I caught a peek of Bookman, Lavi's ageing Grandpa, through the library window. As fate would have it, he looked up as I was being dragged passed. Our eyes connected briefly before I looked away, feeling too ashamed to look at him longer. Great now Lavi was going to know about the whole thing, it felt degrading. Also, I found it hard to look at Bookman. He had such a scrutinising gaze and every time I looked at him it just felt like he knew everything about me. Like my life story just flowed into his eyes, and he knew everything that had happened to me. Every little embarrassing thing to moments of pain. The scariest thing, I swear he knew the things that Lavi and I had done together.

Another reason I didn't like looking at Bookman was because I felt a little sorry for him. Not that I would ever tell him that, or Lavi. Before he had been hauled out here to the middle of no where Bookman had worked for a state University. He was head librarian and had been for over thirty years. When he started the library had been tiny, and majorly under funded. His job in the beginning, was to push around trolley's of returned books, putting them all back in their rightful place. After a few years of that, someone left and Bookman starting learning about the card system and started checking out books for customers. In his spare time, when there were minimal people in the library, he started reorganising shelves. In a couple of months he had completely reorganised the system into a more efficient area. When he was done with all the books he reorganised all the card catalogues. Half of the cards were either missing or in the wrong place. He put everything in it's rightful place and created new cards where needed. All this he did whilst still restocking the shelves and checking out books for customers.

Eight years after first joining the library, the head of the University finally clicked at to why the Library was running so smoothly. It was all because of one man, and when the head realised this, he booted the old bloke and put Bookman in charge. As soon as he was head, Bookman started looking for new funding for the Library. He looked for donations, made deals with book stores and hassled the state endlessly for more money. Soon the Library started to grow and they ran out of space. Bookman started again, hassling for funding, scouting out locations on campus for a new location. He got quotes from multiple companies and forwarded them all to the Committee Board. In the end he got his way and a whole new Library was built. It wasn't just built for what they had in the time, it was built with extra room so that when the Library expanded again, there would be space for it.

In the early nineties when computer cataloguing became more and more common, once again Bookman was there. Pushing for new funding for computers, and upgrades to the building. They were all use to him by now and his wishes were quickly met. Bookman's Library was easily the best in the state and he was continuously making it better. At the same time as the library put in it's computer cataloguing, Bookman purchased and set up another fifteen computers, all with internet access. At the time this was scoffed at, but those who scoffed were soon enough red faced and the internet slowly started to making itself indispensable. Next thing Bookman knew he was getting computers practically thrown at him. The University Library had an entire room filled with computers way before any other in the state. And Bookman pushed further, setting up computer rooms all across the Campus. When WiFi became available his Library was one of the first to hold free WiFi for students. He set up another room with tables and power points enabling students to bring their own Laptops to use the internet. He had turned a shitting little, unorganised, cramped Library, into one of the best Library's in the country.

It all came to an end five years ago on his seventy-fifth birthday. After almost forty years of service, he was politely shown the door. A new man had arrived, fifty years younger and holding a shiny bit of paper that Bookman did not possess. Apparently all State Librarians were required to hold that piece of paper, and Bookman did not hold one. Retirement was suggested to him, he refused. A lower position was offered to him, back restocking the shelves, which he also refused. He had only just taken in his Grandson, Lavi, after his daughter and her husband died. A quiet and lonely boy of twelve, still mourning the loss of his mother and father, who Bookman could see took after him greatly. He resembled his father in appearance, but in mind he resembled Bookman himself. He knew he couldn't support the both of them on a pension cheque, he needed the work. On a Thursday he was offered the job of being the Librarian at a small state school in the middle of no where. He told them to shove it, in the most polite of ways, and went and got drunk for the next three days.

On the Monday he accepted the job. He sat out the year, making life as difficult as possible for his replacement. At the end of the year he left the place he had been living in for the past forty years and moved out to the middle of nowhere. He knew it wasn't the best environment for someone with Lavi's aptitude, but money was the biggest factor. If he moved out to the town, he could rent out his house and gain a second income from that. He figured he could tutor the information hungry Lavi in his own time, and build up the boys knowledge. All the money he made from renting out his thouse went into a separate account. It was an account Lavi's parents had set up for Lavi in the future. I didn't know much more about the two after that. Lavi didn't attend school and most of his interests these days were spent on stealing alcohol and cigarettes, or, exploring the land around the town. It was like his quest for knowledge disappeared and re-routed itself to discovering what lay beyond the next hill. I can't imagine the disappointment Bookman must have felt. Or perhaps he wan't disappointed, I don't know because I never really asked him about it. Maybe he was just happy, if Lavi was pursuing something.

So really I didn't want to look him in the eye for multiple reasons whilst being hauled to the school office. I see feeling sorry for someone and pitying someone as two different things. Feeling sorry for someone to me, is a mutual feeling, I'm feeling for someone who has shared a similar grief as me, almost relating to them. Pitying someone always felt like you were looking down on someone, at least that was always what it felt like to me. When ever some one pitied me, I felt like they were going, 'Oh poor little orphan, poor little guy, we should help this unfortunate soul'. Wait, why am I letting people call me little in my own thoughts. Anyway, to me pity was a whole different thing, but people were quick to blur the lines. This was why I didn't want to look at Bookman, I didn't want him to mistake the look in my eyes for pity. Besides he was an angry old man, there was no way I wanted to be on his bad side. Especially if I was going to continue my friendship with Lavi. Although at the moment I didn't know if I wanted to pursue my friendship with Lavi. It all made my head hurt just a little bit too much. For the time being I was just going to keep my distance from Lavi, and by association his Grandfather. No Library visits for me anytime in the future.

I was finally hauled to the office by the unnamed teacher and pulled to the Principles door. He rapped lightly on the door, and muffled voice told us to enter. The door was opened and I was dragged in and forced to sit on a chair in front of the Principle's desk. The teacher and the principle exchanged words quietly, whispering to one another so that I would not hear. The Principle then nodded to the teacher, and he left, leaving me alone with the Principle. His name was Sheryl Camelot, and most students had never even seen him. It was only the worst of students who ended up meeting him as he never left his office. And somehow I had been deemed, one of the worst of students. How the fuck had this happened, sure I was hated by students and less than liked by teachers but how did I end up here in the mercy seat?

"So Walker." Principle Camelot said, sitting down behind his desk. "I hear you have been making trouble again."

There it was, making trouble AGAIN, when did I make trouble the first time? I turned on my politeness and turned my accent up to full.

"I'm sorry sir." I said softly, laying the accent on perhaps overly thick. "I don't understand, I've never made trouble."

I looked down and fidgeted with my pants, playing the innocent card. It had worked enough in the past I just hoped it worked with the Principle. Wait a minute was he wearing a monocle? Right Allen, don't stare at it, just keep looking down.

"Don't understand?" He said, posing it as a question.

"Yes sir." I mumbled. Dammit, most people would have broken to my innocent act by now. Dammit, I was still living in the past and had forgotten how things in this town were different. Dare I say it, I could use a bit of that old pity right now to get me out of this. Whatever this was.

"There have been a few incidences in the past which you have been related to." Principle Camelot said, continuing not to fall for the innocent act. "Interrupting classes, swearing, verbal abuse towards other students. Nothing too big that warranted more than detention. Anyway, it's your acts last Monday and today that have you seated in front of me."

He leaned back in his chair and smirked at me before continuing.

"Physical attacks are a whole new area. On Monday you and a friend of yours, from outside the school, attacked two grade ten students, causing them both quite a bit of harm."

"Well sir, they actually…"

He silenced me by holding a hand up. How did he do that?

"I've already heard their account of the story, don't bother trying to explain. After that you skipped a day of school with no excuse, you didn't sign in with the office did you?"

Could he not see the massive lump on my head?

I shook my head.

"And then today you were found attacking a fellow class member, Mr Karma."

"He started it." I grumbled, dropping the act since it obviously didn't work.

"Who started it is not the matter." I could tell he didn't believe me. "The fact of the matter is you progressed and took the situation to a whole other level."

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk, lacing his fingers together. I didn't reply, instead I found the roof of his office oddly fascinating.

"With what you have done in the past these latest instances cannot go unnoticed. I think it best you are placed in isolation."

His roof… so fascinating. Why did they use prison terms for school detention?

"There is currently only one other student in isolation. Considering who the other student is I would usually just suspend you. But considering your current… persuasion, I think it is safe for you to go to isolation"

Persuasion? Safe? What the fuck did this guy think I was going to do?

"You will spend a week in isolation, starting now. Head to A Block, room two." He stood up and walked around to his door opening it, telling me I was dismissed. I got up and pressed passed him, he left just enough room for me to pass through whilst still brushing passed him slightly.

"By the way." He said, causing me to pause and turn back to him. "If I find you've down anything to her, be prepared for the consequences."

He then shut the door with a clean snap.

Seriously, what the fuck was going on? I shouldered my bag which had never left me, even during the scuffle, and made my way to isolation.

Lunch was over by the time I left the office, the school seemingly empty and quiet, all students now in class. I made my way to A block, winding me way through the walk ways. This was another thing I had to get use to. When I was schooling in England, the entire school had been one building. Here the whole thing was scattered, there was blocks of buildings, numbered from A - T, and most buildings held a specific subject.' A' block was predominately Maths, B block was English, C was Arts, D was Home Ec, E and F were both small and both science blocks, G and H was computer studies, I and J were wood and metal work. L, K, M, N, were what were referred to as the beginners buildings. This was where students from Grade eight and nine went to learn their basics, like Maths and English, also Social Studies and History. O block didn't exist, neither did P. Q and R block, were right next to each other and were just vacant class rooms waiting to be used, mostly they were just used for CAM classes, CAM classes were just attendance call, I had no idea what CAM was suppose to mean. Finally we came to S-T block, it was a long building and S -T block was the only building in the place to be two blocks at one.. One end was S, the other T, but they both did the same thing, S-T was the music block. The T block, one end, was filled with desks and a black board. S block, the other end of the building, was slightly larger and filled with musical instruments. All of them, there was a drum hit, multiple keyboards, trumpets, trombones, tymphanies (somehow), saxophones an at the end, my pride and joy (even if it wasn't mine) an up right piano, for some reason the school had a distinct lack of string instruments. But the best thing of all about the piano, it was in tune. I can't describe how relieving it is to sit at a piano and play a tune, only to hear it as it was meant to be, clear and sharp. Musical pieces would take on a whole new meaning when played on an in tune piano. And I'm babbling.

The school was a rough circle, A block being the beginning and the rest of the buildings snaking around in a slow circle, so S-T block was not far from A block, walkways intertwining the whole thing. I could have easily skipped going to A block, but my attendance record was already tarnished. It's funny the little things that Universities look at. Even if I had perfect marks, not showing up for school could ruin me. More so than being sent to isolation, not showing up for it at all would look even worse. So I accepted my shitty fate and walked into Room 2 of 'A' block. Isolation wasn't really what I expected. I know it's called isolation but I still expected a teacher to be watching over me, or should I say us.

There was only one other student in the room, she was laying on one of the high benches. She was laying on her left side her back to me, her left leg out straight lying on the bench, her right leg sitting up, foot taping against the bench in obvious boredom. Her head propped up on one hand. She wore long black socks that came to her knee, uniform required long white socks for girls so I don't know how she got away with it. Another thing that obviously broke uniform regulations was how short her grey dress skirt was. All the other skirts went down just passed knee level to skim just above the socks. Her skirt was so short that if I looked at her from the wrong angle I could see what she had for lunch. Her hair was short and unruly, her blouse was crumpled and looked a little dirty. She was small and had a tiny figure, I guessed her to be a grade eight, probably not even thirteen yet, still in the early stages of puberty most likely.

As I closed the door she rolled around and sat up on the bench, swinging her legs back and forth. Her eyes were thick with dark make up and he lips held far too much gloss, but the rest of her face seemed make up free. Her face had a natural olive tint and her skin was completely unblemished.

"Hi there." She said with a big, slightly creepy smile.

"Hey." I said walking in. I dumped my bag on the back bench and sat down, two rows away from her.

"What're you in here for?" She asked. She was now swinging her legs so much that her heels thumped on the underside of the bench.

I merely grunted and pointed to my bruised face. Hoping this would explain enough and I would not actually have to talk to her, I really didn't feel like it.

"Fighting huh?" She said still smirking. "M'names Road. What's your's?"

Hearing the name I realised who she was, Road Camelot the principles daughter. I had heard many a rumour about her but this was the first time I had actually seen her. She wasn't in any of my classes as she was in grade ten the year below mine. Also it was rare to see her out in the lunch area or the play ground during break. This was because she was either in detention or sitting with her father up at his office. Rumour went that the Principle was a little too over protective of his daughter, bordering on the creepy side.

"Allen." I mumbled, not wanted to talk to her but not wanting to be overly rude to her.

"So you're Allen. I've heard about you."

I was the only Allen in school by the way.

"Can't do anything in this town without someone knowing." I grumbled, pulling some books from my bag. I hadn't had time to check for any homework that was issued the day I was at home so I figured I would just review what I had learnt in my last lesson. It's good to go back and re-read sometimes.

"So true." She mused, jumping down from the bench and walking over to me. "It's hard to keep things under wrap in this town. You know on Monday I heard the most interesting thing about you."

She strolled up to me, practically strutting, arms folded behind her back. She then threw her arms around me and leaned against me, the whole thing extremely uncomfortable.

"Guess what I heard about you?" She whispered in me ear.

"I can only imagine." I said shrugging my shoulders trying to get her off. Thankfully her arms slipped from around me. Shortly after however she had jumped up to sit on my bench, her thigh now resting against my arms.

"Don't you want to know?" She asked with a pout.

"Not really." My imagination was bad enough.

"Do you want to know what I'm here for?"

"Nope." I said continuing to flick over my English notes.

I guess she didn't like my answer because she twirled around on the bench and using her foot kicked my books to the floor. She shuffled along the bench until she was sitting right in front of me.

"Aren't you a little big curious?"

"No." I said starting to get angry. My books were scattered and I didn't glue my notes in so they were also scattered around the class room.

"Can't you just ask? I wanna tell you." She asked, leaning forward, now uncomfortable close.

"If you want to tell me then just tell me."

"But I want you to ask."

"Fine." I said giving in. "What're you in isolation for?"

"For this." She said leaning back to rest of her hands, spreading her legs apart, her too short skirt riding up even further.

I looked down, and obviously didn't hide my shock very well as I heard her chuckle. Underneath the skirt she was wearing nothing at all, it was a free show. I'd never see any private female areas before, except in books in Sex Ed. But that was all the internals and done in pencil, seeing the real thing up front I was.. well shocked. Was it suppose to look like that? Oh god I was staring. I quickly diverted my gaze to the floor, the ceiling, the windows, anywhere! She grabbed my head and held it up, thankfully to look her in the face, and not lower.

"Aww, don't wanna look? My English teacher couldn't stop looking. I guess the rumours about you are true."

"What… what rumours." I asked quietly still getting over my shock.

"So, apparently you and the local feral are more than just friends." She leaned in closer until out foreheads were touching. "I've heard that you and that red-headed feral are bum buddies. Giving it to each other every night."

She leaned forwards that last little bit and pecked me one the lips. I jumped up quickly pushing her away, my seat falling over and smashing against the floor.

"I'm not fucking gay!" I yell at her.

She simple leaned back on the bench again, spreading her legs like earlier.

"Prove it Allen." She said in a mocking tone. "Most guys would be all over me by now but you're just standing there."

She was smile at me so smugly, and her look was, a little terrifying.

"The only reason my father let you in here with me was because he thought you were a pillow biter. So go on, prove him wrong."

"Fuck." I said quietly.

Fine then, I'd prove it to everyone, including myself, that I wasn't gay. A vision of Lavi flashed through my mind but I quickly shoved it to the side. Fuck him, I wasn't gay, as much as he tried to make me I wasn't.

I rushed forward and pushed Road down on the bench, perhaps a little too hard. I then leant down, supporting myself on the bench, and smashed our lips together. She immediately responded by pushing back, her tongue entering my mouth. Strangely the only thing I was thinking was how small her tongue was. It felt a little strange after kissing Lavi. Everything about her was so small, her hand on my face, her lips, her tongue, all of it so small. I felt like I was kissing a child when she was only a year younger than me. I shuddered at the thought but refused to stop, I had a point to prove. I realise this was how it was suppose to be, when a guy kisses a girl, the girl is mostly likely going to be smaller than him, so this was normal right? If it was normal why did it feel so wrong?

I pulled away sudden, pushing away from the bench and away from her. I resisted the urge to wipe my mouth. I didn't feel anything when touching her. I didn't feel that familiar tingle on my lips when our lips touched, and I didn't fell that jolt run through my body when out tongues intwined. I think the only thing I did like was the feel of her small hand holding my face as we kissed.

"That enough for you?" I said leaning down to pick up my scattered books.

"Not really." She said sitting up, ruffling her hair. "You know what I can tell from your kiss? It says you're use to being dominated, that your use to someone else making the moves. Tell me, does it feel better to have a man's tongue down your throat? If you had just gone on a little longer I could have shown you a few things even HE wouldn't know. I'm much more experienced."

Why was it that every word that left her mouth seemed so freaking creepy.

"Fuck you Road." I said jamming my books back in my bag.

"I'm willing how 'bout you?" She said leaning back once again to show me a view of herself, waving her bent knee's back and forth.

"I can't believe you." I mumbled turning around and exiting the classroom.

My record be damned there was no way I was going to hang around with this nympho.

"See you tomorrow… Allen." She called after me.

Crap, how was I going to last a whole week with this crazy. I took off out of the school, not quite running but not exactly walking calmly either. I just needed to be away from that, but I really didn't want to go home. Strangely I really just wanted to see Lavi and tell him what had just happened. Would telling him what I just did hurt him? A part of me wanted to tell him just because it would hurt him, the other part didn't really want to tell him, or anyone for that matter.

Dammit I just wanted to get drunk and forget everything, another reason I needed to find Lavi, he usually had something.

I entered the main strip of town and as fate would have it I found Lavi. He was asleep on a bench out the front of the laundromat. The crook of his arm resting over his eyes, blocking out the sunlight.

"Lavi!" I yelled, poking him sharply in the ribs.

He jumped up with a snort and looked straight ahead blinking heavily.

"Huh." He said sounding dazed. He looked around a bit before focusing on me, his eye's blood shoot and glazed over.

"Allen?" He mumbled rubbing his face with his hands. "What's up?"

"Get up." I said, I was being totally rude and I knew it.

"What for? What's wrong?" He said this as he stretched his arms behind his back, twingeing slightly when some thing in his back popped.

"Let's play pool and get drunk." I figured there was no point in beating around the bush.

He looked up at me from his bench, looking at my face like he was searching for something. He sighed and stood up stretching out a bit more, more snaps and pops sounding out as he did.

"Fine." He said turning and leading the way. "Let's go."

Thank god, was all I could think. I had been some what afraid he was going to turn me down after what I did and said to him last night. But I guess that was one of the good things about Lavi, you could always rely on him. I felt a little bit guilty, I'd only sort him out to use him.

…

**So yeah, I made Road a bit of a slut. :D**

**Please GIVE ME SOME LOVE**

**this translates to please review, positive, negative of anon. I need to know what's good and/or bad about this story.**

**This is were you come in, my most awesome readers.**


	5. Chapter 5

**10th of June, 2012,**

**Theme song for this chapter, 'Hearts a mess' By Gotye.**

**Seriously listen to it, it fits perfectly with this chapter.**

**FIVE.**

I was woken from my nap by a sharp jab to the ribs by vicious fingers. I hated being interrupted during a nap, didn't everyone? But when I jumped up with a start and looked around through heavy blurry eyes I realised my nap had at some point turned into a long slumber. I had decided to have a quick lie down on a bench outside the laundromat, just a quick little lie down to try and stop my spinning world. When my world decided it would not stop seeing everything in double I threw an arm over my eyes. The darkness helped and I decided to stay that way a while before getting up and continuing with my drinking. No, not with my drinking, continue my trying to forget. But with the amount of alcohol in my system, all the hours I had been awake, and the dull throbbing of my bandaged arm, I found myself falling into a deep, much needed slumber. So I was more than a little surprised when those fingers jabbed my side, throwing me into the harsh daylight. Forcing me back into that world that to me, seconds before, was the dark and empty night.

I jumped up, hearing myself snort as I was awoken mid snore. And my eyes, they hurt seeing the sun light. I had looked around, slightly confused, only to have my eyes land on Allen Walker. The reason I was feeling so shit. I had spent my night in anguish, drinking myself stupid and causing myself pain for him, but there he was. Standing in front of me holding the shoulder straps of his school bag tightly, a little too desperately. His face was drawn and tired, a fresh bruise on his head next to the lump. It was nothing compared to the rest of his bruising but it was still there, and I noticed it immediately. His expression held a number of emotions, confusion, disgust, anxiety, and a little further back, anger. Seeing all this and then hearing him asking me for what I assumed was an escape, how could I refuse him? So despite my throbbing head, my aching eyes and my sticky dry throat, I agreed. He said it simply enough, he just wanted to play pool and get drunk. Something I was more than happy to do with him.

i got up and stretched, having spent the night, and most of the day, on a bench does not do wonders for your back. I grabbed the bag I was using as a pillow, despite it being full of hard objects, and walked down the street. I walked away, not looking back but wanting to so much. I knew he was following and I was going to have to settle with that. Knowing he was behind me but just wanting to look at his face. Wanting to grab it between my hands and smooth out all that worry with my fingers. After everything he said last night, I should be furious with him. But I couldn't be, not with him. I could understand that there was so much he just didn't understand. He couldn't even comprehend his own feelings, how could he even begin to understand mine? I shouldn't even be near him now, he needed some time to himself. But how could I refuse him when he was so obviously asking for help?

I heard his footsteps behind me, keeping a perfect rhythm with my own slapping feet. Perfect but three steps back, not walking next to me like he usually would.

"Hey Lavi… do you, have anything?" He asked. I could tell he was looking at the ground as he said this.

"I've got a bottle of rum in my bag." I mumbled as I rubbed my face.

I was still half asleep and in my hungover state the whole world just seemed like a dream. Everything distant and just a little too white. I actually began to wonder if I was still a little bit drunk from last night. I had a good idea of what time it was and what time I went to sleep. Could the amount I drank carry over into this time? I almost felt like a time traveller, it was a surreal feeling.

"Can I have some now?" As he said this he quickened his pace and was soon walking beside me, but still a little bit held back.

"Yeah…. Sure." I said monotone.

I thought I was so sure of my feelings. I just wanted to help him, but, was giving him a drink really the best idea?

I cut in front of him turning down the side of the bank. It was a simple building, slightly less dated than the other buildings in town, being built some time in the seventies. It was basically a big box, one large entrance in the front, two windows and no back door. Behind the bank the trees were set in close to the building, the rugged bush beginning almost immediately. I walked around the back and leant back against the warm brick wall. I opened my bag and pulled out the bottle of rum and a pack of smokes. Allen joined me leaning against the wall, his gaze still fixed to the ground. I passed him the bottle of rum and lit myself up a smoke, it tasted horrible in my hungover state, but I really needed it.

I didn't turn to look at him as he raised the bottle to his mouth, I just watched him out of the corner of my eye, while keeping my face focused straight ahead. He couldn't tell but I was watching his every move. He raised the bottle, pressed it to his lips and then threw his head back, taking in a large mouthful. He swallowed once, twice, shuddered slightly and then had a third. His face twisted into a disgusted frown and then he took a fourth swallow. He pulled the bottle away, coughing slightly. I watched him drink, taking in everything about him. The way his hair framed his face so perfectly, the hair curling slightly to brush against his face. The slight pudginess to his cheeks that was left over baby fat. His lips that I knew were always so soft and always the same shade of delicate pink. Watching him drink from the bottle like that, the way he scrunched his eyes shut, I had to control myself like never before. I wanted nothing more than to grab him and taste the mix of what was him and the alcohol he had just swallowed.

After pulling the bottle away he panted for a moment, swallowing thickly and then brought the bottle back up.

"That's enough for now." I said, still not looking directly at him but snatching the bottle from his hands easily.

"I wasn't done yet." He growled, his voice thick and hoarse from the scorching liquid.

"Are you just going to sit back here and scull a whole bottle of rum?" I asked before taking a swig from the bottle myself.

"So?"

Jesus, that was possible the worst come back there was.

"So," I began, "First off, it's my rum and I want some of it too. Second, it's O.P. rum, you can't handle that much of it at once."

"And you can?" He growled again as I lifted the bottle and drank another mouthful.

"Yes I can." I took another swig just to prove my point. "What's up with you any way Allen."

"Nothing." He muttered, turning away from me to stare at the ground again.

"Yeah, and I'm the Queen of France. Seriously what's up?"

"I just… Can't I just have a drink? I just need to clear my head a bit."

I sighed and handed the bottle back to him. As he reached to grab it he paused and stared, his eyes widening slightly. I followed his line of sight and saw that he was staring at my bandaged arm. I knew he wasn't going to ask about it, because I knew that he already knew what it was.

Allen Walker, how could four syllables cause so much pain. When I heard the words a jolt would pass through my whole body. Al-len Wal-ker, a cursed name to me, a name that caused more pain than I have ever felt before. A name that caused me to hurt myself more than anyone ever could with rocks and knives. The owner of that name, this person before me, caused me nothing but agony. I never knew that wanting something so badly could hurt this much. I know he's not oblivious to my feelings for him, there was no way he could be after what I had done. But there was no way he could know the depths of what I felt for him. I wanted nothing more than to touch him at that moment, just the slightest of touches. A brush of fingers as we passed the bottle back and forth, an occasional bump of the shoulder as we walked. Anything, anything at all, but I was too scared. After last night I was too scared, that if I even touched him unintentionally, I was afraid he would run away completely.

Last night, just thinking about it made me feel sick. I should have known I was coming on to strong, but when I was around him I didn't really think. I couldn't control myself around him, and seeing him, lying there half dazed, I couldn't help myself. I had to touch him, I had to get closer to him. I really didn't expect the reaction that I got, but it was all my fault, I was the one who said something stupid. For the first time he pushed me away in anger. His claims that I was taking advantage of him in a weakened state hurt me the most. He acted like he was the only one drunk on those occasions, but I was drunk too. So drunk that I couldn't control my urges anymore, when I let go of holding back and just did what to me felt so right. And last night, and the night before, he was hurt, I just wanted to be near him, comfort him. But it was all taken the wrong way. Why couldn't he understand?

When I left his house last night I went and found solace in a bottle of Over Proof rum. I stole it off gramps, I'd have to deal with him later. I just took the bottle and went about wondering. If it was day I would have roamed the bush, the silence and the lack of humans around would have been calming. But since it was already dark and I was planning on obliterating my mind, I figured wandering around in the dark, in the bush, was probable a bad idea. So instead I wondered the streets, roaming up and down. Not really having a destination in mind, I just walked the silent streets of the town. At one point I sat down in the gutter and repeatedly hit myself in the head. Then grabbing a shard of glass from a broken bottle I carve into my arm. Usually I would just cut once, but this time I went to town on my arm, cutting it multiple times. Deep but not quite deep enough. When I was done I looked down at my weeping arm and started to hit myself in the head again.

It was so freaking stupid! I had used some dirty piece of glass off the street! It was most likely going to get infected and I would probably need a tetanus shot now. I had stopped hitting myself eventually, streaks of blood running down my face and arm. I held my arm out for awhile, watching the blood drip off my arm and splatter on the ground. The little droplets building up to create a small pool. As sad as it was I knew a day like this was coming. I knew there would be a day when I went a little too far with a sharp object. So I always carried around a few bandages with me. I went through my bag and pulled out the bandage. It was still sterile, wrapped in protective plastic. I peeled the packaging off and wrapped my throbbing arm, wincing as I did it. Spots of blood appeared immediately, but the bandage didn't soak with blood so I figured it was okay for the time being. I got up from the gutter and continued my aimless wandering, eventually falling asleep on a bench. Only to be woken by the one person I both wanted and didn't want to see.

And now here we were again. Standing side by side, he was so close to me, but I could not touch him. He was drinking from the bottle again and once again he was drinking too much. I grabbed the bottle from him again, careful not to even brush his hand as I took it, although it was all I wanted to do.

"We're not sitting back here and drinking from the bottle."

"Why not?" He slurred, obviously already too affected by the alcohol.

"Because sitting behind a bank and drinking a bottle of rum will just end in trouble. Besides you have to pace yourself, you can't just guzzle a bottle of rum. You'll make yourself sick. And, didn't you want to play pool?"

He seemed to have to take a moment to think before answering. The whole time his head swaying back and forth slightly.

Eventually he nodded and turned towards me, his eyes already glazed over.

"Let's go." He said, pushing himself away from the wall.

He stumbled slightly and then straightened out. He walked away from me, walking slowly obviously focusing on putting each foot in front of the other. I sighed internally and took another swig before replacing the cap and putting the bottle back in my bag. I went after him and fell in step beside him, only for him to step back and walk behind me again. It was going to be a long night.

…

Lavi was true to his word.

When we got to the pub we walked to the back room of the old wooden, sour smelling building to the pool room. LIke everything else in the town the place was old. Walking in the front door directly in front of you was a dark wooden stair case that led to the rooms. Once it would have shined and been polished proudly, the dark wood, and era wood work looking brilliant. These days the wood was faded, and the polish peeling off it. To the left was a dodgy dining room for people wanting a counter meal, multiple cheap round tables squeezed into the small space. To the right was the bar, which we weren't allowed into as we were under aged. But there was a small serving counter that opening into the hallway where they would serve us under aged folks. Moving down the hallway there was a tiny room, and in it there was the pool table. The room was barely big enough for the table and playing was hard because if you weren't careful your stick would hit the wall when you went to shoot. At the back of the room was a doorway that led outside to the beer garden, or really, where everyone went to smoke since smoking indoors was illegal.

I was already feeling a little light headed as we entered the room so I quickly sat down, letting my head spin, and watched Lavi. He knelt down by the coin compartment and pulled a small piece of wire from his bag, previously a paper clip. He fiddled with the lock for a moment and then there was a small click, the whole thing popping out. As promised when this happened all the balls dropped out and the game was now free. I dragged myself up and started to take all the balls out of the hole and set them up on the table. The triangle being placed back on top of the light hovering over the table when I was done arranging the numbering balls into the right position. Lavi was over by the pool sticks, holding them up against himself, picking the one that would best suit his height. When I was done I went and did the same, hating that I had to pick the smallest one they had. With the balls all set up and each having a pool stick I went and grabbed a handful of change from the coin compartment.

"Hold it." Lavi said.

"What? This was you're idea." I grumbled.

"Yeah, but you've got to use your head a bit. We cant go up and continuously pay with dollar coins. We'll have to buy the first few drinks with our own money and always ask for dollar coins, say it's for the pool table. When we've done that a few times we can start using their money to buy the drinks."

"Tch, fine." I said grabbing my wallet from my back pocket. I pulled out a ten dollar note and walked back up the hall to the small serving window. I had to wait a while, the bitch at the counter was too busy having a conversation with a barfly to come and serve me. I knew she could see me, her eyes darting to me standing there, waiting to be served while she continued to chat with the drunk. I tapped my foot loudly, and cleared my throat twice as loud. If I wasn't already a little light headed I probable would have just waited patiently, but I really wasn't in the mood at the moment.

Eventually she decided to come over. I didn't miss the way she rolled her eyes at the drunk she was talking to.

"Two small cokes please." I said trying so hard to smile sweetly.

She went off and poured two glasses coke and brought them back to me. They were very much below the lip of the glass by about an inch. If I wasn't planning on topping it up with rum I would have been annoyed. I handed over my tenner and she grabbed it turning away.

"Can I have one dollar coins in the change… please." I added the please very sarcastically.

She turned back with a glare.

"This ain't the bank."

What a bitch.

"Well I thought since it was for your pool table it would be alright." I smiled nicely. An over smile, a very obvious fake smile.

She scoffed and turned away again, but when she returned I had seven dollars in one dollar coins. I nodded to her with the same overly large smile on my face, grabbed the drinks and left. The smile dropping from my face the moment I turned around.

When I returned Lavi had already opened, spreading the balls around the table skilfully. I counted the balls and realised he had already managed to sink one with his opening shot.

"You're on smalls." He said, applying chalk to the stick.

I growled quietly. Fate hated me, even giving me the smalls in a game of pool.

Before I commenced to play I set the drinks down on a table and grabbed Lavi's bag. Making sure that no one was looking I pulled the bottle of rum out and topped up our glasses. I had already drank a bit out of one of the glasses, leaving room for more alcohol. I needed it. I finished up and hid the bottle back in Lavi's bag. I sipped at my drink and shuddered slightly. It was strong, but not strong enough to scorch my throat like the raw alcohol had done earlier. I picked up my drink and took in with me to the pool table. A sloppy smile on my face as I felt the familiar tingling in my body of the coming oblivion of drunkenness.

…..

We got kicked out. Somehow they didn't seem to notice just how drunk Allen was. All the management noticed was that we were smoking indoors. Not the way he swayed even when standing still, or the smell of alcohol on our breaths. Shortly before we were kicked out, Allen had gone through my bag and taken one of my smokes. He lit it up as if it was nothing and then went back to lining up his next shot. I thought about telling him to put it out but then thought 'Fuck it' and went and lit one up myself. He was already going to get into deep shit, so I figured there was no harm in me having a smoke too. We had finished our game and started up another one, chain smoking the whole time, before someone came over. It was an older woman who was probable only middle aged but looked so much older. I could see every drink and every cigarette in her face, almost turned me off the stuff… almost. Her hair was frizzy in the way of hair that had been bleached and dyed a few too many times. A pair of over sized glass, probable from the nineteen eighties rested on her nose. She wore too much jewellery and make up and the smell of her perfume was sickening. It was like she just opened the bottle and tipped it on her head.

I could smell her approaching even over the smell of cigarette smoke. She came into the tiny room all high and mighty as I was lining up my next shot. She crossed her arms, the jingle of her excess jewellery ringing out as she did.

"You can't smoke in here." She stated, very matter-of-fact.

I stood up from my shot to say something to her but Allen beat me to the punch.

"It's a fucking pub!" He grumbled, striding over to her.

"It's against the law to smoke in here and you're both under aged."

I went to say something again, but stopped myself, I was curious to see what Allen would do.

He smirked slightly, a very cocky smirk, and took a deep puff of his cigarette. He held it in, then strode up to her and blew it in her face. I was shocked, I'd never seen him do something so deliberately rude before. She was shocked for a moment, before her face turned bright red in anger. In fact she was seething.

"Get out of here Pom." She said, pushing the words out with pursed lips.

Allen took a very deliberate puff and blew the smoke back in her face before saying.

"Make me." He hissed.

I could almost hear her mind snapping. One second she was standing there quivering in anger, the next she had one hand twisted in Allen's hair, the other holding the collar of his school shirt. She dragged him down the hall with more strength than I thought was possible of a woman her size. The only thing that surprised me more was the string of obscenities flowing from Allen's mouth. I'd heard him swear before, plenty of times, but the things he was saying as she dragged him down the hall would have made a hooker blush. I stared at the scene in shock for a moment before grabbing my bag and rushing after them, stopping for a second to slam the coin compartment on the pool table shut. By the time I reached them the woman had turfed Allen off the front verandah, making him fall to the ground in a heap. I had to suppress the urge to beat the woman across the head. We were in enough trouble though, I didn't need the cops called for beating her. Instead I had to settle for shoving past her roughly as I exited the building.

I knelt down beside Allen who was groaning, holding a hand to his already bruised head. I went to lay a hand on his shoulder but stopped halfway through the motion, my hand hovering a few inches from him.

"You alright?" I asked, just wanting to move those last few inches. Just wanting to touch him, even if it was just a hand on the shoulder.

"Fuckin' bitch." He slurred.

He pushed himself up slightly, breathing harshly and staring at the ground.

"Are you alright?" I asked again.

He pushed my hovering hand aside and stood up slowly. He glared at the building before turning around and staggering over to a rubbish bin. As he leant over it I thought he was going to throw up, but instead he retrieved an empty glass bottle. He turned back towards the pub and drew his arm back, intending to throw the bottle. I reached out to grab his arm but once again stopped at the last second. Instead I swerved around to stand in front of him, feeling my head spin as I did so. I hadn't really felt the alcohol I had ingested until that moment. Although compared to Allen I was stone cold sober. He was well and truly drunk, the fact that he was about to throw a glass bottle at the pub driving that point home.

"Woah there Allen!" I said stepping in front of him , holding my hands up.

"Fuck off." He spat.

"Calm the fuck down!" I yelled, surprising myself a little by how I yelled.

I must have gotten through to him because he swerved around and instead off throwing the bottle against the building he smashed it on the ground instead. The momentum of his action made him stumble in place and once again I found myself reaching out to steady him only to stop a few inches from him. He steadied himself and looked up at me, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Um…" I started not knowing what else to say. "Do you, want to… go down to the field and finish off the bottle?"

It was a random thought that popped into my head. At the end of town, on the other side of the railway tracks was a field. It use to be, and still is to some extent, a soccer field. But in recent times there was no soccer teams anymore. Not enough for the field to have an up keep. All soccer was played on the high school oval with school teams. The field was now left to grow feral, the grass overly long and the surrounding bleaches and toilets hidden in the over growth. We had been there to have a drink once or twice, we would sit on the rickety old stands and drink or just talk shit. It's where we would go if we didn't feel like traipsing the path along the dry creek out of town. It was secluded and dark and most of all not a very long walk from where we were.

"Alright." Allen mumbled walking away from the pub towards the very end of town. I sighed and took off after him, opening my bag and retrieving the bottle of rum as I walked. I was shocked at how much was left in the bottle. Or should I say how little was left. Allen had been pouring the drinks all night, I had trusted him to do so but now I could see how heavy handed he had been with pouring,especially with his own. There was barely two inches left in the bottle that a few hours ago had been almost three quarters full. Allen was obviously a lot more drunk than I thought he was. I mean, I knew he was drunk, but with that much gone, and the amount I knew I had taken in myself, he must have had a lot. I sighed again and unscrewed the top. I took a swig, the burning a bit shocking after drinking it mixed with coke for so long. I noticed that Allen was staggering a bit too much and capped the bottle, running after him to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself.

…

My world was spinning something chronic. The eviction from the pub seemed to happen before I knew what was going on. The next thing I know I was digging throw a bin and trying to throw a bottle at the pub. I vaguely recollect Lavi stopping me and then I was walking away, entering the darkness where the street lights stopped. I remember entering the old soccer field and tripping over more than once causing me to fall into the long grass. It was an almost pleasant sensation falling into the grass, the world disappearing from sight, hidden by the long grass. I lay on my back, looking up at the stars that streaked across my vision. I found myself reaching my hand out, trying to grab the swimming figures. Lavi interrupted my view but for some reason his fiery red hair mashed in with the stars, making the whole scene look like a burning star filled sky.

"You 'kay?" He asked. I couldn't tell his facial expression, my vision mashing objects and colour into a great big mush.

"Yeah." I managed to say.

I held my hand up to him, wanting him to pull me up, but the moment I did he turned away, ignore the gesture completely like he hadn't seen it at all. He had been like this all night. Playing pool with him was particularly infuriating. He wold skirt around me, not even so much as brushing against me. I would go and stand next to him and he would step to the right or the left, widening the gap between us. He would reach his hand out towards me, and then stop and let it fall back down. It was driving me insane. And now he wouldn't even help me up from the ground.

I rolled over to lie on my stomach, pushing my hands against the ground. It took me a few times but I managed to push myself up, swaying only slightly. I looked around trying to determine where Lavi was. I caught a glimpse of red and focused in on it. I staggered towards him and suddenly ran into something, my shins bashing agains the wooden bleachers. It was strange because I swear two seconds earlier the bleaches had been ages away. I watched Lavi lower himself onto one of the planks of wood, and then laying back. I scrambled up the stairs and lay down on my own plank of wood, one above Lavi. I rolled to my side and looked down at Lavi to see him staring straight up at the sky, drinking from the bottle. I reached out to grab the bottle, only to have him hold it up and away out of my reach. I continued trying to reach for it anyway and ended up rolling off my spot. I felt a moment of fear as I fell, not knowing if I would make it to the next plank or roll between them and land on the hard ground. I landed on something surprisingly soft and when my world stopped swishing in front of my eyes I found I was lying on top of Lavi.

He was grimacing and shuffling around slightly, obviously very uncomfortable.

"Lavi." I breathed. "You haven't touched me all night."

I moved my hands up to lace around his neck.

"Why haven't you touched me?"

I shuffled myself forward a bit more until we were properly face to face. I was looking down at him but I couldn't tell his facial expression. I waited for him to do something, anything, but when he refused I took the lead and leaned down to kiss him.

"Don't Allen." He said, reaching his hand up and pushing it against my face, pushing me away, touching me for the first time that night. "You're drunk."

"When has that ever stopped you before." I grumbled pushing his hand away and leaning back in again, only for his hand to come back up and push my face away again.

"Allen, you're not thinking clearly."

I leaned back and sat up, looking down at him as best as I could.

"Now your thinking about this? Now? It's alright when you do it but not me?"

I stared down at him waiting for a response. I managed to make out his face and saw that he was looking away from me, his face drawn in a tight frown. That bastard. I didn't want to be near him any more. I pushed myself up on shaky feet and made my way back towards the stairs. Of course on the way down I stumbled and fell the last six steps. My whole body was limp as a slipped down the stairs and skidded to a halt on the long over grown grass. My head started to throb and pound. There was a constant throbbing occasionally interrupted by a large pounding before going back to a steady throb.

"Allen!" I heard Lavi cry. I heard him pounding down the steps towards me.

He dragged me up and held my face in his hands. I slapped his hands away and glared at him.

"Don't fucking touch me." I spat at him.

I didn't wait for him to reply, opting to turn and stumble away. I had made it back to the foot path when Lavi ran up behind me and grabbed me by the shoulder spinning me around.

"Fuck you!" I yelled slapping my hand across his face.

His head snapped sharply to the left and I saw the way his face fell. He turned back to my slowly, his face blank, void of emotion.

"Fine." He said softly.

He turned and started to walk away.

"So you're just gonna leave me here!" I shouted after him. "Fuck you!"

I stumbled forward again, unable to move much further. I watched as Lavi's silhouette got smaller and smaller.

"Fine!" I yelled after him. "I hope I get fucking raped just so you can feel fucking guilty!"

He didn't turn around and eventually he disappeared from sight. I scoffed at him and started to walk forward. I didn't make it far, I made it as far as a large tree growing next to the foot path. I pressed one hand to it, trying to keep myself upright. My other hand pressed to my head, the throbbing from earlier returning full force. It felt like every time my head throbbed the whole world shook with the force of it. The fall and the alcohol started to mess with me and I knew I was about to me sick. I pressed me head against the rough bark and closed my eyes waiting for the sickness to either subside or come out. My head still seemed to spin even with my eyes shut and as much as I didn't want it to, my body started to heave. It was horrible, the feeling of a giant hand moving up from my stomach and forcing everything out.

I coughed and gagged, the content of my stomach coming back up. I hadn't eaten all day so all that came up was thick burning liquid, black from all the coke I had drank. Even with my hand against the bark I couldn't keep myself up so I slid to the ground, falling heavily, still throwing up. Even when my stomach was empty I continued to retch, brining up a yellow substance that burned my throat even worse than the alcohol. Tears of exertion started to fall down my cheeks. They forced their way out, adding to the mess I had already created. And then they became real tears. I was crying because it hurt so much and I just wanted to be at home in my bed. Not with Cross but with my father. I wanted to be back in England. I missed the house we lived in, I missed the short days and the buzz of the city. I missed my old room as tiny as it was. I missed the cold and shivering while waiting for the bus. I missed scarfs and public transport. I missed it all. I cried it all out, a new pain of longing adding to the pain of my sick body.

I missed my father, I wanted him like never before. I found myself wishing that he had never died, so that I wouldn't be here. And then I found myself wishing that he had never adopted me so that I wouldn't have had to deal with his death. If I had never met him I wouldn't have felt this pain and longing even after three years. I started to wish that he had just left me at the orphanage. If he had just left me there of picked another child then I wouldn't have this hair, I wouldn't have this scar on my face. The arm though, that would still be there, there was no escaping the hideousness of my arm.

I cried. I cried for him and for the absents of him. It ached so badly, it felt like I was looking at his motionless body all over again. It felt like I was dealing with his death all over again. I just didn't want to be here anymore. If I was anywhere but here I think I could have been better.

There was a hand on my shoulder and I looked up through my tears to see Lavi.

"Lavi!" I sobbed, throwing my arms around him.

I was kneeling on the ground and he was standing so I was hugging his knees.

"I don't want to me here." I sobbed, rubbing my face against his knees.

He knelt down breaking my grip around him, only to throw his arms around me. I reached back up and crushed him against me, sobbing into his chest.

"I'm sorry Lavi."

I don't know how long I sat there crying into his embrace, and I don't know how many times I apologised to him. It could have stayed there all night happily crying against him. His embrace was gentle but hard enough to be reassuring at the same time.

At some point I stopped crying and when I did Lavi moved around until his back faced mine. I took the hint and wrapped my arms around his neck. He grabbed my legs around the thighs and pulled me up, leaning forward so as to carry my weight. I started crying again as he carried me and once again apologised, over and over again. I fell asleep at one point and when I woke up I was in my bed with the worst hang over I had ever had.

…

**I don't think I've ever worked so hard on one chapter before. **

**I think the main focus of this chapter is Lavi's anguish. As usual please tell me if I got it right or if I got it all horrible wrong.**

**17 reviews! woo that's good for just four chapters right? Right?**

**who cares I'm happy with any reviews, so the more I get the happier I am *hint hint***

**Thank you so much for you reviews and thank you once again to beekeeper for pointing out my spelling mistake of timpani, I've already told you but my god, it annoyed the absolute shit out of me that I couldn't figure out how that word was spelt! Just had to mention that.**

**Hey you, yes you, dogs tags… coming up… *smirk***


	6. Chapter 6

**Part Six**

School again. I shouldn't have bothered though. I went Monday and was almost knocked out by a rock. Tuesday I couldn't go because of said rock making my head pregnant. Wednesday I got into a fight with Tosspot and ending up in isolation where I was assaulted by a nymphomaniac. I spent Thursday horizontal trying not to throw up, the whole day was a bit of a blur. It came and went in bits and pieces. I remember lying in bed groaning a lot. I remember Cross bursting in and asking why I wasn't at school. At one point I ended up in the shower fully clothed, I think Cross threw me in there in an attempt to shut me up. After the shower I lay in bed in a pair of sweat pants sucking on ice cubes to try and ward off dehydration. I had thrown up more than a few times through out the day, but having nothing in my stomach the only thing that come up was stomach acid and whatever water I had managed to drink. All over it was a pretty shit day.

Lavi showed up at one point. Once again jumping through my window but this time he managed not to land on me. I barely managed to move me head to turn to look at him. I believe I told him to 'fuck off' and then begged him to come back when he turned to leave. He stayed the rest of the day, helping himself to the fridge. I heard Cross yelling and Lavi laughing at him. He would spend most of his time in my room. I fell asleep a few times and one time I woke up with my head in Lavi's lap, him stroking my hair softly. It felt nice in a way, but I didn't really want him to touch me, even in such a comforting matter. I had pulled away from him and lay back on the bed. We talked but my head was so muddled I couldn't remember what we talked about, or even if I was saying something coherent. When I woke up this morning, the Friday, I could think clearly and Lavi was gone again.

After missing so much school already and the only thing waiting for me at school being isolation with a crazy, I really should not have bothered. But there was that constant thought of my record. How would it look if I missed any more days of school. Isolation was bad enough, skipping two days of it already was even worse. I had to go and sit out my punishment, hopefully the crazy wouldn't rape me. Hmm… maybe I should let her, it probably wouldn't be that bad. Then I could find out a few things for certain, prove a few things while I was at it. I was so determined, but the thoughts made me feel so dirty and just a little bit guilty. It wasn't like Lavi and I were a couple, ugh, I can't believe I just thought about us like that. Sure we had fooled around a little but it was nothing more than that. I was just feeling guilty because he was the first person I had done such things with. It was natural to feel weird doing things with someone other than your first. God listen to me, I was talking like it was a long standing relationship and I was cheating on him. He wasn't anything like that to me… so why did I feel so bad even thinking about doing something so little as kissing another person that wasn't him.

Since there were so many thoughts going through my head it took me awhile to realize things around me were a little off. I was just walking to school. I was on time for a change having had a full nights sleep and being able to successfully ignore the distraction that is Timcampy. So the streets were full being this towns version of peak hour. I passed by a number of students from school, they all ignored me as usual. There was nothing strange about that. What was strange was the way the adults were acting towards me. There was an older lady I passed everyday, well everyday I was on time. She obviously had her own little schedule and walked the same path everyday. When we passed each other she would usually smile and nod, sometimes say a polite 'good morning'. When I walked passed her this morning I nodded to her as always, but she ignored me, deliberately turning her head to the side to avoid looking at me. I was a bit surprised but didn't think much of it.

I continued walking lost in my own thoughts. I was roughly shoved aside more than a few times before I realized that it was happening a few more times than usual. I started paying more attention. I man walking his dog with a newspaper tucked under his arm approached me. We walked towards he other and when we met he very deliberately shoved against me. I stumbled slightly and kept walking. Next was a younger woman, maybe a bit older than twenty. She was jogging along, a small pair of buds stuck in her ears. I saw her approaching and watched carefully. She jogged down the path, moving off the path to jog on the grass when coming across other students, before moving back to the path. I kept my head down but my eyes up as she got closer. She came closer and closer, I waited for her to move but she refused. As she met me she shoved me out of the way and yelled out.

"Watch where you're going, Pom!"

She continued jogging like nothing had happened. I steadied myself and continued walking, wondering how it was that everyone in the town knew who I was even with the small population. I had no idea what had happened that had turned everyone against me so suddenly. I was already never very well liked, but none of the adults in the town had gone out of their way to be a dick to me. The thing that annoyed me more than this was that there was no way to find out what had changed. Maybe I was deemed old enough to beat publicly now. Maybe it was my actions in the pub the other night… yeah that was most likely it. It seemed a little vicious though just for smoking indoors, and insulting the workers, and getting drunk, and stealing from the pool table… and attempting to throw a bottle at the building. Yup, definitely my actions two days earlier, the people would cool off eventually. It wasn't like I was the first person to get drunk and be a dick. I just had to wait for someone else to do it. I hoped it was soon though, at this rate I wasn't going to make it to school unscathed.

I made it to school, however my school shirt was filthy and the knees of my pants were torn and tattered, my left knee slightly bloodied. I was a little early so I made the rounds of the various staff rooms, planning on visiting my teachers. I went to my maths teacher first, he said he was too busy to talk to me and left. So I went to have a chat with my English teacher. I liked my English teacher, he could be a bit of a dick but most of the time he was alright.

"What's up Walker?" He asked leaning against the door frame, chewing on a tooth pick.

"Um, hi, I've been sent to isolation." I said looking down, trying to play the innocent card again.

"I was informed," he said very casually, taking the toothpick from his teeth and inspecting it.

"Well, I was wondering what homework had been assigned and where we were in class."

He looked down at me with a raised eyebrow before turning around and walking over to a desk that was obviously his. It was very organized, everything in neat piles with a few traces of personal items. A few pictures pined up, what looked like hand written verses, poems, one or two very bad drawings. He opened his desk draw and pulled out a tattered book before turning back to me. He tossed the book at me that thumped against my chest. I juggled with it for a moment before getting a proper hold on it. I looked down at a very well used and partially dirty copy of Catch 22.

"Oh, I've always wanted to read this." I said flicking through it to see some very small writing, most of the class didn't have a chance.

"That's my copy so if you loose it you die."

I gulped, loudly.

"I hear Bookman's super pissed at you, so I doubt you'd be able to hire out any books at the moment… What did you do to piss off the old geezer anyway?"

"I dunno," I grumbled. "I think he's indirectly pissed off at me because of something his Grandson did. Guilty by association."

"Hmm," my teacher said raising his eye brows at me again. He turned away and headed back to his desk, just as I turned to leave he said over his shoulder, "Watch yourself, Walker."

I felt a sudden pass through my body at his words. He sounded just a little bit too serious, and morbid.

"Um… thanks, Mr. Wenham." I don't know if he heard me as I was mumbling.

I turned a left, heading for my other teachers any catch up work. My music teacher hadn't shown up yet, I had my suspicions that she was a bit of a drunk. My Social Studies and Science teacher both shoved me aside like my Math teacher had done earlier. When I asked my history teacher he said something like 'It's your responsiblity to keep up in class and not get yourself put into isolation, you will just have to catch up in class later.' Man… what an arsehole. So in the end all I had was a book to read and past notes to go over. I also had a copy of The Ancient World, I'd just read the chapter on Ancient Egypt as it was the civilization we were on in class and would be on all term. It wasn't perfect but it was better than nothing. Now I just had to survive the day, and part of next week, with the nympho.

The bell rang and I went to CAM class and had my name marked off. The notices were read out, nothing important. Just reminders about school holidays coming up soon and to have all essays and assignments done on time. The swimming carnival was next week, I would be skipping as always. The same week was the cross country challenge which I would also be skipping. Another half week for me, but at least it wasn't from injury and hangover. The lump had finally gone down too, the bruises were still bright though, not to mention painful. There was some other crap but I tuned out, nothing ever directly affected me. I don't know if I was relieved or not when the bell rang and I headed off back to A block to service my time.

Road wasn't there when I arrived, something I was thankful for. I pulled up a stool and got to work on Catch 22. I liked to immediately. It was humorous, interesting, and a little bit sad right from the beginning. I found myself laughing at the ways Yossarian would amuse himself while in the infirmary. And Dunbar's theory that if you're bored that you live longer because when you're bored time passes slower. It was sad though, because these men were very obviously insane and stuck in a horrible world. I could have happily read the book all day but all things must come to an end. I'm assuming Road must have some kind of ninja training because I didn't hear her enter. Nor did I hear her climb up on the bench and crawl over towards me. I didn't notice her at all until she was sitting right in front of me, in a very similar position as she was last Wednesday. As much as I would like to say I didn't jump and nearly fall off my stool, that's exactly what I did.

Although my pride would lead me to believe that I recovered properly enough.

"What, Road? I'm trying to catch up here." I placed my book on the bench, right in front of her… display, blocking it from sight.

"Hey, Allen," She purred.

Okay so as much as I thought about this earlier I really didn't want to do anything with her, she was just a little bit too creepy.

"Go away, Road."

She refused, instead she spun around on the bench and crossed her legs, resting her hands politely on her knees.

"You're so interesting, Allen. You've got the whole town in a spin."

I ignored her and went back to my book, or at least I tried to, I was interested in what she had to say. It would give me a bit of insight into why I was being treated so differently around town.

"Aren't you interested?" she asked.

Hell yeah I was interested, but there was no way I was letting her know that.

"Come on, Allen, humor me."

"Fine," I said snapping the book shut. I was acting like I was annoyed, but I really wanted to know what she knew. Some how I was sure she knew, but she played along as I did.

"Well… everyone already heard that you and that feral-"

"Lavi," I growled through clenched teeth.

"Tch, protective much? Anyway, everyone already heard that you and that fer… you and Lavi, are total bum buddies, but it was just rumor. But the other night, a number of people witnessed you and Lavi… together." She lifted one hand lightly and placed it to her mouth, giggling into it.

Woah hold on, when were we together? Did Lavi do something while I was unconscious..? I doubt it, he wasn't that much of a bastard… was he?

"What do you mean together?" I asked, feeling a little scared of what her answer would be.

"I'm sure you already know… besides, you were the one that did it."

"What!" I cried, standing up, my stool crashing over as I did so.

"Yeah that's the story that's going around. Apparently you threw yourself at Lavi at the old Soccer field."

"What?" I said again. But... there was no one there, and I didn't throw myself at him, I just kind of fell on him!

"And then, more than just a few people saw Lavi with you on his back, your eyes closed and… moaning."

"WHAT!" I really couldn't think of anything else to say, thus I said good bye to my intelligence.

I couldn't believe how people blew something so small out of proportion. I just fell on him! And there is a big difference between moaning in pleasure and… groaning in pain. Well I see that there is a difference, I guess most people don't, there is a fine line between pleasure and pain, apparently in audio form as well. But... but... how, I couldn't comprehend, the stupidity of people!

"I admit I'm a little bit surprised," Road went on while I clutched me head. The idiocy of it all hurt my brain, my poor brain, I didn't know how much more it could take. "Not much though. I thought there was a little bit of straight left in you. Guess not."

"What the fuck would you know?" I spat.

"I've already told you, I could tell a lot from your kiss. It wasn't the kiss of a straight man," she said with another scary smile.

"That's not what you said before," I said threw clenched teeth.

"It is what I said before, I just worded it differently. I said you were use to being dominated, same thing, it's not like you find dominate woman like me everyday."

Okay, just eww, she was creepy. Yet, she decided to continue.

"So what else have you been doing with Lavi? Hmm? Anything more than letting him abuse your mouth?"

"I haven't done anything with Lavi… at all, nothing," I declared profusely.

"Oh Allen, that just proved that you have, you're like a little kid."

I glared at her, she was just too make of a smart arse, she had an answer for everything. So acting like the kid she accused me of being, I acted childishly.

"Fuck you Road."

"I've already told you I'm game, but I think if we did I'd have to be the man."

That, fucking, BITCH! I'd show her… Somehow. The only way to show her was to do something about it. I grabbed her arm and pulled her off the bench, she stumbled and hit the ground. She stared up at me with an expectant look, that creepy little smile on her face. I reach down and pulled her up, using the momentum to pull her into a kiss. I felt her reacted immediately but this time I took the lead a little more forcefully. I grabbed her by the hair and dug my fingers in, not caring if it hurt her. In fact I intended to hurt her. She pushed back trying to take control of the situation but I wouldn't let her, after all I was bigger and stronger. I moved against her mouth and found myself copying Lavi. Copying all the movements and techniques he had used on me. I felt a moment of guilt and I stopped for a second. Road took the opportunity to take control of the situation. She pushed her hands against my chest and I stumbled backwards, knocking harshly against the bench behind me. I hissed in pain and pulled away from the kiss automatically.

"Not bad," Road said wiping the edge of her mouth with her thumb. "But not much better either."

I growled at her and grabbed her arm again, spinning her around and pushing her back. I stalked at her, forcing her to walk backwards until she hit the back wall, her head knocking against the window. I grabbed her neck and pushed her head back, lowering my mouth to her neck. I sucked on her neck at the junction of her shoulder and finally felt her shiver. I worked my way up to her jaw, realizing that I was once again copying Lavi. I managed to control myself this time however and continued. She reached up and laced her hands around my neck. I grabbed her wrists and pulled then away, pushing her hands against the window. I trailed a line to her mouth and forced my way in once again, hearing her gasp as I did so. I was finally proving myself to her and I hate to admit it, but I was starting to enjoy myself too. I don't know if it was because of her, or because I was taking the lead for a change. Either way, I liked it.

I released one wrist and let my hand trail along her arm and down her body finally coming to rest on her hip. She used her free hand to lift the edge of her blouse and now my hand was resting on bare flesh. It felt smooth and warm and so soft. It was a strange feeling but the skin felt nice against the scarred flesh on my palm. The mixed feelings I got from my normal fingers and the scarred palm sent tingles up my arm. I slowly moved my hand up higher gliding over her ribs. And then the lunch bell went.

"Well," I said breaking the kiss and removing my hands. "Time for lunch."

I looked down to see her face slightly flushed. Her eyes were lidded and unfocused. I guess it took a while for my words to sink in because I had already grabbed my backpack and was heading for the door when her eyes began to focus again.

"What?" she demanded. "You're going to stop there?"

"Well, yeah. You know… food."

"Are you serious? Food?"

"Are you serious? It's food."

"Ugh! You're such an idiot."

With that she twirled around and strode from the room, stomping loudly. Obviously she didn't understand the importance of a proper diet, or stuffing your face. I shrugged and left the class room, sliding the glass door shut behind me. Just as the door clicked back in place something thudded against it, causing the glass to shudder. I looked up to see a jam donut exploded against the glass, strings and splatters of jam starting to trail down the glass.

"What the?" I said looking around for the source. I found it when I caught a flash of red hair moving away behind the line of bushes that ran parallel to the school gates. Obviously Lavi, why on earth was he throwing jam donuts at me? I ran up towards the gate and turned to see Lavi already almost a hundred meters away.

"Hey, Lavi!" I called out, taking off at a jog to chase after him. "Hey, wait up."

He continued to walk and for a moment there I didn't think he was going to stop, but as I got closer he stopped and turned towards me. The look on his face stopped me in my tracks. It wasn't happy, or angry, or… anything. He was just looking at me. I skidded to a halt and looked up at him, not knowing what to say to him. So I said something dumb.

"Um... donuts, huh?"

He didn't say anything, just continued to stare down at me, not just because of the height difference, but he was actually looking down at me, almost in disapproval.

"Lavi… um… why're you throwing jam donuts at me?"

"Why?"

"Yeah, why?"

"It was a question for you. Why would you do this?"

"What're you talking about?"

"I didn't know you were such a conniving little arsehole."

"Wha… what?" I asked shocked.

"I didn't think you had it in you. Shows what I know."

"What are you talking about?" I was really confused.

"You could have just told me straight out but instead you set this up to deliberately hurt me."

He went to turn away but I grabbed his shirt sleeve and pulled back harshly spinning him back towards me.

"Seriously, what are you talking about?"

"Don't act all innocent now," he said cruelly.

"Lavi, I really have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh? So you didn't ask me to come to this classroom, at this time, and to bring you lunch?"

"I, uh-" He didn't let me finish.

"Do you have any idea how fucking stupid I feel. I come here and I bring you lunch," At this he brandished a plastic bag filled with donuts in my face. "That I actually paid for! I come here and I wait for you just to see you making out with some chick."

"Um."

"I know you're confused."

"Hey!"

"But!" He cut it. "There was no need for you to do something so… vicious! You went out of your way to hurt me, knowing that seeing that would hurt me!"

"Lavi, I didn't tell you to come here!"

"Yes you did! You fucking did. Yesterday, you told me the place and the time, even asking me to bring food to make me feel even more stupid!" He was yelling now, his face flushed red in anger.

"Lavi, I don't remember saying that!"

"That's bullshit. And even if it wasn't it was still a part of you that told me to come here. I can't fucking believe you."

He swung the bag at me and hit me in the face with it. I was stunned a little and stepped back letting the bag fall to the ground. I regained my senses in time to see Lavi turn away again.

"Wait! Lavi!" I lept forward in attempt to grab his sleeve again. However, I misjudged and grabbed him by the shirt collar, as I did I felt a line of cool metal against me fingers. He jerked away just as my hand grabbed him properly, I felt something snap and break, followed by the sound of metal tinkling to the ground. I released my grip to see a string of metal fall from my hand and land on the ground between two metal plates. Quick as a flash Lavi reached down and snatched up the fallen objects. I reached out to grab him again but he pushed me away and took off at a sprint.

"Wait! Lavi." I went to take after him but as I stepped forward I heard the sound of metal grinding against cement. I looked down and lifted my foot, seeing beneath it one of the metal plates that had fallen from Lavi's neck. I picked it up and had a look at it. There were words printed on the other wise smooth yet slightly tarnish metal. Reading them I had to wonder.

"Who the hell is Lavi Spencer?" I said out loud.

I thought Lavi's last name was Deak? So who was this Spencer person? I realized, a little late, that I was holding a dog tag. I read the rest of the information printed on it and when I came to the birth date I realized something. I think, that the tags... belonged to Lavi's father. I folded me hand over the metal tightly not wanting to lose it. It probably meant a lot to Lavi and I wasn't going to risk putting it in my bag in case it fell out or got stolen. So instead, I wasn't letting go of it all day until I got back to house and could put it in a safe place. I turned around and headed back to school.

I had about ten minutes left of lunch, enough time to grab some food from the tuck shop and take it back to isolation. I figured I would be safe from Road for awhile if I was too busy eating, I could also read a few more pages while I was at it. I reached the room of me isolating and turned to walk down one side of the building, there was a small path between the building and a row of dense trees. If I followed it and turned right at the end I would end up out the back of the tuck shop, it was the fastest route to food. As I walked I looked down at the tag and wondered how long it would take Lavi to realize that it was missing. Would he search were he lost it and give up when he couldn't find it? Or would he think that maybe I had it and come talk to me? Did he care enough about it to talk to me after what had just happened? I let out a sigh and found the the ground was a great place to look. I was obviously feeling that horrible emotion called guilt. I didn't mean to set him up, I didn't know I was going to do those things with Road. Knowing me, I probably just wanted donuts for lunch.

It was because I was walking with my head down that I didn't realize that people were followed me until bony hands grabbed my wrists and twisted them behind my back. I pulled against the grip only to feel pain shoot through my arms. I was spun around and my arms were pushed up even further making it impossible for me to move. I grimaced in pain as my arms were twisted, but when the movement stopped and the pain receded slightly I opened my eyes. Right before me stood none other than Tosspot, I turned my head to the side slightly and caught a glimpse of Kanda.

"Hey, Allen," he said with an evil smile to rival that of Road's.

"What the fuck is it this time?" I asked.

His answer was to punch me in the stomach. I jolted at the initial shock, grimacing slightly, but I didn't break my gaze from his. He took hold of my shoulder with one hand and with the other hit me in the stomach again twice as hard. A woosh of air escaped me and I gritted my teeth against the pain, clenching my fists swell. The cold metal of Lavi's dog tag bit into the flesh of my palm. I only had a moment to catch my breath when he hit me again, in the same spot. I squeezed m eyes shut, thinking it would help to block out the pain. He moved his hand from my shoulder to my neck, gripping it just tight enough to make it hard for me to breath without actually killing me. Then, as was the theme, he hit me in the stomach again, and again. I steeled myself and tried to block out the pain. I just had to endure it, he would get bored or tired soon enough, I just had to wait it out.

When he refused to stop and the pain became even worse, I started to struggle. Every way I pulled caused more pain to rip through my arms with a specific focus on my shoulders. My arms started to got numb so and I couldn't tell how much I was struggling. But when a particularly bad shot of pain stabbed into my right shoulder I stopped struggling as I was probably going to hurt myself. But Alma was still hitting me and the pain was getting worse. It couldn't last much longer, could it? Why wasn't he stopping? I couldn't stand it much longer, he just kept hitting me and hitting me, always in the same spot. It was getting hard to breath and I could feel blood dripping from between my fingers as I squeezed my hand too tight around the metal tag. I couldn't take it.

I cried out in pain at last, my legs loosing their strength and no longer being able to hold me up. I sagged down feeling more pain my arms as they were pulled in strange directions as they were now holding my entire weight. There was a fist to my face and then I was released. I fell to the ground with a heavy thump, my stomach throbbing and my arms tingling as the feeling slowly returned to them. I focused on taking steady breaths, trying not to take in too much air as it caused my stomach to expand too much and cause me pain. It was some of the worst physical pain I'd ever felt. It wasn't at the top but it was up there. I took in shuddering breaths and slowly opened my eyes, the world around me blurred and a little too bright. Two blurry figures stood in front of me, three guesses who they were.

One of them stepped forward and dug their fingers into my hair. I was pulled up sharply, pain ripping through my body. My eyes focused more and I saw as Alma leaned down towards me. He stopped centimeters from my ear and whispered.

"Touch Road again and it'll be a lot worse. Comprehendah?"

Even if I wanted to acknowledge him I didn't think I could have.

He struck me again across the face, my head pulling from his grasp and taking a few hairs with it at the time. My head hit the ground and they left.

I couldn't move, the slightest movement sent shocks of pain through my stomach and arms. So I lay as still as possible, taking small breaths. I heard the bell ring and expected to see people walking back to class after lunch. But when no one appeared I realized that lunch was over long ago and it was the bell for the next period, I had been laying there for over forty minutes. I still couldn't move with out great pain so I lay still, feeling my eyes close. I went to sleep.

I awoke to the next bell ringing and heard the sound of many people moving about. Finally someone could find me and get me some help. But as people appeared they all ignored me, side stepping around me. I looked up and tried to catch someone's eye, hoping that if I did they couldn't ignore me. But overtime I caught someones eye they either looked away or worse, smirked at my pain. The crowds of people petered down and the sound of stomping feet disappeared and I was left on my own again. This was bad, I needed to get home and just die on my bed. Although the pain was still prominate, it had lessened enough for me to be able to sit up. It took me a long time and I guessed it took me around ten minutes for me to pull myself up into a sitting position and lean back against the building. I pressed my aching left arm against my throbbing stomach and reached into my pant pocket with my right. I can't believe I was going to do this but I just needed to get home. I just hoped he actually picked up.

I dialed the number and pressed the phone to my ear, grimacing slightly at the movements. The phone rang out and went to message bank. I hit redial and pressed the phone to my ear again. The phone rang over and over again and I thought it was going to go to message bank again when suddenly it picked up.

"Yeah, what?" I heard the familiar voice growl.

"Cross," I wheezed. "Can you come pick me up?"

His response was to hang up on me. I dialed the number again, it rang out. So I dialed again, and again, and again, until he picked up again.

"Stop calling it's fucking annoying."

"Please," I gasped, getting close to begging. "I'll buy you a bottle of rum… your pick."

"I'll be there in two minutes… where are you?"

"At school, I'll be out the front."

He dropped the phone and I heard him leave the house.

I hung up and put the phone back in my pocket. Now the hard part, getting up. I pressed my back against the wall and slowly pushed my way up, wrapping both arms around my stomach. It hurt like all fuck but I needed to do it. When standing again I had to stop for a moment to catch my breath before walking. I was so grateful that I was already close to the front gates. I made my way up slouching, not game to walk upright at the stretching it would cause to my abused stomach. I made it to the front gate just as I heard a loud screeching. I looked up to see a car spinning into view. It was old and bollixing smoke, not to mention it was swerving over both sides of the road. The car sped past me before screeching to halt and reversing backwards coming to a stop in front of me.

"Get the fuck in the car, stupid!" Cross yelled from the drivers seat, lit cigarette dangling from his mouth.

I stumbled towards the car and opened the door. I had barely stepped inside when the car sped off the door slamming shut from the momentum. I leaned back and immediately fell asleep.

I awoke what felt like seconds later with Cross grabbing my arm and pulling me from the car. I yelled out in pain and fell to the ground clutching my stomach. Cross leaned down and reefed up my shirt, looking at the undoubtedly already bruised flesh. He let go and stalked away.

"Hold on, I'm going to get my rifle."

"Wait… Cross," I gasped.

What do you know? He listened. He stopped and turned back towards me.

"What?"

"Just… let it go."

"WHAT?"

"Please." There I go, almost begging again. "I just want to go to bed, please."

I slumped forward and rested my head against the ground. I was back to not being able to move, so laying on the ground out the front of my house seemed like a good idea. I heard the crunch of dry grass and opened my eyes to see Cross's boots right in front of my face. He grabbed me under the arms and hauled me up. I tried to control it but I couldn't help another cry of pain. It felt like my insides had turned to jelly and rearranged themselves. I was dragged into the house by Cross and thrown on my bed. I curled into a tiny ball and hugged myself, trying so hard to block out the deep inner pain. Dammit I felt like crying but there was no way I was going to do that, not with Cross around.

I'm glad I didn't because seconds later Cross reappeared with a mug in his hand. He set the mug down on the bedside table and dragged me up, ignoring any of my protests or whimpers of pain. He shoved something into my hand and I looked down to see two small pills. I popped them in my mouth and the mug was immediately shoved in my face. Cross forced it to my mouth and tipped it back, the liquid pouring down my throat with the pills. When I swallowed I realized the mug didn't contain water. It was a harsh yet smooth feeling liquid with a very distinct taste. Scotch. And it wasn't just any scotch I could tell that this was the good stuff. What the hell? I must have been in a pretty shit looking state if Cross was letting me drink his good stuff. He forced the whole mug down my throat, ignoring my hands that tried to push it away. I coughed and gagged a little but in the end the mug was emptied with only a small amount being spilled. I really didn't want to drink it all, but if I spat any of or left any being Cross would be very pissed off indeed.

The mug emptied Cross pulled it away and I slumped back. The pain was lessened already and my body felt light, a small amount of relief at the slighter lessening of pain.

"Thanks," I slurred, flopping back down on the bed. My head rolled to the side and my mind was assaulting with multiple thoughts. The biggest one being as good as it felt and as curious as I was, Road was just not worth it. Normally I'd be all over doing something that pissed Tosspot off, but not if it was going to end up in him and Kanda jumping me in a very dirty fashion. It also wasn't worth Lavi being pissed off at me. I couldn't stand it if Lavi wouldn't talk to me anymore. I was scared that he wouldn't. I didn't remember asking him to come. Did I really intent to hurt him, did I want him to see me with Road? Was I already planning on doing something with Road? I couldn't believe it, but maybe I did. Maybe Lavi was right, maybe I was a conniving arsehole.

I felt terrible.

And then the drugs kicked in and I fell asleep.

…

**I actually woke up when then alarm told me to today *feels proud*, and since animeobsessed001 had finished being awesome and fixing my grammar fuck ups…. I'm updating yay!**

**tomlinsons: I do that too, all the time, it makes me so happy that you say that about my story.**

**dormant insanity: Thanks that what I'm really trying to focus on the most and I'm glad it seems to be working.**

**lavixkanda: I love it when you call it bad ass! **

**And thanks for all other reviews received thus far.**

**I some how changed the font and cant figure out how to change it back… stupid text edit.**


	7. Chapter 7

**SEVEN.**

"God, fucking, DAMMIT!" I yelled into the ground.

Four times, four fucking times now and I had only just passed the halfway mark to school. At this rate I would never again walk to school on time. I picked myself up from the ground and dusted myself off, noticing that another pair of trousers were now ruined. The knees were torn out and once again my knees were bloodied. Four times on the way to school I had been tripped over by passing people. One of them by the 'kind' old lady I passed almost daily. The bitch had tripped my with her walking stick, her fucking walking stick! She was the first one, and now I had been tripped three times. Everyone from school was ignoring me, more than usual so no one from school had tripped me. I kind of wished they were from school though, I mean if this was just some jerk from school I would have… you know… kicked their arse or something. But how could I kicked the arse of some old lady… or I could just beat her with her walking stick. Wait no, no beating the natives, it wouldn't bide well.

I'd managed to skip Monday and Tuesday and avoid school. After all I was immobile for all of the weekend, Cross grudgingly taking care of me. I was a bit better by Monday but still couldn't do much more than move from my bedroom to the kitchen and back again. Tuesday I was alright, but still insisted that I was too sore to go to school. When I woke up this morning I claimed to have had a relapse and lay in bed cringing. Cross was having none of it. He threw me out the door, narrowly avoiding my school bag as it was thrown out the door after me. Cross yelled that four days was enough and he was sick of being a bitch and looking after a little bitch. I didn't have much choice but to go to school, I wish that he had let me have a shower first though, but he locked the door. So I walked to school, stinking slightly and totally unprepared for the day.

How unprepared became more obvious the longer I walked to school. When I reached the shops I'd had enough of being smashed into the ground, I ducked down between the shops and just decided to wait it out. I slumped down pressing my back to the wall of the butcher shop. I searched through my bag hoping to find what I felt I needed most at the moment. I found the slightly crushed packet at the bottom and pulled it out. There were two cigarettes inside, a little bent but still alright. I took one out and lit it up, thankful for the mind numbing feeling the smoke brought me. However it was not meant to last, smoking just reminded me of Lavi, and thinking of Lavi just filled me with a sense of guilt.

I hadn't seen Lavi since that Friday. He had pulled one of his disappearing acts again. I should have been use to them by now, but this one felt a whole lot worse. I had spent my whole weekend curled in a tiny ball looking at my window, just waiting for Lavi to jump through it. Next time I saw Lavi I was going to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness. Wait that sounds a little gay. So I probably wouldn't grovel and beg but I would apologise profusely. I didn't mean to hurt him like that, I didn't want him to disappear. Life was just too boring without Lavi around. He had ingrained himself in my life the moment I arrived in the town. From day one Lavi was there, and when he wasn't, the town just seemed a whole lot more empty, and cruel. The town was very good at the cruel part in particular.

This morning the cruelty was showing a little more than usual. I had no idea what I had done this time. Road was 'kind' enough to fill me in on why people were acting the way they were last time. But since last time peoples reactions were a hell of a lot worse. Shoving me was one thing, but actually physically tripping me was another. I was actually a little scared, people openly tripping me and causing me pain was probable only the beginning. If the people of this town were capable of doing that to me, who was still really a child, then what else would they do? I would have to watch my back a little more carefully from now on. I was already a bit on guard most of the time, but soon enough I could tell it would change into full blown paranoia. I was never going to be on time for school ever again at this rate, and fuck going in early. I would just have to wait until there was less people around, it was easier to protect myself if there were less people to target me.

Then my new found paranoia kicked in. Or the less people around could mean that there was no one to witness my murder.

This caused me to shudder, murder may be going a bit far, but some how I didn't think it far from some peoples minds. I could completely see someone like Alma capable of trying to kill me. Fuck I really was paranoid, I was imagining that people wanted to kill me. Right, calm down Allen, just smoke your cigarette and relax. Crap… the smoke was down to the filter. I stubbed it out with a sigh and grabbed the packet again. There was one left, I really wanted to smoke it now, but that meant I wouldn't have one later. But what did it matter anyway, I was going to run out any way so why not run out now. I could always steal more from Cross when he was passed out drunk. Or I could ask Lavi to… I couldn't ask Lavi anything. He probable hated my guts and never wanted to see me again. God I was so stupid.

I lit up the second smoke and inhaled deeply. I would deal with the cravings later. I mean I was already dealing with enough cravings. I was craving another smoke, craving a drink, craving my bed and sleep… craving Lavi. Boy did that come out wrong. I didn't 'crave' him, not really, I mean I missed him. No wait, that wasn't the right way to say it either. Argh why was this all so fucking hard. Right Allen, your hiding from everyone behind a shop smoking your last cigarette, killing time and possible 'craving' Lavi. If there was ever a time to think about what Lavi was to me it was now. Alright so where to start? Well first of all, did I like Lavi? Yes, yes I did like Lavi, but it what way? Did I feel happier when he was around? Of course I did there was nothing else in this town was there? And then there is the biggie. Did I like it when he touched me, when he kissed me? Well yeah, but I also liked kissing Road. Didn't I like kissing Lavi more though? Wasn't it just because I was a little more use to kissing him. This wasn't getting me anywhere!

I needed to think about something else. How about how you're talking to yourself? Yeah, that's a pretty good topic. I thought so too. Wait, I shouldn't be talking to myself should I? Probably not, I think you're insane. Well if I am so are you. Yeah, at least I can admit it. Wait, what? Oh my god I was fucking insane.

"Argh!" I cried out scratching my fingers into my head and ruffling my hair. "I'm fucking insane!"

"Oi kid." Someone called up.

I stopped ruffling my hair and looked up.

One of the shop keepers was leaning out of a side door looking at me sitting on the ground, smoking a cigarette and going insane. I wasn't in the mood for more discrimination.

"What?" I snapped.

"Don't snap at me kid while your sitting outside my shop."

"Whatever." I mumbled. I was so eloquent.

"PIss off kid."

"I'm just fucking sitting here!" I protest.

"No loitering."

I looked up at him squarely and smirked.

"I'm surprised you know such a large word for a hick."

My smirk was quickly wiped from my mouth as the shop owner stepped from out the door frame. He turned out to be a very large man indeed, and covered in blood. Oh shit, the butcher. A few months ago his wife had left him after she had an affair with a man in town. For weeks after he could be seen behind the counter of the butcher shop, carving into carcasses and balling his eyes out. It was a sight to see, a very large man, hacking into dead animals and wailing. Some of the less informed people thought that perhaps he had turned vegetarian and felt regret for carving up animals. The more informed people knew that his wife had left him after sleeping around. A total number of four people knew that the man the butchers wife had been sleeping around with was Cross. The butcher knew, his wife and Cross most definitely knew, and I was the fourth. Cross felt the need to inform me as he seemed to think the whole thing was particularly funny.

I didn't know if the butcher knew I knew, but he certainly did know one thing.

"You… you're Cross' brat, the faggot."

Woah, hold on.

"Hey fuck you old man! Just because you can't hold on to your woman doesn't mean you can go around calling people faggots!"

And that was me, officially crossing the line.

"What was that?" He growled, slamming the door shut behind him.

Well I'd already made a flying leap over the line into enemy territory so what was the point in backing off now.

"You heard me. What kind of wanker loses a woman to Cross? He's an alcoholic, deviant, with no job and a list of debts so long Third world countries are glad they're not him."

He took a moment to crack his knuckles before charging after me. I wasted no time in scrambling off the ground and running for my life. At least I had found a decent way to pass the time. Now I just had to hope no one tripped me while the homicidal butcher was chasing after me.

…

I arrived at school a little after third period. The butcher had way more stamina than I thought of a man his size. His beer gut had deceived me and led me to believe he couldn't run after me that long. Unfortunately luck was not on my side, nor had it been for a very long time. He chased me all around town, dodging cars and ducking around and between the shops, going in circles really. I took a chance and ran for the bush land behind the shops, praying to whatever greater force was out there that I wouldn't get lost. I practically dived into the thick scrub and started weaving between the trees, hoping to throw off the old guy. I glanced behind me one last time, just in time to see the butcher raise his arm and throw something at me. It was a rock, my mortal enemy. He flung it at me and disappeared from sight.

Luckily the rock didn't smash into my face like the last rock thrown at me did. It still hit me, but in the shoulder this time. It was enough to throw me off balance and send me crashing to the ground. Numerous small rocks and twigs cut into my face and hands as I skidded across the ground. The bruised flesh on my stomach crying out in pain once again. I waited for the butcher to appear and finish me off, but he didn't come. I lay on the ground catching my breath, slightly winded from all the running, and the pain in my stomach. When I was sure that the butcher wasn't coming back to, well, butcher me. I got up and dusted myself off. My trousers were well and truly ruined, a large tear starting at the knee and going all the way down to the hem. Cross was going to chuck the shits about how he had to waste money on buying me new clothes. There were also rocks and twigs lodged in the palm of my hands, the bandage on my right hand was loose and dirty. I had pulled it off and noticed the the cut on my hand from when I gripped Lavi's dog tag was filled with dirt and weeping slightly.

I tried my best to pick out the rocks and scrape the dirt from my hand. I got a great deal of it out but there were still little bits that needed treating to a little more properly. I decided the only place I was going to get any form of treatment was to go to school and ask up at the office. So I started out of the scrub hoping I could find my way out and I wouldn't end up one of those people that go missing in the wilderness and show up a hermit years later living off lizards, and frogs, and other gross stuff. I made my out a little desperately, a small amount of panic setting in as it took me more than a few minutes.. But I made my way out in the end and headed off to school, trying to ignore the stinging in my hands.

I heard the bell for third period when I was still a few metres from the school. I had English but I had to go to the office to sign in first since I had missed CAM class. Also I needed something done about my hands. The original cut on my hand was bleeding again, and all the other scrapes were stinging and bothering me. I shuffled into the office, dirty and worn out, and wondered up the to the secretary. She was use to me coming in late so she just handed me the sign in from without even talking to me. There were a number of columns each with a heading, date, student name, time of arrival, reason for being late, and a final column for the secretary to sign as a witness. I filled it out as such before handing it back.

Date: As above.

Name: That guy you all hate.

Time of arrival: As above.

Reason for being late: Homicidal butcher.

She signed it and put the form away with out even looking at it or me.

"Um… hello?" I said, trying to draw attention to myself.

The secretary looked up and tilted her head to the side.

"Yes?" She asked.

I held my hands up for her to see, showing the grazed flesh and the weeping injury.

"Um, can I use a first aid kit at all?"

"Students aren't allowed to tend to themselves," She said before looking back down.

"Well… can't you do something?"

"I'm sorry but only persons with a first aid certificate can administer first aid and I don't hold one."

I stared at her gob smacked.

"Well is there anyone else around that is allowed to, I dunno, give me some fucking disinfectant?"

"Not at the moment sorry."

"Yeah you sound really fucking sympathetic," I say turning away and storming from the office. "Fucking bitch," I mumbled stalking off to my English class.

…

"Decided to grace us with your presence did you, Walker?" My teacher Mr Wenhem asked just a little too sarcastically.

God he was a bastard sometimes, but he really was my favourite teacher. Maybe it was because he gave off the air that he actually gave a shit.

"Sorry sir." I mumbled through gritted teeth.

"Apology accepted. Take your seat, Walker. We're just reading this lesson."

I looked around the class and took in the other students, all of them staring diligently at their books. It didn't take a genius to notice that half of them were asleep with their eyes open. None of their eyes were moving but a select few. They were just staring blankly at the library books in front of them. I saw maybe two students who had actually made a dent in the book, another three that were actually trying to read it. I made my way into class and sat down at my desk, not bothering to leave my bag on the racks outside even though bags were banned in class. I pulled out the copy of _'Catch 22' _. I flicked through the pages trying to find my spot when I noticed I left a bloody smudge on the pages.

I quickly dropped the book, remembering Mr Wenhem's warning from earlier. I couldn't read his book with my hands like they were. I doubted he wanted to look at his book in years to come and see my blood on them. I left the book lying on the desk and switched my glare from the book to my hands and back again. Stupid hands… stupid book… stupid life.

The bell for fourth period went.

"Walker," Mr Wenhem said, grabbing mine, and the rest of the classes attention.

"Ye-yes sir?"

"Is there a reason you are not reading?"

"Um…" Yes there was a very good reason, I just didn't want to say it in front of the class.

I stood up and walked to the front of class. Mr Wenhem raised his eye brow at me as I approached.

"Um…It's just that," I said barely louder than a whisper. I couldn't say it so I just showed him my bloodied hands. "It's just that you warned me not to do anything to your book and, well, I kinda got blood on it."

He let out a sigh.

"Come with me."

He exited the classroom by the side door, leading me into the corridors that connected all the class rooms of 'B' block. I followed behind him, three steps behind. He stopped in front of the staff room and lingered in the door way.

"In," He said.

I nodded and entered the staff room, Mr Wenhem following close behind me.

"Sit," He said again, gesturing to the chair at his desk.

I sat down as told and watched as he looked around the staff room. While he was looking around for, whatever it was, I took the opportunity to take a closer look at his personal items. I looked first at the little bits of paper that appeared to have quotes written on them, in varying hand writing. They read as such;

"Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity."

"By the prickling of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes."

"Where is all the knowledge we lost with information?"

"A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read."

"Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand."

Boy did that last quote ring true.

I turned my attention to the other bits of paper that were stuck about. The remaining scraps were drawings, the majority of them were terrible. There was a stick figured man holding a heart in his hands, a jagged line drawn down the middle indicating that it was broken, only the heart coloured in, in red. There was another bad drawing of a cat with a bird on it's head. There was one drawing that looked like it was done by someone with actual skill. It was an obvious picture of Mr Wenhem in class. He was pointing and appeared to be in mid sentence. The figure was very well drawn but there were devil horns and a pointed tail added to the picture, as if scribbled on hurriedly. The whole picture was crinkled, as if the bit of paper had been screwed up and thrown away at one point.

"Like that?" Mr Wenhem asked, nodding towards the drawing. "A student drew it in class."

"Oh?"

"I don't think they were thinking about what they were drawing, they just drew what was in front of them. But of course students are suppose to hate teachers so in the end they quickly scribbled those horns and tail on the picture before throwing it away. Of course I had been watching them all lesson so I picked the picture up, I thought it was rather good."

"It is," I said, nodding in agreement.

"Hold out your hands." He said.

I did as was told and held out my hands to him, looking away from the picture. He was kneeling in front of me, a first aid kit open next to his feet.

"So, yeah, this is gonna sting."

He then dabbed a wet cotton ball to my hands which immediately began to sting. I cringed slightly but put up with it as I saw the dirt and blood being removed from my hands.

"How'd this happen?" He asked, even as he continued to drag the cotton across my skin.

"I… I fell over… a few times."

'Hmm." Was all he said.

He finished swabbing my hands and then pulled out a pair of tweezers. With them he began to pull out the tiny bits of rock and splinters that I had, disposing of the bits into a small bowl. When this was done he wiped my hands with the wet cotton balls again, which were obviously soaked with disinfected.

"Allen," He said, using my name for the first time, "I know things aren't easy on you at the moment."

I took a sharp intake of breath, but refused to answer to him.

"I've heard a few things, and, I'm not going to say I understand what you're going through, but I know it can't be easy."

"What do you mean?" I asked finally speaking up.

"Being a teenager can be some of the most trying and confusing times of your life," He discarded the cotton bud and picked up a plaster, wrapping it around one of my fingers. "And most people aren't exactly understanding. Human beings can be such horrible creatures."

Amen to that.

He put a few more plasters around some other fingers before moving on to my palm. He seemed to hover over the cuts in my right hand for a while, probably wondering about the best way to go about them. He ended up placing a cotton pad to the cuts and then wrapping a bandage around it tightly. He moved on to my other hand, placing plasters where needed.

"Allen," He said but then stumbled on his words. "Okay so… this is gonna sound weird and corny but, if you ever need to talk to someone I'm here."

"Yeah, that sounds a little weird," I said, flexing my hands.

"I just say that because, the councillor here isn't very good. She's not very open minded, very hardcore catholic, if you know what I mean."

It took me a few seconds to pick up what he meant by that and when I did I started to blush.

"Mr Wenhem, I don't know what you've heard but I'm not… that way inclined."

He grabbed my hands and I looked up at him to see a very serious expression on his face.

"I know what I've said, Allen. And I know what you've said, but let me just say something else. You can hide from everyone else, but don't try to hide from yourself, alright?"

I wanted to yell at him, asking what exactly he was implying, but I let it rest. I couldn't yell at him, especially when I didn't know what I was thinking or feeling myself. I mean the guy had pretty much told me to admit to myself that I was gay. But there was something about the guy that made me hold my tongue. It wasn't exactly an understanding but, I had the feeling that he knew a little more about these confusing thoughts I had more than anyone else.

I nodded at him, deciding it was the best course of action at the moment. He let go of my hands and stood up with a sigh.

"Let's get back to class."

I stood up and followed him out, everyone thing he said swimming around my head. I was ready to get to the book and read the shit out of it now that I could actually pick it up. Unfortunately the bell for the end of fourth period rang just as we returned back to class. I went back to my seat and grabbed my book and then leaned down to grab my bag, only to find it was missing. I looked around trying to locate my bag but couldn't find it any where. It was then that I noticed the looks on the other students face. They were all hiding smirks, some of them openly laughing. Obviously something bad had happened to my bag. I waited in the class room until all the students had left until only Mr Wenhem and myself remained.

"Something wrong, Walker?" He asked gathering up his own belongings.

"My bag is gone," I said, extremely pissed off. This was one of those moments when things were obviously taken too far.

I hadn't caught any one walking out with my bag so obviously something had been done to it while I was in the staff room with Mr Wenhem.

"It's lunch time and I don't have to be anywhere, I'll help you look for it," He said putting his notes back down.

"It's alright, if it's not in here who knows where it is."

"Let's check around here then."

The two of us search around the class room even though it was a fruitless pursuit. With the class room empty it was more than obvious that my bag was no where to be seen. I was sure that it had met a most awful fate.

'Doesn't matter," I said to Mr Wenhem, making to exit the class room. "I'm sure it'll turn up eventually."

"Sure." Wenhem said.

I went to open the sliding glass door that separated me from the students outside. Just before I went to shove it open Mr Wenhem grabbed the door and held it in place, "Remember what I said, Walker."

I turned and faced him, plastering a large fake grin on my face as I did.

"Sure, Mr Wenhem."

Before he could respond I threw the door open and stepped out. I didn't fail to notice the way the students around me turned and whispered to each other. I ignored them and carried on, holding my head up as high as I could. I reached the end of B block and turned right, entering the large under cover area that contained the tuck shop, and where most students took their lunch break. I was going to buy lunch, but my wallet had been in my bag and now it and my wallet were missing. I decided that when I found my wallet it was going to remain with me at all times in my pocket. I walked through the under cover area walking towards A block and the tables around it, it was where I usually sat with Lenalee and I was going to be very unmanly and ask for some of her lunch. I was starving since Cross had thrown me out of the house before I could even think the words breakfast… or shower.

Just as I was passing A block a pair of hands reached out and grabbed me, pulling me into the locker room. The school had a limited amount of lockers so not everyone was assigned one. Mostly seniors and very well behaved students. Guess who didn't have one? I just assumed it was Tosspot again or some other student wanting to be all intimidating, making themselves feel better by ganging up on me. I readied my stance to defend myself. I wasn't exactly a fighter, but then again nether was anyone else in school. I had really just learnt to defend myself out of instinct. Living with Cross helped too, the amount of stuff he threw at me daily really helped my reflexes. So I was all tensed up and ready to strike as I was slammed against the lockers, only to find Road looking up at me, the same old scary smile on her face.

"Hey Allen," She purred.

I let myself relax a little, knowing she probably wasn't going to start beating me. Probably, though I wouldn't put it passed her.

"What do you want?" I ask, trying to sound bored.

"I just wanted to finish what we started on Friday," She said reaching up to lace her arms around my neck, "You were finally starting to show a little promise."

She leaned up on her tippy toes and brushed her lips against mine, an open invitation. I turned my head to the side, avoiding her lips and gripped her arms.

"I'm not interested Road," I said tugging at her arms lightly. I really just wanted to pull her arms from around me, but I figured I would give her the chance to do it herself.

"Aww, Allen, did your fight with your boyfriend leave you impotent?" She cooed, not releasing her grip but instead pulling me closer and nuzzling into my neck.

"What?" I asked pushing her back. The bitch had gotten me again, she knew something and I wanted to know.

"That fight you had with the feral, oops I mean Lavi."

"How do you know about that?"

"Allen, dear. It was right out the front gates, at lunch time, half the school saw it. It looked like a very nasty break up."

Well that explains a few things.

"We didn't break up! We were never together in the first place!"

"Oh, really?"

"I… I don't like Lavi."

It was a lie, a totally fucking lie, I liked Lavi a lot, but just, not that way.

"So there should be no problem right?" Road purred again.

"Problem?" I asked genuinely confused, I was too busy thinking about Lavi.

"With this," Was her answer.

She then grabbed my face and forced our lips together. After everything we had done I was still so shocked by her straight forwardness. But it felt pretty good, so I pushed back, kissing her back for a moment until a certain memory flashed across my mind.

_"Touch Road again, and it'll be a lot worse."_

There was no way I would be beaten again because of this trollop. I pushed her away, shoving her hands from around my neck at the same time.

"No, you're not worth it, Road."

Her face turned bright red in anger and I'm pretty sure she had never been so insulted in her whole life.

"I thought it was all just gossip but turns out you _are_ a fucking pillow biter."

"Just because I don't want to touch your skanky arse doesn't mean I'm fucking queer."

"That's exactly what you are, most guys around here would be all over this," She trailed her arms up and down her body to emphasise.

"And I bet half the school already has been 'all over' that."

I'd had enough so I turned to leave the deserted locker room.

"I'm warning you Allen, you turn me down one more time and you'll regret it."

I was about to respond with a 'Fuck you, Road' but since that had ended badly last time I opted for some thing else.

"Get fucked, Road."

"Well I'm trying to but you're too busy being a fucking faggot!"

Damn, she had a come back for everything. I just continued walking away giving her the finger over my shoulder as I went. Exiting the locker room I stepped out into the sun light blinking slightly. I looked around at the surrounding tables and quickly spotted Lenalee sitting by herself as always, eating with one hand, holding a book with the other. I made my way towards her and was half way there, right in the middle of all the tables, when someone grabbed me from behind. I tensed myself again, ready for a fight, and twirled around. I was shocked as Road appeared again, grabbing my shirt and pulling me towards her. She locked her lips to mine and pushed against me, making me stumbled back. What the hell was wrong with this chick? I pushed her away with perhaps a little too much force.

"Piss off, Road!" I screamed, my anger taking over me, "I don't want you or anything you have to offer!"

I glared down at her, feeling myself breathing deeply as I tried to contain my rage. She looked up with that same creepy smile, but some how her smile seemed a little more evil than usual. It's only there for a second before her face falls and a look of sadness engulfs her face. She buries her head in her hands and lets out a sob.

"Allen you jerk… you… you faggot!" She cries this out before turning and running away.

I stared after her a moment simply thinking 'What the fuck?' before realising just how quiet it is around me. I look up from my shock and look around, everyone is staring at me. There are looks of disgust, which I was more than use to, along with looks of shock. Then all at once everyone turned to face each other and the talking started up. It sounded like the buzzing of bees but I managed to catch a few phrases.

_"No way he turned down, Road?"_

_"I heard he's…"_

_"Guess it's true."_

_"No way with that Lavi guy?"_

_"I thought it was just a rumour."_

_"She's like the hottest bitch in school, I'd jump her in a second."_

_"I don't know why, that Lavi guy kinda scares me."_

Everyone was pretty much saying the same thing back and forth. Good news spreads like wildfire and I was positive that by the end of the day the whole school would know what happened. I no longer felt hungry and I didn't want to bother Lenalee with my very presence, it would probably just get her into trouble by association. I would have liked to of holed up in a corner some where and do some homework, but I didn't have my bag, so I didn't have any books. The only thing I did still have was Mr Wenhem's copy of '_Catch 22'_. So clutching the book tightly I turned from the eating area and walked away, imagining I could find a nice quiet corner to read in until lunch was over. But before that I had some urgent business to attend too.

I made my way back to B block tucking the book under my arm, and entered the toilets there. My head jerked up involuntarily at the stench that all public toilets seem to hold. I made my way to the urinal, making sure that the book was tucked up firmly under my arm. I didn't want to explain to Mr Wenhem that I had dropped his book in a urinal. I stood in front of the trough about to relieve myself of some unwanted pressure when I saw it. There, sitting in a puddle of piss and heavily coated in the stuff, was my bag. The knowing smirks of my male class mates now made a lot more sense. I would not have been surprised if they had all taken a turn at heavily coating my bag in the foul smelling substance.

I got down on my hunches and inspected the bag a little closer. I wanted to know if a single part of it had been spared, perhaps enough for me to retrieve the books inside, and more importantly my wallet. But it was no use, the thing was glistening with moisture, obviously sufficiently coated in piss. I felt an unwanted pressure in my head. It was the lack of understanding in why someone would want to do this. What compelled people to do something so.. stupid and childish. I sat there, hunched over, the smell assaulting my nostrils, trying to figure out what exactly to do about my bag. Not to mention that my wallet was in there. I don't know how long a stared at it, I subconsciously heard the comings and goings of other students entering the bathroom, some of them laughed. I hated them all.

When the bell rang and I had to move on to fifth period I decided it was best to just cut my loses and leave the bag there. I would just get out new text books from the library, that is if Bookman didn't kill me. I would have to replace all my exercise books as well. Start from scratch again… this was just pure bull shit. I stood up stretching my legs a bit as I had been down on my hunches for a while now. i was thinking about how to tell my Science teacher that I had no text book or notes when I turned around to be confronted by a group of six students, all standing around me in a rough semi-circle. I immediately tensed up and prepared to defend myself. The students that surrounded me all looked nervous and like they were twelve years old. Then again, they probably were only twelve. As nervous and lost as they looked, there was still six of them and I was feeling a little apprehensive.

"What do you want?" I asked, sounding as menacing as possible.

As soon as I opened my mouth the two outside boys rushed towards me. They were sloppy and were obviously planning on grabbing my arms, as this is where their attention was focused. It was all to easy for me to step out of their way and swat them over the head with my book. I didn't hit them too hard, they were only small boys after all, a whole two inches shorter than me. As the first two idiots stumbled away clutching their heads another two rushed forward making the same mistake as the first two. The were too busy staring intently at their goal of grabbing my arms that they were bothering to actually watch me. This time I choose to grab the two of them and smash them into each other. That was now four little kids taken care of, there was only two left. One of which was backing away obviously terrified. The one remaining still looked a little nervous, but seemed to have a look of determination in his eyes.

I eyed him off, daring him to do something, he was obviously the ring leader of this little group. If he fell they all fell, so I was ready for him to make his move and get this whole thing over and done with. He took a step forward, trying to look imposing. Of course I didn't fall for that shit and stood my ground, glaring at him with pure hatred. Uppety little brats, the lot of them, thinking they were so tough ganging up on one guy in the bathroom. The leader took another step towards me before lunging at me. I made to move but another one of them managed to grab my arm and pulled me throwing me off balance. The leader reached me and I felt some thing sharp drag across my face, followed by a hot feeling trailing down my face.

They all stopped and I pressed a hand to the left side of my face, pulling it away to see it covered with blood. These kids had officially taken it too far.

"What the fuck kid?" I snapped at him.

The leader looked from me down to his hand that held a small blade, tiny in fact, but big enough to cause damage. He dropped the blade with shaky hands, I thought maybe it had realised the enormity of the situation. That was until he rushed forward again and planted his fist in my stomach. There wasn't exactly a lot of force behind it, but he managed to hit the exact spot that Alma had hit me in over and over again just a few days earlier. The bruising on my stomach burned with pain all over again and my breath left me. I hunched over one hand still pressed to my face, the other clutching my stomach. If it wasn't for that bastard Alma I could have handled that puny punch easily. Unfortunately it left me hunched over and gasping for breath and that was all the opening these little bastards needed.

One of them came from the side and tackled me to the ground. I winced at the contact, more concerned at the time that I was so close to the piss covered floor. I small foot came up and kicked me in the back, another hit my arm and the book skidded from my grip. I reached out for it desperately, not wanting anything to happen to it, but a foot just stomped down on my out stretched hand. I yelped in pain and brought my hand back to my chest. As they decended on me again I realised it was one of those times when I had to decide whether I was to try and get away or to just sit out this particular beating.

I was kicked and pushed around on the floor a few more times. They weren't very strong and mostly they were just nudging me. I decided to go with flight instead of fight. The next foot that came towards me I grabbed and pulled. The kid stumbled off balance and slammed into the kid next to him. There was now a opening in the circle. I pushed myself up and ran for it, making sure that I grabbed the book as I went. The boys taking after me as I flew out of the bathroom into the now deserted school. I didn't even try to look back at them, I just set my sights for the school gate and ran my heart out. I had no books, no bag, my face was bleeding and I knew no one at school would care about it. So I ran from the school and back towards the town.

I was already worn out when I reached the town centre. I knew that I was no longer being chased but I couldn't stop running. I just wanted to get away from this whole place but all I could do was run. There was no where for me to go but to Cross and the house. There was no one for me to talk to but Lavi and he didn't want to see me. I couldn't escape the place so I did the only thing I could do and run. I ran trying to use it as a way to let out my pent up emotions. As I ran I pressed a hand to my face to find that it was still bleeding, and this just frustrated me more.

"FUCK!" I cried out. "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, FUCK!"

I screamed it at no one and everyone. I wanted them all to know I hated them. These arseholes that made my life so shit, this horrible little town that didn't help. I ran by the shops and then jumped off the old foot bridge and landed in a heap in the dry creek bed. I knew I was filthy but I didn't care, I just clutched the book tightly and started running again. Leaving the town behind me, running to that spot I had been so many times. It was one of the only places in the town where I had good memories. I needed to be there, and I just hoped and prayed that Lavi was there. If he was there I didn't care about how it would look, I would fall on my knees and beg forgiveness. If he wasn't around there was no way I would survive here. If I didn't have Lavi around I don't know what I would do to myself. I didn't care at the moment that Lavi had unwanted feelings towards me, or that I couldn't figure out what I felt towards him. I just needed to be near the only good thing in my life. So I ran to that one spot, hoping that he was there.

**Sunday the 8th of July, 4:05 pm.**

**Alright, first off I'm sorry this took so long but this chapter very much killed me. I started writing it a total of four times, I either hated them or they ended up going in the wrong direction. In the end I took the best bits from all of them and combined them and started over with a fresh chapter**

**I guess not much happened in this chapter but the points I was trying to get across were, 1) people in the town are getting worse, 2) there is at least one teacher who isn't an arsehole to Allen, 3) Allen misses Lavi but still can't figure out what he feels towards him.**

**I guess it's a bit repetitive with Allen getting jumped again but I'm really trying to get the point across with the way people treat him for being an outsider and possible gay in their eyes.**

**Reviewers:**

**Voltairey: Thank you very very much, I'm glad you think that about the way I've portrayed the characters, and I'm still curious to know why you were wary of my writing style, very curious indeed. Also still love it when it's called badass. :D**

**xXlaviXkandaXx: Because of you I've changed the summary to say it included badassery, you started it and others agreed ahaha. I'll be trying to do more Lavi POV in the next chapter and I hope you continue to think the same about him.**

**Katastrophi: Welcome to the D. Gray-Man fandom, once you arrive you can never leave. Mwahahaha! That's what it was like for me anyway. Hope you continue to think that of my story and continue reading. **

**Animeobsessed001: I tried, so very hard, to remember everything you told me about grammar, I'm sure I still failed but I'm hoping I did a little better this time around. I checked over it like five times before thinking it was alright. Thanks for your help and I hope you enjoy.**

**Tomlinsons Thrusts: It's a drama… mwahaha, so perhaps things will never get better…. hehehe. And welcome, I see you got a proper account and a story!**

**Hanashi o sure: Thank you for always reviewing, even if it's not a particularly good chapter.**

**Last but definitely not least.**

**My anon reviewer:**

**Thank you for giving me probably the best review I've ever received. I guess in my pursuit to be more descriptive I may have over done it a bit so your review was a great help. While I was writing that particular part I was wondering if it was too much and I guess it was. Thank you for giving me both pros and cons. I'm also curious as to what you've been looking up on urban dictionary, ahaha.**

**That's all, until next time faithful readers, hopefully the wait isn't as long this time.**


	8. Chapter 8

I was out of alcohol, cigarettes, food, and my arms were showing signs of becoming badly infected. I was still mad and depressed as hell, but I needed to go back. I needed to get something proper to eat and fix my arms up, then I would head out again. I didn't want to be in that town, I didn't want to risk running in to him. I was torn between weather I felt more betrayed or more embarrassed. I felt so stupid showing up at the school, showing just how whipped I was by him by bringing him food, only to see him latched on to some hussy. And she was a hussy I knew that for sure. Road Camelot, the town bicycle, the girl who at the age of twelve had walked up to me on the street and asked me if I wanted to get a leg over behind the laundromat. I didn't even answer her and opted for just walking away.

I like to think I wouldn't have been as hurt if I had of caught Allen with anyone else. It was degrading to me and to him. I don't know if he realised the reputation she had, I think the only person who didn't know was her father, and as it turns out Allen. I also like to think Allen wouldn't stoop to that level if he knew what she was like. I believed Allen had a few more morals than to jump aboard the town bike and have a ride. That's what I tell myself at least, but after all I was cut pretty deep but what I had seen. I had walked to the school with a bag of freshly made donuts from the bakery, happy that Allen had asked something of me. When he asked me to come to the school and bring him food I felt a giddy high thinking that maybe he was warming up to me and the feelings I had for him. I was damn near skipping to the school, swinging that bag back and forth with a stupid smile on my face. After all, Allen Walker, the object of my affection had asked something of me and I was all to happy to provide.

So when I turned up at the school, outside the very classroom he directed me towards, to see him latched onto Road Camelot, something inside of me broke. That something didn't just break, it broke and then fell forty storeys and upon landing, shattered into a million tiny pieces. It was hard for me, I liked Allen, maybe even loved him, and I knew he didn't know what he felt towards me. But still I didn't know he could do something that was such a vicious and deliberate act of causing me pain. Even if he said he hadn't meant it, the whole thing was set up just a little too perfectly for me to believe it was an accident. Why else would I be told a specific place and time if not to see what I saw? I know he chased after me and said he didn't mean it, but what was I suppose to think. Besides I felt so stupid, thinking of the way I happily stood at the counter buying him donuts, which I knew he loved. The way I practically skipped to the school, proud of what I was going to give him. I was imagining in my head how grateful he would be once I presented him with the food. I imagined an entire scenario with him being so happy with me being there that he would admit feelings towards me.

I obviously had an overreactive imagination but I couldn't help it. And then, when I did arrive at the school, with a stupid smile on my face, I saw that. Allen had reached out and grabbed me heart, then he gripped it too tightly. Then to top it all off, he ripped it from me, and stomped it underfoot. I couldn't stick around, I had to get away. So without much thought or preparation I set off with only a few days food, no medical supplies, two bottles of scotch and a few two many cigarettes. I managed to stretch the food out for a whole week, but I had finished one bottle of scotch in one night. I also managed to waste a day of food since everything I ate, including the scotch came back up the next morning. I had so much scotch in me I'd been drunk almost an entire two days. When the bottle was empty I smashed it against the tree and bashed my hands into the shattered glass. I grabbed a particularly long piece of glass and stabbed it into my arm, I was about to drag it down, but something stopped me. If I hadn't stopped and continued dragging it down I don't doubt I would have been dead.

I continued on for a few days, drinking and hurting myself a little too much. Eating very little which was good because I didn't have much food. I heated up hot water in a billy over the fire, and cleaned my arms as best as I could that way. It helped a little but not very much, every few hours I would have to squeeze out pus and wipe them down were red and inflamed when I woke up that morning, even that wasn't enough to make me want to go back. But when I ate my last can of baked beans, and drank my last inch of scotch, I lost the battle with myself and admitted that I needed to go back. I still didn't want to risk running into Allen, or anyone, so I waited. The longest day of my life. I had nothing but a fire, some hot water, and my thoughts. So when the land started to be coloured the deep orange of an untainted sunset, I packed up my sleeping roll and blanket and headed off back to town, using the dry creek bed as my guide as I always did.

As the sun sunk lower in the sky the sounds and creatures of the night came out. The crickets were first, so many of them they were almost deafening. The loud chirping and twitting of the daytime birds slowly disappeared and the night time birds appeared. Their sounds were deeper and more drown out, sounding more mournful and lost. The sounds they made saddened me, the all sound so lonely and as if they understood my pain. I really was flipping over the edge if I was feeling some sort of companionship with birds. What I really needed was their night vision at the moment, not their sadness. It was a New Moon and although the stars provided a little light, it wasn't quite enough. Next time I was packing a torch.

As I walked, more like stumbled, along the old creek bed, I swear I saw a glow in the dark. For some reason I thought it was aliens, I mean what else would be out at that time? I fixed my eyes on the glow that disappeared and reappeared behind the dark silhouettes of trees. I briefly thought up a conversation I would have if I came across aliens. I would agree to going with them as long as there was no probing or organ harvesting involved. As I walked closer to the glow I had myself fully convinced I was running away to see the universe in a UFO, until I realised it was the glow of a fire. I felt myself grow angry, what idiot lit a fire and left it unattended. I couldn't see any figures moving around it or sitting by it. Some inconsiderate had lit a fire and left it going, didn't these people realise how easy a bush fire could be started by a stray spark?

I quickened my pace, determined to put the fire out before it caused any damage. I was so set in my course and fuelled by my anger that I almost trampled the small figure that was lying by the fire. I skidded to a halt and my arms flailed spastically trying to stop my fall. When I regained my footing, I looked down to the figure. All I can say is that fate truly hates me. Who else would it be other than the one person I truly didn't want to see. Curled up on the ground shivering slightly, was none other than Allen. I didn't know weather to hug him or kick him. I was still so pissed off at him, but at the same time so happy to see him. Before I knew it I was reaching down to brush a lock of hair out of his face. My fingers traced along his cheek and I couldn't help but notice he flinched.

He stirred in his sleep and rolled onto his back, his hair falling from his face. Then I saw it, cutting straight through the scar on his face, was a three inch long cut. It was deep and puffed up, his left eye black and bruised from the cut. I looked over the rest of him and noticed just how dirty he was. His once white school shirt was covered in rips and smudges of dirt. HIs pants were equally as dirty and torn even worse. His hands, which were curled into his chest, were wrapped in equally as dirty bandages, spots of reddy brown blood showing though.

"What on earth have you been doing Allen?" I murmured to myself.

I leaned down to have a closer inspection of the cut on his face. It was a straight cut, very clean, obviously having been done with some kind of knife or razor. He stirred in his sleep again, rolling over to his side and curling up slightly. He shivered a bit and as mad as I was with him, I felt sorry for him. No, not sorry for him, I just, I just didn't want him to be hurt anymore. I was tempted to just sit around and wait for him to wake up, but I didn't really trust myself or what I would say or do to him.

I set my bed roll down and let it out. Taking the blanket out, I threw it over his small shivering form before rolling the mat back up. As angry as I had been before at leaving a fire unattended I let the fire burn instead of putting it out like I should have. He just looked so miserable.

…

I thought I had been quiet entering the house. I didn't want to wake up Gramps, but while I was in the bathroom soaking my arms in Dettol he appeared. I was alerted to his presences but the striking of a match and smell of strong tobacco.

"So you've finally decided to return?" His gravelly voice grated.

"Um yeah, hi Gramps." I said raising a hand to wave at him.

His eyes narrowed and I followed his gaze to my arm. It was already looking better because of the cleaning up I had done, but it still wasn't a pretty sight.

"Hurting yourself again idiot?"

I felt the familiar shame over come me and looked down away from his gaze.

"Yeah." I mumbled.

"Allen again?"

"Yes."

There was no way of hiding from Gramps, some how he always knew. The moment I met and fell in love with Allen, he knew. Every time I was upset over him, or hurting myself because of him Gramps knew. He was much too perceptive but I had learnt a long time ago to stop trying to lie to him. It had been hard when I first started living with him. Especially considering all the things I got up to when I was fourteen. That was a very uncomfortable time, but somewhere along the way I got use to him knowing everything about me and what I was doing. So when he talked so blatantly about Allen it didn't even faze me anymore.

"That boy causes you nothing but pain Lavi." He grumbled, blowing out a plume of smoke.

"Maybe, but I hurt him just as much." I said, finding that I was smiling sadly.

"You've got to stop putting yourself in these situations idiot."

"It's not like I want to Gramps!" I yelled slamming my fist down on the basin. "I just, can't help it…"

'You feel too much Lavi, it's a real problem."

The room was silent, nothing but the steady, drip, drip, drip, of water into the basin. I stood up and applied antiseptic cream to my arms, before bandaging them up. I grabbed my bag and started to fill it with bandages and creams. I pushed passed Gramps and headed to the kitchen where I started to fill my bag with cans of food.

"I'll be heading out again." I said, knowing Gramps had followed me out. "I'll probably be another week or two."

"Are you going to see him?" Gramps asked from the doorway.

I halted in my movements, and glanced over at him.

"No… I don't think it's wise at the moment. I can't see him."

"You really are an idiot." He growled before taking another puff of his smoke and walking away. I heard his bedroom door shut and the house was silent once again.

Allen….

"Dammit Allen," I whispered making my way out again.

…

I was sick of the rumours going around, even if they were true, which I doubted, it shouldn't matter. Allen was the only genuinely nice, if not abrupt, guy I had met in the town. And I was worried about him, he hadn't been in school for days, and people around school had been saying more and more about him. Something about Road, that little… whore. Allen was the closest thing I'd ever had to a friend, so I hated to see him driven away by what some manipulative bitch had said about him. The rumours were already circulating, what she had done had just made the whole thing worse. I knew everything that was said about him was mostly lies and elaborations. Some of the rumours were small, the rumour that he was gay. Not that I would care if he was.

The other were a little bit worse. One was that Lavi and Allen were having sex, something which probably wasn't true. They just got worse from there though. Another was that his parents kicked him out back in England for being gay. Something I knew wasn't true because Allen had told me that both his parents were dead, and so was his foster father. He only came to this country because his only available guardian option lived here. The last rumour was the worst, the last being that his offered himself to other students. Somewhere along the line, in some peoples eyes, Allen had gotten a worse reputation that Road. There were whispers that he would wait in the school bathroom and offer himself to other students. Some students even claimed that he had dragged them into the stalls and forced himself on them. I knew it wasn't true, Allen just wasn't like that. He was an upfront kind of guy, but he would never do something so forward as drag a student into something they weren't interested in.

Somewhere along the way, the rumours had gotten too serious and Allen and I had become friends. We started off as two people who just sat with each other at lunch to protect each other, but somehow we had became friends. Since I had realised that we were friends I became more and more worried when he wouldn't show up. I knew he was at school on Wednesday, I saw a glimpse of him when Road had started up her own little rumour mill. Now it was Friday and I hadn't seen him since. Not at school on Thursday, or around town since then, I would often see him walking to school. I knew it was a little early but I thought I would go to his house and see if he was coming to school. And if he was we could walk there together, like real friends.

As I arrived at his front door however, I was beginning to feel a little stupid. I was sure that we were friends, but what if he didn't think that way. What if he was annoyed that I was showing up at his front door? Now was not the time to have crippling self doubt. I was already standing at his front door, I would feel even stupider if I was to arrive at his front door only to turn away. So I knocked and waited. I was met with silence so I knocked and waited again.

I was about to turn away when I heard a commotion inside. There was a thump and the sound of glass rattling against glass, followed by what sounded like muttered cursing. I considered turning and leaving anyway, when the door flew open, causing me to take a step back.

"What!" The figure in the door said.

He was tall and had a full and long head of bright red hair. He looked tired and haggard, with dark circles surrounding his eyes.

"Um.. s-sorry." I stuttered. "I was looking for Allen. I'm Allen's friend, my name is Lenalee."

He squinted down at me, and stepped back and forward a bit, like he was trying to focus.

"Hold on." He grumbled.

He disappeared into the house, and I peered through the door wondering where he went. I was surprised by the inside of the house, if it looked small on the outside, it was positively tiny on the inside. I was looking into a living room of sorts, but there was only a couch and a coffee table. There was no television or shelves holding DVD's or even videos, and the furniture there was, was disheveled. The couch looked more like a bed, with a pillow and rumpled blanket lying on it. The coffee table held rows of empty beer, wine and liquor bottles, along with a few drinking glasses. I peered in even further and say the red haired man fumbling around in the kitchen searching for something. When he turned around, I quickly stepped back. He reappeared not long later, rubbing his eyes.

When he looked up at me he was perching a pair of wire rimmed glasses on his face. He looked down at me, blinked a few times and then a big cheesy smile graced his face. Looking at the face I felt myself start to blush, he was a truly attractive man. I could smell alcohol and smoke radiating off of him, but still there was something about him. My heart started to flutter and I could feel my face start to heat up even more.

"Hello, pretty one, I find it hard to believe Allen would have a friend as pretty as you." He said with a smile.

I opened my mouth to speak, but only a squeak came out. I was so embarrassed that I started to blush even further. I took a step back and held a hand to my mouth, hating the way I was acting.

"S-sorry to disturb you, but is Allen here? I haven't seen him in school for a few days, and he was away the last week, so I was worried about him."

"Brat's been skipping school huh." The man grunted. "I'll put an end to that."

He walked away and I couldn't help but follow. I started to regret it though we he picked up a rifle and kicked a door off the living room open.

"Alright brat," He said, cocking the gun, "Why haven't you been going to school."

I peered around the door frame of the door he had just kicked open to see an empty room. The room was small like the rest of the house, but appeared to be much neater, and empty. The bed was made neatly, and the only other thing in the room was a bedside table and set of draws. The only thing out of place in the whole room was a pair of socks on the floor and a few discarded tissues resting on the beside table.

"Huh." The man said. "Where is he?"

"What?" I asked.

"When was the last time you saw him?" The man asked turning to me.

"Um, on Wednesday, what about you?"

"Wednesday.. shit… where is he…"

Allen was missing… where had he gone. I was now even more worried.

"SHIT!" The man said, "Sorry pretty lady, but I'm going to have to cut your visit short." He pushed passed me gentle, but as he did he ran his hand down my arm, causing me to shudder. It felt nice, and intimate, somehow he had a touch that meant so much, without doing anything at all.

I was still getting over the touch when I was pushed out of the house.

"Sorry!" He yelled over his shoulder, running to a car. "But I have to go find that idiot."

I watched as he got into his car and sped off. My face was still a bright red from his touch, and I felt hot all over. What was it with this man? As he sped off and I turned back to walk to school, I found myself wishing that he had forgotten Allen for a moment and stayed to talk to me.

…

I was warm, it was so nice, I was shivering with the chill and next thing I knew I was warm. The days were hot but at night, it could be so cold, I never realised how cold it could be until I felt warmth again. I was on the verge of waking and I noticed there was something over me, something warm. I clung to it and tried to curl into it, but when I tried to move for some reason my head was held in place. I tried to move again but the pressure on my head refused to move. I was scared so my eyes flew open, revealing to me a sight I was overjoyed to see. Lavi hovered above me, a concerned look in his eyes. I reached my hands out to grab him, touch him, anything, but as I did he snapped at me.

"Don't move!"

I drew my hands back, scared at the tone of his voice.

"I'm trying to fix you up, so hold still." He said.

I did as he said and sat still, I didn't have much choice as his hand was pressed down on the right side of my face. I looked up at him, his face set in concentration and his gaze settled just below my left eye. Watching his face of concentration I felt my face heat up. He was so close to me, and I didn't realise but, I was blushing. I'd never had this reacting before, I tried to squirm away and hide my face so he wouldn't see. However he pushed down and held my face still.

"I said don't move." He didn't snap this time, but he still refused to move his hand from may face, holding me down. "This will sting a little but hold still, alright?"

I continued to stare up at him, nodding my head slightly. He pushed my left eye closed and then pushed something soft and wet against my cheek causing me to hiss in pain. I started to squirm around again, but he held me in place easily.

"Hold still."

"It freakin' hurts."

"It'll hurt even more if your infection get's worse and you lose your eye. Hey, then we'll match, we can share eye patches." He let me go, letting my eye open and moved away.

I tried to sit up, only for Lavi to turn back and press me back down again.

"Almost done," He said with a smile and I felt something press and stick to my face. "All good, you can sit up now."

I sat up and was about to launch myself onto him when he grabbed my hands and started to unwind the dirty bandages. He was looking down at my hands, in deep concentration.

"Where have you been?" I finally chocked out.

"Just around."

"Where have you been Lavi, I've been waiting here for days?" I was looking straight at him, but he refused to look at me, always keeping his gaze down.

I jumped when my hands started stinging. Looking down I saw Lavi rubbing a cotton pad over my hands. I finally noticed that his own arms were wrapped in bandages, obviously a lot worse off than I was. My empty stomach did flips and I felt sick, burning with guilt. My fault, he already told me it was.

"Lavi." I said quietly. "I'm so sorry, for what I did. I really didn't mean too and…"

"It's alright Allen, doesn't matter anymore." Lavi cut me off, just as quiet.

"But."

"It's alright." He said, but his voice was laced with sadness.

He tied the bandages off on my hands and dropped them back into my lap. He went to turn away but I grabbed his hands and held them tight in my own.

"Yes Allen." He said finally looking up and meeting my eye.

I felt my face heat up again when he looked at me. I'm sure he noticed this time, I could tell my the small little smirk that graced his saddened face.

"Lavi," I whispered, inching my face closer to his, I wasn't sure exactly what I was doing. "I've missed you."

Lavi laughed and the lingering sadness softened from his face.

"You're pretty mean Allen."

"Mean?" I breathed moving forward.

"Yeah, you are so…"

It was my turn to cut him off by leaning forward and brushing my lips lightly against his.

"Allen…are you drunk, concussed or in anyway delusional?" Lavi asked.

"No." I replied brushing my lips against his again.

"Good."

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled be forward onto his lap. My knees rested either side of him and I was quick to throw both arms around his neck, letting them hang down lazily. I leaned forward and kissed him, a proper kiss, that stole both of our breath. A breath of air escaped through my nose as my eyes slid shut and the kiss deepened. He didn't even have to ask for anything as I opened my mouth and waited for him. HIs tongue rolling into and around my mouth. I pushed back and did the same to him. His hands left my waist and traveled up under my shirt, the tips of his fingers tracing along the lines of scar tissue on my stomach and chest. The different feeling across my mismatched skin caused me to moan softly into the kiss, making Lavi laugh. I shut him up by taking control of the kiss, moving my mouth against his, and then it was his turn to moan.

He fought back by removing his hands from my chest and down to my hips. He pushed down moved his hips up and down, creating a friction that made me break the kiss with a gasp. I looked down and away from him trying to catch my breath. One hand left my hips to grab my chin and guide me back up to his lips. He kissed me again but this time there was no chance of me taking control as I was too out of it. His hands started to move up and down my chest, both above and under my shirt. He broke the kiss and moved down to kiss and bite at my neck. I threw my head back giving him easier access, and he easily made quick work of covering my neck with his mouth. He ground his hips up again, causing a very embarrassing and very loud moan to escape my mouth.

Lavi's mouth left my neck and I felt the tip of his tongue lightly lick my top lip. I shuddered and leaned forward trying to capture his mouth, only to have him rock his hips again. I gasped even louder and leaned my head forward until it rested against his chest. Something was happening and it was making me feel weak and causing me to shake. And then IT happened, something that usually only happens to me early in the morning. Or in the most worst, embarrassing moment possible, like now for example. I pulled away and fell off of his lap, scrambling away as fast as I could. I stopped a few feet away from him and drew my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my knees trying my best to hide my… problem… from Lavi. I think I would keel over and die if he found out that what he had done had made me uncomfortable in the pants, very painfully uncomfortable.

I heard a sigh and looked to Lavi who was standing up and brushing off his pants.

"Mean, Allen. You're mean." He said with another sigh. He picked up his bag and shouldered it, turning to leave, walking away from the town.

"W-wait, Lavi!" I called out. I wanted to stand up and chase after him but I didn't want to risk him seeing.

"What Allen?" He asked not turning around.

I reached around my neck and pulled out a thing leather band that I had tied around my neck. I pulled it off and held it out to him.

"T-this is yours I figured it was, important to you."

He turned around and his eyes widened as he saw what I was holding out to him. Dangling from the piece of leather was the metal tag I had caused Lavi to drop, which had later cut two lines into my hand. He walked over to me with a smile and pulled it from my hand.

"I thought it was gone for good."

"I wore it, I hope you don't mind, I just didn't want to lose it."

"No, it's fine, I'm glad you had it." He said, smiling again.

Was I game enough to ask? I took a deep breath and asked.

"W-who's Lavi Spencer? Is that your Dad?"

"Yeah, my parents never married, Deak is my mothers name." As he said this he pulled a chain from around his neck revealing the other tag. "I was named after him, he died when I was ten," He pulled the tag I had off the leather and linked it onto his chain. It slid down the chain and clinked against the second.

"You, must have loved him very much."

Why! Why did I have to sound so corny?

"I did, until he went insane. I wear these as a reminder though."

"How so?"

"To never take things too far." I couldn't help but notice the sadness that had taken over his whole being again. "My Dad killed himself, shot himself… right in front of me."

His words sent a chill up my spine and I was so shocked that I couldn't speak. Who does that to his son? I too had watched my Father die, but it was an accident, he didn't shoot himself in front of me. How on earth had I ended up with a head of white hair while Lavi's remained bright red. Then again, my hair had been slowly greying my whole life, seeing Mana die, well that just tipped it over the edge. Seeing your father shoot himself, I couldn't imagine what that was like. What I saw was bad enough.

"I'll be back in another week." He said turning away once again.

"Please don't leave again." I pleaded.

God dammit you stupid, stupid erection, just go away so I could get up and chase after him. Granted after the sober conversation we had just had it had gone down a little, but it was still too noticeable.

"Go home, Allen, it's not good for you to sit out here. Go home and see a doctor about your face."

He walked away, and I didn't do a thing to stop him.

…

**Just so you all know, I hated this chapter.**

**HATED IT!**

**Katsuchara: Of course I'm honoured, very much so. And Im glad that you can relate (not that you were bullied) but that means that I'm writing properly and conveying my own feelings and experiences in the right way. Welcome to me story! I hope you hang around!**

**K9L712: *sigh* that's not the first time I've been told that, I'm trying to add less useless information but thanks for pointing it out and please continue to do so if I keep doing it (btw the whole Cross Lenalee meeting thing is veeeery important *wink wink*)**

**xXDormantInsanityXx: I'm sorry, but by now you've probably gone insane and it's my fault for taking two weeks to update. Sorry about that, but put the walking stick down and stop hurting yourself. And you're not a jerk, I was laughing while I wrote about the old lady tripping him.**

**Kimura Yumi: Welcome to the story and I'm glad you like it.**

**Hanashi o sure: This chapter really sucked. But things will actually get a teensy bit better… before getting horrible worse… but thats the way I like it.**

**Tomlinson's Thrusts: I still think I'm sucking at the defining characters thing, sometime I'm afraid that I'm making everyone talk and sound that same so thanks for those words. Also thanks for giving me that extra push I needed to finish the chapter. I really needed it. :D**

**That's all until next time, feel free to tell me how much this chapter sucks (crippling self doubt)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Nine.**

It was roughly seventy-two hours since I had met and talked with Lavi. In those seventy-two hours I had slept approximately five hours and spent an unhealthy amount of time hiding under my bed. I had crawled under the bed to grab my guitar, I had a Music Practical to practice for. When I was under the bed, I just reverted back to childhood and stayed there. I had always felt safe under the bed when I was kid, I would spend hours under there until Mana would come and drag me out. He helped me through what ever I was going through, whatever had caused me to hide there in the first place. If everything that was going through my head, and my lack of sleep wasn't cause to hide under the bed, then I don't know what was.

I lay on my back and strummed the guitar aimlessly, or went through chord progressions and scales. Scales were good for my fingers and helped me get back into practice. I'd been abandoning the guitar of late and I really needed to get a good mark on my Music Practical. I had a good idea that I was going to fail pretty much every other class as I had missed so much school at the most important time, and all my notes had been peed on. I couldn't even review, Bookman refused to let me borrow out any more text books. He said if I couldn't look after them then I didn't deserve them. Some how I don't think he was just annoyed at me because of the books. I felt that old unease again whenever I looked at him, like he knew everything.

So in the end, the only classes I had a chance of passing was Music and English. Since I had two whole days of sitting and waiting for Lavi with only a book to pass the time, I'd finished it, even started re-reading it. I sighed and shuffled around on my back, trying to get a bit more comfortable. I played the opening to 'Classical Gas' by Mason Williams, the piece I had chosen for my Practical. It was a bit of a cliché choice but it was a nice piece and sounded impressive. Only problem being it was rather difficult to play on my back, it was difficult in general. I told myself that it would help me in the end, if I could play the piece lying on my back under a bed, then I could definitely play it standing up in front of the teacher. I was just going through the second movement when there was a loud knock on my door, which was swiftly kicked open.

"Alright, brat! No more skipping school!" Cross yelled into the room, his feet coming into view. "Huh… where'd he go this time?"

I strummed the guitar loudly and suppressed a laugh as I saw him jump from the sound.

"Down here," I called out.

Cross knelt down on the floor and peered under the bed.

"This again?" He asked, reaching under the bed and grabbing my shirt. He dragged me out and stood back up, looking down at me.

"Hey," I said, waving up at him, "How's it going?"

"How old are you brat?"

"Fifteen."

"I thought you were over this whole thing?"

I shrugged and started to go through another set of chords.

"So that's where you've been hiding that thing?"

A few months ago I had to start hiding the guitar from Cross. He had gotten into the habit of getting plastered and believing he was a natural or a rockstar or something. After five nights of having to hear him screech and three sets of new strings I decided it was best Cross didn't know where the guitar was.

"Unless you intend to pay for all the strings you break you're not touching it."

Money was usually the best way to persuade Cross to do something, or in this case, not to do something. He eyed the guitar but seemed to think better, looking at my face instead.

"Go to school."

"Do I have to?" I whined, "I haven't slept in days."

"Yes, besides someone's coming over, and unless you want to hear some really loud sex I suggest you leave."

I was up and heading for the door before he even finished the sentence.

"Don't touch that guitar," I yelled over my shoulder.

I took off down the street, no bag, no books and my head full of thoughts of Lavi.

…

My head was drooping, and my eye lids seemed to be made of lead, they refused to stay open. My eyes shut for a second and I jerked myself awake, knowing I shouldn't fall asleep in class. I rubbed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the piece of paper in front of me, but the writing on it seemed to blur. Slowly my eye's slide shut again, refusing to stay open any longer. Bliss, it was heaven just closing my eyes.

"Walker," someone said, followed by a tapping at my desk.

I jerked awake, snorting slightly and looking up.

"Huh, what?"

I focused on the tapping finger on my desk and then trailed the finger up to it's owners face.

"Why aren't you reading?" Mr. Wenhem asked.

"Oh, I finished, I was just writing some notes on it and reviewing characters," I said holding up my bit of paper. I'd only managed to write a sentence or two, our essay was to write two thousand words in the point of view of one of the characters with a focus on mental illness. Even as I held the sheet up to him, my eyes started to droop shut.

"Walker," he said.

I jerked awake again and blinked up at him.

"Yeah?"

"Come with me please," he said, turning and walking from the classroom.

I pushed myself up and followed him out into the connecting halls again. I expected to go to the staff room again like last time, but he walked in the opposite direction. I followed after him, passing different classrooms, some empty, some in use. He stopped in front of one classrooms and opened the door, motioning for me to enter. I walked in and found myself in what appeared to be a desk graveyard. There were stacks of desks and chairs piled up on top of each other, all of them either broken or too ancient for use. Some of them had numerous swear words carved into them so deep the desk was beyond repair. I gazed around the room and my eyes settled on a chair broken in such a way I had to wonder how on earth it happened.

"How the fuck does that even happen?" I ask pointing at the chair in question with out even thinking.

"Oh, Ms. Bird sat on it" Mr. Wenhem replied, entering the room and shutting the door behind him.

"Oh… makes sense."

That would explain how all four legs of the chair were splayed out flat against the ground. Ms Bird, a woman so fat that small planets came into alignment around her. So large that she had broken more than one chair, and just a few desks. It was unknown what was scarier about the woman. Her love of spandex, or the fact that she had three children, all equally as plump. The sheer mechanics of how her and her just as large husband managed to have sex were simply mind boggling. When the five of them got into a car it sat so low that the bottom of it sometimes knocked against the ground. She was a great teacher though, once you got passed the spandex. I had her for English last year.

"So, Walker," Mr. Wenhem said, pulling down two chairs that looked relatively safe. "Have a seat why don't you?"

He sat down himself and I took the seat across from him. I set my hands in my lap and looked down. I was tired and I wanted to go to sleep.

"What's on your mind?"

_Lavi, Lavi, Lavi, Lavi, Lavi, LAVI, LAVI, LAVI, LAVI, LAVI!_

"…Nothing, sir."

"Allen, you've got bigger bags under your eyes than I do and have you even read what you wrote down earlier?" He asked, puling my notes from his pocket.

"Not, really, I wasn't concentrating."

"Listen to this: '_Yossarian is insane, so is Dunbar. Major Major Major Major and Hungry Joe have stupid names'_."

"…I wrote that?"

"Yeah."

"…That's pretty shit."

"What's up? I mean you usually just day dream in class, this is properly distracted, and I can tell there is something eating you up inside. What's going on, Allen?"

_LAVI, LAVI, LAVI!_

"It's nothing sir, just worried about end of term exams."

He raised a critical eye brow at me and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms, seeming to say 'I'm waiting'. I looked down, letting my hair hide my face, and started to pick non-existent dirt from under my nails. My nose prickled, like I was about to sneeze, but a sneeze never came. My eyes started to sting, I'd been awake too long, they were starting to water.

"I'm fine," I said, my voice quaking. "Nothing's wrong."

I sniffed as my nose had suddenly become filled with liquid. Maybe I was coming down with something?

"Can you look at me, Allen?" Mr. Wenhem asked softly.

I shook my head, droplets of water breaking free from my eyes.

"Is this about Lavi?" he asked, just as softly.

And that was it, I looked up at him and there was no point in hiding it now. I was obviously crying and I hated it and myself. I buried my face in my hands and started to sob softly, my whole body shaking with the effort of keeping it quiet. I felt a hand press to my shoulder and I jumped at the contact, before leaning into the small comfort it provided.

"I can't sleep, I keep thinking about him and I think… I don't… I don't know what I think," I said, my voice sounding whiny and strained. "But something happened."

"What happened?" he asked.

"You don't want to know."

"Allen, tell me what happened," he said quickly. I could tell he was thinking the worst.

If I'd had a bit more sleep and sanity I don't think I would have told him. But in all honesty I wanted to tell someone, anyone, and he was there so I told him.

"I saw Lavi last Friday and we started making out and I started it. ME! I never start anything, but I started making out with him and then he was doing this thing with his hips and the next thing I know I've got a fucking boner and I'm scared, I'm really, really scared." I said all of this in about two seconds flat. Then I went back to sobbing into his hands.

"Alright, not exactly what I was expecting," he said. I could easily hear the unease in his voice. "Why're you so scared? It's, err, a perfectly natural thing."

"I'm scared," I said, stopping to take a deep breath. "I'm scared because, if I'm treated this way when people think I'm gay, what if I actually am. And I'm starting to think I really am, I liked it, the hip thing. And I like Lavi, I like him a whole lot and it really hurts, and I'm so scared."

"You can't help the way you feel, Allen," he said, ruffling my hair. "It's not always as simple as being attracted to a guy or a girl. Sometimes you can just be attracted to a person, whether they be male or female. I think you're simple attracted to Lavi himself, not men, but it wouldn't matter if you were."

"It does matter," I choked pointing to my cheek that still had a bandage taped to it, "This is what people do when they THINK I'm gay, if I actually was, I think they would kill me."

"People aren't that quick to kill, Allen."

"Oh god," I sobbed, completely ignoring him, "I like him, I really truly like him and I miss him and, and, I want him here right now but I drove him away too many times. I think he hates me now."

"He doesn't hate you."

"How would you know?" I asked bitterly.

"I don't, but, from what I know about Lavi, and from what I know about you and what you've told me, I doubt he hates you."

"You know Lavi?" I sniffed.

"Taught him for a semester when he first moved here, dropped out after he lost his eye. After he got out of hospital he just never came back."

"How'd he loose his eye, he never told me. He just said he was doing something stupid."

"If he hasn't told you it's not really my place to tell, but, it was a motorbike accident. He was on the back and wasn't wearing a helmet or goggles, a stick went straight through his eye, nearly killed him. He was in the hospital for weeks and when he got out he just became the wanderer you know."

"I never knew, he refused to tell me."

"Well I guess he's a bit embarrassed about it. Bush bashing without any protective gear is pretty stupid"

"I guess." I sniffed again, "Hey… can I go to sick bay, I don't want to go back to class like this."

"Sure, I'll go write you a note, wait here." he said, getting up and exiting the classroom.

Exactly where else was I going to go? I wanted to go back to the house, curl up under the bed, and simple die. I don't think that was too much to ask was it? Dying a quiet death under one's own bed, seemed nice and peaceful to me. That wasn't all I wanted though, I wanted Lavi, ached for him. Maybe it was the knowledge that I wasn't going to see him for at least another four days. Maybe it was the fact that I had finally admitted to myself that I liked him in a way more than friendship. Maybe it was just because I was so damn tired and the last few days just all seemed to run together. I don't know what it was, but I just wanted Lavi there to hold my hand. I was so tired I had down graded myself to corny clichés of want and need.

A piece of paper appeared in my line of vision and I jumped at it's appearance.

"Here you go," Mr. Wenhem said, "I've called the office and they're going to try and call your guardian."

"Good luck with that," I said, standing up and grabbing the piece of paper.

"Get some sleep ,hey, other wise your essay next week is going to suck."

"Thanks," I mumbled, walking away. The thanks was somewhere between sarcastic and grateful.

…

I don't know how the school got away with calling it a sick bay, but there it was. There were little beds, that looked like it was World War Two surplus, lined up against the walls. None of them had any pillows or blankets and I seriously doubted their sanitary. However the alternative was to return to the classroom and risk people seeing my pink and swollen eyes. Crying in school is something you never lived down and there was no excuse for it. Sure I was sleep deprived and mentally worn out, but no one would care. It would just be another excuse for the students to tease and beat me. With all that in mind I picked out the cleanest looking cot and lay down, making sure that my hair covered my eyes. Couldn't risk anyone walking by and seeing me either.

The cot I had picked was immediately across from the door, giving me a view of people coming and going. Lying on a cot was boring, so watching people walk back and forth was the only bit of entertainment I had. It was mostly just the admin staff but the occasional student drifted passed. All of them carrying green slips of paper, meaning they were sent to see the Principle or the Deputy. Both of them were only a door or two down. Lying there I was lucky enough to hear the muffled sounds of one particular student being yelled at. I don't know which student it was, but it was certainly entertaining, then again I was pretty bored. I could probably go back to class soon, but I didn't want to, I'd rather lie there and listen to students getting chewed out.

As I watched there was on student who walked passed who I really wish hadn't. He had his own green slip and I really hoped he was the one who had gotten yelled at. Alma, Tosspot, walked by and just so happened to glance in and see me. I stilled my breathing and hoped he didn't notice I was awake. If I pretended to be asleep them maybe he would just keep on walking and not bother me. He stopped at the door, a smile I really didn't like spreading across his face. He took two steps into the room, stopped and then turned around and left. I let out the breath I had been holding and felt relieved. I'm glad Tosspot wasn't so gutless that he would beat me senseless while unconscious. I tried to get more comfortable and thought it was best to attempt sleep. I was so worn out, and now that I had gotten a few things off my chest, I felt that maybe I could sleep. I shuffled around and closed my eyes.

I drifted, somewhere between awake and asleep, constantly shifting around. The cots certainly weren't comfortable and a metal bar dug into my back no matter how I lay. I wanted so badly to sleep, but every little noise sounded like a booming storm. The sounds of people coming and going sounded like footsteps stomping on my head. I heard someone else enter the room and I rolled away from the sound, putting my hands over my ears. There was a second set of footsteps in the room and the sound of a cot creaking. Another sick student I was guessing, I just hoped they didn't want to talk, or call me names. There was a moment of silence and it felt like complete and utter bliss. My eyes drifted shut and I was about to nod off when someone felt the need to interrupt what I so desperately needed.

"Hey there, Allen. Where have you been?"

I knew that voice, and I hated it, I hated him. I opened my eyes and rolled around so I could face him.

"For once, just fuck off, Alma," I grumbled.

He was reclining on his own cot, leaning back against the wall. Kanda stood beside him with his hands behind his back, looking just like some security guard. His face as blank as ever, Alma's little lap dog.

"Been crying have you, Allen?" He said with a smile.

I cursed myself and my overly pale skin that puffed up and reddened so easily. I'd been lying there for an hour and yet the evidence of my earlier crying was still obvious.

"God, just go away," I said, throwing an arm over my eyes.

My arm was pulled roughly from my face and pushed down next to my body. Both arms were held down and I struggled against it, looking up to see Kanda's blank face, pining me to the bed.

"I've missed you around here the last week," Alma mused, hidden from my sight by Kanda.

"I'm getting concerned," I spat, kicking my legs up trying to get free, "I'm worried about how often you seem to miss me."

I heard him get up and then he jumped up and landed on my legs, holding them in place. I looked into his smirking face, continuing to struggle against the two of them. I froze however when I saw what he was twirling around his finger, a roll of duct tape.

"What the fuck are you gonna do?" I asked, trying to move my legs.

"Not much," he said. He picked at the roll and found the end, pulling the tape out. He pressed it against my thigh's and then wrapped it around and under the cot over and over, strapping my legs to the bed. With that done, he stood up and wrapped the tape around and around my ankles, locking them in place. I started to struggle harder against Kanda's hold, but the bastard was strong. Then Alma continued and wrapped a roll around my chest. Kanda grabbed my wrists and drew them up, forcing them together. Alma bound my wrists together and then threw the tape to the side. Kanda let me go and stood back next to Alma. Alma smiled down at me, obviously enjoying his handy work, and then pulled a black marker from his back pocket.

He walked over to me and brushed the hair back from my forehead. He stuck the pen in his mouth and pulled the lid off, spitting it out. Leaning down he held my head down and started to write something on my head in large letters. It didn't take long and when he was done he threw the pen aside, stepping back with a satisfied smile on his face.

"Well it's been fun," He said turn around, "Have fun, fag."

I struggled against my restraints as the two of them walked from the room.

"You're the fag here Alma! Who else would tie a guy to a bed?" I spat, not really thinking about what I was saying.

"Thanks for reminding me," Alma said, turning back, "I'd forgotten something."

The roll of tape appeared in his hands again, where he quickly tore off a strip. He stepped back to me and stuck the strip over my mouth. Then he raised his fist and smashed it into my nose, which instantly crunched. My vision turned white as the pain erupted through my face. I tried to yell out from the pain but it only come out as a quiet muffled yelp. I felt blood fill my nose and my breathing was cut off.

"See you around."

I couldn't breath, that's all I could think about as he left the room. I tried to draw in a breath through my nose, feeling the blood draw in and slide down my throat. I breathed in a small amount of air but it wasn't enough and I started to panic. I tried to free myself, only managing to skid the cot around. I couldn't breath, not properly, the small amount of air I was taking in wasn't enough, and my panic wasn't making anything better. My nose was obviously broken and if I wasn't so preoccupied with the need to breath, I'd notice just how much it really hurt. I could feel the blood running from it, down over the tape, over my mouth and down my chin. But I was more concerned with the amount going the other way, the amount that was slowly blocking off my airways.

I tried to reach up with my bound hands, but the tape around my chest stopped me. I could only reach as far as my chin, my fingers scrapping desperately, trying to grab the tape. I turn my head to face the door, hoping someone would walk passed and see me. My face prickled and felt hot, my head pounding, screaming for air. My lungs burning and ached, trying desperately to draw in air but only taking in blood. I could taste the hot blood on my tongue. I was going to die. Shit, I was really going to die. I had never been so terrified in my life, tears started to form in my eyes once again. I was feeling light-headed and the room was swimming and dark around the edges.

"What the fuck!" I distantly heard someone yell.

The tape was torn from my mouth and I took in a deep gasping breath. I choked on the air and began to cough, taking panic breaths that didn't seem to do anything.

"Calm down," the voice said, and I felt a gentle hand press to my chest, another on my forehead, "Just take small, steady breaths."

I did as the voice said and tried to calm my breathing. I opened my eyes and blinked through the tears, looking up to see the last person I expected to save me. Well second last, the last would be Alma, third last then, second last was Kanda. Yep, Cross was definitely the third last person that I thought would appear and save my life. Cross was looking down at me, an unlit cigarette clamped between clenched teeth. To say he was extremely pissed off was an understatement, he looked downright ready to kill. He spun on his heel and left the room, I wanted to yell after him to at least untie me, but I couldn't bring myself to talk. I was still trying to get my breathing back to normal, and the simple act of talking was a tedious task.

I just let my head flop back on the cot and close my eyes. I felt so worn out, my head still throbbed painfully and I was beginning to realize just how painful a broken nose could be. Out in the hallways I could hear Cross yelling, screaming at someone, probably the poor woman who sat at the admin desk. I tried to distinguish what he was saying but I could only make out a few words, things like 'stupid', 'disgusting', and 'irresponsible', a word I never thought I would hear come from Cross' mouth. I heard the last sentence though, 'go and get fucked', then I heard him stomp back and enter the room.

"You look real fucking stupid like that."

"Fuck… you…" I panted.

"I can always put the tape back on you know." Even as he said this he walked over and knelt down by the cot. He pulled out his pocket knife, flicked the blade open and started to cut through the tape. He cut the tape from my chest, then my thighs and ankles. I sat up slowly and swung my legs around off the bed, my hands still bound tightly at the wrists. My head swam, nausea hitting me and I knew I was going to be sick.

"Cross," I groaned, my stomach rolling.

He somehow knew what was going on because the next second there was a small bin held under my chin. Everything came up, breakfast, last nights dinner, my midnight snacks, nothing was left in me by the time I was done. I slumped and I would have fallen off the bed but Cross held me upright. The bin was removed and Cross finally removed the tape from around my wrists. I slumped forward again and landed against Cross, I didn't have the strength to keep myself up. I expected him to push me off, tell me to grow a pair, or something of the nature. What I didn't expect was for him to pick me up and press me against his shoulder, holding me like a small child. He stood up slowly and made his way out of the room, and then outside into the sun.

I hated myself for feeling so weak, and for needed someone to fucking carry me. What I hated more was the fact that I was crying again. I felt I had a right, I had nearly fucking died, but there was another reason I was crying. I loved the fact that someone was carrying me, comforting me. I was crying because I wanted it to be Lavi.

…

We got back to the house, Cross had obviously had enough of carrying me, because he parked the car, got out, and left me there. I didn't want to move just yet, but I was feeling a little better. Not much, but I knew I could handle walking. I dragged myself into the house, Cross was sitting on the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose and nursing a drink. I stumbled passed him and headed for the bathroom, a quick shower and I would be off to bed for the next eternity. I'd had a very stressful day and if I couldn't sleep after everything that had happened then I would probably never sleep ever again. I closed and locked the door behind me, stepping up to the mirror while popping the buttons on my shirt. I wanted to know just how bad my nose looked, but as I stepped up to the mirror I was reminded of something else Alma had done to me.

Looking at my face, my nose wasn't the first thing I noticed, but the big black letters written on my head. My near death experience had made me completely forget about Alma writing something on my forehead. Now I had the word 'FAG' written on my head in what was probably permanent marker. The rest of me didn't look too good either, my eyes which already had dark circles under them, now had purple ones as well. My nose was twice it's size, bright red and purple and still dribbling a little blood, dried blood caked around my nostrils. I grabbed my wash cloth, wetting it and lathering it in soap. I then began to scrub uselessly at the word on my head, the word smudging and sending smears of black running down my face, but the word remained. It faded slightly and turned a dark purple, but it wouldn't disappear completely, I was stuck with it for awhile.

I rinsed out the cloth and dabbed softly at my bloody nose, the softest touches making me jump in pain. I decided to skip the shower and went straight on to brushing me teeth, the taste of vomit in my mouth was disgusting. With that done I took off my bloodied shirt and threw it on the pile of dirty clothes in the corner. I should have had a shower but I couldn't be bothered, so I left to go to bed. I walked back to the living room, passed Cross when he called out to me.

"Come here brat," he said, standing from the couch, and waving me over.

I walked over and stood in front of him, looking down at the ground. He grabbed my chin and pushed my head up, and then, the sadistic bastard grabbed my nose and twisted it.

"FUCK!" I screamed, pushing him away and grabbing my nose. "What the fuck was that for?"

"I set it back in place for you."

I think he said more but I had stomped off back to the bathroom because my nose was bleeding again. I shoved some bits of toilet paper up my nose and stomped back, ignoring Cross and slamming the door to my room. I think the slamming door affected me more than him though as my head started to throb again. I walked over to my bed, grabbed a pillow and crawled back under my bed. I didn't care that I was relapsing into some kind of childish security blanket type thing. Under the bed was were I always use to go to feel safe when I was a kid, and that's what I wanted now, to feel safe. Only this time Mana wouldn't be coming to drag me out and hold me until I felt better, until I felt safe again.

…

I don't know how many hours I lay under the bed, but the sky darkened and from the sounds out in the living room, Cross was hammered again. I could hear him stumbling around and at one point he smashed into my room. He yelled at me to stop being a pussy and hiding under my bed. Then he grabbed my guitar, which I had left resting against the wall, and went back to the living room. He had the guitar out of tune in about two seconds, a few minutes after that I heard the familiar twang of strings snapping. I winced at the sound and remembered I didn't have any spare strings. Shortly later, Cross returned the guitar, I peered out to see the bottom 'E' and the 'B' string hanging loose.

A few hours after that, Cross quieted down, he must have passed out again. Lying for hours on the floor didn't do much for your muscles. I had spent most of my time lying in my right side, my arms wrapped around one end of the pillow, my head resting on the other. God, whom I don't believe in, please just let me sleep. I must have been up to praying to God for about the twentieth time when I heard the soft patter of feet walking around my room.

"Allen?" Lavi whispered.

Lavi! It was Lavi, he was here!

"Down here," I grumbled.

"Huh?" I heard him say. He moved around a bit and then his face appeared under the bed.

"Hey," I said waving.

"What on earth are you doing down here?" he asked, crawling under the bed to join me.

"Hiding from the world. What're you doing here? I thought I wouldn't see you 'til the end of the week."

"Well I was just passing by and I thought I would drop in."

"Lavi, I live on a dead end street and you live at the other end of town, there is no way you were just passing by."

"Well, um… okay, I wasn't just passing by, I wanted to ask you something."

I heard him shuffle around a bit and then the darkness disappeared as he lit up his zippo lighter, resting it on the ground between us. I cringed away from the light, it hurt my eyes, and revealed my bruised face to Lavi.

"Shit, Allen," he breathed. "What the fuck happened?"

I teared up again at his question and reached out for him.

"I've had a really bad day, Lavi." I choked.

He let me reach out to him and easily wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I sobbed into his chest, partially because of the day, partially because I was so happy he was here.

"Tell me about it?" he whispered.

I wanted to tell him about it, my confession to Mr. Wenhem, my attack in the sick bay, thinking I was truly going to die. How did I tell him I thought I was going to die? That if Cross hadn't come along when he did I wouldn't be here? How do you tell someone that you know what it's like to choke on your own blood? How do you tell someone you had been pushing away for months, years, that you really did have feelings for them? As it turns out, you couldn't tell someone, at least I couldn't. I went for rolling my hands into his shirt and pressing my face into his chest. He smelt like cigarettes, alcohol and sweat, not exactly a nice mixture but at the time to me it was heaven. It was his smell and underneath it I could smell other things, like dirt and eucalyptus, bark and fresh water. All the smells, of all the places he had been while he wandered the hills. Right now he smelt like freedom and release, something I wanted. If I wasn't so desperate to get away from the place, I would drop out of school and follow him everywhere.

He started to stroke my hair and it only made me cry harder. I was sick of crying, sick of being awake, I just wanted to go to sleep.

"Come on, Allen," Lavi said, scooting out from under the bed. He reached under and pulled me out easily. Just as easily he lifted me up and placed me on the bed, before crawling in beside me. I pulled him towards me and went back to sniveling into his shirt.

"Can you tell me what happened?" he asked again.

"I can't," I choked.

"Why not?"

"I'll tell you later, but, I can't right now."

He was silent as I continued to sob into his shirt, his hands running through my hair in a comforting manner. I don't know how long it took, but eventually I stopped crying, but continued to sniffle pathetically.

"Can you at least tell me why you were under the bed?" he asked.

"What were you going to ask me first?" I sniffed.

"Well, school holidays are soon right?"

I nodded against his chest.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come with me for some of it, I want to show you something I've found up there, in the hills. Do you want to come?"

Desperately, it was an escape, exactly what I needed. I didn't care if I had to sleep out on the ground, under the stars, it couldn't be much worse then spending hours under the bed. Actually it was a whole lot better.

"I'd love to," I said at last.

"That's great, I really want to show you the things I've seen. Now, why were you hiding under the bed?"

Another dilemma, how do you tell someone that you had reverted back to a childhood safety mechanism? I figured I could tell him, after all, he had told me about his father, not much but it still wasn't exactly something you tell just any body. I took a deep breath and told him.

"It was something I did when I was kid. I always felt safe hiding under the bed. I started when Mana first adopted me. It started because, my arm hurt, and I didn't want anyone to know, so I hid under the bed. But then, as I got older, I had more reasons to hid. I would hide when Mana and my foster mother would fight, they always fought because of me. And then, when… w-when…"

Why had I decided to tell him, I was reliving memories that I didn't want to remember. But I'd already started, I had to finish now. I took another deep breath and continued.

"I use to hide, when she hit me. She hated me, Lavi, and after a few years she would beat me. And they use to argue and I hated it, so I hid under the bed."

"Allen, I had no idea you went through that as a child," he whispered, pulling me even closer.

"I'm starting to think, maybe we don't know that much about each other. I didn't know about your Dad, you wont tell me about your eye. I don't know about your Mother, or where you lived before here. I don't know anything about your life before you came here."

"Sorry, Allen, I guess it never really came about, but maybe we can learn more about each other when you come with me."

"That would me nice." I mumbled, snuggling in closer.

"Get some rest hey, you look half dead," he said this and kissed my head softly, which unfortunately still had the word 'FAG' written on it.

"Okay," I mumbled.

I closed my eyes and finally, feeling safe, I fell asleep.

Of course when I woke up the next day he was gone.

...

**Seriously you guys! Ten reviews, for one chapter! A shitty one at that! I love you all so much, it really helped me finish this chapter faster. Can you give me ten reviews for every chapter, please *begs***

**Anyway I think this chapter is a bit better than the last one.**

**xXDormantInsanityXx: You're right, Cross is the only man alive able to pick up holding a gun. I hope this chapter is satisfying because Allen kinda does admit to liking Lavi. ANd yeah, use hussy as much as possible, it's a fun word.**

**animeobsessed001: What can I say that hasn't already been said, you're awesome, you know that. :D I'm so glad you thought it was realistic, I try, so hard *sniff***

**DarkEnvisions: Yeah I do the same with reviewing so I know where your coming from. But you can't stop me from hating my chapters, I usually hate all of them, but the thing is when reading back over old chapters I find that I really like them, just not when I'm writing them. If that makes sense. But thank you for your words, something else that really gave me a swift kick up the arse and helped me write this chapter.**

**Beekeeper's Daughter: You will see about Cross and Lenalee, Mwahahaha. Sorry about all my mistakes but I'm trying so hard and learning with each new chapter.**

**Tomlinson's Thrusts: I love the fact that I've inspired someone to text their friend and tell them about this story. Not much of Lavi in this chapter so you probably still miss him, but I assure you next chapter will be Lavi filled.**

**Katastrophi: Do it, write a Laven, the world needs more Laven, there is way too much Yullen.**

**K9L712: I know the POV change can be annoying, but I honestly can't stand it when I read a story and there are these gaps going LAVI POV: ALLEN POV:. Sorry but I wont be doing that, I try to make it obvious as soon as possible when there is a POV change but I guess I need to try a little harder.**

**Colorful-Crap: Welcome new reader! at least I think you are *shrugs*, anyway welcome and I hope you continue to like the story.**

**Hanashi o suru: Yeah it's boring if that happens, from here things get a little better though *knowing smirk***

**Sex-a-lisious Usagi: You changed your name didn't you? Hopefully this chapter makes up for Allen pushing Lavi away. Also I can't believe how many people never thought of Cross and Lenalee together.**

**Well that's it, I'm out, hope you all enjoyed!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello, I come baring lots of fluff, a dash of smut and lots of Allen being caught in awkward situations, Yay!**

**Oh, and a 'SKITE' by the way, is someone who likes to brag, and can at times be a show off.**

**Ten**

The swelling in my nose had finally gone down, though it was still tender to the touch. The bruising around my eyes had faded and the cut on my face had healed enough that it didn't need a bandage anymore. It still looked terrible and now I had yet other scar on my face, cutting through the long one I already had over my left eye. I couldn't help that though, besides what was one more scar that was almost tiny in comparison to the others I had. Aside from all that, today was the day I set out with Lavi. I had finished all my exams and the passed few days Lavi had been dropping by regularly. Just briefly, he would stop by and pick up something I wanted to take with me on the trip. A bag of clothes, some food I'd bought or smuggled from the cupboards. My guitar too, I didn't want to leave it lying around in case Cross found it again. I'd had to steal some strings from the music room to re-string it. I didn't need anymore broken strings, but I'd ordered some to arrive in the mail at some point.

Everything was already set up and I didn't need to take anything more with me, other than a bag of toiletries. There was one thing however, and that was stealing for Cross again. It was deja vu. Cross was passed out of the couch, I had to meet Lavi soon, and I had to be as quiet as a mouse. I ignored the good stuff, sitting on top of the filing cabinet, although I was more tempted than usual to steal some of it. Instead I went for the cheaper stuff, hidden away inside the draws. I rolled the draw out softly, wincing at every tiny squeak, no knowing what my fate would be if Cross caught me. Opening the draw I reached in and pulled out two of the small bottles of vodka.

"Drop it, right now."

Shit… Cross was awake. I turned my head slowly and was faced with Cross sitting up on the couch, Timcampy perched on his shoulder. The bird had given me away I knew it, his undying loyalty could put war time dogs to shame, the bastard. He tweeted softly and nuzzled up to Cross' cheek, I could tell he was just rubbing it in.

"Put it back, and I wont kick your arse so hard you can't sit down for a week."

Another dilemma of whether to fight or flight. Do I risk taking the alcohol, or do I try and talk my way out of it, or do I risk legging it, with the alcohol. There was a lot to think about, if I took it and run, I wouldn't be seeing Cross for a week anyway, there was a chance he would forget. He could also remember, causing him to kick my arse so hard I couldn't sit for a week. I could put it back, and he could kick my arse so hard, I couldn't sit for a day. All of these options seemed to result in me being unable to sit for some amount of time. But I needed that alcohol, like always I felt guilty for Lavi always having to supply all the goods. Actually where did Lavi always get his stuff from? I gently lowered the bottles back into the draw, then gripped them both in one hand and dashed for the front door.

"Hey!" Cross yelled, scrambling to his feet.

I'd already condemned my arse to a good kicking so while I was running passed, I grabbed his smokes off the coffee table.

"That does it, brat!" Cross roared behind me as I ran out the door.

I smashed into something solid the moment I was out the door, and tumbled backwards. I would have smashed into the ground, but whatever I had smashed into grabbed my arms and pulled me up. I looked up into Lavi's smiling face and was about to warn him, when the door smashed against it's frame.

"You better hope I don't catch you!" Cross yelled, steam practically screaming out of his ears.

"Run!" I yelled at Lavi.

It took Lavi 0.2 seconds to grab my hand and haul me forward out onto the front lawn and down the street. I expect us to turn right, headed towards the end of the street, that lead to town. But he turned left leading us towards the other end that backed onto the desert at the end.

"Why're we going this way?" I yelled.

"Because it'll be harder for him to chase us in the car!"

"Car?!"

I turned my head, continuing to run, to see Cross getting into his car and revving the engine.

"SHIT!" I yelled, picking up my pace. I was running next to Lavi when we reached the barb wire fence at the end. Lavi leap it easily, just like that, and continued to run. I skidded to a halt as there was no way I could do that, I don't know how he even managed to do it.

"Come on, Allen!" Lavi yelled, already over a hundred metres away.

"Fuck you, Lavi!" I yelled, laying down and crawling under the fence, scraping my back on the wire as I went.

"I'm ready when you are, Al!" he yelled with a laugh.

"You're such a jerk!" I screamed back, getting to me feet and racing after him.

Cross had sounded way to close for comfort when I had made it to the fence. Lavi had stopped up the track and waited for me. When I reached him I turned around, panting, watching Cross' car getting closer without slowing down.

"He wouldn't go through the fence would he?" Lavi asked.

"Nah, he wouldn't want to risk having to pay money to fix it." I said, panting slowly.

However the car didn't slow down, and plowed right through the fence, coming towards us slightly slower but still with a bit too much speed.

"You were saying?" Lavi said, turning and running for it again.

"Fuck," I managed to say before turning and running for it myself.

"You better hope you don't trip over," Cross yelled, his tone a little too cheerful. However just as he said this he ran his car into a dry dam. By the time he had managed to reverse the car out, we were a speck in the distance.

…

"Okay, so let me get this straight," Lavi panted, "We almost got run over for two bottles of vodka and a packet of smokes."

"Um… yeah?" I said also panting.

"You know, if I'm going to get run down, I'd like if for something a little more impressive. You know like saving a toddler that ran out in traffic or something."

"Well sorry for trying to supply some… supplies for the trip."

"Seriously, Allen?" he said, climbing to his feet and brushing the dirt from his pants. "Let's get going."

He picked up the two bottles we had risked our lives for, placing them in either of his pockets of his cut off cargo pants. We had circled the back of the town and entered the scrub, and eventually made it back to the dry creek bed.

"Already?" I said, flopping back to lay on the ground, I still hadn't caught my breath.

"It's already passed ten and it takes a few hours to get there, I don't want the effect to be ruined because it's getting dark.

"Lavi," I whined, "It doesn't get dark until eight."

"Yeah, but, I just want to hurry up and get there, plus I've never had to walk up there with someone else before. It might take longer with someone else."

"Are you saying I'm slow?" I asked, shuffling up to my feet.

"Well, maybe."

I gritted my teeth and pushed onward, ahead of Lavi to prove him wrong.

"Hey, Allen?" he said, sounding a little smug.

"What?" I asked, continuing to walk.

"You're going the wrong way."

I halted in my steps and felt my face began to burn in embarrassment.

"I'm serious, you're walking back to town," he said with a laugh.

I grumbled and turned back to him, keeping my face parallel to the ground.

"Don't worry, Al," Lavi said, throwing his arm around my shoulder, "I'll get you there."

Unfortunately when he threw his arm around my shoulder my face flared up again and I couldn't lift my head in case Lavi saw.

"Shove off, Lavi," I mumbled.

Surprisingly he took his arm from around my shoulders and walked up ahead.

"Just pace yourself alright, I'm serious when I said it'll take a few hours."

He said this very softly and I couldn't help but think I had some how hurt him again. That wasn't the tone I wanted to hear from him. I still hadn't told him what I felt, I was planning on waiting until we got to where ever he was leading. It was silly, but I wanted to wait until we were alone, and the right moment. So stupid, I should have just told him the moment I realized, then I didn't have to risk hurting feelings. I'd already hurt him enough, I didn't need to hurt him further and risk an awkward week together. I didn't want us to spend a week together scooting around each other. And if things didn't improve, and I needed to get away… well… I didn't know my way back.

"I'm coming Lavi," I muttered, following after him.

…

"Laaaavi," I groaned, "My feet are killing me!"

I flopped down on a random rock and tried not to die, as promised it had taken a few hours. We were up to our third hour and I was worn out, my feet absolutely killing me.

"How do you do this?" I asked, taking off a shoe and rubbing my foot, I spied his bare feet. "And with out shoes."

"You should try bare foot, gives you more grip." He said with a laugh.

"No way, my feet are as soft as they come."

"Well at least wear some decent shoe's next time. You can't go traipsing up a hill for hours in a pair of Con's. You need something for long distance, something with a lot of grip."

"Yeah, your leather soles really look like they've got some good grip," I muttered bitterly.

"You want to see some good grip?" he said, once again just a little too cheerful.

"Yeah, go on, show me."

"Alright, watch this."

I raised my head from my feet and watched him walk over to a random tree. He gripped a high branch loosely, and then just with his feet, drew his entire body up into the tree.

"You see," he said, settling himself in a branch, "It's all in the toes really."

"Skite," I grumbled.

I walked up to the tree he was resting in and leaned my hand on it, looking up at him with a glare. He smiled back down at me, a very over the top smile. He loved that he could do something I couldn't I just knew it. I couldn't even climb tree's as a kid, I was terrible at it, never had the strength. I'm looking at you left arm.

"Whatever, you've proved your point."

Just as I said this, the bark that I had been leaning against slipped from the tree, taking my hand with it. As it turns out I couldn't even get my hand to grip to a stupid piece of bark. I stumbled and brushed a few pieces of bark from my hands before looking up. I looked up to see that the piece of bark I had dislodged had revealed a very large, disgusting, repulsive and all round gross, spider. I was frozen in fear, the thing was huge, bigger than my hand, bigger than Lavi's hand, and the way it's legs curled up and around made it a whole new level of gross.

"Lavi?" I whispered, "There is a very large spider on the tree."

"Huh?" He said, swinging down from the tree. He walked over to me, standing beside me and looking at the offending spider.

"It's. Huge," I say.

"Allen, you've got to learn your spiders, that's a Huntsman spider and it's completely harmless," he said walking closer to the tree and the monster spider.

"I don't care if it's harmless, it looks, just so wrong." I was seriously disgusted with the, weird, curled up, spiny brown… thing, in front of me.

"Really, Allen." He walked over and placed his palm right in front of the spider, "It's nothing."

He pushed the bottom of the spiders body and it crawled slowly up and settled in his palm. He lifted his hand and brought it up to his face, looking at the gross thing curiously. I honestly wanted to throw up, I resisted the urge but it was becoming even harder as he walked closer to me. I backed away, not watching where I was going, I didn't care, as long as it was away from that… thing.

"Get that thing away from me."

Lavi laughed, the bastard.

"Seriously, Allen, the only spider more harmless than this is the Daddy Long Legs. Actually the Daddy Long Legs, is deadlier, it's just that it's pincers are too small to pierce human flesh."

"Do you really think that helps!" I yelled, continuing to back away,

Just as I yelled, the spider in his hands raised up and scuffled around, it was facing me now, it was after me I knew. The way it's body moved was more disgusting that it's appearance, I could see all eight of it's beady black eyes, I couldn't stand it, I turned around and ran.

"Hey, Allen! Come back!" Lavi yelled.

I was running flat out the way I had come, there was no way I was staying anywhere near that monster.

"Allen!" Lavi continued to call.

I turned back, just in time to see the spider jump, actually jump, from his hand and scuttle towards me. I turned back forward and started running faster, the damn thing was chasing me I knew it!

"Allen, calm down." Lavi called, I could hear the laughter in his voice.

"Fuck you, Lavi!" I yelled behind me.

"I already told you, I'm ready when you are!" he called after me.

I ignored him and continued to run.

…

"Well," Lavi sighed, "There were a few minor set backs, but we made it in the end."

"Made it where?" I grumbled, completely worn out. All I could see around me was the same trees I had been seeing the passed few hours.

"It's just through here," he said, pointing through a random clump of trees. "You first."

I was way over this little 'trip', I almost wanted to go back and get my arse kicked by Cross. I grudgingly walked passed Lavi and pushed my way through the trees, the branches slapping at my face. I started to rush, just wanting to break free and see whatever it was Lavi had dragged me up here to see. I swear to god if it was something as stupid as a funny shaped rock I was going to kill him. I grumbled more, feeling hot, sun burnt, worn out, sticky with sweat, and altogether fucked. I pushed through the tree's into a clearing and couldn't believe what I saw in front of me.

An endless body of water stretched out in front of me. Completely endless, it went on forever, every side of it covered with large over hanging trees. The water lapped, like tiny waves, only a few metres from my feet. It looked so clean, but it was strange because although it looked so clean the water was pitch black. I walked up to the water's edge and saw that at the edges the water was a deep brown, still so dark. I knelt down at the edge and cupped my hands in the water, drawing it up to my face and smelling it. It smelt so clean, but had an underlying smell I couldn't distinguish.

"Great, isn't it?" Lavi said, waking up behind me.

"What is it?" I breathed.

"Natural spring, almost as old as this land itself. It gets that colour from underground minerals. Probably one of the purest things you will ever see."

"Is it safe?" I ask, letting the water slip through my fingers and dribble back into the lake.

"Sure it is, threw an Echidna in there just to make sure."

"You what!" I yelled, turning my head around to face him. "How could you do that?! Echidna's are adorable, and they waddle when they walk, and their babies are called Puggles, and they're just so cute! How could you do that!"

"Woah! Calm down, Allen, I wasn't serious!" he said with a laugh. "I know what's safe and what's not."

I gave him a glare and stood up from the water's edge.

"Well, if I find out you've hurt one spine on an Echidna's back I'll strangle you."

"Don't worry! I wouldn't hurt an Echidna, like you said, they waddle when they walk."

He walked away and I followed after him, burning holes into his back as we walked. He led me back to the trees and between them was a tiny clearing, this was where all the bags had been placed.

"So what do you want to do first? Do you wa-"

"Food, I'm starving."

"Uh… sure. I'll get a fire started and you pick out what you want to eat, and remember that food has to last a week."

"Yeah, yeah." I mumbled, pulling out cans of food.

For the most part we'd be living off canned food, but there was some fresh stuff as well. We had a pile of apples, some oranges, two loaves of bread, and a bag of potatoes. I'd also brought along the important stuff, like packets of chips and bags of marshmallows, I mean seriously, you can not go camping without marshmallows. Mmm, marshmallows, I grabbed a bag and opened it, instantly stuffing a handful in my mouth. I heard Lavi moving around, starting the fire and then I smelt the smoke. I twirled around and shuffled towards the tiny fire, grabbing a stick and spearing at least four marshmallows as I went. I shoved the marshmallows into the flames and watched them bubble. I left them in there until they turned dark brown and then shoved them all in my mouth. With a large grin spreading across my face, I speared another four marshmallows and repeated the process.

"Allen, have you already eaten that whole packet?" Lavi said, returning a short time later with an armload of firewood.

"Most of it," I mumbled around a mouthful of melted, sticky mush.

"I built the fire because I thought you were going to cook something, not devour an entire packet of marshmallows," he said, dropping the wood and taking a seat across from me.

I shrugged and continued to shove marshmallows in my mouth.

"Are you just gonna sit there all day?" He asked with a sigh.

"Just until the packet's gone. Then I'll take a break and start on the next one… actually I feel a little sick."

He stood up with a sigh, then to my surprise, pulled his shirt off over his head and threw it to the side. I quickly diverted my gaze and poked at a marshmallow.

"Um, Lavi, what're you doing?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm hot and sweaty and I'm going for a swim."

"You can swim in that?" I said looking up at him, making sure to keep my gaze locked onto his eyes, not his shirtless chest.

"Yeah, I've been swimming it it heaps of times. Are you coming?"

"Um, no, I don't think so," I mumbled spearing another marshmallow, successfully finishing the packet.

"You're not just going to sit here all week and eat marshmallows are you?"

"N-no." Maybe…

"Then let's go."

"I can't," I mumbled.

"Why not?"

"I don't… want you to see."

"See what? It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"That's not what I mean," I continued to mumble. Sub-consciously I had draw my arm in close to my chest, almost cradling it.

"Is this about your scars?" He asked, moving around to stand in front of me.

I nodded but refused to look at him. Although Lavi knew about the scars on my body, had seen some of them in the dark, he had even felt them, but he had never actually properly seen them. He didn't know just how bad it looked, didn't know that there were deep pockets of empty flesh. Didn't know there were parts of my skin that were basically translucent, where red and blue veins shone bright. He didn't know of all the skin graphs, injections, physical therapy, hospital visits, and I'd like to keep it that way.

"It's not like I don't know they're there," he said.

"Yeah, but looking at it is so much worse."

Lavi grabbed my arm and hauled me to my feet, I still refused to look at him. He tugged my arm away from my chest and started to unbutton my shirt.

"What're you doing?" I yelled, slapping his hands away.

He pushed my hands aside and continued to tug at the buttons. I struggled against him and stumbled backwards, trying to get him to let go. He tugged the last button loose, then grabbed the shirt and tugged it off me.

"There, now I've seen it, and I don't care," he said, stepping back and bundling the shirt up into a roll.

I stood shaking with my arms wrapped around my chest, trying my best to cover it all up as best as I could. I couldn't look up, I didn't want to see the horror in his eye. I felt Lavi's hand grip both my wrists and pull them apart, letting them go to drop beside my body. He then trailed one hand down my left arm, where the scarring was the worst, stopping at my hand and gripping it tightly.

"I'm not going to lie, Allen, it's not pretty, but I don't care. The only thing I do care about is how much pain you went through to get this."

I couldn't actually remember the fire, but the pain I felt afterwards was enough. My entire left arm, parts of my chest, stomach, back and thighs were covered in burn scars. On the right side there was a long jagged scar that went from shoulder to hip. That's where the piece of ceiling fell on me and held me in place, while the fire chewed away at the flesh on my left side. Of course this was all told to me later on, I didn't remember, I'm glad I don't. My left hand was some how only partially burnt, there was a small patch of clear flesh on my palm, and my thumb, index and middle finger were all fine. My ring and pinky finger however were too small and had a slight permanent curl to them. I was lucky to have my fingers at all.

I realized that what I thought were just thoughts, I was actually telling to Lavi.

"You're very lucky," Lavi said, tracing his fingers down the scar on my right side.

"And that was only the first time I almost died," I said was a bitter chuckle.

"There was more than once?" he asked worried.

I raised my scarred hand and ran it over the scar on my face. "This was the second time, and the third time… well I'll tell you that later." I still hadn't told Lavi about almost suffocating.

"You've got two up on me then," he said wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against him. "I've only had one near death experience, well, one real one."

I'd had enough of talking, it seemed to wear me out. I leaned against him and wrapped my own arms around him, resting my head on his chest. Which I had momentarily forgotten was shirt free. I felt my face heat up and was glad that my face was pressed to his chest and he couldn't see. I realized that if there was ever a time to tell him it was now. How could there be a better time to tell someone you had feelings for them when you're both shirtless and hugging. I took a deep breath and was about to tell him, when Lavi broke the hug and walked away. I never thought he would be the one to ruin it for me like that, I was too busy ruining things all by myself.

He walked over to the pile of bags and started to go through them, pulling something out from one of them. He turned back to me and tossed something bright at me yelling 'catch', as he did. I grabbed the item and held it up to look at it, finding it was a pair of swimming trunks.

"I brought those just for you, they're my old ones from when I was ten." Lavi walked up to me and patted me on the head like I was a little kid, "They should fit you just fine."

"Ten, that's bullshit." I was calling his bluff.

"You don't have to believe me," he said, walking away towards the water's edge, "But I'm the only one here that will ever truly know. I'll meet you in there."

He laughed and I turned around burning in embarrassment. Just because he was basically a giant didn't mean he had to rub it in. I stormed off into the trees to get dressed, mumbling profanities. I shuffled off my shoes and my trousers and had put one leg through the swimming trunks when I heard a loud splash. I was more than a little nervous, I'd never been this exposed in front of someone before. And I wasn't exactly the best of swimmers, I'd taken a few lessons as a child, mainly as physical therapy, but I was never very good at it. Then there was the whole Lavi shirtless thing. Yes sir, this was going to be a difficult venture.

I took a deep breath, mentally prepared myself, and stepped back out into the clearing. Lavi was already pretty far out, and swimming out even further. I stepped forward and just let the water ripple against my toes. The water was cool and pleasant, but in all honesty I was scared shitless. There was something about the colour of the water that just made me think that I was going to get sucked in. I felt like something would grab my leg while I was swimming, pulling me under into that pitch black. It was almost like I was invading on something I was not meant to be a part of. I really just wanted to back away from it, but Lavi was out there, swimming out so far. And the water felt so nice and clean, so I pushed my fears aside and started to walk in. I wadded in stopping when the water came to my waist for a moment to adjust to the temperature.

The water was icy cold all around and felt like it was moving, like it had it's own current. I had been hot and sweaty earlier but I had cooled down rapidly and was even shivering slightly.

"Are you coming or what?!" Lavi yelled.

"Lavi," I called after him, "I can't really swim that well."

"Bloody, Pom." He called out with a sigh, but he paddled back towards me.

"Just because we don't have reasons to hurl ourselves into the ocean," I grumbled, knowing I wasn't making any sense.

He stopped several metres away from me, and waved for me to come over. I didn't want to go much further, I already couldn't see my feet. I could only see to about my knees, and that was only just. I had to get over it so I took a deep breath and dived under the water, almost screaming out at the cold that hit me on all sides. I swam, badly, in Lavi's direction. I refused to open my eyes under the water, I didn't want to open them up and see nothing but darkness. It would terrify me I know. After a few pathetic strokes I pushed my way up and broke the surface, finding that I had only moved about three metres. Lavi laughed at me and my lame arse swimming capabilities, and swam the remaining five metres that separated us.

"Come on, you can do it, just take baby steps," he mocked.

I walked forward slowly, happy that I was still able to touch the bottom, even as the water lapped at my chest, reaching my armpits. I was just about to reach him when the ground disappeared beneath my feet and I was plunged into the darkness. I flailed under the water panicking at the darkness I saw, before remembering to swim. I kicked up and broke the surface in a panic, latching on to the first solid thing I could find, which turned out to be a laughing Lavi.

"You arse hole!" I cried, "You knew that was going to happen didn't you?"

He was basically in tears as he continued to laugh at me. I clung to him still terrified out of my mind, he might have found the whole thing funny, but I was not amused. He swum easily through the water, even with me clinging to him. He stopped after a couple of metres, still chuckling to himself, I really wanted to slap that smile off his face.

"Okay, you can loosen the death grip, you should be able to touch the bottom," he said, still smiling.

I hadn't noticed but my legs had been curled up to my chest the whole time. I slowly unfurled them and realized I could touch the ground. I let out a sigh of relief and turned back to Lavi, who was still smiling. Looking at him I realized this was exactly the right time to tell him. His hair was plastered to his face in little spikes, some of them dripping with water. And the big cheesy smile on his face was the happiest I had seen him for a long time. Now was exactly the time to tell him. I took a deep breath, meaning to let out everything, but strangely I somehow managed to take a very different route. I tightened my grip around his neck and leapt up, wrapping my legs around his waist. I run one hand up to the back of his head and pushed it forward, forcing his lips to mine. It wasn't what I wanted to say or do, but as I forced my way into his mouth I was finding I didn't mind the road I had gone down. I could tell he was surprised because he didn't respond even as I twisted my head to the side and continued.

I was all on my own, Lavi continuing to stand there, not moving or responding in any way. I pulled away and looked at his now sombre face.

"What's the matter?" I asked, my eyes searching his face.

"Allen," He said, resting his hands lighting on my waist. "I don't think I could handle it right now if you push me away again."

"I-I'm sorry, but I don't want to hurt you, or… turn you away anymore. Lavi, I've, realized a few things lately." I felt my face heat up again. I'd been through this conversation a million times in my head but now that I was about to tell him I didn't know what to say. I closed my eyes and leaned forward, resting my forehead against his. "I'm still a bit scared and confused, but I've realized that, I do like you, and a little more than just friends. I'm sorry for everything, and that, it took me so long. But I really do like you and I like, the things we do together, and…"

And there was nothing else to say, but so much more that I just couldn't voice.

When Lavi didn't say anything I let out a sigh and started to pull away. I guess it was going to be an awkward week, at least I had plenty of marshmallows. I untangled my hands from his hair and pushed against his shoulders, unwrapping my legs from around him.

"Wait," Lavi said quickly, pulling me back to him. He moved his hands from my waist and wrapped his arms fully around me, pressing me close to his chest. He suddenly smiled his large happy go lucky smile. "I'm so happy that you've told me those things, but I'm still worried about everything. I know I came on too strong from the beginning, and I'm sorry about that, but, please don't tell me those things and push me away again. Don't get my hopes up."

"Sorry," I mumbled, resting my head against his shoulder.

We stayed like that for awhile, Lavi holding me and swishing us from side to side.

I was risking everything at that time but from my position I moved my head up and kissed the side of his neck. He shivered and his hold tightened so I continued what I was doing. I kissed up his neck, reaching his jaw and kissing along it, enjoying the flavour of the fresh water on his skin. I pressed my lips to his but this time Lavi pressed back. I went to push my tongue back into his mouth only to be stopped by him pushing himself against me. I was more than happy to let him roll his tongue against mine, even happier when he started to move his hands. His left arm stayed tightly wrapped around me, holding me to him. His right arm explored up and down my body, more often then not, his fingertips would trace along my scars.

Some how with out me even noticing, the kissing became more passionate, more heated. Lavi's hands started to knead into my skin and his mouth became almost vicious. He bit my bottom lip, causing me to jump and pull away. Lavi just grabbed my head and forced me back to him. I felt dizzy and I realized I had forgotten how to breath. I wasn't about to suffocate on a kiss, so instead of trying to pull away I tilted my head up, taking in deep breaths. This just opened up my neck and Lavi quickly took the opportunity, biting into my neck softly. I groaned, loving the feeling of his tongue massaging my neck. I pushed his head further into my neck, grabbing fistfuls of hair in what must have been a painful grip.

I was having a great time, I'd go as far as calling it a fucking excellent time. So of course something had to ruin it. That happened, again. I could feel myself stirring and there was no way I was letting it come to full attention and poking Lavi with it. If that happened I think I would just have to drown myself. So before it developed any further I shoved Lavi off me roughly and backed away again.

"What the fuck, Allen?!" Lavi roared, grabbing my upper arms before I could get away, "Is this funny to you? Do you enjoy playing with my emotions?!"

His face was red with anger and I was almost a little scared of him. Also his grip on my arms was painfully tight.

"N-no, I didn't mean, um…"

The red slowly disappeared from his face and a pained expression took it's place.

"I told you not to get my hopes up," he said in a broken voice.

"I'm sorry, I've just got a little problem." Little was an understatement.

"What is it?" he asked, pulling me close again.

I struggled to get away before we could get to close, but we were already far too close. I felt my 'problem' brush against Lavi, making me shudder and a small squeak escape my mouth. I knew Lavi had felt it because his facial expression was blank. He blinked at me a few times while I stared back terrified, and then he started laughing. I could feel the heat on my face, so hot I was sweating, I can't even imagine how red I was. Lavi pulled me into a hug still laughing hysterically like it was funniest thing on earth. The hug only made my very over sensitive problem brush against him again making me tense up. I really just wanted to drown myself right then and there. If Lavi didn't have such a tight hold on me I would have slipped down into the darkness without a second thought.

"Hey, Allen," Lavi called, still chuckling.

"What?" I mumbled, still just wanting to die.

"Want me to take care of your problem?"

I gripped his shoulders and pushed away, looking up into his smirking face.

"What do you mean?"

The second I finished the sentence his right hand let go of my arm and disappeared into the water. Then his I felt his hand slid along my stomach before easily slipping down my trunks and taking a hold of my problem. I opened my mouth but somehow couldn't force any sound out. My whole body tensed up stiff as a board, and then slipped forward slightly until my head was resting next to my hand on Lavi's shoulder. He moved his hand ever so slightly making me jolt and gasp.

"Allen?" He said, moving his hand lightly again.

"Yes?" I managed to breath out.

"Do you want me to do this?"

"Y-yes," I said, concealing a moan.

I felt him press a kiss to my head and then he started to move his hand. I was so tense and my grip on Lavi's shoulders must have been painful. I was afraid that if I let my body relax I would simply melt away. So I clung to Lavi, completely ridged, digging my nails in while he continued to move his hand at a painfully slow pace. For some reason I noticed just how quiet it was. The only thing I could hear was the sound of rippling water as Lavi moved his hand back and forth, and the sound of my breath which was steadily becoming harsher. His grip tightened and I squeezed my eyes shut, whimpering softly.

"You alright?" He whispered in my ear.

"God, yes." I moaned.

He laughed softly and then quickened his pace, making me tense up even more. It was hard to describe what I was feeling, all I knew is that it felt good. It was like my whole body was being massaged with something pleasant. And right at the back of my mind there was this knowledge that something that felt even better was coming. At times I would feel like something big was about to happen, and then the feeling disappeared again. All the while this pressure built and built in my lower stomach, but it was a pleasant pressure.

Lavi sped up even more, leaning down to kiss my neck lightly. I turned my head and bit into my arm, trying to stifle the scream that threatened to tear from my mouth. But then Lavi did… something, with just his thumb and I couldn't suppress the noises any longer and I cried out.

"Shit," I panted.

"I guess you liked that," He said, doing the same thing again.

I managed to control the cry this time, but I knew I wouldn't be able to hold on much longer. I concentrated on my breathing, which was so drawn out and erratic I was getting light headed, although it could have just been from what Lavi was doing. He pulled at me even harder and the pressure built and built until even the tiniest touch could of set my off, let alone the heavy tugs Lavi was doing.

"Lavi," I moaned, when suddenly the pressure released, my breath catching in my throat.

My whole body exploded in pleasure and I felt a warm, tingling feeling crawl everywhere, even up my neck to my face. I tensed up, trying to savor every last moment of the pleasure as long as I could. The feeling slowly drained away from me leaving me breathless and weak. I finally loosened my grip on Lavi, letting my arms fall from his shoulders and my whole body sinking into the water. Lavi wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him, then rubbing a hand up and down my back. I felt so tired, I hadn't done anything, but I felt like I had run a marathon. I couldn't even reach up to hold Lavi like I so wanted to, my whole body limp. I wanted to do so much, say so many things, but right now I was just trying to breath properly.

When I could move again I pushed myself away from Lavi, his arms slipping away from me. I stumbled away from him until the water came to the bottom of my ribs, my mind trying to comprehend exactly what had just happened. The trunks were hanging loosely from my hips, I tugged them up with one hand, my other resting on my chest, my heart still fluttering. I couldn't believe that had just happened, I felt a little sick. I'd never felt anything like that before.

"Allen," Lavi called from behind me softly, making me jump. "Did I go too far again?"

"No," I breathed, "I just, I never…" My head was swimming.

I heard Lavi move through the water slowly, before coming to rest beside me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pressed me to his side. For some reason the position really made me notice the height difference between us. Why was I thinking this now? My mind just wasn't working at all. I pulled the trunks up higher and leaned against him, noticing that my breathing was still harsh.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry," he whispered.

"It's fine," I panted, "It's just that, I never felt anything like that before."

"Anything… at all?"

"N-Never."

"You mean you never… um, self serviced?"

"NO!" I shouted, this was just too embarrassing.

"Are you serious? Never?"

I shook my head and wanted to once again drown myself.

"Wow… You must have the will power of a monk. I never thought I would meet a fifteen year old male that's never choked the chicken."

"Lavi," I moaned, slipping down and sitting in the water until the water lapped at my chin, "Shut up, it's embarrassing."

Lavi slipped down in the water, settling beside me, his arm still around my shoulders.

"I'm seriously shocked, that's the first time you've felt that?"

I nodded and tried to hide my blushing face.

"Holy shit!" he yelled, throwing his head back. "I seriously can't comprehend it, when I was your age I couldn't leave the thing alone, I was at it every night! Actually I'm still at it most nights!"

"Lavi!" I yelped, shoving at him.

"Wow… just… wow," he laughed and pulled me closer against him, "Sorry, I'll shut up about it now, let's head back in. We've still got to set up where we're going to sleep and it's getting a bit late."

I looked around me and saw the way the shadows had lengthened, the day was still bright but it was obvious that it wouldn't stay that way for long. I shrugged Lavi's arm from off my shoulder, wanting to stand up, but now wanting to leave the water. For all the fears I felt earlier about the dark water now I didn't want to get up and leave it. So much had happened and I didn't know what to think anymore. Just when I had accepted my feelings, Lavi had gone and taken things to a whole new level. I mean, I enjoyed what he did, but, I just felt so weird, so different. I hadn't really thought much further than admitting my feelings to Lavi, but now there was something else. There was a sexual level to take into thought. Sure we had touched, and kissed, but this was definitely something more, something, so much different, and I wasn't really prepared for it. But I wanted to know where it went from here, I was curious.

"Let's go," Lavi said, standing up and wading out of the water.

I watched him walk out, trying to will myself to stand up and follow him. I went for sitting and watching him leave the water, as he stepped up further and further I finally noticed. I shrank back further in the water and called out.

"Where the fuck are your pants?!"

"Oh, I always swim naked," he said happily.

He started to turn towards me, but I quickly spun around so I couldn't see anything. There were some things I just wasn't prepared for.

"Put some god damn pants on!" I yelled swimming away as fast as I could.

"Aww, Allen, you're just so innocent."

I swam out further, most likely looking like a drowned rat with my lack of swimming ability. I looked over my shoulder briefly, not to catch a glimpse, not really. But when I did look back he was already in waist deep.

"I can't believe you were naked the whole time!" I cried.

The whole thing that had happened suddenly seemed a whole lot different. I started swimming, to the best of my ability, as fast as I could.

"Is this too much for you, Allen!" he called, laughter in his voice.

"Go put some pants on!" I yelled, swimming away even further.

"Allen, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to drown myself!" I yelled, plunging my head under the water.

It was so dark, and so cold, but with the way my face burned, and with all the thoughts in my mind, it was bliss.

…

After I managed to stop Allen from drowning himself, with a lot of effort, I dragged him up to the shore. It was so funny to watch him, his face was bright red and turned away from my nakedness. It wasn't my intention to make him blush so much, but I loved it when he did. Despite all that we had done together, plus the drinking and the smoking, he was still so innocent. He was adorable in every way, and I hate to say it, but I think I was completely and utter in love with him. I could finally admit that to myself. I hadn't wanted to ever say these things to myself because I was so afraid of Allen's rejection despite everything we had done. But this afternoon, it was almost perfect, there was a small bit of misinformation, but everything else was just perfect. Sure there was a few moments when I thought I had forced Allen a bit too far, but it all turned out alright. I was practically skipping when we made it back to land.

He continued to look away as I pulled us back to the fire I had left going against my better judgment. I should have just gone and put some clothes on, but the way Allen was acting, I couldn't help but draw it out a little longer. He sat down by the fire, which was by this point just coals. I lazily grabbed a few bits a wood and threw them on the coals, stocking up the fire. I messed about, checking the supply of wood we had, sorting through it all. I then walked over to our food supply and pulled out what I wanted to eat for dinner.

"For God's sake can you please put some clothes on!" Allen cried out.

I laughed at him and turned around giving him a full shot, which he didn't see because he had buried his face in his knees.

"Fine," I said, walking to my own bag of clothes and grabbing out something to wear.

I walked into a cluster of trees and started to dress myself. Although he had already seen, I felt Allen would appreciate it if I dressed where he couldn't see. I pulled on a pair of cut of shorts and a loose t-shirt, I fixed my eye patch before moving back to Allen. He had dressed himself while I was gone, he was dressed in his usual body covering clothes. Yet I was happy because he had rolled up his pant legs to his knees, and his shirt sleeve to his elbows. His burnt arm was completely exposed to me. His legs which I had never properly looked at before were also exposed to me. There was a few small burn scars on his left calf, they looked bad, but compared to the rest of his body it was nothing.

I stoked up the fire again and grabbed a few cans of food, a couple of cans of braised steak and onions, some baked beans, and for desert I grabbed a fruit cocktail. I cracked the lids of the steak and the beans slightly and shoved them in the very edges of the fire so they would heat up slowly. I walked over to Allen and sat down beside him, dropping the cans of fruit cocktail between us. I shuffled closer and his face flared up again, which I unfortunately loved. I slung an arm around his shoulder and pulled him towards me. I moved even closer and pressed my lips to his gently. There was the barest of movements as his lips moved against mine. I pulled away, not wanting to push him into anything at the moment. I'd already gone too far, I knew that, but him saying those things, the look on his face when I touched him, I couldn't keep away. However I had to, despite everything.

We ate the canned food together, Allen eating more than half, and almost the entire can of fruit. He let out a loud yawn and then got up and grabbed another bag of marshmallows. He started shoving piles of them onto a stick and then shoved them in the flames. I grabbed two for myself and he almost bit my hand off. After that I left them alone and instead just watched him eat. He quickly finished off the packet, and then let out another loud yawn and visible slumped. He was obviously worn out, it was only just after sun down, but it had been a big day for him. I got up and dragged out the bed rolls and blankets. I lay them out and set the blankets out, dropping the pillow Allen insisted on bringing on one of them, and then headed back to Allen whose head was nodding. He just couldn't get any cuter even if he tried.

"Bed time," I said, gripping him under the arms and dragging him up.

I led him over to one of the rolls and lowered him down. He snuggled up to the pillow and I threw the blanket over him, before walking back to the fire. I grabbed a bucket and walked back over to the waters edge, filling the bucket. I took it back to the fire and doused it, leaving us in darkness, with only the moon and the stars to light the land. I walked back over to Allen and looked down at him. He was so adorable.

"You look cold, Allen," I said with I smile, grabbing my own blanket.

"Huh," he murmured. "No, I'm fine."

"Nope, you'll freeze like that."

I threw my blanket over him and then crawled in with him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him against me.

"Extra body heat."

"Any excuse right?"

"I thought it was a good one."

He was silent and I thought he had gone to sleep, so I closed my eyes and tried to drift off myself.

"Hey, Lavi," Allen said, barely above a whisper.

"Yes?"

"I was just wondering, you know that thing, you did to me earlier."

I smiled at his wording and then replied, "Yes?"

"Have you, ever done that with anyone else?"

Of all the questions he could have asked me why did he have to ask me that. I could easily lie to him, but if he ever found out he'd be pissed off at me.

"Yes," I sighed, "I have."

"Who with?"

"Some arse hole," I replied bitterly.

"Did they, mean anything to you?"

I couldn't believe he was asking me these things.

"Not anymore."

He fell silent again and was really hoping he had fallen asleep. I didn't want to answer any more awkward questions. As it turned out he had just one more question that was worse than anything I could ever think up.

"Have you had sex?"

I thought about lying to him again, but what was the point.

"Yes,"

"Who with?"

"Same arse hole."

"When?"

"About a year ago," I said with a wince.

He kept silent and I knew he felt a little hurt. After all I'd been chasing him for over two years.

"It was stupid, I shouldn't have done it."

"Why did you?"

"I was, pissed off, depressed, wanted a release, and that arse hole had shown up again, and well, it was either that or kill myself."

"W-why were you so angry?"

_Because I loved you so much and couldn't have you._

"I don't think you'll like that answer very much."

"You, don't really want to kill yourself do you?"

"I've… thought about it, come close a few times."

"…It, was my fault wasn't it," he whined.

"Don't think about it, just go to sleep."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I let him go and pulled at his shoulder until he rolled towards me. Great, I'd made him cry again.

"It's not your fault, Allen, I'm just messed up," I said, wiping away a tear.

"That makes two of us," he laughed.

"Yeah, now go to sleep."

He nodded and curled up to my chest. Seconds later he was asleep. I held him tight and made sure he was fully covered by the blankets. So much for the day being perfect.

…

**First off… KYAAAAAAAA! 17 reviews! I love you guys, seriously, love you guys *sniffle***

**I know I said I'd update faster if I got reviews and… I kinda did, you know, I usually take about two weeks to update.**

**Thanks for hanging around and I hope you guys continue to support and read my little story.**

**Oh and Black Lakes do actually exist, and it is because of underground minerals, I've been swimming in one and it is the strangest yet most amazing feeling.**

**Please search for your name below: :)**

**Kohikari: Thank you for providing me with the craziest, most intense, insane and entertaining review I've ever received. I'm glad at least one person was very pro CrossLena. And Socalee! My mind has been blown. And you seemed to be the only person so far to remember that I made Kanda and Lenalee have a little moment earlier on. *thumbs up***

**I know what you mean about the Yullen obsession, I'm currently in the mids of trying to create a Yullen so horrifically terrible, just to see if people will still be all, I love Yullen. I think I'll fail though, people are so loyal to Yullen. And sorry, no orgies.**

**How I wish you had left the long weepy rangy review, it would have been, most interesting. Anyway a large chunk of this is based on my own life growing up in a small town. It's exactly what you say, there are all these people that have known each other way back to whatever generation. But if your not one of those it can be hard to associate with people who have some much in common and who are basically all married to each other. It's rather easy to become an outcast in a small town. Because all you have to do is just piss off one person, and everyone will know about it if you pissed off the wrong person.**

**Yes, and horror movies, always made in small inbred towns. Perhaps I should end the story with Lavi going on a rampage with a chain-saw?**

**Colourful-Crap: I'm glad you liked Cross, I'm trying to make him a caring arse hole :D.**

**ang694: I can't believe you stayed up all night to read this … but so happy. Yeah I hate it when stories get too weepy and angst, I don't mind angst, I write it a lot, but I just hate when people go overboard with it and it's just constantly *woe is life* an' shit. Thanks for joining and I hope you stick around.**

**FireCreeks: Sorry bout the spelling mistakes, but I'm getting better right?… right? Seriously though I'm learning with each new chapter and pointing out mistakes helps me learn faster, so keep on doing it.**

**The-Butterses: I think calling it Literature might be going a bit far, but still didn't mean that I love you for saying that. Yeah I like the image of outcast Lavi, wandering around, and bullied Allen, being all lost. **

**DarkEnvisions: Honestly… Didn't like this chapter much, ahahah we've been through this I know, I guess we're both just hopeless. When I was writing the part of Cross carrying Allen I was going 'Awwwww' in my head, even **

**I thought it was cute. Oh and that whole sentence I wrote that included 'the hip thing' and 'boner', I was trying to make it as blunt as possible and that's how I ended up with that particularly amusing sentence ahaha I loved it.**

**Beekeeper's Daughter: I guess you must be a little torn down the middle with this chapter then. There is plenty of fluff and emotional conversations, and trust me, plenty more to come. Also a bit of smut but I figured it was a good way to take their relationship to the next level and confuse Allen just a little bit more.**

**TheSnarkyAuthor: He told him yay! But I just couldn't leave it at that, I've confused Allen all over again, I'm so mean.**

**Katastrophi: I'm trying to be as realistic as possible, but I think I might be overdoing it with their emotional turmoil. However there is still a lot of struggling to come and I think that's the best way to go with a story like this. Yay for you own Laven! We must unite and show all those Yullen fans out there, mwahahaha.**

**Tomlinson's Thrusts: I hope you're happy with this chapter. He finally admitted, but got something he didn't really expect hey? ;) Sorry I didn't update as fast, life you know. I'll keep trying though!**

**LightMyBulb: Ahaha love the name change, makes me laugh. Lavi filled chapter! I hope you liked.**

**K9L712: Was the POV change better this time around? I tried to make it as obvious as possible that it was Lavi. Hope it worked.**

**Hanashi o suru: Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I know you are a most loyal reviewer and I love you for that!**

**TheBeanButCallMeBee: If you think that's a cliffhanger what did you think of this chapter? And I've got way bigger cliffhangers to come… because I'm mean. (You may have noticed hah)**

**flygon3300: Yeah Alma is a bit of a douche and I'm making him progressively worse, but he's the bad guy of the story. Sorry it took so long, but hope you stick around, even with my spasmatic updates.**

**Sex-a-licious usage: Yeah Lavi is kinda cute, but he has a temper too, which we will see a bit more of. I like the way you described Cross too, caring but still a drunken shit head. I love writing him. And telling me that you think I'm one of the best writers out there, thanks, but my low self-esteem can't accept it. Still thanks for saying that.**

**animeobsessed001: Yeah, yeah, brag away, got to read it first, ahaha, I'll be doing something similar very shortly. Well they made out some more, plus a little bit of something else ;). Did you expect that? **

**BYE GUYS SEE YOU NEXT CHAPTE**


	11. Chapter 11

**Eleven.**

I was woken up by Lavi's snoring. It wasn't a very big snore, Lord knows I'd heard enough of Cross' snoring that a light snort from Lavi couldn't wake me up. No, it was that Lavi jerked his head up into my jaw when he did, snapping my teeth together. At some point during the night, I had gone from being curled into Lavi's chest, to Lavi being curled up to mine. Which was how he managed to smack me in the jaw. If that wasn't bad enough, when he did that it jolted my head up into a beam of pure, and utterly overwhelming, sunlight. I groaned, hating being woken before I truly wanted to. There's nothing worse than light in your eyes upon waking. I grumbled and sat up, the blanket falling from me and down into my lap. Lavi mumbled and shifted around a bit before settling. I smiled at him and then remembering everything that had happened the day before, everything that had been said.

I slipped out from under the blankets quietly, making sure to rearrange them back around Lavi. I felt a little sick, I didn't know what to think about what Lavi had said. I shuffled back to the dead coals of the fire and threw some small pieces of kindling on it. After what had happened yesterday, I just knew that Lavi had done the same thing to someone else. However finding out that he had actually had sex… I was, I don't know, a little hurt I guess. With the kindling built up I struck a match and tried to get the whole thing going. I guess I shouldn't be hurt knowing that Lavi was, experienced, for lack of a better word. I should have known with the way he kissed me, there was no way someone could do those things without, well, knowing what to do! Why the hell wouldn't the bloody fire light up!

I walked over to the supplies and grabbed one of the bottles of vodka I had stolen from Cross. Cracking the lid I doused a small amount over the wood and struck another match, throwing it in. Finally the fire started up and I threw smaller bits of wood onto the flame, gradually building up a steady flame.

What the hell… really, if Lavi was serious why had he spent almost three years chasing me only to have sex with someone else. I know I had pushed him away, but he always came back. How was I suppose to feel knowing that he was going with someone else, maybe the whole time. Was I just another person he was using? No, surely not, no one chased someone for that long and to get so little… right? I threw a log on on the building fire, sparks flying up from it. What the hell was I suppose to think now? Last night I was saddened, this morning I was angry. And then there were all the scars on Lavi's arms.

Did he really want to die? I didn't know he really thought that way, I thought it was just cutting. Shit, here I was calling it 'just cutting', like cutting wasn't bad enough. I think what I wanted to think, was that, maybe he wasn't that serious. But nobody cuts themselves without thinking about death right? Ah fuck, what would I know… but I do know. I'd thought about it, maybe not too seriously and I'd never cut myself. However, there have been times when I'd think that maybe it was better if I was just dead so I didn't have to feel something.

"Crap!" I yelled. It was the first thing that came to mind.

I thought my confusion would end when I finally realized that I had feelings for Lavi. Now I found myself questioning those feelings all over again.

Grumbling to myself I went to our food supply and grabbed a loaf of bread, taking it back to the fire. I pulled out a slice and speared it with another random stick, hovering it over the fire. I quickly toasted up a stack of toast and then realized I didn't have butter. I really wanted butter. I grumbled some more and then devoured the stack of toast quickly. When I was done I grabbed a few apples and ate them. When I still wasn't satisfied I grabbed a couple of oranges and pealed them, before devouring them too. When that was done I was still hungry, I walked back to the fire, planning on picking up the loaf of bread and eating that. Walking back to the fire I noticed the bottle of vodka and instead of picking up the bread, I picked up the bottle.

I'd heard drinking before noon was disgraceful, but since I didn't know what time it actually was, I figured it wouldn't hurt. I drank deeply from the bottle, ignoring the burn as best as I could. The liquor settled in my stomach relieving some of the hunger I felt. I took a few more swigs before walking back over to our supplies, shuffling through them, trying to find something to distract myself. My eyes settled on my guitar, I was so glad I had brought it just them. Not only for the distraction it would create, but because it kept it away from Cross. I grabbed the guitar, keeping a tight hold on the bottle, and walked out to the waters edge.

I settled near the edge, the water still lapping lightly like someone had just jumped into a pool. I sighed and took a few more swigs before positioning the guitar and starting to play. I started off with a few finger exercises, just some scales, and then some chord progressions. It was always best to me to start off with scales or progressions, you should never forget the basics. When that was done I started to play something, nothing in particular. Then my mindless playing became a song I knew. I played the whole song through, singing the words in my head. When the song finished I started it again, this time, I sang the chorus and following verse softly to myself.

_"__Songbird, you got tales to tell_

_How many times can you describe your living hell?_

_The sweeping gesture creates a fuss_

_It's only useful when receiving praise_

_Relieving no-ones pain_

_If you'd let somebody love you just enough_

_You'd have everything you'd need to break_

_Free from all your pain"_

I stopped singing when I felt arms wrap around my chest, but I continued to play, missing a few beats.

"Are you singing about you or me?" Lavi asked, his voice still heavy with sleep.

"I don't know," I sighed.

I set the guitar down beside me and picked up the bottle, taking a few small sips. I was already feeling a little light headed, and there was warmth seeping through me.

"Bit early for that isn't it, Allen?" Lavi asked, pulling me back until I rested against him.

"I plan on getting completely smashed today." I said, and to prove my point I took another few sips from the bottle.

I heard Lavi let out a sigh and his head fell to rest on my shoulder.

"What are we, Lavi? Are we friends? Or something else?"

"I'd like it if we were something else," Lavi mumbled into my shoulder, "And then there are all the things we've done."

"How about we talk about all the things you've done?" I asked bitterly.

"Allen," Lavi whined. "Most of those things I did before I even met you."

"I'm pretty sure you fucked someone else after we met."

"Technically, I was fucked."

"Like it matters!" I yelled my face going red again. I drank some more vodka and after one particularly large gulp, the bottle was snatched from my hand.

"Give it back!" I yelled, shoving Lavi off me and turning around.

"Maybe later," he said, holding the bottle out of my reach. "Just calm down for a second."

"Why should I! You know what pisses me off the most! You got all pissy and stormed off because I kissed someone else, and you've done something so much worse!"

"To be fair, Allen, you didn't want anything to do with me for a long time, and, most of those things were from before I even met you!" he yelled back.

"You still ran off and had sex with someone else!"

"After you told me to 'stop fucking touching' you 'all the time'!"

"I was fourteen it was weird for me!"

"And how old do you think I was when I learned do all those things? In my mind it was okay!"

"Just because someone molested you, doesn't make it okay for you to do it to me!"

Lavi's face fell and all I could think was 'oh shit'. I'd really stepped over a line this time.

"I'm sorry, Lavi, I didn't, I didn't think…"

I reached out and rested my hand on his shoulder and his fallen face quickly changed to one of anger. He grabbed my arm and twisted it, forcing me to let go with a yelp of pain. Then he shoved me away from him with such force that I fell back wards and skidded to the ground, skin scraping off my elbows. I looked up at him completely shocked, to see his face contorted in barely restrained anger.

"Fuck you, Allen," he spat. "If I treated you the same way I was treated, I would've had you sucking my dick a week after I met you. I didn't do that, because I actually gave two shits about you, I cared about you. Fuck you, Allen," he repeated turning away. "And fuck off, go home."

I lay stunned on the ground, watching him walk away and sit down by the water. He drank some more vodka, finishing it off and hurling the empty bottle into the water. I pushed myself up with a wince, brushing dirt off my elbows and legs. I looked after him, waiting for him to turn and look at me, but he didn't, not even a glance. I stumbled back to our camp, my head spinning with the argument we had just had. It hit me even harder that there was still so much we didn't know about each other. I went over to the bags and tried to figure out what to take with me. My clothes I guess, everything else I guess I could always come back for, or hope that Lavi would return. I'd have to take the guitar as well, I'd need it for school. I slung the bag of clothes over my shoulder and headed back to the water to grab my guitar. I didn't want to, but I looked up to Lavi to see his head buried in his hands.

What the hell was I doing? I couldn't leave things like this between us. Lavi was the only good thing I had in my life at the moment. And I didn't know how the fuck to get back anyway. I walked back to the camp and dumped my bag. I grabbed the second bottle of vodka and the cigarettes I had stolen from Cross. I walked back to the water and sat down next to Lavi. He didn't look up, his head still buried in his hands. I cracked the bottle and had a swig and then lit up two smokes. I shoved Lavi lightly, forcing him to look up. He turned to me and I offered him the lit smoke and bottle. He took them both with a small smirk.

There was a silence between us that wasn't uncomfortable, but still wasn't exactly comfortable. I took a chance and leaned against Lavi's shoulder. When he didn't shove me off I got even braver.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Lavi groaned.

"Do you, think you could anyway? Just so I can understand myself?" I asked nervously.

He let out a sigh and flicked the end of the cigarette away, now I knew he was really upset, Lavi hated to litter. Plus he had thrown the empty bottle into the water as well, very much not like him.

"I can't tell you the whole thing, I'm not ready, not yet, but when I first came here, I was just so, lost. I didn't know what to think, what to feel, I'd lost everything and I was stuck in this hopeless place. And then he showed up."

I couldn't help but notice the edge to his voice, he practically growled the last sentence.

"He offered a release, drugs, alcohol and everything but sex. Fuck, I was still just a kid. And like I said before, by the end of the first week of knowing him, he had me, doing things. Honestly, at the time I didn't mind. I thought it was alright, didn't really think at all. He was years older than me, but I just didn't think about it, I thought I liked it. It went on for about… two years? Anyway, after this happened," he said, raising a hand to the patch over his eye, "I started to realize a few things. I started to realize, just how wrong it all was. How I was just being used by some, perverted, sex crazed, arse hole. He moved out of town shortly after I told him to get fucked, and then I met you. Heh, fuckin' love at first sight. I could easily have manipulated you like he did to me, but I didn't want that. You were just like me, you were lost, you didn't belong, and I could tell from your expression that you were just as broken as I was. I didn't want to do those things to you. Dammit Allen, until yesterday all I ever did was kiss you!"

He angrily grabbed the packet of cigarettes from my hand and lit up another one. He took a few swigs of vodka and then continued.

"Anyway, about a year ago, he came back for a few days, he immediately came to me, wanting a little tension relief. I told him to get fucked and went to see you, wanting to confide in someone. Guess I fucked up because you told me off. Pretty harshly I might add. I ended up drinking a little too much, and then he showed up again. You know, he knows perfectly the best and the worst time to show up. I'd like to say he took advantage of me, but he didn't, I was practically begging him for release. And we, had sex. I'm serious it was either that or I kill myself."

He turned to me and grabbed my arms in a tight hold, burying his face in my neck.

"I'm sorry, Allen. I'm so messed up."

I wanted to hold him, pat his back, something, but the hold he had on me was so painfully tight I couldn't move.

"It's okay, Lavi, I'm sorry, I said that, I didn't know that, that, you, were actually…"

I couldn't even say the word that I had shouted at him so angrily before. The word 'molested', I had spat it so easily, but now it was different. No one ever thinks that a word that's so easy to say can mean so much more.

"I'm sorry," I started, not knowing what to say. "I, um."

"You don't have to say anything, Allen. I know it's a bit much to hear," Lavi muffled against my neck.

He breathed deeply against me a few times, gradually loosening his grip, and finally letting go. He withdrew his face from my neck and turned back to the water. I leaned forward and pressed a very soft kiss to his cheek, lingering a little longer than usually necessary.

"I still like you, Lavi," I breathed.

And then he laughed, and I knew that even for just a small amount of time, things would be alright.

"I think I love you, Allen." Lavi said, grabbing me and holding me against him.

And then I froze, there was something else I wasn't prepared for. The 'L' word, not little 'l' but big 'L'. I liked Lavi, a lot, but I knew at this stage I didn't love him. I was scared all over again as he crushed me against him. This whole thing was just so hard, and scary.

We rocked back and forth for I don't know how long. I was still too shocked to do anything other than let Lavi hold me, and let things run around my mind.

"Allen?" Lavi asked, letting me go so I could sit up, "Would you tell me how you got this?"

He raised his hand and rested it on the side of my head, letting his thumb glide down the scar on my face.

"Fell down some stairs," I replied curtly.

"I want the whole story, and how your hair ended up like this, I can tell it's premature." As he said this he ran his fingers through my hair lightly.

"There are some things I don't want to talk about either," I mumbled.

"Please?" he asked.

"Weren't we talking about you?"

"I'll tell you after you tell me."

I didn't want to talk about it, I never wanted to talk about it. But Lavi had already shared so much with me, so I decided to share more with him. I wasn't prepared for it, and I don't think he really was either, but he wanted to know, and I needed to let things out.

"I'll have to go back to the very beginning," I said, taking the bottle from him.

"I don't mind."

I drank a few more gulps of vodka, a few deep breaths and then started from the very beginning.

"I lost my parents in 2000, in a house fire. I don't remember them, or the fire. I remember a little bit about the hospital, and being told I was going to live with a man called Mana, who I was apparently related to, and his wife. My real memories don't start until about six or seven months after the fire. I'd been released from the hospital but I still had a lot of problems. I had a skin graph that didn't take, I got an infection and I was starting to loose movement in my left hand due to lack of exercise. On top of all that my body was trying to grow with skin and flesh that was still healing. So I was constantly in and out of the hospital and I pretty much needed twenty-four hour care. My father, adoptive father, was happy enough to do it and while he was at work, his wife was suppose to do it all. Change my dressing, give me antibiotics, check for infecting, help me exercise the muscles, there was a lot to do.

"The problem was, that she didn't do it, flat out refused to do anything when I asked her, and I only asked her to do something when I was in a lot of pain. When Mana asked her if she'd done it, she said she had and left it at that. I would have to spend hours and hours in pain because she refused to help me. Anyway one night I was in so much pain I was practically screaming. I was doing my trick of hiding under the bed when Mana came in to check on me. I think he must have been suspicious because he hardly ever came to check on me after I went to bed for the night. So, after he found me crying under the bed he gave me a quick once over. And of course none of my bandages had been changed since he had done it last and it was obvious I wasn't given any medication because I was in so much pain.

Well Mana patched me up, gave me some meds and put me to bed. And that night, was the night they started arguing, it was also the beginning of my problem of hiding under the bed. I was about four maybe five then, I think.

"As I got older the arguing got worse and the worse the arguing got, the more she hated me. She'd come into my room some nights, drunk out of her mind, and just sit there and talk to me, insulting me. When that wasn't enough for her, that was when she started to hit me. I was only small, she seemed like a giant to me, and I was completely terrified of her. So I'd just curl up and take it, waiting for her to get sick of it. When she was done, I'd crawl away and hide under my bed until Mana dragged me out. For some reason he never clued on.

"Strangely, it was Cross that figured it out. He was Mana's friend and would drop by from time to time. He'd always ask me how I was but he was never exactly comfortable around kids. In all honesty back then he scared the absolute shit out of me. Anyway, I came home from school one day, and Cross was there in the kitchen, no one else. He was just asking me how I was doing, and then, he went to touch my hair. It had been slowly turning this colour since the fire. I had gone into shock and my hair just didn't seem to stop, before then my hair colour was… well it was a reddy brown I guess, not red like yours, maybe a bit like Cross but a little darker, whatever, doesn't matter. As I was saying, he went to touch my hair and I practically fainted because he had raised a hand at me. I ran away when he didn't do anything about it, but it was enough for Cross to put two and two together. He told Mana and that night and, this is so embarrassing, that night the two of them stripped me down to confirm and I was covered in bruises. Mana didn't even suspect that bitch once, instead he rang up the school and yelled about bullying.

"That changed however when Mana came home one day to find that vile woman, kicking the shit out of me. There was yelling, screaming, the usual. While they were at it, I crawled back to my room and hid under my bed. It went on for hours, their arguing and then it was just suddenly silent. I fell asleep at one point and woke up with Mana crawling under the bed to lie with me. He was crying, and I think a little drunk, but he told me my 'mother' wouldn't be living with us for awhile. I still remember the look on his face when I told him 'that bitch' wasn't my mother."

I stopped to take another drink, all the talking had dried my mouth out. The vodka didn't help my dry mouth, but it helped me continue.

"We lived our lives together, without much happening. Nothing happened, but I was happy. Sometimes she would show up, usually drunk, and yell and rant at Mana and I. Then for almost a year she didn't show up, we thought she had finally given up. I had just turned twelve and I had been invited to the pictures by some people at school. Mana had agreed to let me go by myself, as long as I took the bus with him there and back. Of course as any twelve year old I just wanted to die with embarrassment at the thought of my father taking me to the pictures and waving me good bye, but I waited for him. I got myself dressed and ready, I was so excited because I'd never been invited anywhere by anyone before and I just wanted to go. I waited in our little apartment for ages and then I sat outside the front door, waiting. When there was only about five minutes until my bus would be arriving I decided to just go without him. I had my 'Oyster Card' and some money, I knew where to get off, so I got up to leave. We lived on the fifth floor and the elevator had been out for weeks, months actually, so I went to take the steps. When I reached the steps she was coming up them, that bitch. I froze when I saw her, I was so use to being terrified of her. But, when she reached the top of the stairs, I realized she was nothing to be scared of, I just didn't fear her anymore. I just stared at her as she reached me and started to yell at me, I glared at her, thinking I could just make her go away if she realized that she wasn't scary anymore.

"Well that didn't work because the next thing I know she was slapping me and shaking me, trying to make me fear her. I stood still, I was trying to be intimidating and took all the hits and the words, it didn't dissuade her though. Then, she did something I really didn't expect. She grabbed me by the shirt and threw me to the side. It wasn't very strong, she didn't have that much strength and I had grown since last time she had thrown me. It was still enough though, because she had shoved me in the direction of the stairs. I teetered on the edge a moment, feeling properly scared. I saw the look of satisfaction in her eyes as I tried to steady myself, grab something to hold onto. Just as I lost the battle and feel backwards I saw her eyes widen. She was surprised at something, and I realized what it was as I fell. I saw a brief glimpse of Mana and then felt his arms wrap around me and then we both fell down the stairs.

We were falling down the stairs so fast that we even rolled around the curve in the stair case and went down the next flight. Somewhere along the line Mana's grip on me loosened and I flew, actually flew down the stairs. I think I missed about five steps and then my face hit the landing. It's the strangest feeling to know what it feels like to have your face split open. I could feel the skin tear from my forehead and cheek and blood soaked into my eye. I tried to push myself up, and it was another strange feeling, I could feel the blood dribble from my face, I could hear it hit the floor. I was so dazed and then something hit me from behind and held me to the ground.

"I was so out of it, all I did for awhile was try to focus and push myself up. Whatever was holding me down was just too heavy and when, I could finally move enough."

I stopped again to take a deep breath and some more vodka, the bottle quickly emptying.

"When I could move enough, to see what was holding me down, it was my Dad. It was Mana and he was dead, I could tell. It was so fucked up, his head was twisted in this strange way and there was blood coming out his ears, his nose, his eye's, everywhere. And I couldn't move, he was three times my size and I was pinned under him. The worst thing I think, was when some of his blood dripped from his mouth and ran down my cheek. That was when I started screaming. It was so messed up, that bitch had killed my Father."

I took a few deep breaths, willing myself not to cry, I couldn't cry in front of Lavi, not after what he had seen himself. What I went through was bad enough.

"Anyway, he broke his neck while trying to protect me while we fell down the stairs. That bitch tried to blame it on me. Can you imagine? We were in the hospital, I couldn't see out my left eye because of the bandages, my whole face was swollen because I had broken my cheek, and the bitch was trying to say that I had pushed Mana down the stairs. I was completely out of it with pain and drugs but I still managed to get up and try and strangle her. Trying to strangle her didn't do well for my cause, that was until they checked the camera's in the stair well. She was caught out and hauled away. I don't know exactly what happened, I didn't go to the trial, I was exempt because I was such a mess. I heard it was very quick, but before it finished I was here on the other side of the world living with Cross. And that's about the short and long of it."

I let out a sigh and had some more vodka.

"A few days later my hair was this colour… one too many shocks to the system I guess."

I felt Lavi's arm snake around my waist and pull me against his chest. We were laying down and I rested my head against his chest, the warmth of his chest seeping into my cheek and face. I rested an arm next to my face, my arm also drawing up his warmth.

"That's pretty messed up," Lavi grumbled, the sound of his words seeming to rumble into my ear.

"It's not as bad as what you've seen. Your Father shot himself in front of you."

I cringed at my words. I'd said it so nonchalant.

"You still saw your Father die, and had to feel his dead body on top of you, that's pretty fucked up," he said, prising the bottle of vodka from my grip.

"Will you tell me about it?" I asked.

"There isn't much to tell, he went away, he came back fucked up, and then he shot himself. I just happened to be in the room."

I heard him swallow, and then the bottle was pressed back into my hand. I brought the bottle to my lips and took a swig, finishing the bottle off. I tossed the empty bottle to the side.

"It's your turn to talk," I mumbled, rubbing my face into his chest.

"Not right now," he sighed, sitting up, "Right now I think we need more alcohol."

"That was all I brought."

"That's alright, I brought enough."

I pushed away from his chest and my vision swerved from left to right, I was already half cut, but I had a thirst for more.

"Hey, Lavi?" I asked, trying to push myself up.

"Yeah?"

"Can we eat something first? I'm starving."

…

"You know the worst thing about that arse hole?" Lavi slurred.

"What?" I asked, burping slightly.

"He tried to buy me off with stu-hic- stupid shit. Like, fuckin' food, and hic, fuckin' video games. Fucking games, I mean I know I was a kid, but, hic, that was jus', hic… I don't know what I'm saying anymore," Lavi hiccuped.

"I … know, exactly what you're saying," I said, although I only understood half of what he said. "You know one of the worst things that bitch did?"

"Wh-hic- what?" Lavi asked.

I laughed at his hiccups, glad it wasn't me, and then replied seriously.

"You know, sometimes she would… walk by me and would go to hit me, just to see me flinch. Fucking bitch just liked to see me scared."

"Fucken bitch!" Lavi slurred, before hiccuping again. "You know that, hic, arse hole, use to, hic, he use to… fuck, I don't know what I was saying."

"Lavi, I think I'm drunk," I said, giggling at myself.

"So, hic, so am I, hic, FUCKIN' HICCUPS," he yelled.

I laughed at him and then snuggled up to his chest. We were both lying on the ground and the sun was slowly starting to go down on our second day, and we were both completely and utterly drunk. There was a bottle of scotch between us and I had another gulp, then set the bottle aside and rested my head back on his chest. I listened to him hiccup and swear a few times, it was all extremely funny to me, and then I had an idea.

"Lavi," I said, raising my head off his chest to look at him.

"Yes?"

"I know how to get rid of your hiccups."

"Ho-hic- how?"

"We should make out."

I didn't give him any chance to say anything different as I sat up, threw my leg around and sat heavily on his stomach. He let out a grunt and a hiccup as I sat on him, causing me to laugh. I leaned down and went to kiss him, but instead ended up kissing his chin because I was too drunk to aim properly. I moved up and pressed my lips to his in a sloppy, very sloppy, kiss. In all honesty it was probably the worst kiss we had every exchanged, even when we had first started out and I didn't know what to do, this one was worse, and Lavi kept hiccuping through the whole thing. I leaned back and decided to go about it a different way.

"This is how to get rid of hiccups!" I yelled, grabbing his nose and leaning in to kiss him again.

He gasped for breath but I cut it off, firmly sealing my mouth over his and shoving my tongue into his mouth. His tongue slid against mine lightly, both of us too drunk. As the kiss continued he started to struggle slightly, and then desperately as I was sure he was anxious for air. I finally pulled away, letting Lavi take in a deep gasping breath, I smiled down at him the whole time.

"Shit, Allen," he gasped.

"Got rid of your hiccups though didn't I?" I laughed.

"Yeah," he panted, "Yeah, you did."

"Good, let's make out!"

I was way too drunk for anything other than more drinking or sleep, but that didn't stop me. I for some reason just wanted to kiss him, that's all I wanted to do. I just wanted to feel the tingle of lips pressed to mine and the thrill of his tongue running against mine. But I was also so out of it I could barely feel anything. I kissed him and pressed my hips down to his, trying to recreate the friction that he had once done to me. Instead of a moan of pleasure, he yelped out in pain.

"Oww, shit, Allen what're you doing?"

"Hmm, maybe if I move this way?" I slurred trying again.

I moved to the left a little only to have him let out another yelp.

"Oww, oww, oww, what you doing?"

"That hip thingy," I slurred.

"That hip thingy? Oh that… you're doing it all wrong."

"Which way do I move then?"

"You don't just grind into someone!"

"Huh, I thought it was all grinding?"

"No, no, no, let me show you."

He grabbed one of my hands and spun me around so quickly, I was flat on my back and dazed before I knew it. Lavi moved himself so he was hovering above me, a little smirk on his face.

"First of all, if you're going to do that, you should distract the person you're doing it too, so they don't see it coming. Like this."

He leaned down and started to kiss and bite my neck. I giggled drunkenly and ran my fingers through his hair. He continued to kiss my neck, but it tickled me and I just started laughing hysterically. I shut me up by clamping his mouth over mine. I tried to keep laughing, but it's hard when someone is massaging your tongue with their own. I calmed down and closed my eyes. Lavi untangled my hands from his hair and pressed them to the ground beside my head lightly. He held my hands in place, kissing me lightly, and just as I was starting to get into it, he moved his hips against mine. I pulled away in surprise, letting out a small gasp. Lavi started to laugh and I blinked my eyes open, staring up into his face, which was plastered with a cheeky smile.

"And that's how you do it," he said moving off of me.

I sat up and glared at him, mostly because he stopped. I wasn't going to be persuaded though, I leapt up and tackled him to the ground, pining his arms down like he had done to me. I leaned down and pressed out lips together so hard our teeth clacked. I felt him struggle slightly, but I was not giving up. Every time he tried to move I held him in place, and continued to take the lead. He kept struggling for awhile but in the end he stopped, too lost in the session. I opened my eyes and peered up, seeing that his own eyes were squeezed tightly shut. And then I moved my hips, this time a lot less harsh and with a slightly different angle. I was rewarded with Lavi moaning, and his body tensing slightly. I smiled, my mouth still pressed to his, and did it again.

He jumped slightly that time around, so I kept going. Although it felt better to be on the receiving end the whole thing was immensely enjoyable. I could tell I was doing it right this time though because of the noises Lavi was making, and the way his eyes were shut so tight. I leaned back, neglecting his mouth and instead focused all my attention on the movements. Although he said to not just grind against someone, I found that was exactly what I was doing. But I guess since I'd gotten him so worked up, it all felt good. I pressed my hands to his chest and kept up at a steady rate, finding that I enjoyed watching his face more than the actually movements. I found that I was almost laughing again as I watched him twitch and bit at his lip.

Then he let out a loud sigh, his body arching and twitching. I pressed down once more and then his whole body went limp. I smiled to myself, thinking about how I had returned the favour to him. He panted softly and then slowly opened his eyes, looking up at me. He was completely dazed and I was so drunk it took me a while to realize exactly what I had done. What the hell had I just done? I slowly moved off of him and ended up falling off of him and landing on my back. I could still hear Lavi panting slightly, I was a bit out of breath myself.

"A-Allen," Lavi breathed, "T-that was great."

"Yeah… now it's your turn."

"Um, I think we should cool down for a while, we're both a bit too drunk."

I scoffed and reached behind me fumbling for the bottle of scotch. I found it, almost knocking it over in the process, before bringing it back to my mouth. I didn't even sit up and the result was to have a large amount of scotch spill over my face and run up my nose. I coughed and sneezed at the scorching liquid spilled over my face. I set the bottle back down and realised that Lavi was right. I stumbled to my feet, having a lot of trouble pushing myself up at first.

"You're right," I slurred, "We should cool down… Yeah, that's a good idea."

I stumbled forward, stripping my shirt off and throwing it to the side.

"Yep!" I yelled drunkenly, "Cool down!"

I stumbled towards the water, shaking off my trousers until I was just in my boxers. Once I was free of them I ran full tilt towards the water.

"Allen!" Lavi cried behind me, "What're you doing?"

"Cooling down!" I yelled, already up to my knees in the water.

I ran in, ignoring the yells from Lavi behind me, just enjoying the cool water. I ran forward and then like last time, the ground fell out beneath my feet and I was plunged into the deep black water. I opened my eyes and saw nothing but black, but I wasn't worried. Where as before I would have panicked, at the moment I just felt so calm, and the silence around me was beautiful. Even as I sank down further and further, I didn't care, it was all so calming. I let out a breath and was surprised that I could see the bubbles that came from my mouth.

I was just starting to realize I would have to come up for air when I was grabbed and pulled up. My head broke the surface and I took in a few deep breaths, not really taking in that I was being pulled away.

"What the fuck, Allen!" Lavi yelled.

"I was cooling off," I said innocently.

"You are… such an idiot!" he said, but he said it with a smile.

"I know," I said, leaning forward and pressing my lips to his.

I pulled away and lay back, floating on the water. There was still a lot to talk about, but right now I was just so drunk, and so happy.

…

**BWahaha, Allen tries to sex Lavi up and fails, sorry :D Enough smut.**

**This is the only chapter that I didn't plan out in advance so if it sucks, that's why, and yes, it did kind of suck.**

**Aww I love you guys, here is my return love:**

**ang694: Let it be knows here and now, that I will never end a fic. with 'and then they got together and lived happily ever after', I hate shit like that. Besides if I ended it when they got together, so many things would just be left unanswered. Also, I like to reply to reviews because it lets people know that the writer appreiates them and I so, so, so, do :D See you next time.**

**BlackSoulStar: Changed your name I see. Thanks for approving.**

**Xxanimefangirl2294xX: Ahaha your the only person to come out and say handjob, everyone is referring to it as 'that'. I love to put overly blunt sentences into fics, hence 'choke the chicken' hehe, thanks for your review.**

**Katastrophi: You can smack them up the head as many times as you want, the two of them are still going to be total idiots ahahaha. But they'll work things out eventually… maybe:D. psst (you're the second person I inspired to do a Laven, woo, we'll take over slowly)**

**FiresCreek: My favourite parts are when I'm writing about Cross, he's just such a funny bastard that you can do so much with but still make him seem in character. By the way I'm getting help with mistakes and grammar but still point out any slip ups.**

**LightMyBulb: Yes, a shit storm there will certainly be, mwahahaha, other wise it just would be too boring. Am I mean? **

**Tomlinson's Thrusts: Yes it was nice of Lavi wasn't it, do you think Allen returned the favour well enough? Yeah that chapter was a bit cute, so I made up for that by making this chapter depressing, yay! Then I ruined it at the end a bit.**

**DGrayManFanatic: Yay! Another new reviewer. I've been told a few times that people like the emotional turmoils I've written but I'm always happy to hear it again, it means I'm keeping the pace up and not letting it slip. Was this chapter as good because it was all just Allen and Lavi again?**

**Hanashi o Suru: It is definitely the fanfic that is turning you more perverted. I know because it turned me perverted ahaha.**

**kitsune630: I think we are talking about the same species of spider. Their skinny, can grow huge, and have a tendency to hang out it bathrooms. It's called the Huntsman and is common in places like Australia, Indonesia, the Philippines, Taiwan, basically places with a lot of humidity. The more humidity their is, the bigger they grow. They're disgusting little bastards and you can hit them with a shoe like three times and they just don't die, oh and get this! You can't spray them with bug spray because they can hold their breath for up to a day! Ok I'm giving myself the chills here, I've probably scarred you for life, sorry.**

**DarkEnvisions: My god, after reading your review I think I laughed for 10 minutes straight and then continued to giggle for the next hour just by thinking about it. The five knuckle shuffle is also one of my favourites ahaha, but choke the chicken just so happened to work the best in this scenario. Sorry about the spider dreams you may have had because of me, but I just love terrifying Allen. Please keep on reviewing at 5 in the morning, it's just so funny, if you don't, I'll toss my cookies.**

**Sex-a-licious usage: Nope, it wont stay that way for long, I have many evil things planned, many heh. Like wolf waiting for new moon…. that… is such an awesome saying, now I have to try and find a way to work that into my vocabulary. **

**animeobsessed001: You know, when I was writing that whole scene I was thinking the exact same thing. I was thinking, well, now it's got something else floating around in there, bwahahahah. Hate spiders *shudders*, thanks for your help :D**

**That's it guys I've got to run off to work now *sighs*, stupid work but guess what? PUBLIC HOLIDAY TOMORROW YAAAAAAAAAAY!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Twelve.**

_I was bored, so bored that I couldn't comprehend that this level of boredom actually existed. I was depressed, so completely and utterly depressed. I was hungry too, Gramps was yet to buy any kind of food, so for the last two weeks I'd been forced to buy food from the fish and chip shop. I couldn't cook at all, couldn't even light the stove without causing an explosion. At least when we lived in the city there was more to choose from in the fast food industry. At least in the city half our belongings weren't packed away into storage and awaiting their turn to be hauled down in a truck. I was bored, depressed, hungry and wanting something other than fish and chips to eat._

_"Hey, it's you again," someone said._

_I looked up from the greasy paper to see who had spoken to me. It was that guy again, he seemed to eat take away almost as often as I did. He'd first sat across from me because there was no where else to sit, and then he continued to sit and talk with me every time we were in the shop together. He put a plate and a cup of coffee on the table and sat down. I found myself staring at the plate of food, I didn't know they made burgers, I didn't know they served things on plates. I didn't know you could get a burger that big._

_"What's that?" I asked, my eyes so wide I swear they were going to pop out of my head._

_"Works burger," he said grabbing a chip off the side of the plate._

_"What's on it?"_

_"Um, lettuce, tomato, beetroot, beef pattie, bacon, egg, pineapple, onion, cheese and sauce."_

_"I… want it," I said staring at it._

_"Want to swap?"_

_"Yes!" I almost yelled, shoving my paper of fish and chips over the table and grabbing his plate simultaneously._

_I looked at it in wonder, trying to figure out how to eat it without dislocating my jaw. I managed though, and it was probably the best thing I had eaten for weeks. I couldn't finish it and the chips on the side though, so I pushed the plate back over to the man._

_"Did you like that?" he asked._

_I licked the sauce and grease off my fingers one at a time, looking up at him. He was staring at me, looking at me over lip of his coffee. I licked the last bit of lost sauce off my finger and looked at him, wondering what I had done to make him stare like that. Did I have something on my face? I licked a finger and wiped the corners of my mouth, making sure there was nothing there._

_"So," he asked, after clearing his throat. "What are you going to do now?"_

_"Nothing," I said, resting my head on my hand. "I'm so bored, Gramps still hasn't sent for most of our things and I've got nothing to do. Usually I would just read a book or something, but the only thing we brought with us is our clothes and our beds."_

_"Or something?" he asked. "What's something?"_

_"Well, I use to like watching documentaries. My Mum use to buy them for me all the time, but all my DVD's are with the books in storage."_

_"That's a shame. Say, what's your name?"_

_"Lavi. What's yours?"_

_"Say, Lavi," he said, completely ignoring my question. "Do you like video games?"_

_"Mum never let me play them, she said they rotted your brain."_

_"That is also a shame," he said standing. "No one your age should have never played a game of Super Mario. Would you like to come to my house and play some video games?"_

_Mum had never let me play them, I had long since gotten over them. Yet when someone was there offering something that was basically taboo to me, I knew I couldn't resist. I thought briefly about the whole, don't go with strangers thing, but I really didn't see any harm in him. He was probably just as bored as I was._

_"Sure, how far is it?"_

_"It's a little out of town, but I have transport."_

_"Transport?"_

_"Yeah come see," he said walking for the door._

_I pushed away from the table and ran after him. He was already half way up the street when I exited the shop. I ran toward him and grabbed his shirt, making him slow down. He smiled down at me and took my hand, leading me up the street. I hadn't had someone hold my hand for what felt like forever, and even though it was a stranger, I liked it. It was comforting and reminded me of the way my mother would hold my hand, even when I told her I was too old for that kind of thing._

_"Here we are," he said, letting go of my hand._

_I looked up from my hand in time to see him swing a leg over a motorbike. He shoved a helmet over his head and then tapped the bike in front of him_

_"Get on," he said with a smile as he patted the seat in front of him._

_"Mum said bikes are dangerous."_

_"You gonna live your whole life listening to your mother? Sounds like she doesn't like anything fun."_

_I wanted to yell at him, ask him what the hell he knew about my mother. Yet, she was gone, and I wanted to get away from her and her memory, including all the things she would never let me do. So I grabbed his shoulder and pulled myself up onto the bike, sitting down in front of him_

_"You can't sit there, you might fall off."_

_He wrapped an arm around my stomach and pulled me back until my back pressed against his chest, and his thighs pressed against mine._

_"Hang on tight now," he said._

_"Hang on where?" I asked, looking around the front of the bike as to what I was to hold on to._

_"Here," he said, grabbing my hands and pressing them on to his legs._

_I rolled my hands into his jeans, and the next thing I knew I was flying. I gripped to him tighter as the bike sped through the streets and out onto a stretch of road that seemed to go on forever. The wind was so strong it pushed me back until I was pressed hard against the man's chest. When I got over the fear I decided that when I grew up, I wanted a motorbike. In fact I never wanted to travel by anything other than motorbike ever again. There was a thrill to the whole thing that left me feeling breathless. It felt like freedom, but the underlying sense of danger lay close to the surface. I felt scared, but so exhilarated at the same time that I didn't care._

_All too soon for my liking the bike pulled into a driveway and stopped in front of a large gate._

_"Do you mind getting the gate?" the man asked, pulling the helmet off of his head._

_I finally let go of the tight grip I had on his jeans and slid off the bike, my legs shaking. I stumbled towards the gate, wanting to ask him if we could just ride on the bike again. Reaching the gate, I grabbed the chain and slid a link off a nail, hammered into a wooden fence spike. I pulled the gate open and he drove the bike in. While he was leading the bike in, I took the time to take in my surroundings. We were way out of town, on the desert side. There were fields and fields of empty land. In the distance I could see what looked like herds of cattle._

_"Close the gate," the man yelled over the roar of the bike._

_I rushed to do as he said, running in and closing the gate behind me. I drew the chain up and behind me the motor shut off._

_"Bikes are fun right?" he asked with a smile, sliding off the now parked bike._

_"Y-yeah," I panted, not realizing I was still breathless from the whole thing._

_"Imagine how good Super Mario is," he said with a laugh, walking passed me with a brush on the shoulder._

_I ran after him and caught up to him as he entered the house. He was fast and I barely had time to take in the house, I saw a dirty living room, a kitchen that seemed untouched, and a hallway that was streaked with dirty finger prints. I caught up with him at last and entered a room that would be considered tidy compared to the rest of the house._

_He was crouching in front of a small television that was set on the floor, numerous cords surrounding it._

_"Have a seat," he said, turning around and patting a cushion on the floor._

_I sat down where he inclined and he then thrust a controller into my hands._

_"Welcome to the world of the Super Nintendo!" he said with a smile._

…

_I had finally gotten use to the controls when he struck a match and lit up the rollie in his mouth. As the funny smelling smoke filled the air, I tried to suppress a groan but failed in the end._

_"Cigarettes kill you, you know," I said, trying to focus on the screen._

_All I had to do was jump on some spiky turtle three times, why was it so difficult?_

_"This isn't a cigarette," he said blowing out a plume of smoke._

_"Looks like a cigarette," I said distracted, resulting in Mario going up in flames. "Great."_

_Beside me the man chuckled and blew out another plume of smoke. I watched him and my intrigue grew, if it wasn't a cigarette what was it? I had to ask._

_"If it's not a cigarette what is it?"_

_"Something that makes you feel good, it makes you happy," he said with a smile, his eyes looking awfully bloodshot._

_"Happy?" I mumbled._

_"Yeah, do you want to try?"_

_I had to admit I was curious, and I was miserable. I was willing to try something new just to see if it made me happy. It wasn't like Mum was alive to scold me anymore, and Gramps didn't care._

_"O-okay," I said at last, feeling nervous._

_He smiled, passing me the smoke, and it scared me a little bit. I took it lightly and stared at it, what did I do next? I looked up at him who was still smiling. Not wanting to look like I didn't know what I was doing, I shoved the thing in my mouth and breathed deeply. I immediately regretted it as the smoke burned my throat and I started to cough and choke. I practically threw the thing back at him, who was laughing his head off._

_"That's disgusting," I choked, my head feeling light._

_My heart started to pound in my chest and I could hear the pounding like my heart was in my ear. I tried to swallow but my throat and tongue felt like sandpaper. I began to feel scared because I didn't know what was happening to me. My eyes felt heavy and my head felt light but it was impossible to move._

_"I think you had too much for a beginner," he said._

_It took me a while to register what he was saying. Far too late, I turned my head to face him and said, "Huh?"_

_He took one look at my face and fell into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Watching him roll around of the floor laughing his head off made me chuckle, then laugh, and then I was also rolling on the floor clutching my stomach. Every time we stopped to catch out breath, all we had to do was look at each other and the laughter would start up all over again. In between the laughing I smoked more of the rollie and so did he. I was laughing so hard that my stomach was hurting and tears were streaming down my face. Something else I noticed was just how dry my mouth and throat were, they felt completely raw. The annoying pain in my throat was enough to distract me from the laughter. I sat up from rolling around on the floor and tried to figure out just why my mouth was so dry._

_"Dry throat?" the man asked, also sitting up._

_I nodded and kneaded my jaw which was also sore from all the laughing._

_"I'll go grab you something."_

_He got to his feet, slowly and with a lot of wobbling that I almost started a laughing fit all over again. I bit my lip and watched him walk out of the room on shaky legs._

_He returned not long after with two cans of drink in his hands. He passed one to me and I didn't even bother to look at what it was before pouring it down my throat. It had a sour, foamy taste that I wasn't use to and I didn't enjoy. However it was cold and wet and that was all I cared about. I quickly finished the can and looked up at him, feeling myself sway lightly._

_"What was that?" I asked._

_"Beer."_

_"Beer!" I said shocked, but I was feeling alright now. "Can I have another one?"_

…

_The sun had long since gone down, and I don't know how many cans of the stuff I had drank. Cans seemed to litter the floor and both of us were responsible. I could barely see him and when I did see him there was two of him. He was smiling like he was planning something every time I looked at him. I would usually just look away and try and play Super Mario again. I was beginning to die more and more often so I eventually threw the controller away from me in disgust. I turned to look at him again, the same creepy smile on his face, I refused to turn away this time though._

_"What?" I snapped at him, he hadn't said anything for over an hour._

_"Do you feel good now, Lavi?" he asked, scooting over to sit closer to me._

_Actually I was feeling a little sick, but overall I was feeling pretty good._

_"Yeah," I slurred, picking up a can. "I feel good."_

_He scooted over closer to me until our shoulders brushed against one another. He rested an arm around my shoulder and I turned to him was a glare. His free hand grabbed my chin and pulled me forward, until he was pressing his lips against mine._

_"Yuck," I said, pushing him away, laughing slightly._

_"It feels good," he whispered, pulling me close again. "I promise."_

_"No," I said pushing him away with limp hands._

_"Have I lied to you so far?"_

_I didn't have time to reply as he pushed himself on me again. I struggled at first, not liking the taste of someone else's mouth against mine, and the feel of someone else's tongue licking at my lips. At some point I got use to it, and then I started to realize it did feel good._

_He pulled away and pressed a finger to my bottom lip._

_"Say ahh."_

_I opened my mouth slightly and then he moved in and kissed me again, this time running his tongue along mine. He pushed me back until I rested on the ground, his weight holding me down. I jumped when I felt his hand slip up under my shirt, making him pull away again._

_"Want to know what else feels good?" he whispered, rubbing his hand across my stomach._

_"Y-yes," I whined._

_"I'll show you, and then you can do the same to me. I want to feel good too. Okay?"_

_"…O-okay," I said, sealing my fate._

…

I woke with a start and tried to sit up but something was holding me down. Allen was sleeping peacefully on my chest, his left arm wrapped around me, the other curled up between us. I smiled down sadly at his sleep face and went to move him off me, slowly and carefully so as not to wake him. He grumbled a bit as I lay him back down, shuffling around and raising a clenched fist to rub at his eyes. He mumbled something incoherent and then laid still, a small smile on his face. He was so cute and innocent, he was just like a little kid.

As soon as I thought that I felt sick. I didn't just think that did I? He wasn't a kid, he was a teenage boy, Christ, I just called him a boy. I couldn't think like that. I was just making myself paranoid now.

I was constantly comparing myself to that arse hole lately, thinking that maybe I was doing the same thing to Allen that he had done to me. I would tell myself I wasn't like that because there was only two years between Allen and I. That arse hole was more than seven years older than me, making him nineteen at the time. That was wrong, what I felt for Allen was, normal, we were similar in age so it was alright. I just couldn't think about him as a kid, even though, he was small and cute and totally naive half the time. I was seriously starting to freak myself out, why was I thinking about this now? Why did I have to have those memories come back to me?

We had finished our week together, both of us wanting to stay longer but there was a certain lack of food. It had started off with a lot of ups and downs, but after we got so much out of the way on the second day it had all been smooth sailing. Not to mention Allen had been a hell of a lot more open to trying new things. Which just made me feel even more guilty. It's not like I had planned on making Allen pleasure me, but it wasn't like I was upset with it. All I had wanted to do was be with him, and I guess everything that went with it.

Allen mumbled in his sleep again and rolled onto his side.

I couldn't be around him right now. I needed a little space, and something to drink, just a little bit nothing big. Unfortunately I didn't think there was anything left, we had gone to town on the alcohol and there wasn't much left. I shuffled through all the empty bottles. I was considering tipping all the little bits into one bottle when I stumbled across one bottle with about two inches left in it. I took it with me and walked away from our camp site, walking towards the water and settling down at the far edge. I uncapped the bottle and emptied the bottle seconds later. I didn't feel any better. Just a small cut, that was what I needed, just one.

I smashed the bottle against the ground and picked through the broken pieces, trying to find one bigger than the others. I picked out a piece and noticed I was shaking. Shit, Shit, Shit, Shit…. Shit. Just one that was all I needed.

I placed the glass to my wrist and dug it in, dragging it across quickly before I had time to rethink. The blood welled up quickly and started to pour and drip down my arm. It was deeper than I intended but the sting wasn't enough, I'd said only one, but two would be alright. I set the glass below the first cut and pressed in again. I drew it across, enjoying the sting, and then felt another sting, this time to my face. I fell to my side and felt a foot plant itself in my stomach.

"You stupid, idiot!" Allen yelled, stomping down on my stomach again. "You arse!"

I felt the piece of glass pulled out of my grip and Allen kicked me again. I honestly hadn't expected Allen to come and beat the crap out of me at the moment.

"C-calm down, Allen," I gasped, pushing myself up.

"Why the fuck should I!" he yelled, smacking me across the face again.

I looked at the ground and rubbed my face, I had no idea Allen could hit so hard. He knelt down in front of me and then threw his arms around me, I have to admit, I flinched, I was a little scared of him at the moment.

"You don't need to do that anymore," he said into my shoulder.

Fair enough, I had told him I did it because he rejected me, but there were a number of other reasons as well.

"Allen, am I a bad person?"

"NO! Why are you asking that?"

"I just, I don't want to be like him. I'm scared that you only think you like me because of what I've done."

He pulled away and struck me across the face again. Thankfully, he just slapped me this time instead of using his fist, I'd been pelted enough for the time being.

"Everything I did was what I wanted to do you, dick head!"

Wow, he was really pissed off at me. To prove my point he slapped me once again and then sat down heavily beside me.

I almost laughed when he threw a cigarette at me and lit one up himself. At least he had gotten into smoking all on his own and it wasn't something I had introduced to him.

"Where did these come from?" I asked, dodging the lighter he threw at me.

"I woke up and saw you, so I came to have a smoke with you… Jerk."

I lit up and leaned back on my elbows, trying to ignore my throbbing face. I could still feel the blood running down my arm. I would have to do something about that soon. I stood up, intending to go take care of my arm, but as I went to walk away I felt a tug at my shirt. I looked down to see Allen gripping my shirt tightly, giving me a look that could easily break my heart if he tried a little harder. I dropped my hand and held onto his for a moment, and then pried his fingers away from my shirt.

"I'm just going to fix this," I said raising my bleeding arm. "Don't panic."

I walked back to the camp and over to the first aid kit I had brought. I sat down and unpacked everything I needed, droplets of blood staining everything I touched. I soaked a piece of gauze in disinfectant and pressed it to my arm, biting my lip at the pain. I pressed down hard and dabbed at it every now and then, slowly causing the blood flow to stop. I threw the bloody gauze to the side and pushed another alcohol soaked gauze to my arm. It didn't sting as bad as the first one but it still wasn't pleasant. Despite the pain, I held it in place and wrapped a bandage around my arm. I secured it tightly and looked down at it, I'd had worse, but I'd never been caught in the act before. I crossed my legs underneath me and wished I'd had a little more self control. If only so Allen wouldn't have hit me so many times.

I heard foot steps dragging along the ground and looked up to see Allen, his gaze down cast.

"We should probably start packing," I said, going to stand up, "We'll have to leave before it gets too... oof!"

Allen had landing himself right in my lap, curling himself up to my chest.

"Don't ever do it again," he mumbled, his whole body shaking.

"Okay, Allen," I said, wrapping my arms around him and holding him closer.

"Promise."

"…"

"Promise me!"

"Sure, I promise," I cringed, knowing I would probably break my promise.

"I hate you," Allen grumbled.

I cringed again. Though I knew he didn't mean what he said, doesn't mean it didn't hurt. Somehow I think he knew I was lying, that's why he said what he said. I rubbed a hand up and down his arm, and squeezed him against me. He really was small, he fit against me so easily and it scared me. I didn't want to think I'd become some pervy older man that had a thing for little boys, even if Allen wasn't one. He was small though, and he still had the body of one. Would I still like him when he grew up more? When he started to grow facial and more bodily hair, would I still be interested? I shuddered at the thought. Why was I thinking these things now, and not earlier? I think it was when Allen finally told me that he liked me too. I started to become scared that I had some how manipulated him after all.

It's not like I ever looked at anyone else. It had been nothing but Allen for years. I had to wonder though if it was just because Allen was who I saw and interacted with first after everything that happened with that arse. I hadn't planned on it, I was just curious about the new kid in town. He was just sitting out the front of his house, looking so utterly heart broken and it was like a slap to the face. That was it, I just wanted him. I didn't even think that he was twelve at the time, I was only fourteen myself. Does that make things any better? He was thirteen when I first kissed him, just after his birthday, was that alright? For a thirteen and a fifteen year old to kiss, was that alright, even if we were both boys? Not that, that kind of thing mattered to me anymore.

Why was I thinking this? Things weren't that bad, we were only two years apart and I was drawn to Allen himself, not his body. I drummed those words into my head, telling myself over and over again that it was okay. What I felt was normal and I wasn't like that arse hole. I swear to god the next time I see him I'm going to punch him right in the face. I hadn't seen him for a while, not since we had, had sex. How I wish I hadn't slept with him, what the fuck was I thinking at the time? Wait, I know, I was thinking, _'I'm a dumb fucking moron that doesn't deserve anything more than some pedo who had corrupted me in every way possible'_. Fucking arse wipe, dick head, pedo, I never wanted to see him again but I kind of wanted to just so I could punch him.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by Allen's hand resting against my cheek. I looked down at him, seeing him leaning forward to kiss me.

"Woah there, Allen," I said, grabbing his wrist and pulling it away, "Not right now, I can't."

"A-Alright," he said, pulling his hand away and resting his face back against my chest.

"Don't get too comfortable, we should go back soon. Besides, you're probably getting hungry."

"I'm alright," he said, however a moment later his stomach grumbled loudly.

I laughed as he blushed and pushed himself off me.

We gathered our things together, I left all the empty cans and bottles behind, planning on coming and getting them again later. I didn't want to have to carry too much back to town, and I knew that I would be back up here in the hills soon enough.

We set off in silence, neither of us game to say anything to the other. Our trip back was much less eventful than out trip up, and it seemed so much longer because of the silence. I glanced at Allen a few times, he was carrying his guitar over one shoulder, his bag full of dry clothes on his back. God he was adorable, I had to look away. We walked in our uncomfortable silence and at one point Allen grabbed my hand and held it tightly. We didn't look at each other, but I was grateful for the contact.

Walking along the creek bed I heard the sounds of the town and slipped my hand out of his.

"I think you can make it back on your own from here," I said as I stopped walking.

"Alright," he said sadly.

He started to walk on while I stayed still. I had to go back to my house and drop off my stuff, and then go back and clean up.

"Wait!" I called out to Allen, running over to him.

He turned around and I crashed into him. I just had to confirm it all, I smashed my mouth to his, finding that I was starting to like it when our teeth clashed together that I could hear them click. I grabbed the back of his head and pushed myself into the kiss harder than I ever had before. I needed it, just to confirm that Allen was still there and was still willing to like me, and hope that maybe he would even love me. It was confirmed when Allen pushed back. It almost killed me because I was so happy and also guilt ridden.

Allen broke the kiss and looked up, staring me straight in the eye.

"Hey Lavi, are we like… together?" he asked.

I had to laugh at that, I really did.

"Only if you want to be, Al," I said, after controlling my laughter.

"I, think, um, that is if you want, I wouldn't mind," he said blushing.

He was just so cute.

"Sure thing, Allen," I said pecking him on the lips and then turning and running away.

He was so adorable, asking that. I really did love him. I just hoped it wouldn't all end in heart ache and pain.

...

**First off, to the rotten thieving bastard who saw fit to steal my laundry bag and liquid from the laundromat while I went to the bakery for a pie… you suck. I hope the washing liquid leaks on your clean clothes you fucking prick…**

**Second, was this a bit cringe worthy? I thought it was.**

**Third, Kyaaaa over 90 review, I'm *sniff sniff* so happy. My next goal is to by pass my last fic which reached 125 reviews :D**

**animeobsessed001: Yeah, I hate reading stuff and people first get together even though they're both virgins or something I keep thinking 'How the hell do they know that the fuck they're doing! It's awkward as all hell and embarrassing to boot!' it's more like 'um, so, was that alright? no wait this goes here' I'm not making much sense am I? hehe A late review is still an awesome review :D**

**Pisces95: Sorry I got the sun setting thing from my old English teacher (who was actually English), but he could have been talking about the dead of winter. . . He did like to take the piss though so he could have been lying. It's funny I think your the first actual British reviewer, I have to keep reminding myself when writing as Allen things like, pants are trousers, chips are crisps, thongs are flip flops etc etc, I failed didn't I? I need to know gaaaaaaaaaah. Anyway *coughs* I'm glad you joined the story and hope you stick around, (please point out if Allen isn't being British enough heh).**

**KawaiiUsa: Yay another new reviewer. And he wasn't trying to be dominate (cause he failed anyway heh), he just wanted to make Lavi feel good. If Lavi always did all the work it would be a very one sided relationship, hmm I appear to be ranting, sorry.**

**ang694: Tsk tsk, he didn't molest him, not really. Heh. More like, um…**

**BlackSoulStar: We've reached the point where I don't know what to say anymore, so I'll so go with… Thanks for reading!**

**Colorful-Crap: That's cool, just calm down, breath. Stupid laptop breaking on you *shakes fist*. That's the thing about cliche' lines, they run through your head and you really want to write them just because it'll be a bit of a laugh if you do. But if I wrote "But I'm your idiot" (which I wanted to at a point), I would of thought it was extremely funny and then regretted it later. Heh**

**Sex-a-licious Usagi: That happens to me all the time, but usually when I'm at work, I'll check my inbox and go "Oh my god, 'such and such' updated!… And my break is an hour away *cries*" Although I usually end up sneaking into the bathroom or the storeroom and reading bits if it's a really good story.**

**And by the way I think your language is awesome, I don't know why but I always thought Finnish (And all Scandinavian languages) sounded kind of sexy. I use to watch a lot of late night foreign films heh.**

**I will reveal who did all that crap to Lavi in the next few chapters, but until then… I'm not telling near.**

**kitsune630: So I guess in the end I just kind of scared myself with the spider thing huh? And yes he will be back at some point dun dun duuuuun, plot give away.**

**FiresCreek: This chapter is probably going to be all the back story I'm going to do for Lavi at the time. I can't find a good way to work all his childhood in with out making it too overbearing so for now it's just this because this is more important. Did I make sense? Sometimes I confuse myself.**

**DarkEnvisions: I know what you mean about the back story thing, so annoying. When I first started writing out Allen's past it was so long and boring I was like, 'who the fuck wants to read this?' So I started over and it turned out a lot better. Thank god I did.**

**And I'm sorry for torturing them both so much, I can't help it *pouts*. If you think this is bad you should see what I did to them in another story, now that was torture.**

**I think if you read back you will find that they do indeed get hangovers, Allen had one so bad in one chapter that he had to lay at home and suck on ice cubes because he threw up so much. Also another time Lavi wakes up with one after spending the night on a bench. There are a few other times, but those are the ones I remember.**

**Yes, Yes I know you are a fan of 'the hip thingy', but I think it's time I put it to bed and move on to blow jobs… jk.**

**Also I will now stop trying to drown Allen, sorry about that, I thought it was funny.**

**Tomlinson's Thrusts: Yeah I knew you would like that, aha. No worries, I often get sleep deprived reviews, most of the time they're highly amusing. And ERRORS! noooo, point them out, I'm trying to destroy all errors.**

**The-Butterses: Aww, that's so cool that you did that for my story. I've done it too though, fanfic is so addictive right?**

**Hanashi o suru: HOORAY FOR PERVINESS…. sorry.**

**Katastrophi: Sorry that wasn't intentional, I just did the hip thing because I figured it was the only thing Allen really knew what to do. He's so inexperienced and all. Maybe plan out chapters I find things flow so much smoother when I do and I don't have to reach a chapter and go… oh shit, really should have mentioned something about this in chapter two. **

**That's all, I think, I don't think I missed anyone**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thirteen.**

_**Meanwhile back in town.**_

"Bye, Kanda!" she called as I grabbed the door handle.

"Uh, yeah, bye," I grunted opening the door, that annoying bell ringing out as I did.

I stepped out into the sun and looked down at the bags in my hand wondering what the fuck had happened. I'd just gone to buy a loaf of bread; how the fuck had I ended up with a loaf of bread, six jam donuts, a large cinnamon bun and two small apple pies. That woman, Lena lee, she had some strange power to convince me to buy baked goods. This wasn't the first time this had happened either, last time I had somehow ended up with a full slab of cheesecake slices. Luckily the old fart liked sweet stuff; Marie seemed overly fond of them too. The only problem with this whole thing is that those bastards think I did it as a favor to them. Her power, I must know it so that I might use it on others. Although not to make them buy baked goods, no, I would use that power to enslave mankind.

Until then, I had bags full of sugary crap to get rid of, and the walk back to the house was long.

Why did I have to be adopted into a family of hermits that lived on a secluded property?

There was no point thinking of it now, I just had to wait out school and then I would be gone, gone, gone. No more random adventures in over buying baked goods.

"Oi, Kanda you shit!"

I knew that voice, he was a total idiot, annoying as all hell, clingy and most of all ignorant to his own emotions. Yet somehow he was the only person I could actually stand. How that turned out I didn't know, but it happened.

I made my way towards Alma who was camped out in front of the supermarket. For some reason he had spent the entire school holiday sitting out the front of the supermarket and I had no idea why. I could ask him, but I doubted he would tell me. Alma was very guarded with his inner emotions, it was kind of annoying.

He'd be loud, annoying, clingy as previously mentioned, but there was something under the surface. He was angry about something, what about I didn't know, but he was angry. For some reason the majority of his anger was taken out on that Bean Sprout at school. I didn't know why he picked him in particular to take his anger out on. I didn't mind, there was something about that Sprout that annoyed the crap out of me. He was just so… god damn, open about everything. It annoyed me that what you saw with that bastard was everything, yet I was just annoyed at him.

Alma wasn't angry at him, I don't think he even hated him. Alma was just using him as a punching bag, and for some reason the Bean was the only punching bag he wanted.

"I see you're still down with Yellow Fever," he said motioning towards the bags in my hand.

"You have realised that I'm also Asian," I snapped, sitting down next to him.

"Yeah, but you're a Nip, not a yellow Chink."

I could also see that Alma enjoyed expressing his anger in the form of racial slurs. It made him feel superior somehow, although I could tell he didn't actually care about such shit. He just used it as another way to make himself feel better.

He'd pissed me off with his little remark although he had called me a '_Nip_' a million times before. I think it was the '_Yellow Fever_' remark that pissed me off. That Lenalee had the secret of world domination, I couldn't have her mocked.

"Why the fuck have you been sitting out here for the past week?" I snapped.

"I've been waiting for the queer."

"The queer?"

"You know, what's his name, Allen. It's just no fun without him around to torment. I kind of miss him."

When he said that I heard the Sprout's words in my head, _'I'm worried about how often you seem to miss me'_.

Alma seemed to be developing some kind of obsession with the Sprout, and it wasn't healthy. Mostly because I knew that some day, when I wasn't around, he would go too far. I just didn't know how to break him away from it though. I didn't want to have to deal with the shit that went down when Alma finally snapped and almost killed the Sprout.

"I think you need a hobby," I said, going through the bags to distract myself.

"No I don't, I just need to beat the shit of that queer a few times," Alma said, leaning back on the bench and stretching his legs out.

He just so happened to stretch his legs out as someone was walking passed. Alma saw the guy, and didn't retract his feet, instead he let the obviously dazed looking man stumbled over his outstretched feet.

"Hey watch it, Ranga," Alma called out to the guy.

The man who he had tripped turned and glared at Alma. He stomped closer to the bench we sat on, his moves looking deliberate but I could tell he was half out of his mind and possibly drunk. He stood one foot in front of Alma and glared down at him. He was tall and imposing, but his long red hair was disheveled and in a loose pony tail. His eyes were weepy and bloodshot behind a set of glasses, his whole appearance wouldn't be very intimidating, but somehow he was. He gave off the appearance of a higher force that was not to be reckoned with. I didn't want to say that such a low down looking person scared me, because he didn't, but he looked like someone to be respected.

"You're lucky I have this thing about hitting little girls," he scoffed and walked away.

Alma was shocked and I found the whole thing hilarious. When the man was far down the street, Alma finally managed to collect himself and come out with a truly pathetic response.

"We'll see, four eyes!"

"You know who that was?" I asked after his pathetic excuse for a comeback.

"What? Who?"

"That's the Sprout's guardian."

"That guy? Looks nothing like him."

"Well that would be why he's the Sprouts GUARDIAN and not his FATHER," I said with a smirk.

"How do you know this?" he asked.

"Um, I, err." I was obvious lost for words.

"Heard it from your chinky love interest did you?"

I'd officially had enough of him. I stood up from the bench and went to walk away, before I did I had one of more thing to say.

"Don't do anything stupid."

…

This was my day, it certainly was. First Kanda had come to the shop while I was on the counter and now, Allen's overly sexy guardian. I couldn't decide which one I liked most, Kanda was quiet and made me want to know more about him, he was an enigma. Cross was just… so obvious but was somehow an even bigger enigma. And listening to myself I felt like a complete idiot. When had I become such a walking cliché'?

"Hi there again!" I said, inwardly cringing at my overly excited sounding voice.

He looked up from the cake cabinet and squinted at me. It took him awhile but then his face lit up in recognition.

"Hey, it's Allen's hot friend," he said with a smile.

He was so blunt, but I kind of liked it.

"Um, yeah, hi?"

"Hey, have you seen the brat?"

"Allen? No. I texted him a few times but I heard nothing back."

"I haven't seen him for a week. I have the feeling I'm pissed off at him about something but I can't figure out what it is."

"Allen hasn't been home for a week? Aren't you worried?" I certainly was.

"Nah, he'll show up again. When he does I'm going to kick arse… As soon as I figure out what for."

I was about to ask him what he would like when there was a loud knocking coming from the front of the shop. We both looked up to see Alma bashing at the front window. When he saw us looking at him, he pulled the edges of his eyes out in an obvious attempt to look Asian. Alma was a dick.

"Who the fuck is that idiot?"

"That's, Alma," I said with a sigh, "He's a dick, a massive one. He gives Allen a lot of trouble."

"Trouble, huh?" he said, looked at Alma a little differently, "What kind of trouble?"

"Teasing, bullying, they've gotten into a few fights. Most of the time it's two against one though so Allen usually ends up taking a bit of a beating."

"He hits him?"

"Yeah, as I said, he's a dick."

Kanda was fine though… even though he helped Alma, he was, okay.

He was glaring at Alma through the window that was now pulling faces at him. How old was he anyway?

"Hey," he said turning back to me, "I'll take that."

He was pointing to a family sized lemon meringue.

"Sure thing," I said, grabbing a large paper bag.

"Don't worry about the bag, I'll take it as is."

"Um, okay," I said and pulled the pie out from the cabinet, resting it on the counter, "That'll be twelve fifty."

He handed over the money and picked up the pie, resting it on his palm. He looked up at me with a devious smile on his face, hefting the pie.

"Wanna see something funny?" he said, raising an eyebrow.

I nodded and he left the shop.

He approached Alma and from the look of it, the two of them immediately started to argue. Then, to my great amusement, the lemon meringue was shoved into Alma's face and he was kicked in the crotch. Alma fell over, and the man who had now become my number one love interest simply walked away.

I think I could easily say this was the best day of my holidays.

…

Cross wasn't home when I got back, which was probably a good thing. I really didn't want to deal with him wanting to kill me when first getting back. I really wanted to do nothing more than take a shower and go to sleep. Even though through the last week I had been remarkable well rested, right now I was exhausted. Although I don't think I'd be able sleep as well again, who knew Lavi could be such a comfortable pillow?

I dropped my guitar in the living room and then took my bag through the kitchen, down the back steps to the laundry. I emptied my bag out into the washing machine and turned it on and then headed back into the house. I grabbed a fresh set of clothes and headed off to the bathroom. I was just planning on having a quick shower but the appeal of having a long hot bath was strong. So I drew myself a bath and stepped in. I felt a little dirty after having spent a week only bathing in that black water. Yet somehow when I stepped into the bath, the water just didn't seem as clean. At least it was hot, and I had soap. I had to admit I was starting to smell a little. Ahh the luxury of soap.

Sinking into the tub, I had to think back on the last week. The best way to describe it was as an emotional roller coaster. Just when I thought one thing was sorted another thing would pop up. When I thought one emotion had reached its limit another one took its place. Despite it all it was some of the best days I'd had for years. There was a freedom up there, I didn't realise how restricted I had felt until I was there. Up there, there was nothing to hide, we could do anything and it wouldn't matter. There was no one to judge or say cruel words, there was just us, and I missed it already. God, what a week, what a week. I want to live it all over again, but with less tears, and maybe a little more physical contact.

I couldn't believe how quickly I had gotten use to the more sexual nature of things. At first I'd been a little scared, it was just something I hadn't expected, hadn't even thought of. Next thing I knew I was initiating things and I don't even know how many times we had engaged in those things over the week. In fact the fourth day we were there just seemed to be completely filled with the both of us trying to get the other off. Had I even bothered wearing clothes that day? I think I wore boxers at some point, that whole day was just a blur. An intensely pleasurable blur. And then Lavi had to go and freak out.

It took me awhile to actually comprehend what he was going through. When I think about it he had practically been raped. Even if he hadn't actually had sex with the guy until years after. He had still been made to do things of a sexual nature at a young age. I couldn't comprehend doing those things when I was twelve. Lavi had told me a little about it all, but I could tell he was holding back on a lot details. He spoke as if he was viewing the whole thing from a distance and it didn't actually happen to him personally. It was sad the way he held me while he said those things. He said it all so dead pan, while he held me so tight that I was finding it hard to breath. There was no emotion in his voice, but his body trembled, and he held me tight enough to cause bruises.

What a week, what a great and completely depressing week. I was in the tub, maybe I should try and drown myself again? I slide down letting my head fall under the surface. I was pondering things over in the silence, when I was interrupted by a loud bang. I jumped up in fright, the water stinging my eyes.

"Brat, get your arse out here so I can kick it!" Cross yelled through the door.

"Great," I mumbled into the water, bubbles popping to the surface, "Time to face the music."

I pulled myself out of the water and went about drying myself off and getting dressed. Once done I took a few deep breaths before unlocking the door and heading out.

Cross was in his usual spot on the couch, his feet resting on the scuffed and dinted coffee table. Instead of his usual glass of scotch, or rum, or another spirit, he was cradling a beer. Upon seeing me he set the beer down on the table, the condensation from it making yet another stain on the table. He pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and made a big show of polishing his shoe.

"Right so, I'm pissed off with you," he said, continuing to shine his shoe.

"I'm aware."

"And I'm going to kick your arse."

"That, I am also aware of," I said cringing slightly.

"The only problem is," he said letting it hang.

I cringed even more, why did he have to draw this whole thing out? Couldn't he just get the arse kicking over with?

"I just can't remember why I'm so pissed off with you. Care to fill me in?"

Was he serious? Could he really not remember? I was hoping he didn't remember but I didn't think he would actually forget.

"Umm, is it because, I ran away for a week?" I said meekly, hoping he would buy it.

"That's why I'm pissed off at you?"

"I guess. I mean, I haven't done anything else," I said, trying not to smile.

"That's it really?… That's funny, I didn't think I cared that much."

Gee, thanks Cross, you're a great guardian. Of course I didn't say that.

"So… are you still going to kick my arse?"

"Huh?" Cross grunted, retrieving his beer, "I guess not."

He drained the rest of the beer and sat the empty bottle on the table, finding a place amongst the numerous empty bottles and dirty glasses.

"Go get me a beer will you?"

"Sure," I said, not believing that I had somehow gotten away with stealing his stuff.

"Get one for yourself," he said.

Was he testing me? There was only one way to find out. I went to the kitchen and grabbed out two brown bottles. I returned to the lounge room and set both of the bottles down in front of him. I remained standing, looking at him and wondering what he was going to do next. He simply grabbed one of the bottles and twisted the top off, taking a gulp. He pulled the bottle away with a slight 'ahh', and looked at me.

"What're you waiting for? Grab a seat," he said, slapping his hand down on the empty cushion on the couch.

I walked over carefully and sat down next to him on the couch, hovering on the very edge of the seat. What was he up to? Was he trying to lure me into a false sense of security just so that arse kicking would be even worse? I sat next to him, my whole body tense.

"What're you waiting for? Crack the beer you pussy," he slurred.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yeah, why not? How old are you now? Eighteen?"

And that was when I realised how truly drunk Cross was. It was hard to tell with him sometimes, he was drinking so constantly that sometimes even though he was drunk, he seemed almost sober. So the best option was to grab the beer in from of me and twist the top off of it.

I had a swig and found it wasn't half bad. I hadn't drunk a lot of beer, my experience with it was usually a sour one. However the drink I had now was bitter but enjoyable, it felt like while I was drinking it I was being slapped across the face with someone yelling, _'This is real beer!'_. It was also ice cold, making the whole thing taste even better. After taking a few good gulps I set the bottle down on the table next to Cross's bottle.

"You know I'm fifteen," I said, softly.

"Fifteen… really? Wow, they grow up so fast."

"Um, Cross, what are you talking about?"

"Huh?" he snorted, "I don't know. Thirteen huh, that would explain why you're so short though. I mean come on, when are you going to hit puberty and grow a few inches?"

"I already have hit puberty," I said with clenched teeth, trying to force down the blush.

"Really? You could have fooled me!" he said, letting out a booming laugh.

"I hate you."

"No you don't! Now drink up, bitch!"

Bitch? Really? There was nothing I could say to that, I wanted to say something but I couldn't. So I grabbed the bottle and drained it.

Two hours later the better half of a carton of beer was gone and I was feeling completely drunk. I had thought that at some point Cross would reveal that he remembered what I had done, but he never did. Instead we kept on drinking and I found myself start to relax, it was almost nice to sit and have a few beers with Cross.

"I saw your friend this morning," Cross slurred, throwing his arm around my shoulders.

"My friend?" I slurred back.

"That Chinese hottie. I swear if you don't start going out with her I'm gonna start thinking you're gay."

My heart leapt into my throat, a little slowly because of all the beer I had, had. What would Cross think if I told him I had spent the last week engaging in activities that could really not be called straight? There was no way I was telling him the last week involved a lot of grinding and a few hand jobs with a member of the same sex. I couldn't let it go though, I would have to tell him eventually. I wouldn't exactly call myself gay, I didn't find myself looking at other males and finding them attractive. Nor did I look at females. However I was drawn to Lavi, and I could finally understand what he said.

He said to me,

_"You don't have to like boys, Allen. You just have to like me."_

I didn't see gender anymore, I just saw a person, and the person I saw was Lavi. I guess in a way I was bisexual, I mean, I was drawn to a person whether they be male or female, but that was still a hard thing to tell your guardian. I have no idea how I would have told my Father, but it was somehow easier to tell him in my mind than it was Cross. He was a womanizer that was for sure. If there was an attractive woman in this town he had taken her, in fact, the women didn't even have to be attractive. If they were female and within a certain age group he would take them if he could.

"I... I don't like, Lenalee that way. She's my friend."

"Really? That girl is walking molten lava."

"Really, I just don't see her that way," I said, it was easier this way.

"You know… are you sure you're not gay?"

"I'm not gay," I said, emptying my bottle and setting it down on the table, and then I continued under my breath, "Not really."

Cross removed his arm from around me and I thought I was going to hear some bullshit, but what he said really surprised me.

"You know what I hate most about you? How much you look like your Mother."

My heart thudded so hard in my chest that I swear my whole body was thrust forward. I didn't know he knew my mother. Then another thought came to mind… Please don't tell me that Cross had been with my actual biological Mother in the past. I found myself wondering that if he had in fact been with her… Oh crap, what if I was actually related to him!

"You knew my Mother?" I asked quietly, dreading the response.

"Yeah," he said, leaning back, sounding a little sad, "I knew her, very well. I miss her a lot."

"How did you know her?" I asked. I had to know.

"She was, my best friend."

He moved around on the couch then faced me. He grabbed my shoulder and shoved me around staring into my eyes. I flinched at first, honestly thinking he was going to head butt me or something. But he just stared at me, which was unnerving enough.

"You look, exactly like her, same hair and eyes, well at least before your hair went all shit. The same build, she was a short arse too."

I had never heard Cross speak so openly before, I needed to know more.

"How did you meet her?" I asked

"Fuck, I knew her my whole life, we grew up together."

I had to know if he had ever been with her. As cringe worthy as it was, I had to ask.

"So did you conquer her too?" I asked with a laugh.

I didn't expect Cross' response to be a slap across the face, but that was exactly what I got.

"Don't talk about her that way," he said, deadly serious, "Your mother was my… My… My best friend."

I held a hand to my cheek in shock, not from Cross slapping me, but because he showed such emotion.

"I'm sorry, I never knew her. I wish I did," I said softly.

"It's alright," he said, slinging an arm around my shoulder once again, "You're only sixteen after all."

"Fifteen," I corrected.

"Seventeen, whatever, still too young."

"I'm old enough!" I yelled, once again feeling the effects of the beer, and slapping my hand over my mouth.

"Old enough?" Cross asked with a raised eyebrow and an insidious smile, "Old enough for what? What have you been getting up to? What have you been doing the last week? Who with? Was it that, Lenalee? It was wasn't it?"

_'No Cross, I've spent the last week grinding against a_ male _called Lavi, and let me tell you, it was a very good week.'_

Yeah, there was no way I was saying that.

"I've already told you that Lenalee is just a friend," I said instead.

"Hehe, yeah, whatever," he said, draining the bottle and setting it down on the coffee table, "Go get us both another drink, and then... heh, then you can tell us all about the last week."

I pushed myself up from the couch, stumbling slightly and running into the coffee table. All the bottles rattled and I held my hands out ready to catch anything that fell. When nothing did fall I stumbled to the kitchen and grabbed another two bottles.

I had to tell him, well no I didn't really have to tell him, yet I felt the need. Now was the time, I stomped back to the couch with both bottles. I cracked both of them and set them on the table. I took a deep breath and turned to Cross, blurting everything out.

"I wasn't with Lenalee, I spent the last week meeting sexual gratification with another male that I like very much, and I don't care what you think because it was probably the best week of my life!"

I said it so defiantly, so passionately, so clearly, which surprised me because I had drank so much.

It was a shame that Cross was passed out.

He was snoring… loudly.

Great, just great. I'd bared my heart and soul to a passed out drunk… wonderful.

As much as I was use to having to listen to Cross snore mere meters from my bedroom door, I didn't want to spend my first night in a week in a real bed having to listen to his snores. Grudgingly I started to poke him in the side trying to get him to wake long enough to get back to his own bed. I poked and prodded him until he rolled on his back and mumbled a 'fuck off' without even opening his eyes. I poked him a few more times before he finally managed to open his eyes.

"What?" he snapped.

"Go to bed."

"I am in bed, piss off."

"No, you're passed out on the couch and I don't want to have to listen to you snore all night, it's annoying."

"Put up with it," he grumbled, closing his eyes and getting comfortable again.

There was no way I was putting up with it, I needed a good long sleep on a soft bed, even if Lavi's comfy chest was missing from it. I grabbed Cross' arm and began to tug at it.

"Get up, I want to sleep," I whined drunkenly, pulling at his arm again.

With a lot of poking and prodding I managed to get him to stand up. To make sure he didn't just slump back down on the couch I led him back to his room. I hated looking at his room, it was huge. Why did he get to have such a big room when he spent most of his time on the couch? My room was so small that when I opened my cupboard door I hit another piece of furniture.

I pulled him into the bed, and pushed him in the direction of the bed. He stumbled about a bit, crashed into his bedside table and then fell back onto his bed face up.

"Good night," I grumbled going to leave.

"Oi, brat," Cross called.

"Yeah?" I said, pausing at the door.

"Don't run off like that again. I don't care where you go, as long as you tell me."

"A-alright…"

Weird.

"I'm serious… Do you know how boring the last week has been for me?"

"What?" I asked, but he was already passed out again.

I shrugged and went off to fall onto my own bed. Passing through the lounge room I took a moment to down the two bottles that had been left on the coffee table. Heh, coffee table, like a mug of coffee had ever rested on it. It should be called the alcohol table. Setting the empty beer bottle down, I decided it was now called the empty table, because it was constantly covered in empty bottles and glasses. I left the empty table and went to my room.

Hello bed! Did you miss me? I'm coming in there!

Hmm, I think I'm officially insane.

I couldn't wait to get into bed, but there were a few things to take care of. I made sure to pull all the curtains across fully so none of that horrible sunlight could get in while I was sleeping. The next thing I had to do was check my phone, I'd left it on the charger when I left. I felt guilty because I realised that I had agreed to hang out with Lenalee over the holidays at some point. Checking the phone I found that I had twenty-seven text messages… what the fuck?

The first was from Cross, sent about an hour after I left.

Cross: When you come home I'm kicking your arse!

And it just continued from there.

Cross: A serious arse kicking.

Cross: Hurry up and get back here!

Cross: Why haven't you come back yet?

Cross: Get back here.

Cross: Right now!

Cross: Where the hell are you?!

Lenalee: Hey wanna hang out?

Cross: Where the fuck are you brat?

Cross: Where'd you go?

Lenalee: My brother's out of town, he had to go see his accountant, wanna come over?

Cross: I'm so pissed off at you!

Cross: I just realised that annoying sound I keep hearing is your phone.

Cross: Where are you?!

Wow… Cross forgot so easily. The remaining messages were all of him asking where I was and then realising I didn't have my phone and then asking where I was again. Strange.

I turned the phone off, I didn't want Cross asking where I was again even though I was back. With the way his mind worked I was likely to get woken up by him texting the same thing over again.

I lay back on the bed, god it was comfortable… even though Lavi was missing from it. I was missing him, to the point I was feeling depressed. The bed was comfortable, so comfortable, I had spent a week sleeping on the ground after all. Well, to be more accurate I had spent the week sleeping on Lavi. God, I missed him. The bed was so deliciously comfortable, but, it wasn't welcoming. I wanted to sleep on the bed so much, but I was feeling a pull elsewhere. With a sigh I slid off the bed and crawled under it, taking a pillow with me.

Why was I so comforted by crawling under the bed? Was it the darkness, or the feeling of being enclosed? Or was it that in the past the person I cared most about would find me here and pull me out to comfort me? Once it was my Father that would rescue me, now it was Lavi. I wanted him here, and now. We hadn't left things properly, sure the kiss he had left me with was somewhat a confirmation. Yet everything that happened earlier that day had left a bitter taste in my mouth. I missed him, too much.

I snuggled against my pillow, trying to distract myself. Everything that Cross had said was a good distraction. Actually it was a little creepy, finding out he knew my Mother and quite possibly cared about me.

Wait a minute! Cross cared about me!?

**Okay, so I know it's been forever and all I've got to show for it, is a crappy chapter, but you know, complications and shit. I swear to god the next chapter will be so much better.**

**Also I know I usually reply to reviews here but I kinda left the power cord for my computer on the bus and I'm running on very low energy and I wanted to get this out now before the power runs out.**

**Sorry guys, I'll reply next time, I'm sorry for the crap chapter, and I'm sorry for waiting like… three weeks to update. Meh…**


	14. Chapter 14

**Fourteen.**

My relationship with Lavi had changed over the months, for the better though. After the trip we took, things had still been strange between us for a while. Mostly because of Lavi, I had seriously started to wonder if he was bi polar for awhile. He'd go between being completely clingy to being totally withdrawn and completely depressing. One night he would be all over me, the next he would crush me against him not saying anything, then he'd disappear for a few days which drove me insane. Then he'd show up again and the whole cycle would start all over again.

Mostly Lavi was paranoid I'd figured out. Sometimes he'd freak out right in the middle of while we were doing certain things. It really got on my nerves and then we would start to argue, which was also annoying. We would always end up arguing over stupid shit that wasn't even relevant to how the argument started. We'd swear and hurt each other with words, and at the end of it Lavi would leave, or, we would some how end up making out. Occasional I would chase after him, usually in the middle of the night. Sometimes he'd come back, usually when I was hiding under the bed, unfortunately. After that we'd often yell at each other, again, sometimes cry, and then there was silence between us. And then after that it was usually Lavi that broke down first. No matter what I said he still somehow believed that I didn't really know what I was doing… which of course was insulting, which ended up with us arguing more.

It was a long and hard road, but we always somehow made it work… kind of. It wasn't exactly perfect, and there was a lot of arguing, but at the end of it all, the arguing didn't matter. There were a few other things to deal with as well. One of which was Cross walking in on us in the middle of certain things. It was awkward, of course, and let's just say there is no subtle way to remove your mouth from another males chest. Especially when he didn't have a shirt on, his trousers were unbuttoned, and we just so happened to be on the couch, otherwise known as Cross' second bed. We weren't thinking when we decided to go at it on the couch, just caught up in the moment. So we really shouldn't have been so surprised when Cross walked through the door.

What was more surprising was Cross' reaction which was;

"I don't care what you two do together, I just don't want to see it."

And then he stomped off to his actually room and slammed the door shut. About a minute later we were back at it. There was no point in stopping at that point.

Except two minutes later Cross charged back out again and loudly proclaimed.

"When I said I don't care what you two do I was lying! This," He said, waving his arms at us at the couch, "This is alright, but if I find the brat limping I'm going to kick your arse so hard that his limp will look like a skip through the daisies."

If that wasn't bad enough, Lavi then came out with.

"Hey, hey, hey, we haven't reached that point in our relationship, and we haven't decided who will top who yet!"

At which point Cross and Lavi started to argue about who was the giver and who was the taker, and I went to my room to attempt to suffocate myself with a pillow.

Something else I discovered a few weeks into our official relationship was just how much Lavi had been holding himself back. I thought what we had already done was pretty intense. Then Lavi came over one day and showed me what he was really capable of. I think that main reason was I just wasn't expecting it. I'd been lying in bed, reading, Lavi jumped through the window, like he did. I got as far as saying,

"Hey, Lavi."

The next thing I knew he was all over me. I don't know exactly how he did it but after what felt like hours we both reached a peak and I was left lying on the bed completely dazed. I couldn't do anything other then stare at the ceiling with my mouth hanging open. Lavi just fell asleep on my bed, slumped against the edge and about to fall off any second. I had to force myself to get up and get dressed again. I was still in a bit of a daze but my mouth was so dry, after all the work it went through and the amount of gaping I did after wards. So I got myself dressed, a little sloppily and headed to the kitchen for a glass of water.

I stumbled a bit on the way, still totally out of it. Entering the kitchen I found Cross leaning his head against the wall. Where his head was there was a small crack in the wall. I just shrugged thinking he was drunk again, and grabbed a glass out of the cupboard. When the cupboard slammed shut, the sound causing Cross to jump and turn around. He stared at me, then glared.

"What?" I asked.

He shook his head, a totally mortified expression on his face. As he continued to stare at me I finally realised that he must have heard ever little thing we had done. I knew from personal experience just how thin the walls were in the house. I felt a little embarrassed, but the look on Cross' face was hilarious. So I decided to make him cringe a little.

"Well," I said, as I leaned back against the kitchen counter, "Now you know how I feel."

He continued to gape and just shake his head.

"And I guess," I said pushing myself away from the counter and walking away, "I now know how you feel."

Yep, that had been a good day.

It wasn't long after that, that Lavi finally stopped freaking out so much.

Things at school had been better too. Almost everyone had gone back to coldly ignoring me, even Tosspot seemed to be leaving me alone. I'd even managed to pass most of my classes even with all the days I'd missed. I'd failed Math's though, but that didn't bother me, I didn't see Maths in my future, other than the basics. Lenalee and I had seemed to become actual friends, which was nice. I hadn't had a real friend for a long time. Lavi I don't think counted since there was always something underlying. Yet it was nice having someone to talk to, to just bitch and moan to.

Of course all good things had to come to an end.

It started with Lavi jumping through my window at a truly ridiculous hour. He shook me awake and I looked around me, noticing that it was still dark out.

"Lavi," I groaned, "Its too early."

I went to lay back down, but Lavi had other ideas.

"Allen," he said desperately, grabbing my arms and shaking me fully awake, "Wake up, common get up."

"What, Lavi?!" I yelled. I got really irritated when I got woken up before I actually wanted to.

"Listen Allen, I have to leave for a while, a week, maybe two, maybe even longer," he said, sounding rushed and a little panicked.

"What?" I asked, finally sitting up and looking at him.

"Look, I couldn't sleep. So I went for a walk and then… Well, I saw… some… thing, and well I have to go, I just wanted to tell you. I really have to go now."

He was starting to freak me out, he was so panicked and edgy, constantly looking around as if someone was watching him.

"Wait…What?" I asked, my sleep heavy mind still trying to comprehend what exactly what was going on.

"I'm sorry, I'll be back as soon as I can," he said quickly.

He leaned down and pecked my lips quickly, and just as quickly turned and jumped out the window. I struggled out of bed and ran to the window, but by the time I reached it I could tell that Lavi was long gone.

From there it just went down hill.

Of course I couldn't sit still after Lavi's impromptu visit, so I sat up for hours, pacing my room. I eventually exited my room and made myself a large breakfast. With nothing better to do after eating breakfast, I showered, dressed for school and left. Since I was so early I didn't come across anybody in the streets, except for a few earlier birds. When I arrived at school I sat down on a random bench and just waited for school to start.

When that got boring I started to wander around the school grounds trying to pass the time as best as I could. Slowly teachers started to show up, along with a few students who obviously had nothing better to do like myself. When I noticed the lights to the library were on and that the doors were open, I decided to spend a little time in the library catching up. Bookman still refused to let me check out any book of any kind. Because of this I was spending a large amount of time in the library during my lunch breaks and after school. I always wrote down the page and chapter number during classes so I could run to the library and look them up, occasionally if I had a few quid on me I'd pay to have the pages photo copied. Since I had nothing better to do I entered the library.

Entering the library the first person I saw was Bookman. He noticed me and immediately sent a scowl my way. I walked up to the front desk and felt a moment of pride at the fact that I was actually taller than someone. The added bonus was that he was older than me… yay!

"Hey, Bookman," I said, trying to hide my emotions from appearing on my face.

"Walker," he said icily.

"I know I've already asked, but, is there any chance I can hire out any text books?"

"Considering, Mr Walker, that the last time I hired you books, they returned to me soaked in urine… I'd say no."

"Come on Bookman, It's not like I did it too them."

"They were still under your care when it happened."

"But," I started.

"No buts," Bookman cut in, "I will not allow you to hire out anymore books for the rest of the school year."

"So… Next year is alright then?"

"No."

"But you just said,"

"No."

"But,"

"No!"

"Fine!"

I went to turn away, but someone else came to mind.

"Hey Bookman, everything aside… Do you know why Lavi up and left this morning?"

His glare, if possible, deepened.

"No," he said, a terrifying edge to his voice.

I knew better than to push, so I backed away carefully and ran to the back of the library where the text books were lined up. He was shorter than me, and about a thousand years older, but he could be scary, really, scary.

The text books were all jammed into one far corner of the library. Lined up so thick and so compacted that barely any light shone into the area. The windows were blocked and for some reason the fluorescent lights just didn't seem bright enough. I had gotten use to it over the weeks I'd been forced to study in the library. I found I preferred to just sit on the floor surrounded by the books, instead of sitting myself at a table next to someone that most likely didn't like me.

I grabbed down a Maths text book and sat down on the floor, setting myself up. I pulled out my notes and my pencil case, and got to work reviewing the last few chapters. Studying this way was hard, and annoying, but I seemed to be making it work, more or less.

The time passed by slowly, but I could hear the sounds of other people arriving at school. I could hear screaming and shouting, the sounds of some people playing a game of cricket. It was beginning to become distracting and I didn't need any more distractions when it came to Maths. The shit was seriously starting to do my head in, I was starting to find it hard to figure out why exactly I would need to find the hidden angle of a triangle in life. Would I be walking down the street one day when suddenly a triangle jumps out with a gun demanding me to find it's hidden angle? Then again the poor triangle had probably lived its whole life not know who it was. Constantly knowing there was a part of it missing, unable to figure out what it was. The thought then drove it to the brink of insanity, forcing it to take drastic measures and hold people up. Hoping that someone out there would be able to answer the question of what it was, and what was missing. And with that thought I decided it was time to put Maths away for a while before I went completely insane.

i shoved all my notes back in my bag and then slammed the text book shut. I put the book back in its place and sat back down, wondering what I should move on to next. I had some Music theory to look over, plus I had a five thousand word English essay to write. I was almost finished with the essay so I figured I'd focus on it for a while and try and get the whole thing over and done with. Then I would just have to read over it a hundred times, and type it out. It annoyed me that I had to hand in assignments typed out, and I could't just hand write it. Cross was too stingy to buy a computer so I had to type up all my assignments in the library. Also I had to pay to have them printed out, it was only ten cents a page, but the whole thing was annoying. Why couldn't I print them out for free? So stupid!

Pushing the thoughts aside, I took out my essay and started to read over what I had already written. I was half way through it when I felt the presents of someone else. Looking up I had to suppress a groan of annoyance. What the hell was Tosspot doing in the library? It's not like he ever used it, and there was no way that he knew I was in there. Why was he bothering me now? He'd left me alone for months. And why the hell was he just standing there and staring at me? It was freaking me out.

I let out a sigh and shoved my notes back in my bag while standing to leave. I didn't say anything to him just went to leave. As I went to pass by him, he changed his position to stand right in front of me. When I tried to move around him the other way he did it again.

"Listen, Tosser," I said, raising my hands in surrender, "I'm really not in the mood."

He didn't say anything, deciding to go for a physical response instead. He grabbed me by the wrists and before I knew what was going on, he had slammed me back against the shelving. I let out a hiss of pain as I felt one of the shelves dig painfully into the small of my back, another against my shoulder.

"What the fuck!" I yelled out, a little too loud for the library.

I didn't know what I had done to set him off this time, but the Tosspot was near shaking with anger. His grip on my wrists was painfully tight, his hands were grinding my wrist so hard I could feel them rubbing the bone. For good measure he pulled me forward again, using the momentum to slam me back again. I cringed in pain again screwing my eyes shut. He did it a few more times before stopping, going back to holding my wrists in a vice like grip that was slowly making my hands go numb. I opened my eyes slowly, fully prepared to be slammed again. When I opened my eyes, Alma's face was uncomfortable close, his eyes searching me. He was angry, he usually was when he looked at me, but this time seemed so much worse.

The gaze he threw at me now was something else. It was pure, unhinged, hatred. I don't know what I had done to step it up a notch, but the look I was getting was enough to scare me, and the Tosspot had never succeeded in scaring me before. His eyes continued to search me and when he took a step further forward I became truly scared. What was he going to do? Tear my throat out with his teeth?

"What's going on here?" a cold and level voice said.

I moved my head to look over Alma's shoulder and saw Bookman standing at the end of the aisle, his hands clasped behind his back. Tosspot turned his head slightly too, taking in the sight of Bookman. When he turned to look, his grip loosened slightly on my wrists and I took the opportunity. I yanked myself out of his grip and shoved his aside, running as soon as I was free. I pushed passed Bookman making him shout after me something indistinguishable that I couldn't understand. I burst out the front door and ran down the ramp, skidding to holt when I reached the end. I'd left my bag behind, crap, I really didn't need to deal with another piss soaked bag. I'd just have to hid and wait for Tosspot to leave, from a safe location, and go grab it. Only problem being, Alma ran out the library door while I was thinking. He set eyes on me and started to run towards me.

"Shit," I breathed, turning and running for it.

I was headed for a crowded area and didn't want to be slowed down by people, so I changed my course and went to run up behind the library. I took a moment to look behind me to see that Tosspot was close behind me, a very scary expression on his face. I pushed forward and ran into someone falling to the ground in a heap. I'd run into a small cricket match and had managed to crash into one of the batters. I didn't stop to apologise, but simple got up, grabbing the abandoned bat, and started to run again. I took another glance behind me to see that Tosspot was now dangerously close because of the fall I took.

I forced my legs to run faster and headed towards the school hall. There was never anyone behind the hall.

I sprinted as hard as I could, putting a good bit of distance between Tosspot and I. Skidding around the corner of the hall, I stopped and held the bat tightly in my hands, raising it up more like a baseball bat. I heard his slapping feet approaching faster and closer. Tightening my grip on the bat, I mentally prepared myself for what was I was about to do. When Tosspot rounded the corner and caught sit of me he skidded to a halt, the momentum keeping him moving forward. I swung the bat, originally meaning to hit him in the head, but as that could easily kill someone, I changed the direction of the swing. I swung the bat lower and smashed the bat against his stomach. I didn't hit him as hard as I could have, I didn't want to break anything or hurt him too bad. I just wanted him to fuck off and leave me alone.

I was surprised at the sound the bat made hitting someone else's stomach. It was a loud and solid slapping sounds. Might I just say that there is no better British revenge than to hit someone with a Cricket bat, I felt a jab of nationalistic pride.

He fell to the ground and gripped at his stomach, gasping for breath. I didn't think I had hit him that hard. As it turns out it wasn't hard enough because he started to get up, that deadly look back in his eyes. I wouldn't give him the chance, so I raised the bat again, bringing it down on his back. Then again as I hit him in the thigh. As I said I didn't want to hurt him too bad, just enough so he wouldn't chase me as I ran away. I managed to do enough because this time he stayed on the ground groaning. I let out a few shaky breaths, and ran my hand through my hair. I was just a little bit shaken, I think if I hadn't stopped him that time I would have been in some serious trouble. There was something about that look he had the proper scared me.

Turning away from Tosspot to make my escape, my right cheek crunched and flared in pain as a fist connected to it. I fell back, landing across Alma's legs. I shrugged myself off and held my hand to my cheek, trying to figure out where the punch had come from. What I found was Kanda glaring down at me as he brought a cigarette to his lips. I guess that meant that the back of the hall was where Kanda went to have a smoke. My luck, as it turned out was just that shit. I tired to push myself up, even though my head pounded, only to have Kanda press his foot to my chest and push me back down.

I tried in vain to push his leg off my chest, but as it turned out his leg was made of pure steel and impossible to move. He just pushed down harder and flicked his cigarette away. That didn't stop me from struggling thought. Yet all I managed to accomplish was scraping and skining palms. I had to watch as Alma pushed himself up and picked up the bat that had fallen from my grip. I started to struggle even more when I saw him with the bat, I knew he wouldn't be as gentle with me as I was with him. Of course it was impossible because of Kanda's god damn foot that was just pressing down further.

"Have your fun, Allen?" Alma wheezed, shuffling towards me.

I got to watch helplessly as he raised the bat in a two hand grip above his head. I squirmed, desperate to get away, until the bat came down, smacking against my stomach. My breath left me and I knew for sure he had hit me a lot harder. Kanda's foot finally left my chest, allowing me to roll to my side and hold my aching stomach. It wasn't long before I felt another hit to my back, exactly where I had hit Tosspot. It was closely followed by a hit to my thigh.

"We're even now," I heard him say.

I rolled to my back and looked up at him. Even my arse, he had hit me twice as hard as I had hit him.

"Fuck you," I gasped.

"You wish, faggot," he said with a smile.

He raised the bat again, and swung it down. I lifted an arm up to protect myself, the wrong thing to do. I should have rolled myself out of the way, kicked him to try and prevent the swing. Something other than raise my arm. As a result that bat smashed against my arm, and I knew it was't anything superficial. It fucking hurt, it really fucking hurt. It was kind of glad that I raised my arm, other wise the bat would have hit my head. And there was no way I would be okay if that bat had hit my head. That didn't stop the hit from almost killing me with pain. Unfortunately it only got worse as Alma raised the bat to hit me again.

I curled into a ball, trying to minimise the area of damage. He swung the bat down again but as the bat came down I was saved from another hit by something truly unexpected.

Kanda's hand was gripping Alma's arm tightly, his arm muscles bulging as he held back the blow. A silent war started up between then as they glared at one another, both of them struggling physically against the other. I didn't stick around to see who won. I struggled to my feet, and as soon as I could manage, I started to leg it. I ran out from behind the hall and went straight for the front gate. There was no way I was staying is school with the way Tosspot was acting.

I booked it out of school and ran up the semi secluded street, occasionally bumping into a stray student. It was close to first period, so thankfully there were only a few students left walking to school. I managed to collide with only a few people, one of them Lenalee, who I told I would explain everything later when I wasn't running for my life. I didn't look back the whole time, but I risked a glance when I reached the main drag. Unfortunately there was Tosspot, running after me, Kanda close on his heels.

"Shit," I breathed in the same way for the second time that day.

I ran up the main street, this time dodging the towns people. I brushed passed them, the majority of them yelling insults and warnings after me. I chanced another look and saw that the two of them were still close behind me. I pushed ahead, feeling completely drained. Reaching the Supermarket I ran into a sudden crowd of people, as big as a crowd got in this town. Shuffling through the crowd, being jabbed and prodded every which way, I saw an opportunity. Using the crowd to my advantage I ran down the small alley between the supermarket and the bakery. I looked behind me again, relieved to find that no one was chasing after me. Unfortunately the second I took to look back caused my foot to hit… something. I don't know what I hit all I know is that I hit it hard and it made me fall to the ground.

I cringed in pain, clutching my throbbing arm to my chest.

"Fuck," I hissed softly.

"You alright?" someone said from above me.

Looking up, I laid eyes on someone I'd never seen before, which was saying something considering how small the town was.

"Hey, you alright?" he asked again.

"Yeah," I said with a wince, pushing myself up one handed, "I'm fine."

Looking around I took in the back of the supermarket. I had reached the end of the alley and come out where the skips sat, a few metres from where the car park began. I knew I didn't have the strength to walk away, so I staggered over to sit against the skips, using the metal lumps to hide myself from everyone.

"What's up?" the stranger asked, plopping down to sit beside me.

"Oh, the usual, running for my life," I said, letting about a pathetic laugh.

"School?" he asked.

"Pretty much," I sighed, finally catching my breath.

One good thing about constantly being chased and harassed was that I had good stamina and recovering quickly.

"Bullies?"

"Pretty much," I said again, finally looking up to take him it.

As much as I tried I could place his face. I didn't know him, and I'd seen everyone in the entire town at least twice. He did look familiar though, his skin tone and the shape of his face looked strangely familiar. My best guess was that he was related to someone in the town. Who thought I had no idea.

"What's their beef with you?" he asked, leaning back against the skip, a little too close to me. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of smokes, shaking one out and shoving it in his mouth, "Would you like one?" he asked offering me the packet.

"Thanks," I said taking one.

We lit up and leaned against the skip, trying to get as comfortable as one could when leaning against a hunk of metal.

"So," the man said, blowing out a plume of smoke, "Why're you bullied?"

I shrugged, feeling a jolt of pain running down my arm. I was started to think it was pretty bad.

"A number of reasons I guess. I look funny, I'm not from here… my guardian sleeps with every woman he can get his hands on, oh, and everyone thinks I'm gay and seems to think that's a good enough reason to kick the shit out of me," I spat bitterly, taking a draw from the cigarette.

"Are you?" he asked.

"Am I what?"

"Gay?"

I didn't know how to answer that. I didn't think I was gay, not really, just for Lavi. Sure the man sitting next to me was attractive, I could tell that much, but I didn't feel any attraction to him. I didn't feel any attraction to anyone but Lavi. I had to think, it was a hard questing to answer.

"Well, um," I stumbled, trying to think of the best way to say it.

"You don't have to worry, I wont judge you."

"Yeah, sure," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"I'm serious. You don't have to worry about me, I'm gay myself."

"What?"

"Since the day I was born, I never had to questing myself. I knew instantly. So anyway, are you?"

"Um," I hesitated, what to say, "I'm not… 'gay' per se, I just so happen to be in a relationship… with another male… not that any one knows about it. Oh my god," I almost yelled, turning and gripping the mans sleeve, "Please don't tell anyone, I haven't told anyone, if anyone knows I'll be killed."

"Calm down," he said with a laugh, "Who am I going to tell?"

"I dunno," I said, shrugging again, "Everyone… Not like it matters because everyone already thinks it."

"You know at times like this, you need to get either drunk or stoned."

"I wish I could get drunk right now, hell," I scoffed, "I wish I could get stoned right now."

Not like I had ever been stoned before, but from what I'd heard from movies, books and in a small way from Lavi, getting stoned was what I needed right now.

"Do you want to?"

"Want to what?" I asked, having no idea what he was replying.

"Get stoned? I've got a joint right here."

Now I had to really stop and think. I'd said it mostly as a joke, never really expecting him to have a joint on him. But now what was I going to do? I couldn't really back down and say no, after all I'd said I wanted to get stoned. Yet I had no experience with it, but I really didn't want him to know that. I didn't want him to know just how inexperienced I was with the drug.

"W-what?" I managed to stutter, "Here? Now?"

Of course not!" he scoffed. He stood up and brushed himself off, " Not here, I know a place. So are you in?"

He leaned down and offered his hand to me. On one hand there was something I had never tried before that I was, admittedly, interested in. On the other hand, there was a slightly creepy stranger, offering me a drug I was almost completely naive about. Weighing up the options, and considering the pain I was feeling, I was leaning more towards the first hand. After all, Marijuana was used for medicinal purposes these days. Which when I thought about it was strange because it was a drug that was inhaled, causing smoke, which was bad for your lungs. But it wasn't like I'd ever really looked the drug up, maybe weed didn't hurt your lungs. Wait, what the hell would I know? I don't know anything! Which was why I said;

"Okay," and grabbed his hand, letting him haul me up.

He smiled and I found it just a tad creepy. I knew it was mainly because he was a stranger, but there was something else under the surface, something that made me believe he truly was creepy.

"This way," he said, making to walk down the same alley I had run down only minutes before.

"Um, I'd like to just wait a bit," I mumbled, thinking about how Alma and Kanda were probably still running around out there.

"Were not going far," he said with a smile that was meant to be reassuring, "Just across the road."

'_What the hell?" _I thought.

I followed him up the alley. He exited without a care in the world, I couldn't help but glance around the corner, making sure I could't see either of those bastards. When I didn't see either of them I ran after the man, who had simply crossed the road and was now waiting for me, leaning against the outer wall of the bank. I ran to catch up to him, glancing over my shoulder ever few seconds. So I was paranoid, so what? The shit I had to go through was enough to make anyone paranoid. When I finally caught up to him, he walked down the side of the bank, with myself following closely. We reached the back of the bank and I felt a pang of nostalgia. I had once stood at that exact spot with Lavi. The two of us and a bottle of rum, another time months ago when I was trying to drown my own pain. Another time when I knew Lavi was in pain himself but I was so focused on my own. I felt guilty thinking back, I was so caught up in my own world that I didn't think about him. Things were different now, I knew that, it didn't stop me feeling guilty though.

"Back here," the man called, disappearing into the boarder of the trees.

I took a deep breath and followed after him. We walked into the thick crop of trees that boarded the eastern side of the town. We didn't walk too far, the man stopping inside a small cluster of trees that made a ring. There was a small bit of open space and he sat down in it, leaning back against a tree.

"Take a seat," he said patting the ground next to him.

I sat down, but not directly next to him. He laughed at me and started to shuffle around in his pockets.

"I'm not going to bite you or anything," he said, but I doubted him, he looked like the kind of guy that would bite someone.

"Here we are," he said, pulling a long, white joint from his pocket.

He stuck it in his mouth and pulled a lighter from his pocket. He lit it up and inhaled deeply, I fidgeted with the edge of my sleeve. It was frayed and dirty, I needed a new shirt.

"Here," he said, holding in his breath.

He passed the joint to me, and I took it carefully. What the hell was I suppose to do with it? Was there some special way to smoke it? Or did I just smoke it like a regular cigarette?

"Don't just stare at it," the man said, "You're letting it go to waste."

"Oh, sorry," I mumbled, looking at the joint again. I really didn't know which way to go about it, so I kept looking at it.

"Well?" he said.

"Oh right," I said, shuffling to sit up straighter.

I watched the smoke curl from the end of the thing until it went out. I sat staring at the cooling bud feeling like the biggest idiot in the world.

"You've never smoked before have you?" he asked. I wasn't looking at him, but I could tell he was smirking at me.

"Give it here."

I held the dead thing out, too embarrassed to turn and look at him. I heard a lighter spin and then the smell of strange smelling smoke filled the air again.

"I'll give you a shot gun if you want," he said, "It'll be easier on you since you've never had this before."

"What's a shot gun?" I asked quietly, turning to looking at him.

"Come here," he said, waving his hand.

I shuffled a little closer, but stopped still about two feet away from him. He laughed at me and shuffled over himself, closing the distance between us until our thighs touched. I visibly tensed and he laughed again.

"Just remember to keep calm," he said, sticking the joint in his mouth again.

He inhaled deeply, his hand dropping down as he held the breath in. I watched his face closely. He didn't appear to be doing anything, just letting the smoke sit in his chest. I was starting to think he would pass out from lack of breath when he raised his hand and grabbed me by the back of the neck. He drew me forward, pressing his face close to mine. I panicked at the proximity and gasped when I felt his lips brush against mine. When I gasped, he let out the smoke he had inhaled. I breathed the smoke in unconsciously, not even realising until I felt the harsh smoke start to scratch at my throat. I chocked and the smoke caught in my throat, causing a coughing fit.

"I told you to keep calm," he said, letting me go and leaning back again.

I would have liked to have told him to get fucked, but I was too busy chocking to death on the smoke. I felt the intensity of my glare lessen as my head started to feel light. I wanted to keep glaring at him but it was just so damn difficult, there was way too much effort involved in glaring. The glare slipped from my face and I let my body fall back against the trunk of a tree. My whole body felt so much lighter and my finger tips were tingly like pins and needles. I felt strange, but I wasn't feeling any pain anymore. I became very acutely aware of the feeling of my tongue running along the roof of my mouth and the sensation of swallowing.

I couldn't believe how quickly the drug had affected me. It was almost instant. I started to wonder why I had spent so many nights drinking when I could have been smoking. It was so much easier.

"Hey, you alright?" the man asked me.

"Huh, yeah," I said, swinging my head around to look at him.

"You look alright," he said with a laugh.

"Yeah, I'm good," I managed to force out. I had to focus on my words unless they came out in the wrong order. It really felt like the words would come out in the wrong order if I didn't focus really hard on them.

"Do you want some more?"

"Um," I had to concentrate, really hard, "Yeah, I do, just a little, teensy bit," I said, holding my thumb and forefinger up an inch apart to indicate 'teensy'.

I saw him smirk and he brought the joint up to take another drew. He held it in and then the same as before, he grabbed me by the back of the neck and drew me forward. Since I knew what he was doing this time around I didn't freak out as much. It was still weird though, I mean the guy was breathing down my throat, literally. Our lips brushed again but this time he let them linger. The very tip of his top lip resting against mine. I tried to pull away but his hand held me in place, rubbing our lips even further. He blew the smoke out and this time I inhaled instead of freaking out. I was close to freaking out though, very close. I let the smoke trickle down my throat and burn it's way down to my lungs.

When he was down I held the smoke in like I had seen him do. I pushed him away and he let me go. Leaning back against the tree trunk again, I held the smoke in as long as I could before letting it out.

"More?" he asked.

Not only was I noticing every movement of my tongue and throat, I was now very conscious of my jaw. I had to move it and click it about, it felt so interesting, and necessary.

"No thanks," I muttered, trying to move my jaw about even more.

I felt even heavier and my vision was like I was a CCTV camera that only recorded one-second stills. Everything was choppy and waving my hand in front of my face because a great source of entertainment for me. I could feel how fast my hand was moving, but I could only witness it in choppy movements. And I felt good, I felt so relaxed. The pain in my arm and the rest of my body had dulled down to something non-existent. I felt good, and everything around me looked so interesting.

I didn't know how I had never noticed the different colours of a Paper Bark Tree before. Or how green leaves could be so many different shades of green. Of how the dead leaves on the ground could be so many different shades of brown. My eye's focused on one particular leaf, and I just had to reach forward and pick it up. It looked so fascinating that I had to inspect it up close. Bringing the leaf up to my face I was so glad I had picked it up. Looking at it closer I could see the tiny lines in the leaf. Like tiny little veins spreading throughout the whole thing. There was one long vein running up the leaf and every other vein and tiny line came from that one line. It was almost like there was a whole miniature tree right inside that leaf, spreading it's branches out and growing everywhere.

"I have to show Lavi this," I mumbled, still holding the leaf up to my eye.

"What was that?" the man asked.

I kept looking at the leaf for a full two minutes before I remembered to reply.

"Huh, what? I don't know what I said."

He laughed at me and I started up with him. I didn't laugh too long, I had a leaf to look at.

"This is fascinating," I breathed, still looking at the leaf.

"So, do you feel good now?"

"I feel… very good. I mean really good. . . I feel good."

He laughed at me again and I withheld the urge to laugh along with him. The leaf was fascinating, and as fascinating as it was, I glimpsed a leaf across from me that looked a lot more interesting. I mean it wasn't dead, it was a bright, somewhat grey, green. I pressed my hand to the ground and tried my hardest to stand up. Unfortunately all of my limbs, bare the hand pushing me up, were refusing to function as they should. I wanted so much to get up but every time I tried my feet slid out when trying to get a grip. I continued to try and push my feet up under me, but they kept on refusing me. They kept sliding out to lay limply on the ground.

"Stupid legs," I mumbled, and then let out a laugh.

"What to get up?" he asked, standing with an ease that made me jealous.

"Yeah, there is this leaf over there," I pointe vaguely, "I really want to look at."

"Here," he said, holding his hand out to help me up.

I took his hand and I was hauled to my feet faster than my head could process. The world went back to being a one-second frame camera as I steady.

"What?" I managed to mumble.

"You feel good yeah?" he whispered, wrapping one arm around my chest and another around my waist.

"Y-yeah?" I said, realising just how much I could feel his arms around me. I was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Want to know what else feels good?" he whispered, his lips brushing against my neck.

I shivered and rested my hands on his arms, meaning to grip them and pull them away. Instead he pulled me closer to him, my back pressing against his chest.

"It feels good," he said, still whispering.

His fingers began to move slightly, brushing my chest and my waist.

"Don't," I whimpered, feeling scared.

"It's okay," he said, pressing his lips to my neck in a kiss, "It feels good, I promise."

He held me tighter and I didn't like the way his hands moved even further.

"No."

**Here's the thing, I know this chapter is messy and most likely full of mistakes, but at the moment I kind of don't give a shit. **

**Why?**

**This was my past week:**

**I went out the other night with two of my friends, while walking home we got jumped by two guys and got the crap beaten out of us, woopey. (the whole time it happened I was strangely thinking 'This is great material I can use while writing').**

**Then two days later, I got a $200 fine for littering. I flicked a cigarette butt on the street and bam. I've learnt my lesson though, I am never littering again. Also I got my gas, electricity and internet bill all on the same day, this all adds up to about $470 which I can't afford to pay, because today, I got fired.**

**Now I totally deserved to get fired, I did some bad shit at work, I don't really regret doing it, but in hindsight, I really shouldn't have told a customer to get fucked and then yell at my boss.**

**Yep… I'm screwed.**

**So I hope you can forgive all the mistakes this chapter will be littered with.**

**A bit of a shame because this and the next two chapters are really important.**

**I hope this is also a valid enough excuse for why I wont be replying to reviews. I think from now on I'll just PM replies if something important needs to be said.**

**I will give one honourable mention though:**

**DarkEnvisions: I'm really sorry for making you 'fake' a heart attack. I'll make it up to you I promise.**

**Well good bye all, can you all collectively hope my life gets better and I don't have to move back in with my mother…. *shudders***


	15. Chapter 15

**Warnings: More details of Lavi's past which some might find a little disturbing. Some self harm, drug use, yaoi etc etc. Like you all don't know by this point.**

**Fifteen.**

_"Fuck you!" I screamed, throwing open the front door with a bang._

_"Lavi," Gramps said evenly, "If you walk out that door, don't even think about coming back."_

_'It's that easy is it? Happy to see the back of me aren't you? I bet you've been waiting for this for years!" I shout back at him, "Well I hope you have fun dying alone!"_

_I stormed out the door and made sure to slam it behind me as loud as I could, hoping to deafen the old fart even further. I couldn't even remember how the argument had started, only that it had escalated quickly. I knew I had said some bad things but I honestly didn't care what the fuck I had said to him._

_Digging through my pockets I pulled out a slightly crushed cigarette that I had stolen off the old man. I stuck it in my mouth and lit it up, sighing in relief as the smoke entered my body. I felt relieved, calmer, but I was still so angry inside. Needing a release and a place to stay for it seemed I had kicked myself out, I headed out for his place, knowing he would let me sleep in his bed for a night or two. It was a bit of a trek as he lived out of town, but as I knew no one else and some what felt the need to see him, I didn't mind the walk._

_I was bare foot as always, and my hardened soles barely registered the heat of the ground or the sharp points. I couldn't remember the last time I wore shoes for more than a couple of hours at school. I was so use to walking that I made it to the outskirts of town in no time, barely even working up a sweat despite the heat. I started to jog wanting to be with him as soon as possible. I knew he'd help me forget my anger, knew he'd have some thing to help fog my mind. He usually did. My usual methods of cutting into myself just wouldn't work. For cutting to help me, at this point of time, would mean causing some serious damage to the point of death. I needed something a little bit more, or different from the pain. I needed some form of pleasure. Pleasure was a great distraction._

_I flat out ran the rest of the way and finally caught sight of his house in the distance. I needed the release, the relief he would offer. Stupid Gramps, what did he know about what I was going through? I had no idea what I was feeling or thinking, yet he always claimed it was unnecessary. What the fuck would he know about feelings? He had shut them off years ago and I doubted he remembered what it was like to be a teenager with a raging mind. How he ever managed to reproduced was a mystery to me, as I can't imagine a woman being attracted to emotionlessness. I guess I should be thankful in a way, if he hadn't have reproduced, then I wouldn't have been living and breathing. Yet I don't know if he did me any favours there. If he hadn't have gotten horny that one time, then I would not have been born, which would have been better in the long run. If I hadn't have been born, then Dad probably wouldn't have killed himself, Mum wouldn't have died in that accident, and Gramps wouldn't have to lose his daughter and been lumped with me._

_I really just wanted to scream until my throat was raw, but I just couldn't force it out. Instead I ran the remaining distance to his house, anticipating what was to come in a good way. I didn't know what he had, he usually had drugs, always alcohol. I wanted both, but would settle with just one of them. Alcohol, drugs, both, whatever there was available I wanted it._

_I finally reached his house but skirted around the edges of the property, not wanted to come across any other member of his family. While I was pretty positive that everyone in the house knew what was going on between us, I didn't want to have to face them. So as always I made my way to his window and knocked on it. The knocking was just a nicety as I knew he wouldn't get up to answer me. After a couple of seconds I opened the window and climbed in._

_He was seated on the floor in front of his television, playing Super Mario, as usual. It was his thing, he had to complete every game over and over again until he got the highest possible score. When he was in the middle of a Final Fantasy game it was impossible to talk to him. _

_I made my way over to him and sat down right in his lap. Previously I was able to sit in his lap comfortably. These days I was getting a little too big and it was becoming uncomfortable. Usually when I sat in his lap, he'd be able to easily rest his chin on my head and continue playing. Now however he had to stretch to rest his chin on my head, I was going to be tall I could tell._

_"Lavi," he mumbled, finally recognising my arrival._

_"Hey," I breathed, reaching up and behind to intwine my hands behind his head._

_He softly kissed the crown of my head and went back to his game. I was happy to just sit in his lap for a while, but as the time went by I wanted more attention, the rage in my head only quelled for so long. I wiggled in his lap and leaned back to kiss him on the neck. It was barely a brush of lips to skin but it broke him out of his trance. He paused the game and finally put the controller down. He pulled my arms from around his neck and ran his hand up and down my arms, his fingers tracing along the scars on my arms._

_"What's up?" he breathed, rubbing our cheeks together before kissing me on the lips._

_"Nothing much," I breathed back, peaking hims softly, "Except I think I've been kicked out."_

_"Huh," he said._

_"I had a fight with Grandpa. He said if I left I couldn't come back."_

_"Shit," he slurred, his eyes hazy, "What're you going to do?"_

_He said it in such a way that said, ''I'm worried about you, but you can't stay here'._

_"I dunno, but I'm not thinking that far ahead. I'll sleep in the park if I have to."_

_"You can sleep here tonight if you want," he said, tilting my head back to kiss me softly._

_"That would be nice," I said, kissing him back._

_We rolled back onto the floor with me lying on top of him. We exchanged kisses and let our hands wonder, his more so. _

_"Do you have anything to drink, or smoke?" I whispered into his neck before kissing it._

_He rolled to his side with a sigh, causing me to slid off of him onto the ground. He plucked a half smoked joint from an ashtray and shoved it between his lips. Lighting it up he took a deep drag to get it going and then passed it to me. I took it gratefully and puffed away, the smoke filling my lungs and my head, creating a fog. I quickly fell into the drug, letting my body fall limp and relax against him._

_"You feeling good now, Lavi?" he asked, plucking the joint from my fingers._

_"Yeah," I breathed in a haze._

_He smoked the rest of the joint away. I took a few puffs myself, nothing major as I was already out of it. When he was done, he stubbed the useless roach out and wrapped his arms around me. I was feeling soft, the drugs strong in my system. I leaned into his touch, yet I still wanted something more, a thrill of some sort._

_"Hey," I breathed against his neck, "Can we go out on the bike?"_

_"Sure," he murmured, "But first can you..."_

_"I know," I said cutting him off._

_I didn't need for him to say it anymore, I knew what he wanted and what to do. I pulled away from he chest and turned to face him. He didn't look at me, yet he rarely did, but I knew what to do. I got down and began to unzip his pants. After this, I could ride on the bike and feel the wind and the freedom of it all._

…

_We were riding, and I loved it. He said we couldn't ride on the roads in case he was caught with the drugs in his system. I was fine with it because I was afraid of being caught out myself. So in the end I ended up on the back of a dirt bike, my arms tight around his waist as he drove over the dusty land of his property. He took every risk, enjoying the thirll as much as I did. We rode all over the place, through dust and grass, for over an hour, eventually leading to the scrub and riding through beaten down tracks with all kinds of trees and bush around us._

_I peered over his shoulder, enjoying the rush as I always did. There was nothing but a blur of colours around us, a mix of green, grey and brown, and I loved it. The speed made my heart thump with excitement and the flash of colours were all a part of it._

_A sharp pain to the right side of my head, and I was pulled from the bike. I hit the ground harshly and tumbled with the momentum, my body in pain and accumulating more. I seemed to roll forever, but no matter how I rolled or what I hit, nothing seemed to compare to the pain in my head, and especially the pain in my right eye._

_When my body finally stopped rolling, my vision continued. Although I was stationary, everything around me was swerving and spinning, completely pain filled. I came to a dead stop on my back, staring up at the green grey canopy above me. It hurt. Everything hurt, the pain was prodominate on my face, but there were multiple different area's that hurt. My arms were scrapped of skin and bleeding. My legs were the same but my left ankle felt off, it felt broken. All of that didn't matter though, I was terrified how I couldn't look out of my right eye, and when I tried all I was met with was pain. I was so scared._

_And then I saw him, standing above me. I reached out to him, wanting comfort in my moment of pain._

_"Shit," was all he said,_

_He turned away from me as I continued to reach out to him, trying to alleviate my pain. I wanted comfort, I wanted love, I received neither. I wanted to stand but couldn't, and instead my head decided it was a good time to sleep. So I slept._

…

_White, the sound of shuffling feet, the tang of medicine on my dry tongue. They were the things that I awoke to. My mouth was dry and my head felt like someone had attached a weight to the back of it. As much as I wanted to lift my head I felt that I couldn't. There was something dragging me down each time I tried. It hurt, it hurt so bad._

_Where was he?_

_I wanted him._

_I needed him._

_I was in pain._

_I needed him so badly._

_Where was he._

_"Lavi."_

_Was it him? I didn't know, I couldn't distinguish. I turned my head to the side, hopping to see those beautiful brown eyes. Instead I was met with two slightly watery brown eyes. Not from emotion but from age. _

_"Gramps," I managed to slur. "What're you doing here?"_

_He didn't say anything, but stared at me instead. I was expecting anger, but received a blank slate. He was just looking at me and nothing more._

_"You fool," he said, speaking up randomly. "I hope you're happy with yourself."_

_He got up from his chair beside my bed and went to walk away._

_"Wait!" I called after him._

_"What?" he asked, trying not to spit the words._

_"Is he here?"_

_I didn't have to explain, Gramps knew well enough who I was talking about,_

_"No," Gramps snapped bitterly, "He left three weeks ago. Right after he dropped you out the front of the house and drove off."_

_He left the room, leaving me with my thoughts. My thoughts hurt, because I had been left out the front of my house. I wasn't taken to a hospital, which lay almost two hours away. I wasn't taken to the small doctors surgery that I knew was open that day. No. Instead I was dumped at my own front door. I had been dumped, figuratively and literally. The bastard had left me._

_"You're right eye is gone," Gramps said. He said it so matter of fact, yet there was no emotion behind his voice. "Don't waste your left." Was all he said, walking away from the hospital room._

_I was left with nothing but the sad looking white room and the constant sound of beeping. _

_I raised my hands to rub my tired eyes, but I didn't have eyes to rub, I had an eye and nothing more. Nothing except thoughts, which led to him and to hatred. I hated him, but most off all I hated myself._

…

I woke up feeling like I was chocking, as if I had stopped breathing in my sleep. I coughed and gasped from air, trying to dislodge the chocking feeling in my throat. It was those thoughts again, those memories, they scared me, and angered me. I was angry at myself mostly, for being scared and for being so much of a coward that I had run away. I should have just stayed and faced him, I wanted to punch him in the face anyway. Even if I didn't punch him, I could have just ignore him, yelled at him, done something other than running away. It was so stupid, I was stupid, and I had broken my promise to Allen, which I always knew I would.

Fresh red lines crossed the white lines of scars on my arms. It could have been worse, and it probably would have been if I hadn't felt so guilty about breaking my promise to Allen. Once again with a broken bottle I had carved into my flesh in a drunken haze. Nothing old and nothing new, it was something I knew would happen again and again. The feelings and my past would always be there and he would always be there looming in my thoughts. Running from the whole thing didn't make any improvements in the mess that was my mind. I'd have to confront him sooner or later, and since he was in town, I should do it. I didn't know when he would return again. Things needed to be sorted and I needed to get things off of my chest, if only in the form of punching him in the face a few times.

I shuffled out of my sleeping roll and began the trek back to town, leaving everything behind. I could always go back and pick it up later, or even stay a few nights after confronting him. I knew I wouldn't be in the best mood after seeing him and would probably need a few nights alone to collect my thoughts.

I could tell from the positioning of the sun that it was still early morning, most likely around seven to seven thirty. The trek back to town would take a couple of hours. I glanced towards the black water before leaving, the sight of it helping me. It held so many good memories for me and helped me move on. To move on with the future, I had to get over the past. He was the past, and Allen was what I hoped was my future. I trekked back to town knowing that with the hour that it was, I would have enough time to find the bastard, punch him, and be waiting for Allen when he finished school. I didn't doubt I would be able to find him, I would either smell the drugs radiating off of him over a mile away, and if I didn't find him that way, I could always go an assault him in his own house.

I played the confrontation over and over again in my mind, thinking about every possible scenario that there was. Most of them ended in me beating the crap out of him, others ended in a long emotional speech which I knew would never happen, but was comforting to play over in my mind. I spent hours going over scenes in my head, smiling as I let the monster in my mind take over and create a bloody scene. The thoughts helped time pass quickly and before I knew it I was standing back in the public park at the top of town.

The town was the best place to search for him first off. I knew from experience that when first rolling into town he would wonder around for a bit and see if anything had changed. Not that anything ever changed in the town. Sometimes he would go to one of the pubs and have a pot or two before going back to his house and smoking up, playing his precious video games. Judging by the time of day though, he would still be out an about, all I had to do was find him. So I went about, looking through shop windows and stepping into stores. I stepped into the top pub, instantly earning a glare from the female bar tender that had once thrown Allen out onto the street. I sent her a glare back and continued to search the rest of the pub. Taking some vengeance on the woman, I picked open the change compartment of the pool table and stole all the one dollar coins within. Shoving the change in my pockets, I finished my search not finding him anywhere and making my way back out onto the streets.

I was beginning to fell a little disillusioned and all the scenarios in my head suddenly felt stupid. If I didn't find him soon I would probable give up and head back up into the hills. Though all the thoughts running through my head suddenly came to a halt when I smelt a familiar smell. The smell of marijuana clung to him, and as soon as I smelt it wafting from behind the bank I knew it was him. I wasn't stupid enough to think that he was the only person to smoke pot, but I knew he would be the only person to smoke it so openly in town. I made my way down the side of the bank, shoving aside memories of Allen, and instead played over my own hopes of what I wanted to happen.

He wasn't behind the bank, but the smell was strong and drifting over from the line of trees. I doubted anyone else could smell it, but I was attuned to the smell of it so distinctly because of him that it was easy for me. I made my way into the trees, following the smell even as it drifted and dissipated. I knew there was a small clearing and had no doubt that that was where he was. I made my way to the clearing. He was there, in the clearing, and he wasn't alone. Rage overtook everything in my mind as I saw who he was with. Allen was pressed against his chest, with one of his arms wrapped around his waist, the other hand gripping Allen's wrist tightly up wards. Allen's other arm was handing limply by his side, and although his face was hidden from me by a fan of hair, I knew that he was terrified.

"TYKI!" I screamed, anger taking over me.

He looked up and we locked eyes, a smile spreading across his face.

"Lavi!" he yelled, dropping Allen.

He didn't just drop him, he shoved him to the side as if he was nothing and let him crash to the ground. I didn't know that there was a way for me to be more angry at him, but there is was, in the form of Allen slumped on the ground. He practically ran towards me, I kept the same steady pace. When he reached me, with a smile on his face, I didn't hesitate to smash my fist against his face as hard as he could. He hit the ground and I kept on walking, making my way towards Allen.

He was still on the ground in the same position, he chest rising and falling in a steady, yet shuddered pace.

"Allen," I said gently, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Lavi?" he asked some what slurred.

I pressed my hand to his shoulder and rolled him to his back. He looked up at my with hazy eyes, his expression somewhat lost.

"I'm so glad you're here," he said reaching up to me.

I pulled him up to rest against me and then he continued.

"There is this leaf I wanted to show you," he said, talking like nothing had just happened, "It's around here somewhere."

He began running his hand along the ground, skimming over multiple dead leaves, trying to find one particular leaf.

"I must have lost it," he said.

"Allen?" I asked.

"Hmm?"

"Are you stoned?"

"Just a little, doesn't matter… this leaf, Lavi, you have to see it."

He began searching again, and I let him, letting go of him, to continue his leaf search. I stood up and turned with a glare, focusing on the bastard known as Tyki who was on his feet once again. I stormed towards him and he just stood there. I smacked him across the face once more, but he stayed standing this time.

"Don't you ever fucking touch him," I hissed, grabbing his shirt and staring him straight in the eyes.

I was just as tall as him these days, no longer the small child I use to be. I was bigger than him, stronger, and I had no doubt I could hand his arse to him

"Lavi," he smirked, "You've grown more."

I suddenly didn't know what to say, I simply glared at him. He remained unintimidated so I hit him again, managing to floor him. He quickly propped himself up on his elbows and held a hand to his mouth, clicking his jaw.

"Is that any way to greet a past lover?" he asked smugly.

"Get the fuck out of here, and if you touch him again, I will kill you."

"Your meaningless threats are nothing to me," he said coldly, but then perked up saying, "Besides, he was just something to pass the time while I waited for you."

I kicked him while he was down. It was a dirty move but he was a dirty person.

"Leave," I said, trying to sound as threatening as possible, all the time knowing it wouldn't work on him.

"Fine, fine," he said.

He pushed himself to his feet and made a big show of brushing off his clothes. Holding a hand to his mouth, he clicked his jaw a few more times.

"Just what is your relationship to the boy?" he asked.

"That's none of your fucking business!" I yelled making my way towards him again. My fist raised and ready to connect with flesh.

"Woah, woah, woah," he said, holding his hands up in defence, "I'm leaving, I'm leaving."

"Good," I growled turning away. Walking back to Allen I thought of something else, "We will talk later," I said over my shoulder

I said it in such a way that it meant we wouldn't be having a get together, but a very serious conversation. I still had a lot to get off my chest, but I still had a very drugged out Allen to deal with, and it was not the time. I walked back over to Allen and slipped my arms under his hauling him up to rest properly against a tree.

"Lavi," he said with a gleeful smile, "I found it!" he continued, holding up a large brown leaf.

"Wow," I said, over emphasising. After all, it was just a leaf.

"You don't get it," he said gruffly, letting his arm drop to his side, his fingers still pinching the stem of the leaf.

I looked back over my shoulder to find Tyki still standing there, I sent him a glare and he finally took the hint and began to walk away. Turning my attention back to Allen I found him running his fingers lightly over his face with closed eyes, over and over again, the leaf finally forgotten.

"What're you doing?" I asked.

"Everything feels so different," he said, continuing to run his fingers over his face, "Everything is sensitive. I feel weird," he said, finally dropping his hands.

"What on earth possessed you to be so stupid to smoke drugs with a stranger?" Lavi asked suddenly, "Are you alright? Did he do anything to you?"

"No and no," Allen said, in response he rolled up his shirt to reveal a red bruised stomach. Rolling to the side he revealed an equally bruised back. He held up his right arm, and I was ashamed that I hadn't already noticed the bruising and swelling, "School again. It hurt, and you weren't here, I just wanted it to go away, but it's gone now, so it's okay, and he didn't do anything to me. Well he kissed me, but that was all."

"He kissed you?" I asked to confirm, clenching my teeth.

"Yeah, I didn't like it. Felt weird," he said with a grimace. He raised his hand and rubbed it over his neck, obviously trying to get rid of the man's touch. "It didn't feel good, not like when you do it."

He smiled up and me and then raised both arms and linked them behind my neck. Pulling me towards him, I let myself kneel and move closer to his face, there was just no escaping him. I knew where it was heading and I wasn't going to stop it.

"Are you going to kiss me?" he asked sweetly but with a devious smile.

"Of course, if you want me to."

I leant forward slightly, right until my lips were mere millimetres from his. I felt a little weird doing this while he was high and had some pretty serious bruising, but he was asking for it. Literally asking for it.

He made the final move forward and we kissed. He was the one who deepened it and he was the one that pulled me closer until my knees rested either side of his waist and I was pressing against him ever so lightly. The lightest touch made him moan softly and he pulled me closer to him.

"Do more," he moaned.

I was surprised, he sounded so different and I could only blame the drugs. But I found myself not minding at all that for a change he wasn't blushing and awkward. It was more intense and I couldn't stop myself. I rolled off of him and leaned down to do the more he asked for.

"Do you want to try something different?" I asked, knowing Allen wouldn't have a clue what I was planning since I had never done it or even mentioned it before.

"Anything you want."

I smiled deviously and unzipped his pants.

…

Yeah, sure, Lavi had told me to fuck off, and I did to an extent. I moved out of his line of vision and hid in a clump of trees. I mean, did he really expect me too leave when something interesting was sure to happen? Besides, I was curious about the relationship between the two of them. Was Lavi the one the boy talked about when he said he was in a relationship with another male? If so, I needed to know about it. If not, that was better for me because it would be easier for things between Lavi and myself. I wasn't at all worried or threatened about Lavi's need to 'talk'. I had him practically hard wired to me. The only problem would be if Lavi was in a relationship with the boy. That would cause a problem. We were already on rocky terms what with my leaving him to die and all. And then there was that little thing last year… the sex. So I needed to know if there were any further problems.

As it turns out there was, as I watched the two of them begin to kiss. I was a little angry, all the time I had taken to train Lavi up and all the methods I had taught him were now being wasted on some one else. I couldn't be too angry though, because the longer I watched the more happened. I couldn't deny being a bit of a pervert, and the scene before me was becoming more and more erotic. So being the pervert that I am, I took out my phone and began to record the two of them together, and boy was I glad that I did. What started off as kissing, led to a small amount of dry humping and then, to my delight, Lavi went down on the boy. And I had it all recorded.

The whole thing didn't last very long as the boy was obviously inexperienced, and Lavi overly so. I couldn't help but feel a small amount of pride because I was the one responsible for the boys pleasure. It was me that caused the boy to moan like that and grip at Lavi's hair. I taught Lavi all that, and I got to watch. Voyeurism was fun, but all over too quickly. The boy almost screamed but covered his mouth and let his body shudder. Lavi held him down and then his body went slack and it was all over. I felt like scoffing because I knew that wasn't even half of what Lavi could do with his tongue.

I turned the recording off, and shoved the phone back in my pocket. I was happy with my little recording but the fun was over. There was still more to watch though, I was curious about their interactions. The boy was dazed, and after Lavi wiped his mouth he moved to rest next to the boy and cradled his head to his chest. He started to stroke the boys face and hair gently, making me jealous, he'd never done that for me. Then again I'd never done it for him either.

With the action over and my thoughts confirmed it was about time to get my arse moving, but the scene before me made it hard for me to move. Lavi was obviously in love with the little shit, the boy wasn't far off, and I felt a I had to watch and see what progressed between the two of them.

As it turns out it wasn't much because the boy feel asleep, looking a little too content, and Lavi just continued to stroke his hair with a smile on his face that really shit me off. I didn't like that, he never had that content smile on his face for me, I didn't like it at all. When Lavi leaned down to press is lips to motionless sleeping lips I couldn't help myself. I stood up and made my way back over to the clearing.

"Should you really be kissing him after doing that?" I asked smugly, "Think of where that mouth has been."

"Tyki," he hissed quietly, trying not to wake the boy.

"Calm down," I said with a roll of the eyes, "I'm not going to do anything," I took my cigarettes from my pocket and lit one up. "Would you like one?" I asked offering him the pack.

He scowled at me and made it very obvious that he wanted me to go away. Also he held the boy closer to him, I don't think he even realised it.

"Hey, you said you wanted to talk," I said with a shrug of my shoulders.

"Not here, and not now."

"It's here and now or not at all."

Lavi seemed to be battling internally, his face showing multiple different expressions before settling into something blank. He tightened his grip on the boy, once again something I don't think he even realised what he was doing.

"I hate you," he finally said.

"Oh? And why's that?"

"How about you're a fucking pedophile to start off," he spat viciously.

"If I am then so are you. There is no way that boy is sixteen."

Lavi's expression fell to one of pure anguish and he turned his attention back to the boy. His face marred by a frown and the way he stroked the boys hair became desperate and choppy. His hands practically tugging at the strands, causing the boy to stir in his sleep.

"I'm nothing like you, I never did anything to him like you did to me."

"Are you sure?" I asked smugly, tossing the butt of my cigarette away.

Lavi frowned at the motion and gentle set the boy down. He got up with a huff and stomped over to the butt, crushing it into the ground with his ever bare heel.

"He confessed to me." Lavi said walking over to me. He stopped a few feet away from me and held his hand out expectantly. I knew what he wanted and hand over my packet of cigarettes. He took one and threw the packet at me, deliberately throwing it in such a way that I couldn't catch it.

"Bitter much?" I asked leaning over to pick up the packet.

"BItter!" he yelled, "Of course I'm fucking bitter!"

"Calm down. You'll wake him up," I whispered motioning to the stirring boy.

Lavi was quick to make his way over to the boy and kneel by him. Soothing him back into sleep with gentle words and light touches.

"Go away, you've done enough," Lavi said softly.

"But you did so much more!" I said perfectly delighted, remembering the sight I saw.

"Leave!" Lavi said finally yelling.

The boy stirred again and Lavi was quick to cradle the boys head in his arms, lulling him back to the dream world once again. Watching the two of them, and from what I watched earlier, it was easy enough to tell that Lavi felt more for the boy than the boy did for him. In fact, what Lavi seemed to be was boarder line obsessed.

"Do you ever think that maybe you're a little too obsessed with him?" I asked, lighting up again.

Once again Lavi's facially expression fell, quickly being replaced with one of sadness and agony. He began to rock the body pressed against him and look more tormented by the second.

"I love him," he breathed. Those words caused me pain, but I couldn't really blame him.

"I love you."

He scoffed, but what did I expect?

"No you don't, if you loved me you would have taken me to a hospital, not dumped me at the front door. If you loved me you wouldn't have fucked me when I was vulnerable and drunk. You wouldn't have taken advantage of me in every way possible."

I couldn't argue with him there. I'd done a lot of stupid shit and a lot of it was to him. I couldn't help it though, it's just who I was but over the years it changed, especially when I was without him.

"Come back to me?" I asked suddenly. I felt stupid, it was the dumbest thing to say.

"Why the fuck would I?" Lavi asked with a laugh. And it wasn't that bad, him laughing at me, because I had no chance. Not one in a million or a billion. I mean sure I could let him go, and to an extent I did, but not completely. "Can you go away now? For real this time?" he asked.

"Sure… I guess I could. You're obviously too obsessed with him," I said nodding down at the unconscious boy. I let my eyes linger on his face. There was something about him, and it wasn't just physical. I had barely spoken to him but there was definitely something there.

I flicked my cigarette away and made sure to stamp it out this time, I didn't need Lavi any more angry with me. I turned to leave when a thought came to mind.

"Curb your obsession," I said, not turning back to speak to him, "In a place like this nothing good will come of it. Keep it secret, and try not to smother him for god's sake."

"Like you can talk," he said softly.

"Let's just say I'm talking from experience then."

I finally walked away and left him. A very ironic walking away of walking away from him and our past. Sure I was still hung up on him, but I could find a way to let him go. Besides, I had a lover in the city and now with Lavi truly wanting to have nothing to do with me, I should probably pay him a little more attention. To boot I had a very erotic video of him going down on a very good looking young man that I could always look back on.

…

He left, at last, and this time I was positive he was actually gone and not looking on from a hidden place. I turned back to Allen, still sleeping away. I shouldn't have done what I did, Tyki had obviously seen what I did and that means anyone could have. Allen mumbled in his sleep and shuffled closer, a small frown on his face. Of course he was still in pain and I had forgotten it all, too caught up in the moment. I should take him home to Cross but I didn't want to carry him. Too many people would talk, and Tyki was right. In a place like this, with a relationship like ours nothing good could come of it. I would have to wait until he woke and then walk him home, whenever that was.

There was some closure though. I got to talk to Tyki and although I didn't say what I wanted to say, and didn't hit him nearly enough times, I felt like things between us were finally over, there was still some things lingering in the air, but I could get over them now. Except for one thing.

Maybe I was a little obsessed with Allen, but, isn't love an obsession? Allen felt the same, but not to my level. I would just have to wait until he truly felt the same. I just had to hope that nothing went wrong between then and now.

I lay down beside Allen's sleeping from, pulling him over so his head rest on my chest and my arm was wrapped tightly around my waist. I wanted this moment with him.

…

**Soooo, first real update since September. I wanted this out for a Birthday present to myself but I'm a few days late. Whatever I still did it.**

**I don't know when the next update will be so don't hold your breath.**

**And yeah, duh, of course it was Tyki. But I was seriously considering making it Tiedoll just to fuck with you all, but that wouldn't fit in with the story much would it?!**

**This chapter didn't work out how I originally intended but I just wrote and this came out and trying to change it to what I originally wanted didn't work so I went with this. Which I am in a way happyish with but not completely. In the end this works and original idea didn't…. so yeah I went with it.**

**In other words, whilst packing away my books in preparation of moving (not in with my mother thank god), I came across a certain book I forgot I owned. It was called "The Bookman" and it was by… get this… "Lavie Tidhar". I squealed a little finding it. I mean what are the chances right? Look it up if you don't believe me. Anyway it's a steam punk novel.**

**I'm not sure if I have any readers left after my absents but if I do, sorry about the delay. I'd like to say I'll update again soon, but who knows when that will be.**

**And of course here is a shameless plug, I have two new stories, one called 'Run Away' the other 'Another Day' although I don't know when they will be updated either. Be nice to them, they helped me write this.**

**Thanks to all the kind words I received and the PM's I received, they were greatly appreciated in my moment of 'life shitting on me'.**

**Cheers.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Part Sixteen.**

"Tyki!"

"What?" he yelled.

I let myself into the bathroom and sat down on the closed toilet seat.

"Road," he said from behind the shower curtain, "Can't this wait until after my shower?"

"Why? Am I interrupting your happy time?" I said, trying to make my words sounds as awkward as possible.

He sighed and pulled the curtain aside, sticking his head out. I laughed because his usual curls were piled on top of his head, held there by white foam that was sliding down his cheeks. He looked at me with a very unamused expression.

"If by 'happy time' you mean, 'washing my hair' then yes you are interrupting," he said, his head disappearing back into the shower, the curtain closing with a snap. "What do you want?"

"I'm boooooored," I said.

"I don't care."

"You're a shit uncle."

"I'm your cousin."

"Who would know with this family?"

"What do you want?"

"I told you, I'm bored."

He popped his head out again, cleaned free of the soap afro.

"And what do you want me to do about it?" he asked.

"Gimme your phone."

"What?" he said. He dropped his head shaking it slightly. "What the hell do you want with my phone?"

"I'm sick of all my games, I wanna see what you've got on yours."

"No, go play the Nintendo."

I sigh and walked over to the shower.

"I said I'm sick of all my games, that includes the Nintendo."

"What? How can you get sick of Nintendo?"

"Tyki," I said, pulling the shower curtain open, "Where is your phone."

He stared at me stunned for a few seconds before covering himself up.

"It's probably still in my pocket," he said, nodding to his pile of clothes on the floor.

"Thanks," I said with a smile, pulling the curtain shut again.

"Just don't take to long, don't look through my messages or photos, and do NOT answer any calls."

"Yeah, yeah."

I pull the pockets of his jeans inside out until I found his phone. It was a Sony and it was huge and I just knew it would be full of games. Tyki always loved his games. So did I, but Tyki always knew were to get the best and newest ones.

Leaving the bathroom I made my way back to my room and shut and locked the door. I couldn't understand the house I lived in. All the bedrooms had locks, but the bathroom and the second toilet didn't. There was even a lock on the kitchen door, never mind that there was a large archway that anyone could walk through from the dining room. It was strange, but I was grateful to have a lock on my door. I liked to lay in the dark of my room, knowing no one could come in unless I wanted them too. I would sometimes spend my whole day locked in my room, the curtains drawn and just lay there. It was my quiet sanctuary.

I was tempted to just lay in the quite darkness, but I was more interested in Tyki's phone. My original intent was to play new games, but after his warning I was more than a little tempted to look through his phone. I asked him for his phone every time he came to visit, but it was the first time he had seemed so hesitant to give it to me, and the first time he had warned me not to look through his phone. I'd never searched through his phone, always going straight to the games. I thought about leaving him his privacy... for a micro second.

I searched through his messages first. I was met with a number of rather incriminating images of Tyki, sent to some guy called "Honey the 2nd", which was a pretty weird name. I wonder if this 'Honey' knew what they were called.

The messages quickly got boring so I went to search through the pictures. There were the same pictures that I had already seen of Tyki, but as I went on I found a video. Curious, I let the video play. At first I was a little confused because I couldn't see what exactly what was going on, but then the image zoomed. Better yet, I recognised the people in the video. I had scored big time.

I was watching a video of Lavi, the feral that had turned me down three years previously, going down on Allen, the idiot who had turned me down a few months earlier. I had hit the jackpot. All I had to wonder about, was how best to use it. I could use it for blackmail, on Tyki, on Lavi or on Allen. I could threaten Tyki, by telling whoever "Honey the 2nd' was. I could threaten Lavi with what the video could do to his little friend. But the best was threatening Allen with it. His rejection was the worst I had come across. I could threaten him the best.

Then again, I could just skip straight to the point. I didn't need to lead him on when I could just see the reaction everyone at school would have if I sent the video out. That was the best and most fulfilling option.

I quickly sent the video footage to my phone and put it aside, picking up my own phone as the message tone went off. I watched the footage again, not believing my luck, before hitting options and scrolling down to send. I picked a few select people out of my contacts, knowing the ones that would spread the video around the fastest.

I had barely finish sending out the text when my phone buzzed with multiple in coming messages.

_'OMG!'_

_'That's sick!'_

_'I knew it!'_

Most of the messages were all the same, but a few, which made me smile even harder, said things like:

_'I'm sending this to everyone.'_

I set my phone down on my bedside table, rolling over to hug my pillow. Pressing my head into my pillow I couldn't help a small squeal of excitement.

Tomorrow was going to be so much fun!

...

I was under the bed again, but instead of clinging to some childhood type security blanket, I was clinging to a bedpost. I had my elbow hooked around the post and my other arm clutching to the wooden slates as best as it could with the cast on it.

"Get out!" Cross said, pulling at my leg again.

"Nooooo!"

There was no way he was getting me to leave.

He pulled again, my body jarred and the whole bed shifted slightly.

"I've had to put up with you for long enough, so get out and go to school!"

"I don't wanna!" I yelled back.

I curled up and pulled back as much as I could, but Cross managed to keep a tight hold of my leg.

When my arm was confirmed as broken, I had milked it for as long as I could, managing to take two whole days off of school. On the third day Cross had told me bluntly that he had had enough of me and I was to go back to school. I wasn't having a bar of it and the moment he said 'school', I had dived under the bed and held on for dear life. No fucking way was I going back to that hell hole! I didn't care about my education anymore, not if it meant broken bones. I'd already had my nose and an arm broken at that place. It obviously wasn't good for my health.

"Get out!" Cross roared, yanking on my leg once more.

He was strong and I only had one good arm. My fingers broke free from their death grip and I was pulled out from under the bed.

"Don't make me go!" I pleaded even as I was dragged out of my room.

"Shut up and go already. Don't be such a pussy."

"Getting your arm broken is a perfectly valid reason to be a pussy."

"Not in my books."

"Hey, we're already outside. Why're you still dragging me?"

"Because I'm driving you to school to make sure you go. Your bag is already in the back."

"No wait!"

I tried to struggle, but when Cross has you by the ankle and has been proven to be quite capable of throwing you before, there isn't much you can do. And throw me he did, right in the back seat of the car. I barely had time to right myself before he was in the front seat and driving off. At that point I accepted my fate of going to school and grudgingly sat up and buckled my seat belt.

The walk to school the usually took me half an hour was over in three minutes and I somehow found myself wishing Cross would drive me to school more often.

"All right brat, get out."

Just because I had accepted my fate, didn't mean I couldn't piss Cross off a bit longer.

"No."

"I said get out!"

"No!"

Thus ensued another leg dragging incident. I was dragged out onto the dirt, and the few bits of grass that had managed to grow. My bag was swiftly dumped on my back. While I was rolling over to get the bag off my back, Cross had jumped back in the car and was a speck in the distance.

"Shiiiiiit." I whined to myself.

Getting up I brushed the dirt off my uniform, the white shirt had an immovable smear of brown that wouldn't be coming off anytime soon. I grabbed my bag and started brushing it off too, until I realised I really didn't care and I was just wasting time to avoid going in. I sighed, tried to gather some pride, and grudgingly walked through the school gates.

I was early for a change, so I had the pleasure of walking passed all the other students who were usually already in class by the time I arrived. They turned there heads too look at me which was nothing new. I kept me head up and ignored them, heading towards the lunch table where I usually sat with Lenalee. Heads continued to turn as I walked by and animated whispers started up. I was getting more attention than usual and I had to wonder what the latest rumour mill was churning out about me. It was creeping me out and people were actually leaping out of my way like I was diseased. Whatever was going around about me, it was a lot worse than usual.

I located Lenalee and gave her a quick wave. She gave a short wave back and then signalled for me to hurry over. I scampered over and sat down across from her, dumping my bag on the ground under the table. I tangled my legs in the straps incase anyone tried to grab it. Ever since I found my last bag piss soaked in a urinal I made sure I was in contact with my new bag at all times.

"Hey," I said briefly, "What the fuck is going on?"

"I don't know," Lenalee said, putting her head down and almost whispering. " I've been hearing your name for the past couple of days. But if I ask no one tells me anything or they just stare at me until I go away."

"Crap, I knew I should have stayed at home. Cross is such a bastard."

At the mention of Cross' name I noticed the way Lenalee's face turned a slight shade of pink and how she looked down. Oh please don't let that be what I think it is.

"Um, well, I, I don't know what's been said about you, but… Whatever it is it seems a lot worse than usual."

"Fuck, I wonder what Alma's been doing this time."

"Well," Lenalee said looking up, the pink gone from her face. "Actually, I've heard Road's name mentioned a lot too."

"Road?"

"Yeah, there is a good chance she's behind whatever is going on. I don't like her much."

"Neither do I," I mumbled.

"I've never really spoken to her, but there is just something off about her. She's not a good person, she's just… I don't know."

"There something off about her alright," I said, mostly to myself.

While we talked I could tell the conversations around me were getting louder. People were even starting to gather and while the girls gathered in groups and whispered excitedly to each other, the guys seemed to flex there muscles and look threatening. Things were going to turn nasty very soon.

"I think I'm going to go and hide in the loo until the first class starts."

"Probably a good idea," Lenalee said looking around.

I stood up and grabbed my bag. I head off to the nearest toilet and kept my head down as I went, I could still feel eyes on me. It was almost a relief to lock my self in a stall despite the strong smell all public toilets seemed to have. I kicked the lid of the toilet down with my foot and sat down, waiting for the bell to ring and the buzz of chattering idiots to disappear. I pulled out my English book and starting going over the notes I took last lesson even though it was pointless as I was already behind and had really started to loose interest in any form of school. I just wanted out, all I wanted at the moment was a job, preferable in the closest city, that paid enough for me to provide for myself. That was it, I didn't need anything flashy or even an especially nice place to live. Just anywhere away from this place and everyone was fine. I read over my notes, only giving it half of my attention, the other half waiting anxiously for the bell to ring.

The message tone for my phone went off and I fumbled for it one handed, my eyes never leaving the page in front of me. I finally put the book down as I pulled the phone out. The message was from an unknown number but I opened it anyway. Who knows, maybe Lavi finally got himself a mobile and was texting me. That was a nice thought. The message contained one word, 'proof' and below it a black box that was a slowly loading video. While my phone could send and receive photos and video's it still wasn't exactly up to date. Hence the video took a few minutes to load.

The video finally loaded and I pressed play. I had no idea what the video was suppose to be of, it just seemed to be a blur of trees and random noise. Then the image zoomed in and focused. What I saw made bile rise in my throat and I quickly stood and exited the stall, my plan being to run back to the house as soon as possible. I was still staring at the screen when I left the stall, I was some what too horrified to look away. It made sense why everyone was staring at me and talking about me. There was a video of Lavi going down on me doing the rounds, and now everyone knew. Everything that was once speculation was now set in stone. Everyone knew and I was completely screwed.

"Having a quick wank to your video?" someone said.

My head snapped up and of course it had to be him, it had to be Alma, Kanda beside him. My phone dropped from my hand and Alma wasted no time stepping on it and shattering it. I stared at them both wide eyed, the shock of what I had just seen making it hard to function. There was no time to think of a strategy and I wasn't thinking at all. I ran for it. Or at least tried to. When trying to shove passed Alma and Kanda I was caught roughly by the fabric of my shirt. I could hear the seams pop as I struggled and feel the air on my skin as the clothing came loose. I struggled against them as I was dragged out of the toilet block and back out into the mass of idiots.

It only took one person to start cheering as I was dragged out and a chorus of cheers went up. I struggled harder and lashed out, my foot managed to hit someone and in return I got a sharp rap to the back of the head. It stung but I was panicking too much to register the pain. I needed to get out and quick. People were cheering too much and I was being dragged into a mass of people, possibly the entire school had gathered to watch me dragged around in front of them.

With more force than necessary I was thrown forward and landed hard on the cement ground, the knees of my trousers ripping and my knees bloodying. Everything went silent and I looked up nervously. They stood around me in a circle, my class mates and fellow students, but I may as well have been an alien. Some of them would step forward for a second and then step back again. They way they were acting reminded me of a horrible memory.

Back at school in England, it was mid summer and we were all playing outside while we could. Some poor fox had been out and about at the wrong time and it didn't take long for the other kids to become fascinated and run after it. Eventually the fox was cornered and the rest of the kids, including myself, stood around wondering what to do now that it had been captured. Then one kid stepped out and kicked it, and then another, and then a whole group of them started to kick and prod at it, hurting the scared thing as it curled in on itself and tried to bite at the too quick feet. And then one kid, some kid older then the rest, picked up a large stone and smashed it down on the foxes head, killing it. The worst thing was, even though I knew it was wrong, I stood there and watched, and I didn't do a damn thing to stop it.

And the same thing was going to happen again, instead of kids it was teenagers. Instead of a fox it would be me. Eventually things would go too far, and even if people thought it was wrong, no one was going to stop it. I was scared and all I could do was sit there and wait for the first person to strike. I looked around, wondering who it was going to be. I caught Alma's smug face, standing at the edge with his arms crossed, he was waiting for someone to act too. And as I waited the crowd started up again, slowly getting louder, taunts of 'faggot' and 'poofter' were screamed out until once again everyone was loud and violent again.

Like the fox years ago I search desperately for an exit, and like the fox I found none among the crowd.

As I knew was going to happen, someone stepped out and walked towards me. I pushed myself up, hoping to defend myself but before I could a fist had smacked into my cheek. It was enough to drive me back down, but I had been hit harder and still had my wits about me. I could see clearly as the guy that had hit me raised his arms above his head like he had just won a boxing match. Some people cheered, others just watched, a bare few looked concerned. And then another person stepped forward. I had more time to defend myself and jumped up. I managed to block a few easy to see punches and was beginning to feel confidant. Until I was hit from behind and went down like a sack of shit. After that there was nothing to stop others from joining in, and I was nothing but an open target. I was hit, kicked and punched. The only saving grace was that most of them were obviously too scared to hit properly and most of them didn't hurt too much. There was just too many of them , even if they all had limp wrested punches.

"Knock it off!" A voice roared above the crowd.

The pounding stopped and everyone stepped back. I slowly unfurled myself and looked up at whoever had made them all stop.

Mr Wenhem, my savour, stood in the middle of the group with a very scary expression on his face. The power of adults, there were at least a dozen guys bigger and stronger then him and a whole crowd off people willing to beat the crap out of me yet they were all scared of him. Because he was an adult and authority figure.

"What the hell do you all think you're doing?!" He screamed just as loud, even though the din had died down.

With all attention focused on him, I struggled to my feet. A few body parts ached, and I could feel a dribble of blood and mucus dribbling from my nose and down my lips. Mr Wenham started a lecture and while all eyes were turned on him, practically cowering under his voice, I took the opportunity to leg it. I pushed through the stunned crowd and forced my aching body once again. I heard shouts calling after me, but instead of an aggravated crowd, it was the voice of Mr Wenhem telling me to return. There was no way I was every going back to that school, not ever. Cross could threaten me as much as he wanted, I wasn't going back.

"Shit!" I yelled as I continued to jog along.

I had almost reached the town when a car pulled up ahead of me.

"You fucking idiot!" I heard before something smacked against me head.

The blow made me stop jogging and I leant down to see what had hit me. It was a mobile phone and on the screen was an image that was already burned into my mind. The screen was paused on Lavi and I, and I hated whoever was responsible for it.

I looked up wiping the blood from my nose and saw Cross stalking towards me. He grabbed me by the arm and shoved me towards the car.

"Get in you fucking idiot."

I thought about resisting just to piss him off, but it was easier to get in. I didn't want to be there I just wanted to go back to the house and hide in my bed, or under it as was my thing.

"You fucking idiot!" Cross yelled as we sped off.

"So you've said," I mumbled wiping more blood from my dribbling nose. I didn't think it was broken again, it didn't hurt as much as last time, but the blood was annoying.

"You are so fucking stupid!" Cross went on.

"I know."

"How could you be so retarded?"

"I know."

"That is the stupidest shit I've ever seen! How could you get caught like that?"

"I know!" I shouted, "Just shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I fucking know! I'm the one that's fucked here so shut up!"

Surprisingly he did shut up. He grumbled a lot but didn't say anything more. He just sucked down an entire cigarette in a minute and then went for another one. I grabbed his packed and lit one for myself. He went to complain but actually stopped himself. I didn't care I just wanted something to calm me and stop me hands from shaking. I sucked down the cigarette almost as fast as Cross and by the time we reached the house I was reaching for another one and Cross didn't stop me. I lit it and got out of the car, going straight to my room and ignoring my no smoking in the room rule.

I lay on my bed smoking, not caring about the ash that fell on my bed. There were too many things going through my head. Lavi going down on me, him actually sucking my dick while I was so stoned I didn't know what was going on. Someone recording the act. Everyone knowing. Cross coming to get me. Even he must have known it was bad if he came to get me. Or come to yell at me. I was screwed, there was no way I could go back to that school. I had no options left.

There was nothing. I was stuck.

…

**Hey! Remember me!**

**Sorry about the lack of updates, there were a few things standing in the way. I went a little crazy for awhile, almost moved, changed jobs, a few other things I don't wish to talk about but hey, heres an update.**

**Another reason it took me so long to update was because I didn't like the ending I had created for the story anymore. Since I had worked from an outline and the entire story was planned from start to finish before I even started writing it, it was hard for me to suddenly not like the ending. Whenever I get to this story I've just been trying to think of a new ending. Since, as mentioned, the entire story has been mapped out from start to finish it's hard to change an ending when the entire story has been built around an ending I no longer wish to use. **

**I think I've come up with a new one, but at this point in time I have to admit, every resulting chapter is going to be weak. The story is heading in a direction it wasn't suppose to, but will hopefully work in the end. It wont be as strong as previous chapters have been but it will hopefully turn out for the best. It's nearing it's end and holy crap it's been a year since I started this…. crap. **

**Sorry for lack of updates and will try to update more frequently now that I think I have a new ending in mind.**


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